"Blue! We have to go!" Kylo shouted as he sprinted into his quarters from the meditation room. Pulling on layers of cowls and cloaks in preparation for the freezing temperatures on Ilum, he cursed himself for not choosing to leave sooner. After Sidious had revealed his plan and Kylo had witnessed what his former master could do to Rey in her darkness, he had turned to meditation in search of the right answer. His mother had given him the only answer he needed.
You already know what you have to do.
He did. Rey was in very real, immediate danger. He had warned Rose not to go to Ilum, but he knew his bondmate. She would not heed his warnings; he could sense it with everything in him, because he wouldn't have heeded the warnings either. Kylo refused to stand by and do nothing anymore. He didn't care if Rey hated him, he had to find her before the First Order did—at all costs. Every threat that Rey faced was his fault and he wouldn't allow her to suffer for his failures. He would protect her from the First Order. He didn't know how he would do it yet, but for the first time in years, he had hope. His hands shook as he struggled into his boots, partly in exhilaration for the choice he had made, partly in fear of how Rey would react when she discovered his plan.
In order for her to discover his plan, however, he would have to create something resembling one first. He needed something more than "find Rey," at least. Certainly, he could have used his power to intervene. Theoretically, he could do everything he needed to do to protect them from the safety of the Finalizer. Every single trooper could be moved off-planet by his order. They would have to pull out of the entire sector if he commanded it to be so, and he could go alone to intercept her on-world. But he would have to trust that Hux would not follow him, and he would have to leave her to go back to the First Order eventually. He could hold off the First Order until he fell to mutiny, and hope it would be long enough until she escaped. Kylo found that he didn't want to return to the First Order. But he could give them the information they needed to destroy the Finalizer and Force Destiny with it. Rose was right. One day, what he could do from this side would not be enough, and his mother helped him realize that time had come.
It had been his missteps and mistakes that had led them to that very real nightmare. But Sidious's misstep had been using Rey against him; apparently his former master hadn't learned the first time. At some point since Crait, protecting her from the evil he helped create had become his only reason to stay. Rose was right, his mother was right, Rey was right... he was only fooling himself in his belief that he could protect her as Supreme Leader. The moment he had realized he could no longer protect her from the First Order was the moment his conflict ended. With that newfound understanding, he left his quarters without a backward glance.
Kylo had no reason left to stay, he knew that, but he still stopped short at the end of the corridor. Blue nearly ran into him as he struggled to take the next step. He had a choice. The droid stared up at him but didn't say anything, somehow understanding the significance of Kylo's thoughts. Hesitating in the center of the corridor, he looked back and forth between the two directions. One way led to the bridge to command the troops, the other led to the hanger. Each had dire, irrevocable consequences. Could he do this? Could he give up everything he fought for—everything he sacrificed for? The idea of it still caused a tightness in his throat.
He made his decision.
Kylo turned in the direction of the hangar, and Blue followed beside him obediently, the droid's domed head swiveling back and forth between Kylo and their destination. There was no turning back from this; he was choosing to commit the worst kind of treason. There was an exhilaration building in his chest to finally be free of all of it.
He would have to escape off the Finalizer, find Rey on Ilum, give her the information to destroy the Finalizer, ensure her escape, call the Knights of Ren to his side, and prepare for war. This focused relentlessness was the most dangerous aspect of his personality; he knew that. It made him desperate, obsessive, and unpredictable in his determination. He would let no one stand in his way. For once, it would be an asset for the Resistance. Nothing was guaranteed; there were infinite ways it could go sideways, yet he hadn't expected the next two words:
"Supreme Leader!"
It was the last man he wanted to see. Along with the typical irritation, an indiscernible disquiet swiftly became impossible to ignore. "Not now, General!" Kylo shouted back at the man, but it wasn't convincingly authoritative. He could hear the fear in his own voice. Kylo continued down the corridor with Blue by his side, trying his best to ignore Hux scurrying behind him. He tried to present the air of a man who had more significant preoccupations than his soon-to-be former general's desires. The most urgent and consequential was contemplating a plan to escape a floating city armed to the teeth with weapons, in hyperspace, as the highest-ranking—and therefore least inconspicuous—person on the ship. A thousand possibilities flooded his mind, none of which were favorable.
