It was a total chaos. I don't know what's happening around me, but I hear noises everywhere. I heard people calling my name, trying to get my attention. Terri here, Terri there. Although I grunted for them, but they didn't seem to hear. I felt someone shaking my shoulders, trying to keep me awake. What, am I dying? I thought my eyes are open, however, all I can see was bright white light on top of me. I don't know if I'm on a stretcher, but I felt like I'm moving and it made me dizzy.
It was long. I couldn't keep up with time because I was between staying awake and falling to sleep. The next thing I heard was the loudest heart beat beside my ear. Or is it just me? By the way it unevenly beep only cause me to panic. Is that my heart beat? It caused my head to hurt like someone is pounding a sledge hammer against my skull.
Make it stop! I cried, but no one heard me. They didn't seem to notice my plead.
As I gasped for air helped by the mechine, I heard more people rushing in. Wait, am I now in a hospital room? Am I at the verge of dying that they need to call more doctors? Shit! How am I still aware of my surroundings when my heart beat on the monitor was clearly weak and on the verge of dying?
I heard some iron rattles near me. More needles pickling my skin. I felt cold in the middle of my chest. Are those supposed to be some wires connected from my body to the mechines? After some more injection, I finally felt nothing. My body became numb. After that, I don't feel anything anymore. Whatever they are doing to my body, I didn't feel anything, though I still see shadows behind my eyelids moving around me.
The room became intense through the surgery. I tried to keep my mind somewhere else, but I just keep hearing my heart beat on the monitor. It slowly became steady as the doctors do their job. Though the room was quiet and intense, but I was calm as I waited for my next luck in life. And slowly, I shut down.
That's when I felt someone's hand squeezing mine. It was calloused but I know it wasn't Mom. No family members are allowed in the theatre room. Who would that be? To think that one of the doctors to do it, I know that never happens because everyone is busy to even soothe a potential-awake patient during a surgery. Curious, I opened my eyes and turned to my right where I felt someone's hand on mine.
I saw Dad.
I called him through my oxygen mask, although none of the doctors hears me, but Dad seemed to hear me because he smiled at me. His face glowed as he looked at me. There were no trace of angry or sad or disappointed. He seeme happy and proud. He brushed his thumb on top of my hand gently before slowly letting it go.
Then, just like that he disappeared.