- (TWO DAYS LATER) -
I jogged down a few steps of the stairs, stopping to a halt when i heard voices coming from the kitchen. The voices were hushed but still audible.
I put my arm out, stopping Sophie who had been walking down the stairs behind me.
"Listen." I whispered.
"You do realise you can't keep her away from this forever." Max's voice sounded.
"Yeah but it's just it's so easy for her to get caught up in everything Max." My Mom replied. "And i'm trying my best to make everything easier. She has a lot going on and she needs to take time to herself to recover from blows like this or everything will just start piling up and it'll break her. She really loved Justin."
"I know all of that Liza, but i just don't think cutting her off from everything and everyone is doing her any good."
"Are you saying i should give her her phone back? Let her deal with all this?"
"I don't know." Max said. "Yeah, maybe. She's not exactly a child."
Sophie and i traded glances.
Since arriving in California, my Mom had taken my phone and laptop away from me. She said i needed some time to myself and i was not in the mood to fight with her over that. But this meant i'd had zero contact with anyone in three days.
"Justin calls and texts though.. a lot." My Mom said. "I've shown you some of the messages Max. She doesn't need that. Not yet."
"Maybe it would be good for them to talk." Max suggested.
"Are you kidding me?! Justin cheated on her Max. Did you not see how bad that affected her? How it's still affecting her?!"
"Gee thank's for reminding me Mom." I whispered. Sophie licked her lips.
"I'm not saying throw everything at her and leave her to deal with it by herself. I'm saying don't invade her privacy or cut her off from the people she needs right now."
"And what if she reads those comments Selena made?" My Mom spoke up. "Then what?"
"I don't know, but shes going to hear about them at some point."
I looked at Sophie. "What Selena comments?"
She exaggerated shrugging her shoulders. "I dunno."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Has she said something?"
"No, no." She insisted. She tried to divert her eyes but my stare was too strong.
"Was it bad?"
She gave in. "Well.. it kinda made the news.."
"What did she say?" I sighed.
Sophie nibbled on her lip. "I wasn't supposed to tell." She worried.
I sighed again. I turned away from her, shaking my head. She obviously wasn't gonna tell me.
I walked down the rest of the stairs, turning towards the kitchen.
My Mom stopped mid-sentence, turning her head to stare at me.
"Oh hey honey." She fakely greeted. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "What's up?"
"What has Selena said about me?"
My Mom opened her mouth.
"Please don't deny it. I heard you just then."
They traded worried glances.
I waited.
"Ri-"
"Mom please." I sighed.
Her lips parted but she said nothing.
Max spoke up instead, knowing i was not going to give up until they told me.
"She said some things to a reporter the other night." He told me. "When she was drunk."
"What did she say?" I asked.
"She basically ranted to a pap that you let Justin control you."
"And that you're a pathetic bitch." Sophie added. I felt my cheeks heating up.
"Anything else?" I asked.
Sophie opened her mouth but my Mom cut her off.
"No." She said.
I licked my lips.
That probably meant there was.
"Great." I said. I clenched and unclenched my fists. "Thats fabulous."
"We were gonna tell you-" My Mom started.
I cut her off. "No it's fine." I shrugged. "I love not knowing when my ex's ex bitches about me to a bunch of reporters."
It was the icing on the cake.
"Scooters handling it." My Mom said.
I rolled my eyes. I turned around, walking past Sophie towards the door.
"Where are you going?" My Mom's voice sounded.
"Out."
"But Ri-"
"Let her go." I head Max say
I slammed the front door shut.
-
I walked my way out of the neighbourhood, gulping back the heavy tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.
Dang it Ri. I cursed. Stop crying.
I'd been doing that way too much recently. But everything was just piling up.
My heart was still shattered in a thousand pieces from what Justin did to me. I felt hurt inside.
It still hadn't sunk in that Justin - my Justin - had been unfaithful and broke my heart like that. It didn't feel real.
I also now felt lonely after being cut off from my friends for the past few days. I missed them & wanted desperately to speak with Kezia over the whole Madison thing.
After thinking on it for a few days, i still had no idea what i was going to do. I was fed up of being peoples lap dogs though.
One of the last things i wanted was to sit around and let her think she won. I didn't want to dance beside her, pretend to be friends, or see her face everyday. I wanted her gone.
