Philip and I stayed in the lunch cart right up until we got back to my home town. After that we disembarked from the train with our belongings. Talia was there but she was here to pick up black and cassy since she rejoined Blake's pack to be with her mate. One who she believed to be dead for a very long time. I tried to speak with Talia but cassy reached her first and they greeted each other like they were best friends. They hugged each other tight and Talia said she missed cassy. I watched as they got in the car and I didn't even get a side glance as they drove away. My heart felt like it was crush. Talia was my best friend! We have been friends our whole lives! I turned to ask Ian what that was about but he was already gone. Actually everyone had cleared out already. Philip I could still see but he was g by on the phone. Kyle and Ryker were gone. Rachel was with Ian. And- I felt like my world was crumbling apart. It has just hit me now exactly how little I mean to everyone when I don't have my powers. No one looks in my direction anymore. My power use to draw attention to me. And now. Now the people who should be my friends can't even say goodbye. Or even acknowledged me. I felt the tears fill my eyes threatening to spill over. Normally I would wipe them away and put on a brave face until I was alone. But I am alone. I thought as the tears slipped from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I looked up in philips direction because I desperately wanted a hug and to have someone tell me it was going to be alright. But when I saw his smiling face and the blush on his cheeks it upset me more. Philip laughed in a way that told me whoever he was on the phone to said something embarrassing but also funny. I was familiar with it by now because when o got upset he would tell me funny embarrassing stories about his childhood and he always laughed the same way. It was really the only time he actually laughed. The rest of the time it was normal a chuckle or a small singular laugh. Maybe he did have someone to spend the holiday with. I thought as I dropped my head the tears continued to fall and I didn't care if anyone saw. My entire life. The one I desperately wanted. The one where I could be seen as an equal in the supernatural world was gone. Over night i lost it all. I have nothing now. I don't even know how I'm meant to get home either. Kyle was picked up by mum and I knew she wouldn't have waited because it was normal for me to just automatically go and catch up with Talia. But it was rather clear just now. Talia doesn't see me as her number one friend anymore. By the way she looked at cassy she adores her and respects her. Pain cause my chest to tighten and I feel like my body was being strangled. Was this Lilith's doing? Or was this like an anxiety attack? I couldn't tell I just knew it became harder to breath and my tears clouded my vision. Just trying to breath in was painful and felt impossible. My entire rip cage felt like it was going to be crushed under the pressure. I was hyperventilating and becoming dizzy. My rapid and shallow breathing wasn't letting enough oxygen into my body. A hand landed on my head in a General way tucking my hair back to make my scares visible
"Stop. Take a steady breath." Philip spoke in a calm steady tone as he pulled me closer to his warm body hugging me. I reached up with shaking hands to hold onto his shirt as the tears continued to fall. "Just focus on your breathing gem. Slow steady breaths clear your mind from all the negativity and just focus on now." He told me. Focus? On now? The people I trust have left me. Philips Hand stroked the back of my head and my mind began to clear from all the negative things. How does he do that? How can he so easily stop me from having a panic attack? I looked up at Philip now and he gave me a warm smile I was having a full blow panic attack me he calmed me in seconds something Ryker couldn't do and I loved Ryker. My wolf saw him as serenity and would always calm down after a moment. Buts Philip one touch to my head followed by a couple words and it's like nothing happened.
"Do you have some kind of emotional manipulation over me?" I whispered becoming skeptical of him now.
"No." He told me "I can't manipulate anyone's emotions but thought physical contact I can temporarily change their emotions. It works best when someone's having a panic attack like you just were."
"How does it work?" I asked him curious now
"I can put a stop to overwhelming emotions that's tend to eat people alive by nullifying them with my own. I use my strongest emotion depending on the situation and counteract the overwhelming one voiding both myself and the other person of emotions for the duration of the contact. This allows the person enough time to get their thoughts in order before they hurt themselves." He explained. I nodded slightly looking down now.
"Who were you on the phone to?" I asked him
"My little sister." He told me
"I thought you were and only child and an orphan." I spoke.
"Well I am yes. But I did spend my time moving from frosted home to foster home frowning up. After I turned 13 I got my own phone and kept in contact with most of my foster siblings. I called her up to let her know I was in the area since she moved here last year." He explained to me sounding slightly amused. "I opened her up to this world and even tho she is human she embraces the existence kind of like you" he said removing his hand from my head
"How?" I asked him
"she studies every type of species out there as different types of magic. She wants to fit into this world but is human and she can't without judgment or danger. And I'm not there to watch her." He told me smiling now.
