A/N:
hey all!
Again, I can't thank you enough for hanging with me on this one. Damn it feels good to be writing again. As always your comments are loved and appreciated.
It's too late. I'm done waiting.
Don't even want you anymore.
Ashten's eyes flew open as she jolted awake. She quickly sat up, her heart thundering in her chest and her cami soaked through with sweat.
She swallowed thickly, her eyes plastered to the ceiling. The calm of her deep sleep faded and was slowly replaced by an overwhelming nausea. Her head spun and she fought the impending vertigo, but the nausea was still there, pushing at her gut as she attempted to unravel her legs from her bed sheets that had tangled around her like a boa constrictor during her restless sleep.
It was a dream. It was just a dream.
She repeated the words to herself like a mantra, trying to slow her heartbeat and tame the raised hairs on the back of her neck.
A mixture of fear and impending doom crept up her spine as she heard the wind roar outside, causing the rain to pelt her windows sideways
She wasn't sure if it was the raging thunderstorm outside or the heinous dream that woke her up but it didn't matter. Either way she was awake.
Scared and shaken up she didn't want to go back to sleep and she sure has hell didn't want to stay in her bedroom alone. She climbed down from her bed but not before checking her phone.
No new messages or missed calls.
It was the third night in a row she'd had some variation of the same nightmare. The same visions seemed to play behind her eyelids when she closed her eyes each night. This particular version included Nikki telling her he was done waiting for her to make a decision and decided to go back to Donna. He'd also thrown in some choice words just to drive the knife further into her heart.
The previous few nights when her subconscious jarred her awake she sought refuge at Tommy's. Each time she traipsed into the den and made herself comfortable on one of the large couches. Taking in her surroundings as the TV screen would begin illuminating the room, she would relish the fact that Tommy's house had a peaceful vibe that always provided comfort. Something about it soothed her.
She was almost certain that comfort had nothing to do with the muffled low rumble of bass strings coming from the downstairs studio each night.
But due to the torrential downpour outside she'd have to practically swim across the patio to get to Tommy's, making the his den and the bass rumble a refuge she couldn't seek on that particular night.
Instead, she padded into her living room to curl up on her own couch and flipped on the TV. She flicked through the channels until she found an all night station playing reruns of Friends. She wrapped herself in a plush blanket and rested her head on one of her oversized pillows.
Paying attention to the 90's sitcom became a daunting task as her eyes kept slipping from the glowing screen to the coffee table. On it sat the most recent bouquet of roses from Nikki.
The third one in the last few weeks. Each time with a different note. Sometime they were his own words and sometimes a quote.
Pink ones this time. And a note that read:
There is my heart, and then there is you. And I'm not sure there is a difference.
Love, Nikki
It was also difficult to focus on the TV when those eloquent words ran on repeat in her head while her cell phone seemed to be calling out to her. She nibbled on her lower lip and eyeballed the device sitting on the coffee table next to the vase practically triple dog daring her to pick it up and dial.
It's 3am. You know he's probably still awake. Just do it.
Ashten pulled her knees up to her chest, her toes wiggling against the cushion. The nagging voice in the back of her head came to the forefront, as it often did in times of dissociation.
But what if he isn't awake?
Or what if he is and he isn't alone?
Or even worse, what if he's awake and ignores you?
Wait. IS that worse?
I need food.
Rolling her eyes, she abruptly stood and made her way to the kitchen with the intention of eating her feelings by way of peanut butter cookies and chocolate milk.
"Fuck," she cursed out loud upon remembering she'd taken all baked goods to Tommy's to avoid the exact stress sugar consumption she planned.
Begrudgingly, after hearing the rain and wind pick up even further, she gave up the brief notion of making a beeline for Tommy's kitchen and settled on some hot tea. Peppermint tea. Supposedly it was deemed to be a natural relaxer.
Ashten blew across the mug to cool the hot liquid as she walked back into her living room.
What would You even say to him? You haven't made any decisions yet. You don't know what the hell you want.
Yes, you do. You want him.
Really? Then how come you can't stop picturing that night in the hotel? The haunting look in his eyes. His sickening words.
Glorified groupie.
Never should have fucked you.
Coward.
How come you still feel the seemingly permanent rock in the bottom of your stomach and a crack in your heart?
Do you forgive him? Can you?
She huffed at herself before taking a sip of her tea. Glancing up to see Joey and Chandler argue over who had dibs on the big white chair, her gaze quickly detoured back over to her phone.
Just leave it alone.
You need to go to sleep.
And you really need to stop taking to yourself.
"Fuck it." Her heavy sleep deprived eyes began to feel like sandpaper as she ignored her inner monologue and reached for her cell. Just as she touched the screen and scrolled down to Nikki's name a bright zap of lighting accompanied by an earth shattering clap of thunder shook through the living room.
Ashten jumped in her seat and dropped the phone on the cushion beside her, staring at it in wide-eyed disbelief.
Ok. Fine. Message received.
Taking the dramatic warning from up above as a sign she put her phone away. After finishing her tea she wrapped herself back up in her blanket and stretched out on the sofa. She was asleep after one more episode of Friends.
Then by 7am she was awake again and in Tommy's kitchen preparing breakfast.
By 8am she had a pan of home made sticky buns in the oven.
"Is there coffee?" Stella, not quite awake yet, padded into the kitchen, her long red hair untamed and eyes still half closed.
"Yep," Ashten sipped from her own mug and tilted her head toward Tommy's ridiculously expensive but wonderfully reliable coffee machine.
"Anybody else up?"
"Do you hear a ruckus?"
