______________________________________
- ɪ ᴀ ɴ ᴋ ɪ ɴ ɢ ꜱ ʟ ᴇ y -
______________________________________
I woke up with a feeling of something warm against me, and the fact that I knew who she was, made my heart swell up.
Wait, what?
My heart?
Oh boy.
I turned my head in her direction and it was when her fragile and peacefully sleeping body came into my view. A smile unconsciously crept onto my face while I stared at her. Her closed eyelids, slightly frowned forehead, her lips were slightly parted as her chest risen and fallen. She was such a phenomenon.
But wait.
I can't be near her. She would not like if she wakes up near me. I can't be with her. Can I?
No. She is so pure, kind, beautiful, innocent, so fragile and me? Well, I am a damn selfish bastard who could not bear the thought of seeing her with someone else. And, who could not give her what she wants. She wants pure love, pure care, something real, something pure, but I? I will ultimately do something in the end that would end up breaking her, hurting her and killing her from the inside. I can't give her all that. I can't.
I would break her more than she already is.
And I can't let that happen to her.
"Ian?" A soft murmur from her mouth caught my attention as my eyes made their way to her direction. And there was she, staring at me with sleepy eyes, her forehead filled with frowns and I feared, that maybe, just maybe, she was about to tell me to get away from her.
Maybe she feels uncomfortable when I am near her?
Maybe she hates me?
"Good morning." My thoughts decided to pause as those words left her mouth. A frown made its way onto my face. G- Good morning? She doesn't hate me? And where is that scream just like the last time? Hello, you were supposed to yell at me! Not wish me good morning!
"Ian?" I blinked as she waved her hand in front of my face.
"Are you okay? You can sleep more if you want. I have to-"
"Good morning." I nodded as she smiled at me. My breathe hitched while I looked at her smiling yet sleepy face. She was smiling.... But, I would sure as fuck had to speak something that made her smile fade away.
"Today... is your father's funeral." My mind went into that direction and there was that smile, which slowly began to fade away, and got replaced with a sad face instead.
It's 7 am and she is sad. Because of me.
I am such a dick.
"Oh." These words left her mouth and her eyes went across the room, looking any where but me. What a way to reply to 'good morning.' If she didn't hate me earlier, she sure as fuck does now.
"I am sorry." To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I am not that 'sorry' and 'it's okay' kind of person, but when this beautiful, kind and chaotically perfect creation is sitting right in front of your eyes, looking at you with such depth and pureness, even a mountain could melt.
"Don't be." She furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head as if she was surprised by my words. So I am not the only one. A sigh left her lips and I could not help but stare at her as she got up from the bed and stretched her body. My eyes could not help but roam around her body and I was fucking sure, I looked like a creep at that time, but I could not fix it. I mean, look at this woman. Her long brown hair resting on her back, her small waist which was visible as the clothes she was wearing decided to have some mercy on me, those legs which were small, yes, well... perfect for a 5'1 woman, but short for me. And as I looked at her, at that time I realised, she was much more beautiful from the outside than she was from the inside. Or should I say hot?
Her slight hourglass body could make any man go hard; those curves present at the mostly perfect places, that glowing skin, that perfect outer and even better inner, she was perfect from any angle. And those dimples on the corner of the smile that she wears, her deep brown eyes when she stares at me, the adorable pout on her face when she is angry with something....
I could go on for days and days. It's ironic coming from someone like me. I don't remember myself giving any girl that kind of attention as long as I could remember. But she, she has this aura around her, this feeling, this personality, that could make any man go head in heels for her.
I got out of my daze when the bathroom door closed and I came to realise that she was already out of the room and here was I, staring at her the whole time, looking like a creep. I shook my head and got up from the bed, preparing for the day ahead of us.
.
.
.
"Are you sure?" I asked Amy as she stared at the cemetery gate in front of us. It was nearly afternoon and just like I imagined the past few hours were nothing but tears. The past few hours were difficult for me too, during that time I saw myself in her, sitting with a huge crowd of people who assume that they know me, that they feel what I was feeling, that they lost what I lost back then. It was just like the same, we sitting with a crowd which claim that they felt the pain, but in reality, they didn't even feel a tinge of sadness.