But the very last thing i wanted was for everything to go public. I certainly did NOT need everyone knowing my business - about the whole irregular period testy stuff. So i needed Kezia. She would have a plan - i hoped.
And then on top of all of this, Selena was causing drama. It was always bad when someone bitches about you to someone else, but become famous & this situation is a million times worse. Paps feed on this kind of juice. And it had all been going on without me even knowing about it.
I ran my hands through my hair.
On top of it all, i found myself missing Justin.
That sounds crazy to say but its true. I missed him.
I missed the relationship we had/could probably never have again. I couldn't forgive him for it & the whenever i thought about all that i had lost, i just wanted to break down and cry.
-
I stepped out of the ice cream store in Malibu, that i'd managed to walk my way to. I took a soft bite out of my mint choc chip ice cream, sucking it momentarily in my mouth before swallowing it down my throat.
I squinted at the road sign.
The place was pretty busy with tourists - since it was spring - but i had my hood up and so far it had proved a sufficient disguise.
I flickered my eyes to the arrow pointing left, which read 'the beach'. I smiled slightly at the prospect of that. I really fancied some sea air.
So i turned left, rather sharply though. My elbow collided with someones chest.
"Woah-"
"Sorry." I apologised.
I turned properly, blushing slightly as my eyes travelled up to meet the stranger.
I used my free hand to push back my hood for a moment.
"Wait.. Za?"
The dude frowned down at me for a moment. "What?"
It was Za. As in Lil Za. As in Justin's rapper best friend.
His eyebrows suddenly shot up.
"Ri?!" He realised.
"Wh-, what are you doing here?"
Za looked pretty much as stunned to see me as i did him.
"Uh-"
He rubbed the back of his neck.
"I'm here on some business." He said. "But i was uh-, actually gonna swing by your place this afternoon."
My mouth opened and closed in confusion. "Why?"
"I have something to give you."
I didn't like the way this sounded.
"Something to give me?"
Za cracked a smile. "Yeah." He chuckled. "Don't look so worried."
He gestured right. "Walk with me?"
I glanced over my shoulder for an excuse. "I should actually be going-"
My eyes landed back on Za. He looked at me expectantly, rocking slightly on his heels.
A small but incoherent sigh escaped my lips.
"Okay." I gave in.
-
"So how are you?" Za asked me as we slowly walked along the white Malibu path towards the centre of the city.
I licked my lips. "I'm.. good." I shrugged. "Yeah. I'm doing pretty well."
He looked at me funny, almost as if he knew i was lying.
"What?"
"Nothin'." He shrugged. He looked down at the floor, shaking his head.
"Alright, look." He spoke up again.
I dropped my barely-eaten ice cream in the trash, feeling a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach. It felt kind of wrong and upsetting to even be speaking to Za.
I also didn't like the sound of how he started that sentence.
"Justin's really beating himself up right now." He said.
I looked up at him, one of my eyebrows raising. "You think it's all sunshine and picnics for me?"
Za slightly rolled his eyes.
"He knows how bad he screwed up and he's punishing himself for hurting you."
"I don't care what he does, Za." I said.
"You know that's a lie."
I glanced at him.
"Look, he's not eating, sleeping, or barely even talking to anyone. It's unhealthy Ri."
"He looked pretty fine to me on the Jimmy Fallon show."
"God dammit, you know full well that's an act. He's been doing that all week but only because the singles out and people worked really hard to make that shit successful. He's doing what he has to do and spending the rest of his time driving himself insane over you."
I stopped walking. "Za look, i don't know what you're trying to do right now but Justin and i had our fights, we had our heartbreak... We're over." My voice cracked.
"You love him though." Za spoke up.
I took a few moments of silence.
"I honestly just don't know anymore." I said.
Za gazed at me in silence for a few seconds. Then lifted his arms up and wrapped them around me.
"You don't mean that." He whispered.
I sighed, giving in to the hug. I let him squeeze me tight against his chest.
I closed my eyes for a moment. When i re-opened them, i lifted up my head, glancing over his shoulder. I froze.
"What is it?" Za asked.
I narrowed my eyes. I saw flash go off, and when it faded, i could see a large black camera lens peaking through the trees.
"Paps." I muttered.
