Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled and stared out into the horizon. Nikki knew how much I loved the beach and because of my leg, I wasn't able to walk on it without severely hurting myself. So the man decided to take me right into the city and to the waterfront, which showed off the bay. It was stunning too, especially since today was a beautiful day. Barely any clouds in the sky and the sun was beating down, it was lovely.
Hearing footsteps, I looked over to see Nikki wandering over to me holding onto two drinks. As soon as Nikki's eyes met mine, he couldn't hold back a smile. He'd been smiling ever since I got in the car with him this morning, it was nice don't get me wrong, it was just different. Things never went well for us, so this was a change.
"A tropical juice for you, beautiful." Nikki placed the glass down in front of me before he actually leaned down and gave me a kiss. It was only brief and I didn't mind it whatsoever. "And a damn good coffee for me." He sighs, taking a seat across from me. "Breakfast should be done soon and they will bring it out to us." He adds, his beautiful green eyes unable to leave me.
"No worries, thanks Nik." I nodded, my eyes scoping the bay yet again. The ocean was a beautiful blue and was almost clear, which you didn't see too often. Especially not in the bay area!
"Sue, where do you prefer to live?" Nikki asked out of the blue. "Here in Australia or over in Cali?"
Turning my attention back to Nikki, I shrugged my shoulders. I liked both places, Australia because it was my home country and I really did feel at home and safe and secure. But I also enjoyed living in Los Angeles, just because it was nothing like a city in Australia. If Los Angeles could magically merge with Sydney, I'd be a happy girl.
"I like both, Nikki. Australia is a my home, it always will be. But I do like it over in LA as well." I answered honestly. "How about you?"
"LA is my home." Nikki answered easily. "But I'd live anywhere, just to be with you." He added, a small smile etching at his lips.
"Nikki," I paused, my lips forming into a smile. "There is no need for that."
"For what?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"You know what." I laugh. "I don't need you sucking up to me."
"But that's the thing Sue, I'm not sucking up to you." Nikki replied at which I just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Alright, maybe I am sucking up to you a little bit. But Sue, that's not the point."
"What's your point, Nik?" I lean in and grab the straw that was in my tropical juice, taking a decent mouthful and swallowed. Yeah, that's a nice change. Very refreshing too.
"My point is, I love you. I'd live anywhere just to be with you and I hope you would do the same with me." He sips his coffee.
I wasn't sure how I should reply to that. I mean, I loved this man more than I should, I would go everywhere with him! I just didn't want to admit it. Not now at least. There were too many factors that could come into play and cause drama between us. The last thing I needed to admit was that and in two days time find out Nikki has slept with someone else.
So all I did was nod my head and turn my attention back to the bay. Nikki wasn't very fond of me doing that, I could tell by seeing him in my peripheral vision.
"You're scared, aren't you?" Nikki asked.
"Scared of what?" I question, continuing to keep my eyes off of him.
"You are scared of being with me, scared of letting yourself open back up to me, scared of openly loving me." Was Nikki's reply.
"I have every reason to be." Was all I could answer at this point. Yes, I was scared. I was scared of really getting back into this relationship for it just to go down hill.
"Yeah, but you also have every reason to give it one last shot too." Nikki reasoned.
"Yeah and if it bloody goes to shit, Nik? That's it for me. I can't deal with relationships, I'm too scared of being hurt!" I finally look back at him. I could feel my emotions going wild, not in a good way either. "I'm not the girl I use to be, not anymore. She was gullible, she fell for someone and refused to look at all of the red flags. She got incredibly hurt in the process of all of that. She got hurt because she loved you with all her heart and didn't hold back, even if she knew that this love was fucking damned to begin with." I could feel the lump at the back of my throat and my eyes beginning to sting. "Now I see all of those red flags and find it hard to look pass them, because when I do, it's going to hurt me bad."
"Sue, I'm not here to hurt you." Nikki knitted his eyebrows together.
"Maybe you aren't Nikki, but the pain is never ending. It's a cycle. We are together, things are looking great. Then something happens, jealousy, or we fight. Then you leave and find yourself another girl for the night, I find out and crumble. Then I go out and do the same just to make you feel what I felt. It's one big fucking cycle." The tears start rolling down my cheeks. "I don't want that, Nik. It's too bloody hard."
Nikki sighed, removing himself from his seat and picking up the chair. Carrying it around the table and putting it down beside me, he sat down. Leaning in close to me, he wrapped his arms around my body, cuddling me.
"I don't want that either, Sue." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm done with the fucking drama. My goal is you. To have you for the rest of my life. And I ain't gonna fuck that shit up, not now. I've done that one too many times." He murmured. "That's why I want us to at least try again, with a clean slate."
"Nikki, you don't understand. It will NEVER be a clean slate." I lean into him. "I'll never forget what has happened, what you have put me through. What I've put myself through over you."
Nikki continues to hold onto me, for a moment he listened. "That's why if we-"
Before I let Nikki finish, I quickly told him off. "I swear to god, Nik. If you pull out a bloody engagement ring right now, I'll toss you over the side and into the bloody water." I warn him.
