And they live happily ever after, the typical ends of all the fairy tales I read when I was young, the end of all the love stories we know, after the big wedding came a happy life. Growing up I believed less in fairy tales, love and the happy ending, the world is a cruel place and we are certainly not princess nor there is a prince charming. I simply realized they never ever live happily after, such a thing doesn't exist, but still I hoped for things to be different, I wished to be happy for at least two weeks or a single day ..................
Instead of that, I'm sitting on the couch as I do every night waiting for my beloved husband to come home, holding my laptop and writing to occupy myself.
It's been two weeks since I get married, how we met? Was it love at first sight? Well, don't hope too much, I already told you I don't believe in love and less in men. A traditional marriage, that's what it was, his parents came to propose, after a couple of days I thought very well, even if I don't want to, one day I have to get married or at least it's what everyone tells me, the advantage of this one is I could finally leave home and travel, I will certainly go to London and live there.
A better life is what I hoped for, better opportunities and a new adventure, so I agreed, I accepted even if I know the risk, even if I know my family won't be near me anymore, they won't have my back. But I know for sure that I will have Allah, I will always have Allah with me and Allah will protect me.
The voice of the front door opened cut my thoughts, a man in the late twenty came in, I can smell alcohol from the living room.
''-Hiiiiiii Babeee, Stiiiill awake hahahaha ''.
He came close to me slowly; he was more like dancing than walking .
''-WON'T YOU SAY A THING YOU MISERABLE WOMEN HUN!!! SAY HI BACK . HAVE NOT YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU A THING''.
-''OH GOD! Drunk again!! What I'm supposed to say and will you actually understand, you can barely stand in this state''.
-"OOH HOO! YOU LOOKED BETTER WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT B^^^^^" .
-"Stop screaming you will wake the whole neighborhood."
-"I CAN SING. I CAN SCREAMM. I CAN DANCE. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT AND DON'T YOU DARE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO".
He finally walked away from me and left to the bedroom, I decided to wait a bit until he falls to sleep then I can go and check on him and have some sleep too.
********************************
Riiing, Riing Riiing
- "Wake Up Now !! I SAID Wake UP ".
I opened my eyes eventually, it's already the morning.
-"Well Good Morning Darling, do you know what time it's Hun ? I'm late for work" .
And that is my problem!! I woke up and went to the bathroom to wash my face, later I can take a shower.
"-I SAID HURRY UP I AM LATE!! DO YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR BRAIN !!! "
I went fast to the kitchen to prepare him the breakfast.
"-YOUKNOW WHAT !! I WILL TAKE A COFFEE ON MY WAY TO WORK !! YOU ARE TRULY A WORTHLESS WOMAN !! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I MARRIED YOU ."
-"And Good Morning to you too". I said with a big fake smile on the face. It was really hard sometimes to fake a smile, to draw it in my face, well at least he will go now and I won't have to hear and bare his insults .
**********************
A few hours later, I had made my mind, I can't keep going like this, I can't live like this, I took my phone and send him a text ""Dinner Tonight ? "" A few minutes later I heard my phone buzz, ""Okay darling" , " 8 O'clock , don't be late :) ''' .
I put my phone on the side table and get up fast, it's time to prepare and get the ingredients all ready for my plan, for tonight, I should start by going to the grocery, I never went until now, I actually haven't got out on my own, this still all new, a new city, perhaps I will get lost, but I don't have many choices, I know he wouldn't help me with that, all, I will hear is his curses again.
I spend the day excited, planning then preparing dinner like it's huge thing, well it is somehow, since he rarely came home that early and besides this will be my chance to talk to him, we will actually have a real conversation, a discussion about this situation, we both live in the same house; we are a new married couple and we barely see each other, I still don't know many things about him, what he likes what he doesn't like or even his favorite color, I want this marriage to work, I want us to be happy despite all the things he said to me, I don't want to feel so alone; so strange here, I want to give him, us, a chance and see how things work out I only hope that he sees things as I do.
Time has passed fast, between cooking, preparing the table, trying to make it look romantic, I love decorating so I spend a lot of time on it , I even put candles but isn't too much ? I don't know. I have never been the romantic , emotional type of person, but I guess we may need that tonight.
I checked the clock, it was already 8 O'clock and no sign yet, I checked my phone perhaps he messaged me or something, but no, there is nothing at all, well I guess I will have to wait for him tonight too......
