6 days left
Mera's P.O.V
Heat.
Blistering, scorching, skin-melting heat.
My body is almost burning from just how hot it is.
But I stand to my feet, wearily walking to where I can hear the yelling happening.
Obi-Wan stands at the top of the hill of black sand, his face red and swollen. He gazes down at another man at the bottom of the pile, his legs and one arm gone.
Anakin.
I cover my mouth to keep from screaming, stumbling backwards at the sight of Skywalker mangled and badly burned.
Obi-Wan shakes his head, "You were the chosen one!" he yells, the pain audible in his voice.
Anakin stares up at him, his eyes bright red and yellow. "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them." Kenobi screeches.
He continues, "Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!"
Obi-Wan walks down the sand, and for a moment I think he might try to keep Anakin away from the lava only a few inches from his knees. Instead, he reaches down and takes his lightsaber, turning his back to him and climbing back to the top of the hill.
Anakin hold himself up for only two seconds, yelling his final three words that are so heartbreaking to hear. "I hate you!"
Before he leaves for good, he turns, looking down at his padawan's mangled body. He takes a deep breath in, "You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you." He says, feeling completely hopeless.
Obi-Wan leaves, walking back to his ship as Skywalker's body bursts into flame. His screeches grow louder and louder, to the point where I finally wake up.
I jump in the bed, waking Kylo.
"Are you alright?" He mumbles, pulling me back down next to him.
I push his arm off of me, rising to my feet and pulling a sweater over my body. "I'm going to go to the garden, I'll be back." I whisper, leaning over and kissing his forehead.
The smell of sysoprol lingers as I walk down the hallway, but as my hand ghosts the door to the garden something pulls me towards the large exit to the main hangar of the ship. The more I walk away from Kylo's quarters the more I feel wrong, almost like it will be one of the last time I see it. My bare feet hit the metal floor in a rhythmic pat, the halls so empty you could hear a pin drop.
I continue to follow that gut feeling, allowing it to take me all the way to Nalda's quarters on the opposite end of the ship. I hesitate at first to knock on her door, seeing as it's 0300 in the morning and she's most likely asleep.
But before I even get the chance to ask for entrance, the two slabs of metal open in front of me. Nalda stands there, both of us with wide eyes. "What are you doing up?" She asks breathlessly, peering from side to side to see if I'm alone.
I open my mouth and shrug, no words wanting to come out. I unhook my bracelet, holding it between my two fingers and demonstrating it to her. She glances down at it as a tear streams down my face, "Why does it smell like Sysoprol?" I whisper, already knowing the answer.
Her lips part in shock and she pulls me into her quarters, wrapping her arms around my neck. She sways me from side to side as I sob into her nightgown, gripping onto her tightly.
She pulls back, cupping my face with her hands. Her eyes are bright red, under-eyes dark and baggy. "Something has happened, Mera." She says calmly, wiping a stray tear with her thumb.
"Where is Jiro?" I sniff, anticipating what she's going to say.
Nalda moves her hand down my arm, intertwining our fingers and pulling me out of her quarters. She tilts her head to the side, silently asking if I really want to know what happened. I nod, and we walk side by side down the quiet hallway. She holds onto my arm as much as she can, leading me towards the medbay.
It's even colder in here than it is in the hallway, and I shiver as we walk to the rooms at the end. The doctors don't try to stop us, only bow their heads in respect. At this moment I wish they would have tried to get us to leave, that at least would show there was hope for whatever the situation was.
We stop at the final door, the smell of sysoprol stinging my nostrils. She nods her head inside, telling me to go first.
I step inside and openly sob, seeing Zak laid out on the hospital bed with tubes connecting to almost every inch of his body. The monitor beeps slowly, indicating he is barely alive. Nalda puts a hand on my back, whispering quietly, "His heart rate has been dropping every five hours, he's not going to make it."
I shake my head, rushing to his bedside and kneeling. I grab his hand, uncontrollably crying. She rubs my back behind me, "He was impaled in the stomach, his left lung has collapsed and he's on manual breathing."
I look up, staring at the clear bubble placed over the giant hole in his torso. It sucks up and down, pumping oxygen into him. The more I look at it the more I notice how familiar the wound is. The singed skin and clean cut could only be caused by one thing.
A lightsaber.
"Did Kylo... do this?" I whisper, looking back at the Grand Admiral behind me. Her head hangs low, a tear falling onto the floor as she nods.
