Me and my six friends were actually in a boy band, getting ready to audition to become an idol group. We named ourselves "BTS". We were always together after school, either hanging out or practicing together. We knew each other for so long and we were close to each other, like a true happy family.
"Am I gay now? For one of them?" I started questioning myself. It made some sense to me, we've always been together and sometimes we were getting a bit too touchy, but I always looked at it just as a brotherly love. Was there more to it? As I was walking into the small studio that we were renting for practice, I just stopped in the door, looking attentively at each of the boys, scanning them one by one. I loved them to bits and there was something that I liked in particular about each of them.
Seokjin was taking off his coat and chatting with one of my other friends. Being the oldest, Jin was also the most confident. And it made perfect sense as he is very good looking and has his own group of fan girls already, always showering him with gifts. He is also good at so many things, except dancing. But he's improved a lot and keeps up with the rest of the group. I am so impressed how hardworking he is and I know he's been practicing in secret on his own. But if we talk about his vocals, he never lets us down. When he sings I swear the world stays still just to listen to him. He is only 2 years older than me, but he acts like a mum, always taking good care of us, making sure we're eating properly and we're not catching a cold. I know he loves us a lot. He doesn't actually have any other friends. He doesn't talk much about it, but I think all his friends left him because they were envious of his popularity. Their loss. I can't ask for a better friend. But I worry about him as he doesn't talk much about himself. So I do wonder if he isn't feeling just like me - alone, sometimes.
I watch Yoongi taking off his headphones and yawning. He is my partner in crime. He is one year older than me and grumpy most of the times, but I love him anyways! And sometimes I think he loves me a bit more than the others, but that's a secret! I think he just likes my vibe and optimism! I kept my mask on mainly for him. He is super talented, we are so lucky to have him in the band. He is a such a good rapper, spitting fire with his lines. He's such an inspiration to me! And he writes songs all the times! That's all he does! Oh, and sleeping, lots of sleeping! What I love most about him is his attitude. He is fearsome. He doesn't let anyone bring him down or tell him what to do. He gives us strength and confidence. But at the same time he is just a soft teddy bear! He doesn't have a good relationship with his family, but he has us instead. I am younger than him but most of the times I need to make sure he's taking care of himself as he seems to care more about us than his own person.
I could hear Namjoon laughing at one of Jin's jokes. Namjoon is our leader. He is so cool and knowledgeable! If he wouldn't be a rapper, he would definitely become president! We are the same age, but I look up to him, even though I am a few months older than him. I sometimes feel overwhelmed in his presence, I don't know why, maybe because I feel I am not as interesting as he is. What I admire about him is his charisma, he has the ability to charm anyone with his deep voice, his rap and beautiful smile. He also takes good care of us, not only because he is the leader, but because it's in his kind nature. He always says how much he admires me, but it's the exact opposite! I know he's had some issues with his self confidence and fear of failure but we are helping him to get better and he looks happier lately. I hope he stays like that forever.
Jimin was doing some stretches... My smile grew bigger looking at him. Jiminie might be my favourite dongsaeng. He seems to gravitate around me all the time. I give him plenty of attention because it makes him happy. It makes me happy as well. We are also very touchy with each other, but that's just how we are, affectionate people. What I like about Jimin the most is his passion. He puts everything in all that he does and gives it 100% and more. He leaves me in awe every time he dances or sings. He is so majestic in his moves and his smile so beautiful. Not to mention his angelic voice and looks. Despite all that he is never confident and struggles to love himself. It's always that he's not talented enough or not slim enough or not pretty enough. I think that's why I give him so much attention, he needs to realize how perfect he is. He also takes good care of me all the time and genuinely cares... My mind suddenly stopped. Am I falling for him? It can't be. I kept denying the idea until it eventually left my mind, thinking how he seems to be the most interested in Hana among the boys. There's no way.
My eyes moved to Taehyung, who was leaning forward, tying his shoe laces into pretty bows. Tae, how much I loved him, my mischievous friend! He is the same age as Jimin so they are really close, something I don't really have with Namjoon. But I am not jealous, I am really happy for them. Taehyung is a very special person, very unique. He has a different view on the world and I am always fascinated by his actions or words. He is also extremely beautiful and has a voice deeper than the ocean. He seems to seek my approval for everything he does, I don't really know why. I don't mind, I just think the other hyungs will be more helpful than me. He is very close to his family, but still has plenty of love to give to us. We have to share his love with Yeontan, his adorable dog. I am worried sometimes about Tae. Despite him being a warm and friendly person, he gets bullied sometimes. It's nice to know Jimin and him are in the same class so I know someone is there for him, but it still hurts me. He doesn't deserve such a thing.
The last boy I watch is our lovely golden maknae, he is just goofing around like always. Jungkook is 3 years younger than me, but he is not immature at all. I am shocked by his decisions sometimes and how he takes care of us all. He would sacrifice anything for our happiness. Nice personality, good looks, amazing talent, I swear this guy is good at everything! His energy drives me nuts, he never gets tired! I like to play with him but my batteries run down faster than his! I love his energy so much, but at the same time he gets hurt a lot during practice because he can't pace himself! I have to scold him sometimes, but only because I am concerned he might get a really serious injury! I can never stay mad at him for long though, just a flash of his bunny smile and everything is forgiven!