"Did you want to invite her over? I'm sure she would love to see the creature room." I suggested. He seemed excited by that. Why did I offer? Was I trying to make him happy?
"You wouldn't mind? I did ask her to come and pick us up since everyone else forgot we existed."
"It's not a problem. The creatures are all very tame. I just have to be careful who I approached because they don't recognise me and just see me as an imposter right now." I explained. he nodded slightly as he looked at me
"Did you want a hug?" He asked. I looked at him for a second before my head dropped and I nodded. Philip wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. A few stray tears fell as his arms embrace my small body. The strong grip reminding me how fragile my body is now. How easily he could crush me even tho he didn't have as much of a physical strength as Ian or blake. Even Kyle was more physically stronger then Philip. Even tho Philip could hurt me just by hugging me I knew he wouldn't. I knew he would never hold me any tighter then he needed to. But it was still a reminder of how weak I actually am.
"Thanks Philip." I whispered now.
Philips sister was the nicest girl I had ever meet. Her name is scarlet and she has this amazing red curly hair. Fair skin with prominent freckles across her nose and on the apple of her cheeks. The rest of her face was covered in faded freckles her mouth was slightly odd shaped because she kept biting on the one side of her lip making it swell up. Her eyes were a natural brown colour. The nice brown colour. The ones with slightly different shades of brown though it. But even tho she was flawlessly beautiful she was only human. I mean. She was no better then me in ranking according to Philip. I would have sworn that a girl as beautiful as she would have had to be supernatural one way or another. But no. They both reassured me she was just a human with good genetics. When I invited Scarlet to stay for a while at the house she refused. Said she still had studying to do because our school system doesn't match up with theirs and they still had three weeks of school before their break. So she left leaving Philip as my house because she didn't want him annoying her either. But the smile she gave me as she left was both warming and threatening. Like in a sister way that she was worried for her brother. And in my current state I would put money on her wining against me in a physical fight because I no longer have the foresight my ghost eye provide me with in battle and my body is so fragile and not use to being human I wouldn't be surprised if one hit killed me.
"So." Philip spoke as we were still standing outside the small cottage looking house. Everyone already knew that my home looked like a cottage on the exterior but was a mansion inside.
"I might just head to bed for the night. Im rather exhausted from the train ride." I told Philip. His expression showed concern as he looked down at me. The music that could be heard from inside it was clear the party we planned to get Cassy drunk at to expose her secrets was already in full swing. And here I was ready to abandon the plan altogether.
"How about you have something to eat first and see how you feel afterwards." He suggested as he readjusted his back that was hanging from his shoulder. "This was your idea remember and it might be your only chance to expose her." He added. I gave a slight nod now
"You are right. I just feel like I'm the bad person for wanting to do this. I just want to truth to come out about who she is. But I also don't want to cause trouble for anyone else." I told Philip. He placed his hand on my head giving it a slight pat.
"It's alright just do what you need to do." He told me in a gentle calming tone. I took a deep steady breath before heading inside.
Leaving my bag near the stairs I headed towards the lounge seeing Kyle Ryker messing around with a few members of Blake's pack. I knew they were his pack members but I have not officially meet them nor do I know their names. Rachel and Ian were sitting on a couch watching the rough housing in amusement. Blake seemed to get in on it as we arrived leaving Cassy alone on the couch. Taking the chance I collected a beer seeing she had finished hers and went to sit with her. Cassy gave me a warm welcoming grin that caused her eyes to squint. I just returned with a small smile the best I could manage.
"Thank you." She spoke as I handed her the beer "they have been like this for an hour now. I really hope they don't break anything." She told me.
"There is nothing of value in here so I wouldn't worry about it." I told her looking at the others "you know I was just thinking. My birthday was a couple weeks ago. And I know when blake and Ian's are but I don't know when yours is." I said trying to start a conversation about her.
"Oh it's the first of January." She said with a big smile.
"Unlucky. Normally people are too hung over from New Years celebrations to do anything on the first." I told her and she laughed now
"You aren't wrong about that." She said amused.
"Where are your parents? Are you going to see them these holidays?" I asked her.