Those all are just formalities. Those grieving, mourning, consolations... These all are lies. No one is there for you. No one supports you. Where where they when you feel depressed? Where was their 'support' when you were breaking and breaking into pieces you could not count? Where was their love when you were believing that no one is there for you? Where was that care when you needed someone to rely on?
The truth is, the one and only time everyone loves you is the day you are closed in a coffin. The day you decide to leave them all, is the day they wish you were there with them. They develop a sudden love towards you, claiming that they knew you, that they felt you, that they were there for you. This is the problem of this world.
"Yes." The woman in my arms whispered, taking me back to the present as I nodded while walking beside her as a support. A support she needs... No matter how her father was. He was her father. And no one could replace that part.
We entered the cemetery and there was that, black dresses filling our surroundings, I stared around myself as we made our way to the spot where the grave was about to be buried. Her step-mom soaked in tears, no make-up on her face, her hair resting on her back, her whole body shaking as my mom comforted her. I could not help but stare at my mom's face, her eyes were also teary.... She was remembering that unfortunate day... When we were in that position. James approached near me and gave me a knowing look before Sophia appeared beside him and it was not so after that we all gathered near Amy and started walking nearer and nearer and maybe, just maybe... Those memories came down crashing onto me, making me fall in my own grief. And there was that woman I care about, who was fighting a battle with her own feelings.
In a crowd of people, we were alone.
But I was there for her, I will always be there for her. No matter how weird this all gets. I will support her. I just need her to trust me.
.
.
.
This was more difficult that I thought. Amy was crying since we have arrived back home and I, was sure as fuck, unable to do anything to make her happy.
"Ian?" Amy whispered, and I sighed before averting my eyes from the television screen and looking at her instead.
"Now I d-don't have anyone... W-will I---"
"Look." I sighed and turned my full attention towards her, "You have me."
"You have me, till the end. Don't you dare think you don't have anyone. I need you in my life. I want to see your clumsy ass roaming around in my house. I want to witness you and my mom, James and Sophia getting along and annoying me. I want to notice you the way you struggle with your hair everytime you are reading a book. I want to hear your giggle you do when you find something funny. I want to see that adorable pout of yours you make whenever you are angry. I want to eat that delicious food that you make. I need you." I don't know why I am saying all these, I don't plan to. But it's like words are leaving my mouth on its own, and I couldn't stop myself, I just went on.
"I have never needed anyone in my life, like never. But you? Fuck. I need you to annoy me every now and then. I need you to tease me, to make me laugh, to make me smile, to stay with me. Because I don't have anyone else expect you. And I can't afford to loose you, I don't want to."
My heart skipped a beat when those lifeless eyes, slowly changed, her pupils dilated and she stared at me with a feeling I could not really place.
"And James? He wants a friend like you, he wants someone with whom he could gossip about me, he wants someone who can set her up with Sophia..." Her eyes snapped in my direction and it was when a smile cracked into her lips, I gave her a knowing nod and continued afterwards.
"Sophia? She need you, as a friend, as a best friend, as a sister. My mom needs you as a daughter. James need you as a best friend, and me... I need you as a wife."
"We all need you, Amy. You have us till the end of the world. And you have me. Don't you dare think you are alone. Because, you are not."
Her eyes filled with tears, but this time it was not sadness, it was support, hope, care, affection, and... love. She nodded at me and wiped her eyes. And suddenly, without any warning, threw her arms around me, and held onto it tight, as if she was holding onto me for support, and if...
As if she needed me back.
See? Maybe there was a hope after all.
.
.
.
.
.
Henlo lovie dovies! Long time no update? Yes. Because my exams are near, like VERY near. And online classes are not so favourite of mine, so yeah! I am taking extra time to focus on my studies. And this might be the last update before the book is put on hold... for a while! It will be back before you know! And, I promise to update regularly after that! Please understand guys!
.......
-Questions-
•Any last words for me before I go into a hiatus?
•Which character will you miss the most and why?
•Something you want to see in the upcoming chapters?
....
And that's it! Remember that I love you all so much and I will miss you all! But since I couldn't let anything come between my studies... Please understand!
Bye!!
..........