"Zak used your bracelet to contact me, we found him only a few minutes after you and Ren left." She says quietly.
I stare down at my ring, hearing Kylo's voice in the back of my mind.
Do you promise to love me no matter what?
That's what he was so caught up about, that's what was making him feel so guilty. He tried to murder Jiro.
I stand to my feet, wiping the tears that remain on my face even though it's practically useless to do. I place my hand on the bubble, channeling every ounce of anger, sadness, betrayal and suffering into the force. It flows through me, seeping into Zak's body. Nalda gasps, the hole in his stomach slowly beginning to heal over as the layers of skin and bone connect back together like he was never hurt.
She rushes out of the room, and the heart monitor slowly begins to beep rapidly again. I let go, seeing the hole now shut, and the skin looking almost new. My visions becomes blurry, the room spinning. Before I loose consciousness I see one last thing...
Jiro sits up, a confused look on his face as the color slowly comes back to his cheeks.
***
I wake up in a room I haven't been in since a month ago. The sheets feel rougher than the ones in Kylo's bed, the room freezing cold.
I'm alone, no sign of Ren anywhere. This time around I'm thankful for that, not knowing how I could even bear looking at him.
I throw my legs over the side of the bed, looking around for a few moments before just completely breaking down. I hug my knees to my chest, resting my head on top of it and allowing my tears to fall in my lap.
I have nothing.
No one to trust anymore, absolutely nothing.
There is nothing left for me anywhere.
Not the First Order and not the Resistance.
"Hey kid." A deep voice says.
My heart beat quickens as I slowly raise my head back up.
In the midst of all the darkness stands a man. A man wearing a dirty white button-up with a worn out leather jacket and black pants that have a blaster holster on the side. His hair is grey, his smile soft, and eyes warm with welcome.
He looks around the room, "it's freezing in here."
My lips part in awe, only managing to say one word. "Han?" I croak, voice hoarse.
"I miss you kiddo." He says, stepping closer. He takes his jacket off, placing it over my shoulders and sitting on the bed next to me. It dips downs as he settles, indicating he's actually here and i haven't gone mad.
"How-"
"I don't entirely know either Mera." He shrugs, giving that signature Solo smile. Han looks at my hand, "who gave that to you without consulting me first?" He asks, eyes wide.
I laugh, the tears still falling down my face. I slide the ring off my finger, looking at it glisten even with the lack of light. "Kylo did." I sigh, resting my chin on my knees.
"What's going on?" He asks, hand on my lower back.
I shake my head, "I don't even know anymore." I turn my body to face him and sigh, "I miss you."
He nods, "I know, I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye..."
My face scrunches up, a few small sobs escaping my lips. "What do I do now?" I cry.
"The next thing that feels right." He says, rubbing my forearm. The feeling of his hand on my arm again only makes me cry harder, just from the lack of a comforting touch.
I sniff loudly, "He tried to kill him, he thought he killed him. And then he lied to me about it, he hurt me when he promised he never would."
"Join the club." Han mumbles, I look at him with wide eyes and he laughs. "Too soon", I add, wiping under my nose with my pointer finger.
He holds my hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "What do you want to do?"
I sigh deeply, "I want to help him, I saw who he could be on Endor. I could turn him back to the light-"
"Mera." Han interrupts, "It is not your job to fix him."
"But Leia-"
"Listen." He says sternly, "You are so caught up in worrying about other people that you haven't thought about what is best for you."
"He loves you, but to make him realize what he's done he may need to lose you." He adds, a sad look on his face. "I tried everything I could for him to come back, I can't watch that same thing happen to you."
I stare down at the sheets, my bottom lip quivering as I look back up. "I want to go home."
Han smiles, "Leia wants you home too. And that damned Dameron kid needs you too I guess..."
He stands back up, holding his arms open. I rise to my feet, wrapping my arms around his torso. That familiar scent fills my nostrils as he hugs me, and it makes me feel okay for a few moments. Everything seem alright, like it will play out in a good way. I sniff, "Han, I lo-"
He laughs, pulling back and nodding, "I know."
Han Solo leans forward, placing a light kiss on my forehead. "Make me proud, kid." He whispers, and in a few quick seconds he's gone and I'm hugging nothing but air.
My shoulders feel cold, the jacket disappearing along with Han.
I walk to the bathroom, flipping the lights on and looking at myself in the mirror.
I shower, the redness in my eyes slowly disappearing as the steam takes over.