I kept smiling to myself, thinking about my good friends and how much they mean to me and how lucky I am to have met them, when a familiar voice snaps me out of my thoughts:
"Yah! What are you doing just standing there, daydreaming?" Jin shouted at me, causing me to drop my backpack and coat in a second and get into formation with the rest of them. "The audition is in a week, we have no time to goof around!" he adds glancing at Jungkook, who gets serious all of a sudden and gives a military salute.
We just burst into laughter at both their serious expressions. I really love this guys! I could see Namjoon scrolling on his phone, looking for the first song to practice the choreography on, while I could read the excitement on everyone's faces, waiting for the song to start. We loved music. We were born to sing and dance.
"What were you thinking about so spaced out, hyung?" I suddenly hear Jimin's soft voice next to my ear and I felt a bit embarrassed seeing him so close. "You looked really happy, smiling all the time. Something good might have happened" he hummed resting his arm around my neck.
Feeling a bit flustered, I just sighed. "It's something stupid, really".
"It looked like a big deal to me", Jimin adds with a grin. He knows me too well, damn it. I was about to say something but the "No more dream" track started and both of us jumped back in our positions, eager to lose ourselves in the song.
An hour later and a couple more dance practices we were ready for a break. I was just wiping the sweat on my face with a towel when Jimin face appeared out of nowhere and too close to mine. Damn. I took a couple of steps back, stumbling on the pile of backpacks and almost falling to the floor.
"What's wrong with you, hyung? You would normally laugh or tease me in these circumstances!" There he was, a clingy Jimin. The rest of the boys circled me after the commotion. I felt overwhelmed with all their eyes on me, some looking worried, some confused and Jimin too close to my face again.
"Is there something wrong, Hobi?" Namjoon asked with a slight concern in his voice. "I've noticed you are a bit...distant today".
"You weren't your usual playful self in our part together in DNA and you love that part!" Taehyung mentions while coming towards me and grabs my hand swinging it back and forward.
"Is there something you need to take off your chest?" Yoongi asks, leaning against the wall exhausted after the long practice.
I sigh, knowing there's no way I can escape their questions, they know me too well and they would see through my lies anyways. "There is something bothering me, but it's really stupid. I will tell you, but you have to promise you won't laugh."
I could see everyone nodding, having serious expression on their faces. I continued "There is this girl in my class and she bluntly told me that she thinks I am gay. Which makes sense I guess, considering I am the only male in a class full of female students and I've never even had a proper conversation with either of them and on top of everything I spend most of my time with my best friends, who are all boys." I said everything in one go without giving them a chance to interrupt me or make fun of me.
When I looked at their faces I could see all of them trying hard not to burst into laughter. I pouted. "I knew you were going to be like this, just let it all out!" As soon as I said that everyone started laughing and rolling on the floor. I rolled my eyes and began to walk towards the door, needing some fresh air. Suddenly someone held my wrist and stopped me.
"I-I am sorry hyung, we weren't laughing because of what you said, just because you were so serious about such a ridiculous thing!" Jimin said, wiping the tears after a good laughing session. I pouted again. "I mean, it's not ridiculous if you are gay, I don't mind if you are" he continued.
"Yeah, so what, we would love you anyways, nothing would change" Jungkook said grabbing my neck with his arm. I frowned.
"That's not the point!" I shouted, getting everyone's attention again. "It's not about me being gay or not. I mean, i-it actually is... Fuck it! Before we started practicing, while I was standing in the door smiling, I was thinking about you and how much you mean to me. I thought, what if she is right and I am a-actually falling for one of you?" I said while looking at Jimin at my last comment, his eyes getting wider. "You know I love you all and you mean the world to me, so what if there is more to that? I could be bisexual or...or..."
I stopped as my levels of embarrassment were too high so I just chocked on my words. I didn't want to ruin our special friendship with my nonsense. I made things damn weird, have I not? Everyone was dead silent, staring at the floor. I wanted to rush to the door and escape the suffocating silence but my body had no strength to move.
Then Yoongi finally spoke: "Hobi, look at me. Don't be embarrassed. Actually I've asked myself the same question a while ago, about...about you". My eyes widened in shock. He continued "There is just something about you that makes me happy. But that doesn't mean I have romantic feelings for you. I do love you, a lot. I love you all actually". Everyone was relaxing a bit as Yoongi was talking about his feelings, that was a very rare sight.
Then Jimin gathered the courage to say something as well: "A-Actually, Hoseokie... I've asked myself the same thing as Yoongi. I think we all have." I could see everyone nodding their heads at Jimin's words. "I guess it is a bit confusing when we are so close. And you are such a warm person, I just can't stay away!" he flashed his eye smile. "But as Yoongi said, love doesn't have to involve romantic feelings all the time. We can love each other just as much as we would love our girlfriends and that is not wrong, we are just really good friends."
"There is actually a very simple solution to your confusion, Hobi!" I looked at Taehyung with a hopeful look. "Imagine yourself having sex with either of us and you'll have your answer". The first second I thought about it I just found myself utterly disgusted "Eww, gross!" I said repulsively. Everyone burst into laughter, while I was still brushing the thought away.
"What we have is actually greater, it will stay forever and it will never die" Namjoon added. I could feel tears building up in my eyes. "You are right, she left me, but you never did, our bond just grew stronger..." I muttered through the tears.
I could see the boys getting closer to wrap me up in a group hug, with smiles on their faces and love in their eyes. I was finally saying something about the event that broke me. And they couldn't be happier. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, they knew I wasn't right since.