Nikki chuckled. "I don't have an engagement ring on me, and if I did? I sure as hell would not propose right now! You've rejected me once, that was bad enough." With one arm he began to caress my body.
"Good." I forced a laugh, even though I had been silently crying.
"We need to try one more time, Sue. This time I'm gonna be a better man to you, this time I'm not letting you go. I need you by my side, I want you to be by my side. I want to marry you, I want to start a fucking family with you. Man, even if we buy a dog first, or a house. Something!" Nikki's voice was a little strained, but by the end of his sentence he sounded happier.
"I already own a house, Nik." I mumbled.
"We could sell that and buy something else, something just for us. Start completely fresh together?" He suggested.
"What about Mick, Vince and Tom?" I turned my head to see Nikki's face. "I don't know if you have forgotten, but that house was a home to all four of you."
"Babe, they can manage on their own. They have money, they can fucking use it." Nikki's frowned. "It's about time that they stand on their own, instead of relying on you."
"What kind of house would we buy?" I sniffle.
"Anything you would like, as long as it's in the area I'd like and it's enough room to move around on. Hell, Sue, we could even build our own place if you wanted?" Nikki's eyes twinkled as he smiled.
"I don't know much about building a house, Nik." I looked away from him as he shuffled back a little, giving me room to move.
"I don't either, but we can do it... together." Nikki cupped my cheek. "We are damned when we are together and we are damned if we aren't, so why not just give us a shot. As much as I've tried to make you jealous or upset you for so long, I've never felt the way I feel around other women, as I feel around you." He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I feel like I'm home wherever I'm around you, something I've never felt with anyone, not even with my god-damn fucking family. Sue, I love you. I love you more than all of my bass' combined."
"Wow Nik, you're really kissing my arse now. Love me more than all of them, even combined?" I cocked my eyebrows at him.
Nikki chuckled. "I ain't kissing your ass, I'm telling you the truth."
"Truthful Nikki? That's a rare guy to be talking to." I retort.
"I know, Sue. But from now on, you're only gonna be talking to that guy and a bit of seductive Nikki, probably even charming Nikki." He continued to have his arm around me. "And maybe, just maybe, I could become your fiancé followed by being your husband." He continued smiling.
"Fiancé? I've never had one of those." I smiled sweetly.
"I wanna be your one and only fiancé and husband." He brushed some strands of hair from out of my face.
"The All-Day Breakfast and the Bacon and Egg Toasted sandwich?" A voice caught Nikki and I off guard.
Nikki snapped his head around and smiled at the young waiter. "Yes please, just put them on the table and we will sort it out." Nikki nodded his head respectfully.
The young waiter did as Nikki asked and moments later went to walk away, but Nikki wasn't going to let him go just yet.
"Aye buddy, hold up." Nikki called out, digging into his pocket.
The young waiter retraced his steps and stood just by Nikki, he stared down at Nikki with a look of confusion. Nikki eventually tugged out his wallet and opened it up, pulling out a fifty dollar note, he handed it to the waiter. "Thanks a million dude, keep the tip." He smiled kindly upon the waiter.
"T-Thank you." The waiter smiled before darting off.
"That was nice of you." I comment with a small smile.
"Baby, I need some good karma." Nikki chuckled.
"Right." I rolled my eyes.
Nikki stood up and moved his chair only a few inches away from mine before he sat back down. Pushing the plate with the toasted sandwich towards me, he put his own plate in front of him and reached over to grab his coffee.
"Thanks Nik." I say before picking up half of my toasted sandwich and taking a bite. It was roasting hot, but it tasted bloody good.
"There's something that's going to bother me if I ask, but I can't get it out of my head." Nikki started, after he finished chewing.
"What's that?" I turned my head to look at him.
"Who is better in the sack? Me? Axl? Or Tom?" Nikki questioned with a cocked eyebrow.
"Nik, what kind of question is that?" I frowned. "And you won't like the answer." I state.
"I promise I won't be pissed, maybe a little disappointed.. but hey! I can always improve in that department." He shrugged.
"Axl, he's better at oral than the actual penetration." I say out loud, thinking. He wanted to know, well he was finding out. "Tom?" I paused. Tom was amazing, in both. He was nothing like I've ever had, not even Nikki. "Tom is amazing, at both." I bit my lip. "And with you, it's special."
"I don't know if that's good or a let down." Nikki frowned. "And come on, Tom can't be that great." Nikki eyed me.
"It is good. And Tom is." I nodded.
"How?" Nikki pushed.
"I don't know, he made it exciting and fun and let me do things I wanted to do too." I shrugged. "Now can we leave this topic?"
"Fine." Nikki nodded, digging back into his breakfast. It was not even a minute later that Nikki spoke again. "What am I doing wrong if it's not amazing?" He asked, clearly thinking about my answers.
"Nik, just don't start." I shook my head.
"Okay." He shrugged. But again, he couldn't help himself, it truly bothered him. I should have realised it would be never ending with him. "What the fuck haven't I let you do when we've been in bed?"
"Nikki." I warned. "If you go on about it one more time, I will throw you over the railing and into the water. And you know what? There are sharks down there." I cocked an eyebrow, hoping to scare him quiet.
"Okay babe." He nodded, the fear visible in his eyes.