I would be defenseless in the command shuttle. It is not suitable for evasive maneuvering from the TIE fighters that would inevitably be sent to dispatch me. Although its deflector shields would be a welcome advantage. Can I make it to Ilum in the TIE Silencer? I would at least have a chance once I'm out of range of their laser cannons. The TIE fighters would be no match. It has a decent hyperdrive, theoretically, I could have just enough to make it to—
"Ren!" The general shrieked. Kylo's internal thought process was interrupted. He turned toward Hux incredulously.
"What!?" Kylo shouted, throwing his arms out dramatically. "Is this about your efforts on Barkhesh? Have you found them?"
"Yes."
Kylo would have continued the tirade had his growing disquiet not fastened upon the word, evolving into full-blown panic. He froze, turning to face his general. No, it's impossible. He didn't have the strength to ask the question that carried consequences beyond either of their imaginations, but his general answered as if he had. "An unlikely informant has provided the location of the Resistance. There has been confirmation of the Millennium Falcon in the 7G sector. We have adjusted the course to intercept. What are your orders?" The new development changed everything...instantly. It was too late to abandon the Finalizer and find Rey before she was discovered. His greatest fear was realized. The First Order had found her first. It was time for a new plan...her life depended upon it.
"Patience, General," he said with a calm he certainly didn't feel. "Do not intercept. The light freighter can and will easily outmaneuver this Star Destroyer, despite whatever foolproof plan you have conceived. Pursue the freighter until it lands. I will secure them on the planet's surface. We take the prisoners alive."
"Yes, Supreme Leader," Hux smiled, "We finally have the girl responsible for the assassination of Snoke within our grasp. For such a powerful Jedi—who defeated you twice and killed your master and his elite guard single-handedly—she made a foolish decision returning to the 7G sector. She must be headed for Starkiller."
"Foolish, indeed Hux." Her fatal mistake wasn't heading to the remains of Starkiller, however. There was nothing left after what the Resistance had done to it, though, in the scheme of ill-advised ideas, returning to a ball of plasma still made more sense than landing on the First Order's largest mining operation in the galaxy's most wanted ship. Why of all the planets in the entire galaxy, Rey, did you choose Ilum?
He stood staring, lost to his frenzied thoughts. The general stepped closer, his smile growing wider. "Anything else?"
"We must prepare for war," he said distantly. "Reinforce the bridges. We must ensure that none of the anarchists can override a bridge in lockdown from the outside or enter once emergency procedures have been activated. All lockdown controls must be accessible on the bridge only."
For once, the general did not question his motives. "Yes, sir."
Kylo watched the general retreat back down the hallway with a confidence he wished he could possess. Kylo knew what it meant for his chances. In every game of Dejarik, there came a single move—one moment—when the opponents turned the last corner to the endgame. Kylo remembered that confidence when the road to victory was all but assured...and the fear and disillusionment when defeat was inevitable. He had seen other players hold onto hope and denial until the bitter end, but not him.
Kylo saw the moves before him now. Every scenario left him with the same conclusion; the First Order would win, they would reincarnate Sidious, and the Resistance would fall. But he couldn't stand by and watch it inevitably unfold. He would fight certainty, he would try to find hope when there was none, but he would need help. In his panic, he didn't even move out of the corridor – and out of the sight of others who could easily walk around the corridor and discover them. Closing his eyes, he found her.
Rey.
The bond pulled taut between them, and he waited in anticipation for her to appear. He knew she was angry with him, but this was beyond either of them. If she wanted to scream, he'd let her. If she refused to talk, so be it. But he wouldn't stop until she knew the danger lurking behind her.
Rey appeared in the corridor, appearing just as much as she did when he saw her last, except she had changed her clothes. Her trousers were black, her tunic dark grey, her hair still pulled back in the braid. Kylo knew she would be angry, but he wasn't prepared for the darkness he found when she turned and her eyes met his. The voice inside him was screaming the words he needed to tell her, but they stuck in his throat.
He had seen her dressed like this once, in a vision, when she listened to Sidious. From the moment he touched her hand on Ahch-To, he knew the key to her darkness was her parents. Clearly, so did Sidious. But no matter how far she fell into darkness, he knew she wouldn't join that monster. She knew what Sidious had done to him. If there was one certainty he believed, it was that Rey would never willingly serve that creature. Even in her darkness, she was too good. He didn't care what the vision had shown him; he knew that much. Despite his confidence, he was still paralyzed with fear that their paths had taken them one step closer to the realization of that destiny.