Stella nodded and took a seat at the kitchen island. She took a sip from the steaming mug and let the coffee touch her soul before taking a glance at her friend.
"You look like shit."
"Thanks."
"Anytime." She took note of the dark circles under Ashten's red rimmed eyes. "Not sleeping?"
"Not really. A few hours on the couch."
"The couch? Something wrong with your bed?"
Ashten shrugged and sipped her coffee.
"Oh, I see." Stella concluded.
"See what?"
"You can't sleep without Nikki."
Ashten scoffed and spit out a flimsy lie. "It's so not about him."
"Sure it's not," Stella rolled her eyes and then frowned when her nose caught a sweet sent in the air. "Is something in the oven? Are you baking again?"
"Cinnamon and pecan sticky buns," Ashten reluctantly admitted. She'd promised after the last binge bake she'd put the mixing bowls and spatulas to rest for a while. At one point Tommy and Stella even threatened to hide all of her baking tools.
Stella sighed. "Would it be too much for me to hope they are the ones that come in a can?"
Ashten narrowed her eyes. "So it's come to this? We're disrespecting each other now?"
"Have you talked to Nikki lately?" She asked as Tommy sauntered into the room like a zombie.
"This has nothing to do with Nikki," Ashten scoffed not even believing the words coming from her own mouth.
"Yeah, that sounded real," Tommy snorted while making the same journey Stella took from the coffee maker to the island. He tipped his nose in the air and inhaled before scowling at Ashten. "Baking again?"
The beep of the kitchen timer answered his question. Ashten pulled the warm tray of buns from the oven and sat it on the island to cool. Tommy instantly reached for one, cursing when he burned his fingers on the steaming pastries.
He took a sip of coffee and eyed Ashten. "You look like shit."
Ashten looked at him with an expression that he thought looked like she was internally debating where to dump his body. "Beat it, Tommy."
"Later. Can't jerk off before coffee. Need the energy." He grabbed a plate from the stack on the island and added two piping hot sticky buns.
Ashten blinked at him before turning to Stella. "Why does he tell me these things?"
"Because he's about as subtle as a brick to the face," Stella replied, giving him a look of purse disgust. "Why are you even awake? It's Saturday."
"Recording." Tommy flicked his zippo and lit a cigarette.
"At 8am on a Saturday?" Stella questioned.
"Yes, believe it or not I do have a work ethic." Tommy blew out his smoke looking slightly annoyed. "And I gotta get it done before my shoulder is out of commission."
"Huh?"
"I have to give him a cortisone shot today. After that no strenuous activity for 48 hours." Ashten explained. "Which is why they are recording all day."
"Ah."
"Yeah and I'm sure Sixx is already down there waiting for me." He took another drag.
Almost as if he'd been summoned, Nikki's voice suddenly filled the room via the house intercom system.
"Hey, Fuck Face are you up yet?" Ashten couldn't help the small chuckle she let out.
"I'm up," Tommy's raspy voice answered towards the intercom.
"Are you gonna get down here before I start collecting my god damn social security?" Nikki barked.
"Relax, Buttercup. James and DJ aren't even here yet," Tommy argued, referring to the Sixx AM boys who were producing the new Mötley Album.
"He's in a mood," Stella stated while examining the cuticles on her left hand.
"He's been in a mood for weeks," Tommy frowned and cocked his eyebrow at Ashten. "Maybe he wouldn't be if this weird ass limbo was over."
Ashten pursed her lips and exhaled through her nose. "Tommy don't you think I want it to be over? That I don't wake up every day and hope 'today is the day' and this will all be done.? Believe me, I want it to be today more than you do but I just don't...."
"I know, I know. You don't see him yet," Tommy interrupted.
Her face fell and she looked down at her coffee mug, tracing her finger around the rim. "Don't mock me."
"I'm not. I get it. You're looking for the guy you fell in love with. He's still there, Ashten. You just can't see it because you're still hurt and you don't forgive him yet."
"Yeah," she nodded quietly and let out a deep sigh. "You know, sometimes I think we were doomed from the beginning."
Stella flinched. "Why?"
Ashten shrugged and used the elastic around her wrist to tie her hair up. "I don't know. So many different factors. Baggage. Hiding from you." She looked up at Tommy briefly and then back to Stella. "And it just happened so fast."
"You feel like you rushed into it?" Stella pried.
"No. Just that we skipped over some important steps. Like dating. The whole courting process. We didn't build that foundation. I think if we did maybe things would be different."
"Hmmm," Tommy stubbed his cigarette out and shot a side glance at Stella. "Maybe."
Stella let out a bored sigh and walked her mug over to the dishwasher. "Anyway, you still up for going to Jozie's dance class?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Ashten finished her coffee. Jozie had recently started teaching dance cardio classes at the gym and Ashten and Stella had become a regular attendees.
"Because you look like you could play the lead in Night of the Living Dead right now," Tommy observed.
Ignoring him, Ashten nodded to Stella. "I'm in."
"Good. Then we can go get manis and pedis and you can come home to grab a nap because we are going out tonight. Girls night. We'll get Jozie to come."
Ashten opened her mouth seemingly to protest but was quickly silenced.
"Go get changed and I'll meet you in the car in 10." Stella all but threw her out the door then turned to Tommy.
"Well? Are we done dicking around yet?"
"Yeah," Tommy nodded. "I've had enough of this shit. Operation Nashten is officially in effect."
"Nashten?" Stella grimaced.
"No?"
"We'll work on it." The two shared a fist bump and went their separate ways.
A\N:
Alright, well Stella and Tommy are losing patience with these two. Wonder what they have planned 🤔