"Objects in the Mirror"
It was a blazing hot day. So, hot that Jordan didn't bother to put on real clothes. After her shower, she put on a sheer pink lingerie one piece and left it at that. When she woke up this morning, she found a note from Max saying he had gone into town to get some groceries for them.
Since he was out, she used the time to blast music and clean the house, which was her favorite thing to do. All her life, she had someone picking up after her, and it wasn't until she left the spotlight of fame that she realized how therapeutic and accomplishing it was to clean up.
By the time Max got home, Jordan was outside watering their plants with the hose. Their dogs were running around playing with one another while Spot was sitting peacefully on the porch steps.
With dark shades over his eyes, Max checks her out.
"Hey, beautiful," he greets Jordan, holding grocery bags and some mail.
"Hey," Jordan looks back at him with a smile.
After turning off the water, she puts down the hose and greets him with a kiss.
"Just bills?" she takes the envelopes out of his hand.
"And another letter from your parents," Max says just as she flips to the envelope with her old address written on it. "Are you going to read it?".
Sighing, Jordan shakes her head, "no, I'll just put them with the other ones."
Walking away from her parents wasn't at all difficult. When she was in rehab. Jordan expressed her desire to be honest with her parents about how they chose to be her managers versus her parents and how it affected her.
Instead of getting comfort and encouragement, she got judged and demanded. They treated her like a money maker rather than their daughter. She tried having family therapy with them, and they just wouldn't or couldn't admit to being a culprit of what was so wrong with her.
Jordan didn't hate her parents. She had even forgiven them. Unfortunately, though, they just weren't healthy people for her to be around.
In her eyes, they decided what kind of relationship they wanted to have with her. Their letters could have been a way for them to reach out, but she wasn't ready to face them.
This was the happiest and most at peace she's been in her life, and she was afraid opening that door to her parents was going to ruin everything.
"I got you your Snickers," Max gestured to the bag it was in.
While Jordan fished for it, he looked up, noticing the gray clouds suddenly coming in. "I think it's gonna rain."
"A Snickers and rain, it must be my lucky day," smiled Jordan.
She ripped open her candy bar, and Max whistled for the dogs as they headed up the porch.
The moment they reached the top, thunder crashes, and rain begins to pour out of the sky.
Jordan shook her head as they took in the relaxing view. "I watered the plans for nothing."
"Well, you looked hot doing it," Max made her blush.
She took a bite out of her Snickers as she let the dogs and Spot in first.
"Give me a bite," said Max.
"No," Jordan snapped with a smirk. "You were literally just at the store. Why didn't you get your own?"
"Because sharing is better," Max's response made her roll her eyes. "Come on, don't be like that."
"You know what, I'll share with you, but! You have to strip for me."
"Really, that's how we're doing this?"
"You better start stripping," Jordan took another bite out of her Snickers.
"Fine, I'll do you one better," Max put the groceries on the porch, kicked off his shoes, and took off his socks.
"What are you -"
Jordan shouldn't have been surprised when Max ran out in the rain - but she was. Even though he had proven to be a daredevil, she was never prepared for whatever crazy thing he would do or say.
She could not contain her laughter as she watched Max strip off his clothes, moving his hips side to side confidently.
The pouring rain made it look like a scene right out of a movie.
"Oh my god," she covered her mouth.
It wasn't until he was down to his underwear that he paused.
Max pointed to his boxers, raising his eyebrows at her.
"You win!" Jordan yelled. "You don't have to - and there go his boxers," she shook her head.
Max stood in the rain, butt as naked, and not the least bit embarrassed. He pushed his wet hair out of his face and bowed.
"Woo!" Jordan applauded.
With his drenched clothes in his hands, Max ran back up the porch, a wet, panting mess.
"You're crazy," Jordan held the Snickers out to him.
He takes a bite, "you know I never pass up a challenge or a chance to make you smile."
"Aren't I lucky?" Jordan grins and kisses him.
______
After dinner, Jordan and Max decided to lit the fireplace, put some blankets on the floor, and spend time with one another. It was one of their favorite things to do together. Max would bring out his guitar, strums some tunes, and sing a mixture of songs that he liked or wrote.
With their dogs and Spot lying around them, Jordan would sit beside Max and listen to him sing attentively.
Max missed music. He never complained, but Jordan knew that he missed the road. It was unfortunate because he knew that, deep down, the lifestyle wasn't healthy for him.