"What?"
Za released his grip on me, turning around to take a look for himself. A sigh escaped his lips.
"Come on, let's get out of here." He said.
-
"So about that thing i said i had for you." Za said upon pulling up to the gates of my neighbourhood.
He unbuckled his belt.
"I put it in the back, hold on."
He turned himself around in his seat, stretching out his hand to reach for the objects.
I tiredly chewed on the inside of my lip.
A satisfied noise sounded from the back of Za's throat. He lowered himself back properly in his seat.
I stared down at his hands.
Za shot me a weak smile.
"I'm not trying to chat you up or anything - incase you were wondering..." He half-chuckled. "So i think you can guess who they're from."
In his right hand, Za held a single red rose, plain and simple. In the other, there was a white envelope with my name scribbled on.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
Za held them out to me.
"Why doesn't he just give up?" I asked him. My voice was shaky as i spoke. "Like why doesn't he just move on and date some fake-boobed, dumb-ass model that would just agree with every thing he said and did?"
Za stared at me in partial confusion.
"Well..." He mumbled. "He loves you, doesn't he?"
"But we're toxic Za. We've hurt each other more fricken times than i can count."
"You're not toxic." He denied. "You fight, yeah? You both fuck shit up a lot but you make each other feel good - and ghat was not even meant to be dirty."
I slightly rolled my eyes, turning to look out of the front window.
"You love each other Ri.." He sighed. "I know he has hurt you real bad this time but i know y'all can get through this."
I shook my head. "I don't think we can."
"Why?"
"'Why'?" I quoted. "Because he cheated on me. I have no trust in him anymore Za. I don't even think i can be in the same room as him anymore without breaking down in tears because my heart is broken."
Za stared at me in silence.
A wet tear managed to sneak its way through my eyelids and run down my pale cheek.
"I love him with my heart but i can't forgive him for this." I gulped.
I gazed at him for one more moment before getting out the car.
I walked towards the gate. I heard Za get out.
"Will you at least take the letter?!" He called after me.
I shook my head, placing my hand over my mouth as i walked past the security into my neighbourhood.
Za sighed.
-
I quietly let myself into the house, gently pushing my door against the wood to close it without making a sound.
I took a few steps into the house.
"Ri?" My Mom's voice called.
I turned to face the living room. My Mom appeared at the door.
"Oh." She murmured. "Hey."
"Hey." I softly copied.
"I'm sorry." She immediately said. "About earlier."
"It's okay."
She shot me a thin smile. She wiped her hands on her trousers before walking over to the cupboard and opening one of the drawers. She lifted up a load of paperwork about the house and pulled something out from underneath. She held it out to me.
My phone.
I paused for a moment and then took it, waiting for her to speak again.
"I'm trying to make life easier and happier for you Ri." She said. "But i'm still figuring out how i can do that."
I stepped forwards and hugged her. She sighed as i did so, letting out a relieved breath of air.
"I thought cutting you off from him would help but maybe it hasn't."
"I know you're doing your best Mom." I recognised. "But i'm okay, i promise."
"I want to talk with you." She said, drawing back from the hug she'd been giving me. "About everything. We can just talk and think and rant and even fricken cry if that's what you want."
I shot her a weak smile.
"And we'll figure everything out, yeah?"
I nodded. "That sounds good."
"But i wont read your messages anymore." She promised. "Or keep anything from you."
I smiled.
She smoothened down her jeans again
"Do you have any ideas of where to start?"
I bit down to chew on my lip but then stopped myself.
"Actually," I spoke up. "Yeah. I want to talk to Selena." I said.
-
(AUTHORS NOTE)
Hellllooo munchkins!!!! It's been soo long since i updatedddd :S Soooorrryyy!!
But i hope you enjoyed this chapter (it was a little rushed bc i couldn't figure it out for like a whole week & then rushed to finish it in time for christmas)!
But yeah, i hope you enjoyed it. & I hope everyone that celebrates Christmas, has a fabulous day today/tomorrow! I love y'all & don't get too drunk!! ;)
A year ago today i wrote a speech chapter (on Being A Braun) because i reached 30,000 reads on Christmas day.... now look at us!! Thats amazeballlssss!!!!!
I love you all millions wherever you are in the world :)
& please VOTE & COMMENT.