Time passes very slow when you are waiting, when you are doing nothing, I checked my watch every five minutes until I decided to turn on the TV, there was nothing interesting there too which really annoyed me, what I am supposed to do, I went to check my makeup, it still looks good (by the way I'm not a makeup girl but as I said it's a special occasion so a few won't hurt ), in order to keep my mind sane I took a book I am reading "pride and prejudice " to continue while I am waiting.
9:30
I watched the clock in front of me, it's been really too long and I'm already hungry, I can't wait anymore, I took my phone and send him text "" are you coming ? "" but no answer at all.
This is it !! There is truly no hope here, I can't do this on my own, it has to be both of us, but clearly he doesn't care; he doesn't see things the way I do, I took a seat and served myself , the dinner was delicious, I was surprised myself; I didn't know I can cook that well, the atmosphere was beautiful, but I was there sitting alone in the dining room, taking dinner , trying to enjoy all the hard work I had done so it won't all be wasted because of him, but I was sad, angry that I couldn't hold it, I throw all the candles on the ground.
AND YOU SAY YOU WANT TO MAKE A GOOD DELICIOUS DINNER AND EVEN MAKE IT ROMANTIC!! CANDLE HUN !! I AM SO STUPID !! SO STUPID TO THINK THAT HE WILL ACTUALLY COME OR CARE !!
The storm ends and I finally managed to calm down, it's only because eventually I let out a heavy rain come out of my eyes, I cried and I cried so much as I haven't in a very long time .
Oh Ya Allah ! My lord ! Please gives me strength and patience to bear this, please don't leave me alone, I'm here by myself, a stranger and all I have is you.
I cleaned a bit before I went to sleep, I said to myself No more waiting tonight, I'm done with it.
*****************************
"-Good morning Darling, I see for once you have waked up early."
I gave him a glance, then I serve him his breakfast.
-"Okay, So why are you giving me this face? The day has just begun".
Yes, well. What does he expect for me to just forget it all and moved on.
"-Will you tell me what is WRONG or not? "
Now he seems like he is getting angry and haven't understood why I'm quiet and just glaring at him, but I mean seriously, doesn't he know why I'm mad, or he is just playing stupid on me .
-"Did you have dinner last night?"
-"Ah. Sure, I did. "
He looked confused, after a few second he continues:" don't talk riddle and just say it, you know I don't like to play puzzles and detectives like you."
Sure, you don't, you don't like to use your tiny brain for anything, I sighed then said:
-"Dinner last night, 8o'clock, remember I asked you to come, invited somehow".
-"Oh !! YES. Of course, I completely forget (yes, that is so obvious isn't). Please don't say that this is why you're giving that ugly face in this beautiful morning !!!"
He finished his coffee and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me angry, he didn't just forget, but he also haven't even try to apologize not even sorry, it's like nothing at all happened.
I stood and went after him:
-"YOU THINK IT IS OKAY TO JUST FORGET DINNER AND NOT EVEN APOLOGIZE OR ANYTHING".
-"YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WORK SO LATE EVERY DAY AND ONLY CAME HOME AT NIGHT !! WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG BECAUSE I AM SO NOT PLAYING THE ROLE OF STUPID DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW TO CATCH UP NEWS WITH HER. "
I mean, even she is living in a fairytale and she absolutely has no idea who her son is or she is really a good storyteller.
He stood a moment just staring at me, at first I could see he was surprised ( well, I was too, I didn't believe I would say that, but he went too far ) then he gets angry once I reach him mom part, I suppose she did live in a fairy tale; the next few minutes of silence felt like hours, we were both just staring at each other angrily , I was preparing myself for anything he may say or do, I haven't seen him angry before, but from what I know I wouldn't say he is a nice guy and he will just catch it and try to calm down,
The minutes of war eventually end, as he said: "are you threatening me?"
-"No, I'm just informing you." I said calmly
Then he just turned and left the house.
Was I impatient? Should I wait longer? I don't know, but this was not just a big disappointment to me, I was hurt, I was hurt by his reaction, I mean I could be patient and hope he will change, he will become better, but his reaction showed me I was so wrong, he didn't care, he doesn't care about me at all and that really has created an ache in my heart so I couldn't hold the words anymore, what should I do if he doesn't change ? Should I call his mom and wake her up? I would hate to destroy her fantasy picture of her son, but it's him who has been lying to her all this time, acting; pretending to be someone he is not.