The door is actually locked this time, and I try a different approach to the force. I concentrate on the memories I have with Han, using that to make the door slowly open. It works, and I smile as I leave the room.
I expect Kylo to be waiting for me, but instead it's Nalda. She stands by the door, back turned to me. She hears my footsteps, a look of relief dominating her face as she turns around. I run to her, hugging her as tightly as I can. There's a silent agreement between us to not let go for a long period of time, both knowing this might be the last time we ever get to be this close.
"I need to see Hux." I say as soon as we both pull back.
She nods swiftly, not asking any questions and looks down at her comlink, "He's in a meeting with the head of the 612st legion."
"Where's Kylo?" I ask, slightly nervous for her answer.
"Council room, discussing on our next steps to find the Resistance."
"Why aren't you there?" I question as the two of us walk to Kylo's closet. As she speaks I change into one of my long black gowns, another extra from Cantonica. "I convinced Ren that I needed to be the one to watch you."
"Does he know?" I latch my heels, sitting in a squatting position.
She nods, "He was frantic, I told him it would be best if he constructed something to say so he wouldn't lose it mid-conversation." Nalda finally looks down at my hands, the ring shining in the light of the closet.
Her face drains of all color, a look of sadness taking over. "He proposed..."
I glance down at the ring, "Yes, on Endor."
She gives a small smile, looking down at the carpet. "He loves you, and he would do anything to keep you here."
I sigh, standing up and leading her out of the large closet. "That's what I'm afraid of..."
As we pass through the room I notice the flower crowns on the bed, piled on top of each other. I take out the orange, tucking it into the pocket of my gown.
Nalda holds my hand up until the exit of Kylo's part of the ship. We exhale in unison, walking side by side down the cold hallway. It's different this time.
As the members of the First Order; the technicians, the stormtroopers, the admirals, the commanders and captains see me, they stop what they're doing and bow at their hips. None of them move until I've walked past them. It makes my heart beat quicken, them likely seeing the ring on my finger and drawing a conclusion that I would soon be empress.
We make our final turn, and the doors to the room open as the commander of the 612 leaves. He nods his head at Nalda, smiling at me as he walks past us. She squeezes my wrist as I enter the room with Hux. "You have twenty minutes." She whispers.
The two metal doors shut behind me, the air making my long dress blow forward. Hux doesn't notice me at first, gathering a few papers together and sliding them into a black folder.
"Yes?" He asks, not looking in my direction.
"I'm not here to argue." I sigh, walking around the other end of the table to sit across from him. I wave my hand towards his seat and after he eyes it suspiciously he takes a seat.
"I want the beacon."
"The what?" He laughs, leaning his elbows on the table.
"General..." I trail, relaxing my body. He senses my change in mood, somehow dropping his jack ass act. "Please, Poe told me you could be of some help."
Hux places his hand in his pocket, digging around and pulling out the blue binary beacon. I reach for it and the ginger pulls his arm back, "What did he tell you?"
"That Kylo was lying to me..." I say with an exhale, holding my palm towards the ceiling. "I know about what he did to Jiro..."
"And the Grand Admiral told you everything I told him?" He asks, placing the beacon in front of him a few inches from the edge of the table, still out of my reach.
"What?"
"Two nights before you and Ren left he asked me if I knew about anything. I told him everything, assuming he would then pass it onto either you or Nalda."
I raise an eyebrow, "He said that you-"
"That I didn't know anything?" He cocks his head to the side, genuinely curious.
I nod.
"I told him everything, I'm surprised he didn't tell you immediately after."
"So there's more that I don't know?" I ask softly, part of me not wanting to hear the answer.
"The Resistance came for you weeks ago." He says quietly, almost feeling bad for me.
My heart drops to my stomach, my mouth falling slightly ajar. "What?" I whisper, covering my mouth.
He continues, ripping the bandaid off, "They never tried to kill you... the assassin and the men who attacked us on Cantonica were a part of the Kijimi Body. He...lied..." When we first started talking it sounded like he was excited to say all of this, but any sign of that pleasure is gone.
"Poe was here?" I say, voice muffled from the tears beginning to escape my eyes. I rise to my feet, pacing back and force.
Finn... I'm sorry, we tried. He said on Cantonica
He nods, "When you were having fittings done for your dresses." He adds, looking down at the table. "He saw you with the two Grand Admirals. He banged on the window and yelled your name."
I cover my face with my hands, uncontrollably sobbing. "Kylo lied to me. About everything."