"Agh no. I'm not." She said
"Why? They are family." I told her.
"Because I would rather be here." She told me with a smile "with my friends and my fiancé." She added.
"Don't you have other friends outside of school? I mean you did start so suddenly and you are doing both second and third year classes." I told her. "I would assume there are friends who miss you and want to hang out with you as well." She added
"Oh they are still busy with their own school stuff." She said waving it off I went to ask her about what school she went to previously but she got up and walked over to Talia who had walked in. I sighed finishing my beer when I got up but I felt a little dizzy. I guess one is too many I thought before leaving the room. I picked my bag up from beside the stairs before Philip walked out
"Are you ok?" He asked
"The beer isn't agreeing with me so I'm going to bed before I get worse." I told him he gave me a slight nod "just make yourself at home. I'm sure anyone can help you find what you are looking for." I told him before dragging my feet upstairs as my world began to spin like crazy.
I passed out in my bed before I could even shower and change. So when I awoke hungry at 3am I got up to shower and clean myself before I went downstairs to the kitchen. I got a bowl of cereal before sitting at the table. I really wanted some bacon but I was too tired and lazy to cook some right now. I could hardly keep my eyes awake while I ate. So I sat in the dark with my eyes closed eating. It felt so strange but at the same time it was peaceful and calming. The silence and the dark helped me collect my thoughts without making me feel depressed. Lately when I sit in silence in the dark Lilith like to chip away at me and it feels like she is driving me to suicide now. There are these little whispers in my mind telling me that I am better of dead because no one wants me. Or it tells me how useless and worthless I am. I know it's Lilith trying to make me give her want she wants so I can't let it get to me. But at the same time when I see him with her I being to listen to the whispers in my mind. The whispers saying that my life is no longer worth it because I can never do or be who I wanted to be as long as I am trapped in this form. Everyone tells me it's just depression because I wake up exhausted every day and my body feels heavier then normal. I try to stand up but gravity pulls me back down. By the time I have gotten ready of a morning I am so exhausted and tiered that I just want to take a nap. There have been talk about medicating me for this because it's not a human issue. So when I tell them it's Lilith that's making everything harder I am answered with that's just an excuse. You are depressed and you are human. This is what happens to humans after a traumatic experience.
I know what traumatic is. I was mauled by a werewolf at 15. I have killed people. I have seen people being slaughter. I have even killed a child once before because it was too dangerous to be kept alive. What I am going though now is nothing compared to the traumatic experience I have already encountered. I don't even know what to compare it too. I could be whoever I wanted to be because that was in my power. I could do whatever I wanted without question. I was respected but also feared. People admired me and some hated me. Now I'm nothing. I am what the supernaturals existence despises. They look down on me now because I am no longer one of them. They forget I am there and when they remember they act like I am helpless and make it known that I am helpless. My own best friend hasn't even acknowledged me since I got home.
I let out a deep sigh looking at my empty bowl trying to decide if I wanted to eat anymore. I didn't feel satisfied. I was still hungry and my mouth had gone pasty. Last time it did this I was stoned off my face. The best comparison is like waking up with a dry mouth and that first second you wet your mouth with saliva and it's pasty and gross. I don't even know why my mouth had gone pasty. Taking a drink of water I tried to wash it away but it actually made it worse. Maybe a glass of milk will help. I thought getting up and going to the fridge. After pouring myself a glass I went to take a drink but when I turned to lean against the counter I saw someone standing there in the dark watching me from the build I think it was Blake. But it was still super dark and I couldn't see much else
"Blake?" I asked in a whisper thinking now it could have been Ryker he was here too and they are both very similar in high and build.
"Yeah." Blake answered grumbling a bit.
"What are you doing?" I asked him. I wanted to know how long he had been standing there. Watching me.
"I came to get a drink of water I didn't expect anyone else to be here and I kind of dozed back off standing here." He told me as he moved towards the sink getting a cup off the side off the sink that I'm pretty sure was a dirty cup anyway. He filled it up halfway from the tap before skulking the water.
"You will need to drink more then that to get over the hangover." I told him as I took a drink from my cup of milk.
"I'm aware." He mumbled as he swayed a bit. "What are you doing up?" He asked turning his head to look at me as he held onto the sink to stop swaying.