"Rey..."
She raised her hand, demanding his silence. Her eyes first focused on the wound above his eyebrow then trailed down to his side. "Let me see your wound." Kylo had already forgotten the injury her friend had helped heal, but he acquiesced. Her request was better than drawing her weapon, even if it was entirely unnecessary. Without a word, he lifted his tunic, revealing the partially healed skin. "Good," she said with a nod, "Then I can shut out this bond with a clear conscience."
The panic released the fettered control he held over his emotions. He knew she would never forgive him for what he had done to protect her, but he wasn't expecting this. She hated him. "Rey, wait—"
She shook her head and stepped back out of his reach. "No." A tear escaped down her cheek, but she stayed resolute. "You need to stay as far away from me as possible."
"Please! Don't shut me out again," he begged as he grabbed her arm and forced her to stay with him, just a moment longer. He knew she was angry with him, but he told her he would leave. How could she abandon him now? Why wouldn't she look him in the eye? If this was truly what she wanted, why was her energy suffocating with pain? "You can't go to Ilum, the First Order—"
"You have no right to tell me what to do," she snapped, but there was not the venom he expected behind those words. She ripped her arm out of his grasp. Her eyes wouldn't meet his desperate stare. He could almost hear the words she implied, not while you still stay with them.
Chewing his lip, he reluctantly shook his head. He wanted to leave, he had tried to, but... "I can't leave...not yet."
"And I can't do this, I'm not strong enough. I can't even look at you! It hurts too much," she said. "Why can't you just be angry like before? I kept secrets from you remember? I almost killed you." Rey backed away from him and turned. Their bond was in shatters, she was trying to shut him out, and he was to blame. If that was his punishment for trying to protect her, then so be it. He wouldn't apologize, not for that. He would do it again in a heartbeat. She wanted him to be angry with her, angry enough that he would shut her out as well, but he wouldn't make it easy for her.
With a stifled sob, Rey fled, but he couldn't let her shut him out yet. She was in danger. He would let her go if that was what she wanted, but not until he told her about what awaited her on Ilum. Before she could break the connection, he chased after her. "You don't understand," he shouted, "there was an informant, and—"
"Please, don't make this harder than it has to be!" she cried as she darted down another corridor, attempting to escape him.
Kylo knew he was risking a physical reaction, but he wouldn't stop until he knew she was safe. He used the Force to increase his speed and catch her, wrapping his arm around her waist to prevent her from fleeing. "You have to ditch the Falcon and disappear. They know where—"
"Let go!" she screamed, shoving him away with the Force. He collapsed to the floor in the corridor. She paused, blinking away tears. Why was there no anger in her eyes? Did she care so little that she felt nothing toward him? "You shouldn't be afraid of the Falcon or Ilum! You should be afraid of me!" Kylo wanted to tell her that her threats were ineffective against him. He knew she would never hurt him. Even if she did want to kill him, then he would let her. But he would never fear her.
Instead of jumping to his feet and giving chase, risking a violent altercation, he chose to stay and plead instead. He stood slowly, hands raised in surrender. Rey lifted her arm, and Kylo wondered if she would shove him with the Force again. He felt the familiar cloak of paralysis instead. "Fine, do what you have to do, shut me out, but, please, just listen first."
"I can't risk staying, I don't know what I'll do," she whispered, turning away from him with finality. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Rey, don't go to Ilum, you're flying right into—"
"Please, just stay away from me," she cried, fleeing in the opposite direction without looking back. Kylo flinched when the bond slammed shut, and the Force released him of its hold.
"You're flying right into their trap," he finished. That was it then; she had shut him out for good. Sidious had gotten exactly what he wanted. Well, not exactly. The creature had torn them apart, just as he had done to every other relationship in Kylo's life. The difference this time was Kylo wouldn't join him. He had Rey to thank for that. It was for the best – he convinced himself – that Rey shut him out. It meant she shut out his darkness as well. Kylo had to believe it was enough to keep her safe from Sidious' control. It would buy him more time. If he couldn't stop her from going to Ilum, then he'd wait and stop the First Order from capturing her instead.