Hux stands up, walking around the edge of the table and standing in front of me. He stares at me with sad eyes, silently apologizing for not telling me sooner. Despite our hatred for each other these past few weeks, he truly felt sorry for me. The look on his face was enough to communicate that. I stare back down at the floor and feel two arms wrap around my torso. I freeze for a moment, not used to the feeling of a hug from Hux. After a few seconds I accept it, hooking my arms over his neck and crying into his uniform. It was obvious he had never really had this type of physical touch before, awkwardly patting my back and shushing me like a child.
I take a step back, reaching into my pocket and pulling the crown I made for him out. "Care to trade?" I sniff, offering him the custom jewelry in exchange for the beacon.
"I never thought I'd say this, but it saddens me to see you leave." He sighs, taking the crown and handing me the small device. A tear runs down his cheek, and that's how I know he means it completely. He waves the crown in the air with a small chuckle, placing it on his head. The orange flowers are only slightly brighter than his hair.
I lean forward, cupping his right cheek with my hand while kissing his left. He gives a tight smile, looking down at the beacon. "That pilot loves you, he did everything he could to get you back."
"Thank you, General" I whisper, placing the beacon in my pocket.
"Thank you, Mera." Hux says back.
He walks me to the door, and when it opens I straighten out my shoulders.
In front of me stands Kylo, arms behind his back and chin turned upwards. I sniff, looking over his shoulder and maneuvering past him, hitting his bicep in the process. I can't even manage to look at him.
He follows, speeding up to walk at my side. Neither of us speak, but he opens his mind up for me to hear. Please. Look at me.
I shake my head, nodding to a few stormtroopers who salute as we walk by.
The silence begins to eat me alive, but I know it will come to an end soon as we approach the entrance to his section of the ship.
The doors shut behind us, he touches my hand with his gloved finger tips. I fold my hands in my lap, feeling his sadness drift off of him.
We walk inside of his quarters, the cool air encasing us.
"Mera-"
I swiftly turn to face him, pointing my finger at him, "Never come near me ever again."
He grabs my wrists as I begin to walk away, "Please let me explain."
I rip my arm away, "What is there to explain! You tried to murder Zak, you lied to me about my friends coming for me, you lied to me about the resistance trying to kill me- twice." I yell, the tears already streaming down my face.
He shakes his head, coming closer to me as I back up into his bedroom. "None of that is true!"
Another step, "Mera I love you."
I scream, unable to contain my emotions any longer. "Liar!"
"One of the first things you ever said to me was how you wouldn't hurt me." I motion back and forth from him to me, "You broke that promise. You manipulated me into thinking my friends were never coming for me and then you... you made me actually care about you."
He comes speed walking towards me, his face shriveled in sadness. "Hux is lying to you. I am not."
I shoot my right arm out, making him freeze. He struggles, trying to counter my grip on him with his own use of the force. I circle around him, "What else have you lied to me about?" I sob, making a claw with my fingers.
He screams, falling to his knees as I stand in front of him. I pry his mind open, a flood of unwanted memories soaring into my own brain.
I can see everything.
Everything in his mind, everything he has done.
I see every moment he lied to me.
I see him telling me that the assassin was a part of the Resistance.
I see him telling me that the Resistance attacked us on Cantonica.
I see him telling the pilots of the Command Shuttle to track my bracelet.
I see him trying to kill Finn and Poe on Dantooine.
I see him driving his lightsaber into Jiro's stomach and then pushing me onto the ship only moments after.
I release him from my mental grip, screaming in agony. "I hate you! I hate you!"
On his hands and knees, he looks up at me with wet eyes. The tears fall to the ground as he profusely apologizes.
I thrust my other arm out, the lightsaber appearing in my hand. I ignite Vader's weapon, pointing it at his neck. "Is this what you wanted?" I spit, "You said you would show me where I belong in all of this. How powerful I could be become."
Demonstrating how this will end if continue to love Kylo Ren you do, echoes Yoda's voice.
Through all the visions I had, every nightmare of the rise of Darth Vader I expected Kylo to be the one to hold the lightsaber to my throat. But here I was, on the brink of murdering him the way Anakin almost did to Padme.
My face crumbles in pain as I whisper, "I loved you, Kylo Ren... But I'm not coming back."
I find the beacon in my pocket, pulling it out and hitting the bright blue button.
(A/N I'm writing this as I just finished this chapter and I'm sobbing. The support on this fanfic is unbelievable and I'm so unexplainably sad that its almost over.)