I should have posted this chapter some tones ago, but your girl here had been holding back, in case a glimmer of hope or some sort of writing revelation is going to come to her.
A much awaited update, that should have been released basically months ago; why I discontinued this series.
Firstly, I want to say, I am utterly grateful and overwhelmed with the adoring support you all have given me. This book has helped me in rough times; your comments never cease to make me smile to date. If it breaks your heart that this book is currently labelled as discontinued, trust me, it hurts me more. I love Alexis with my whole heart, she's a main character I have grown to love.
However, there are many issues with this book. Like how there's a stereotypical hierarchy. How I used to address stereotypes, too. Some illegal stuff. Plot holes. Major plot holes, may I point out. This book is FAR from developed, and that's because I didn't have an end goal in kind when I wrote this. That's probably why it failed. I didn't have a specific planned outcome when I wrote this. Any goal, or even a clue about how I maybe wanted to end it. It was always blank.
This book just doesn't hold my best work. It doesn't call out to me anymore, maybe because I've matured from when I started this book. There are loads of issues I wish to tackle in my writing, diversity being a huge one. In my other books I'm currently working on, I am trying extremely hard to ensure there is a diverse range of characters - and not only through personality - in my works.
I have very diverse friends. I have friends from the UK, as well as the Middle East, Africa, Asia etc. I hate how my work revolves sm around European and Americans, because I'm neither of them. I'm a South Asian descent living in the UK. Where I come from, it is very diverse and there are many cultures. However, my works seem to not project that.
Then there's just the time issue. When I started slowing my updates, I was in a really bad mental state. I was emotionally unstable and also emotionally unwell, I was not feeling good, almost always stressed about exams I never actually sat in the end. There were issues all around me and I was finding it very hard to keep up. The education system here is very competitive and I guess that's one of the bad sides of it. I am also naturally competitive also, so that doesn't mix well with my highly stressed self lol.
I can plan my time to the dot and still not have enough time. It's not about poor time management skills. It's about the lack of motivation.
I still have the mind maps for this book. I'm waiting on an opportunity, a sign, an inspiration to get me back into writing this book. Except, it will be constructed properly. Legally. Coherently. Not in some wattpad author style if you understand what I mean. Writing is a passion, and therefore, I don't want it to feel like a burden. I'm already taking 4 "hard" A levels, whilst my friends have 3 or are taking "soft" ones. My subjects are highly competitive and content heavy. I won't have time for myself, let alone continue writing a book.
It also won't come naturally to me. It will be forced. The chapters won't flow well. It won't be pleasant to read. I don't want that. You all deserve better than an unsatisfactory and abrupt ending. I would rather authors leave it open than finish their stories sometimes because the ending almost makes or break the book. The opening may pull you in, but the ending is what you take with you or what you remember the most.
For these many reasons, I hope you see and understand why I've done what I've done. I don't want to be that author that suddenly stops communicating. I'm not like that. It's just too much right now. It feels like a chore. To be honest, a lot of things I love feel like a chore right now. I've been out of routine for so long it's not right to me lol.
I do hope that once I find my waters, once I found my ground, I will be able to continue updating and continuing this story because the idea is not lacking. It's the execution. I wish I had better experience or planned it because this book deserves so much better.
On a last note, thank you for reading this long ass note. I thought this was a topic I needed to address and I owed it to you, but nonetheless thank you for taking the time out to read this. I love yoh all, thank you for reading this book and I hope to "see" you soon x I LOVE YOU!
~ Lillian x