"I missed dinner because I got sick from the one beer I drank. And I woke up hungry so I came down to have something to eat." I told him he just kind of stared at me. But I also think he was that out of it that it was taking him longer to comprehend what I was saying. Almost a full 45 seconds passed before he spoke again
"You should get some sleep tho. You don't want to get use yo being awake at this time." He told me with a serious tone. Well as serious as he could with a drunken slur.
"How about I help you back to bed then I'll go to bed as well." I told him.
"Sounds good." He told me and went to take a step but he stumbled because his body was twisted and he forgot to untwist. I laughed a bit before helping Blake back up the stairs to the guest room he was in. Laying him down in bed I went to leave but he grabbed my hand and jerked on it. With how much stronger he was then me now that jerk practically pulled me all the way over him
"What are you doing?" I asked Blake as I got off him straightening myself out.
"I just wanted to cuddle with you." He grumbled like I offended him
"Cassy is your fiancé." I told him slightly annoyed now but realised she wasn't here. Where was she? Black and her were to share a room. Blake rolled over and grumbled even more something about her leaving for the night. "What?" I asked him
"She left to go do something and said she won't be back until lunch." He said annoyed as he moved his pillow to half hug it and half lay on it.
"You are still in a relationship and shouldn't act like that." I told him sternly. Blake looked at me over his shoulder now.
"You are only saying that because she is stronger then you. If you were stronger the. Cassy you wouldn't knock the idea of laying in bed with me." Blake spat acting like a spoilt child now. I was taken back by his change in attitude but then I remember drink Blake is an absolute jealous asshole who thinks he is gods gift to the woman. That is the main reason I caved the first time when we got drink and had sex because he got so jealous of Ian he made his move and it escalated so quickly. And because of how drunk I was I didn't have the will power to turn them down. But I will be this time because as much as I dislike cassy I won't sleep with him because he is still in a relationship with her and I don't want to be associated with cheating. No more then I already have been.
"Best you go to sleep and hopefully when you wake up you won't be an asshole." I told Blake before I turned to walk away again.
"And I thought you loved me." He muttered as I began to walk. Stopping at the door I looked at him.
"I loved you before. And I would still love you now but you are with her. And as long as you are with her I will not love you." I told him before walking out of his room closing the door behind me. Walking down the hallway toward my bedroom I felt exhausted now after that encounter.
Walking part the stairs I saw movement out the corner of my eye and I stopped because for some reason I expected Wes to come up since he tends to know when I'm awake. But it wasn't. It was Cassy. She looked at me for a moment before looking in the direction I was walking from then at me again
"What were you doing?" She asked me. I thought about lying but Blake's scent was on me so I assumed she expected the worst of me now
"I was downstairs eating when Blake came in and he was too drunk still to find he way back to his room so I helped him" I told her as I turned to face her. "He mentioned you wouldn't be back until lunch." I added looking at her.
"He was being a jerk so I left because I didn't want to deal with him while he was like that." She told me as she climbed the rest of the way up the stairs. I looked at her as she now stood in front of me a little more straighter then normal. I think she was trying to be intimidating.
"He is a bit of a narcissist when he is drunk." I muttered looking away from her to avoid rolling my eyes at her lack of intimidation.
I'm not sure if it was the half eye roll my comment or lack of acknowledgment to her intimidation but she punch me across the face and because I wasn't prepared for it. I lost my balance and fell down the stairs. I don't know who long I laid there because it took me a long time to even register what actually happened to me to begin with. Then the pain hit. First was the ribs. I could have possibly fractured one or it could just be seriously bruised. All I know is my ribs hit the edge of a step. I think my face was swollen from where she punched me. I couldn't open my eye properly and my jaw hurt. Trying to move my leg so I could push myself up off the ground didn't work. When I looked down I knew for certain it was definitely broken. Or dislocated at the knee. It shouldn't bend that way either way. I went to roll over instead but a shooting pain came to my side now. Turning my head slightly I was horrified I was still alive. Why did mum insist on putting potted plant here? And why did she use expensive ceramic pots. Because now I have a massive shard of ceramic sitting in my side and a pool of blood forming
"You stay away from my fiancé." Cassy grabbed me by the face and made me look at her "Blake is mine now. You will never get him back." She told me
"Now I wish I did say yes to sleeping with him behind your back." I spat at her before she punched me again and I fell unconscious this time.