Most would assume that just because he got over his addiction that he wouldn't fall back, but Max knew in his heart that it was too overwhelming.
As much as he loved music, traveling, his fans, and bandmates, he was right where he needed to be and where he wanted to be.
No amount of fame could compare to his life with Jordan. As much as she was anti-fame from her own experience. She had expressed that if music was something he wanted to pursue again, she would support him.
But this life that they built together and away from the world wasn't something worth ruining - not to Max anyway.
As Max was strumming, he noticed that Jordan kept looking at the coffee table where her parents' letter was.
"You want to open it?" he asked her. "I'll read it with you."
Jordan shook her head, "then I'd have to read the rest."
"You seem like you want to read it."
"No, it's not that. I mean, I kind of do, but at the same time, I don't. I've been thinking about other things lately, and if I decide to let my parents back into my life, I just feel like they could ruin that."
Max stopped playing, the anxious look on her face causing him to worry. "Ruin what?"
Jordan gulped, looking away.
"You're scaring me, babe," Max put his guitar off to the side.
"I'm sorry," she pushed her curls behind her ear. "It's not that big of a deal, really."
"Tell me," he listened attentively.
"When I was in rehab and trying to get through to my parents about my issues, once I realized they weren't going to change, I decided that I didn't want to have kids. I was afraid that I'd end up like them. I've been pretty final about my decision. But it hasn't stopped my desire to be a mother. I've actually been going back and forth about it for a while now."
Max was surprised to hear about Jordan's desire to have a kid.
They've had the children talk, and Max was always open-minded about it. He would love to be a father, but at the same time, he didn't feel like he was missing out on something if he didn't.
Growing up, his desire to be a father was much stronger. But after rehab and realizing how messed up he was, he knew he wasn't exactly parent material.
You have to have many of your I's dotted and T's crossed, and that's never been the case for him.
He was in a better place to have a kid now, but it wasn't something he was trying to force, mostly since Jordan had made it clear she wasn't on the kids' train.
"You've been thinking about having a kid, and you didn't tell me?" Max pulled her closer to him.
"I didn't want to get your hopes if I wasn't serious. I'm still surprised that I even feel this way. I think it's stupid that I feel this way."
"Don't say that," Max held her hands. "How can you say that?"
"Max, I have body dysphoria and bipolar disorder. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed," Jordan explains with tears in her eyes.
"Only sometimes," Max shrugged. "You manage to fight through it most of the time."
"I know, but still I -"
"You can't be so hard on yourself, J," Max rubbed her arms. "You've come along way. You're not going to be a perfect parent, but it doesn't mean you can't be a good mother. People without mental disorders can be horrible parents."
"I know that should make me feel better, but it doesn't," tears escaped her eyes.
"Hey," Max wiped her eyes. "It's not like you'd be parenting on your own. I'm right here with you, every step of the way."
"So, what are you saying? If I really want this, you're a hundred percent on board?"
"A hundred and ten," Max makes her smile.
They share a kiss, leaning their foreheads against each other.
"So, what does this have to do with your parents?" Max asked her.
Jordan pulls her head back. "My parents - they're a trigger for me. If I let them back in my life, I could backtrack. I could -"
"Hey," Max put an arm around her. "You were on your own, the last time you with your parents but not anymore. I wouldn't let them hurt you just like I wouldn't let anybody else. But you know what?"
Jordan raised a curious eyebrow.
"You changed, and so could they. It's not like you have to call them up tomorrow and make amends. We don't have to invite them over for dinner. You can start small, see where their heads might be," he gestured to the letters.
Jordan stared at the letters nervously.
"I'm thirsty," Max kisses her on the temple. "You want something?"
"No, I'm okay," she stayed put as he got up and headed toward the kitchen.
Max was right - the least she could do was start small.
And the reality was, there was never really a "good" time to face your past and the people that hurt you. It was now or never.
While it was scary to face her parents. It was even more terrifying to think of them dying and her losing a chance to make amends or even have a better relationship with them.
Jordan sighs, mustering up some courage.
One thing for sure, it didn't matter what happened between her and her parents - she was going to be a mother someday.
And one of the few lessons she wanted to teach her child was forgiveness and giving second chances. But she couldn't do that unless she went through it herself.
"Start small," she gulped, swiping the letter off of the coffee table.
With the racing of her heart, she tore it open and began to read.