Force Destiny

Darkness

Why are you going to Ilum? the voice taunted. You can feel the darkness inside you...Your crystal will be red... Everyone will know what you've done...You killed your parents... You will drag Kylo back to darkness with you... You will kill your friends... You will kill Kylo Ren... You will destroy everything you love...You will never be a Jedi... Stand by me...And become what you were meant to be.

There wasn't a word for the devastation Rey felt. Her entire life had been a lie. She had suffered through all of it, believing her parents would come back for her. It had been easier believing that they were still alive. Looking back, she didn't know why she had never questioned it. When she finally admitted to herself that they were dead, it had been easier believing it was an accident. They had left her, what reason did she have to question how they died? But when she finally did... it was even easier believing that the man she loved had done it in his darkness. As painful as it had been, it made sense... the universe had made sense when it was him. When she had believed Kylo had done it, she still knew who she was.

What kind of person did that make her? Not only had she killed her own parents, but she had believed – even for a moment – that Kylo had the capability of murdering her parents. She knew who he truly was; that was why she had allowed herself to fall in love with him. But she should have realized who she was. Everything that had happened since she left Jakku had proven she didn't know herself. She had looked to Finn and Han and Maz, even Luke, to show her. They had tried in their own ways. Her bondmate, however, had held the key the entire time. He allowed her to believe that she was more than the product of a hellish world even when he knew the truth. Now that she knew it wasn't him, it didn't make sense why the Force had trusted him. At the time, he had been her enemy. Why would the Force give him that leverage? Was she meant to fall, too?

She had killed her parents. She had killed her parents. They had abandoned her on a harsh planet with a horrible monster, but that didn't mean they had deserved to die. Maz had tried to warn her that her belonging was not with her family. Luke tried to warn her of her darkness. Kylo had believed she would turn when he saw that vision. They had all warned her in their own ways; she should have known. But now she felt like the old Rey was dead, and in her place was a monster.

You will never be a Jedi... It wasn't a lie. She could never be a Jedi. Luke was right about her, Kylo was right about her; she went straight to darkness. Maybe that was why she was connected to Kylo, maybe she was fated to fall to the dark side all along. And when she inevitably fell, there would be no one to stand against the Dark Army. Everyone she loved would die, just like her family. Why had she ever believed she could save them? Why had she held such blind hope? She was nothing. Nobody. Just a monster who killed her parents. That was her place in all this.

You will drag Kylo back to darkness with you... She had shut him out after she had killed her parents, sentencing him to suffer alone. She was the reason he had fallen. If she had never joined the war, Han Solo would have never gone with Finn to Starkiller. Kylo would have never been forced to kill his father. Han Solo would still be alive. If she had never left the Resistance, she would have stopped Poe from his mutiny, and Leia would have had the chance to get the treatment she needed. Leia would still be alive. If Rey hadn't gone to the Supremacy and left Kylo, he would have never stormed the base on Crait. Luke wouldn't have been forced to confront him; Leia would still have her brother and the galaxy their hero. Everything she had done had only ever pushed Kylo further from turning.

And he had been turning. When he faltered, it had ultimately been her doing. It had been her words, her actions, her struggle that kept him immersed in darkness. Her secrets had pushed him right back into the clutches of the creature that had tortured him for years. By dragging him from that nightmare, she had only delayed the inevitable. Now that they were separated, he had no reason not to join Sidious. In trying to remain neutral between him and her friends, she had given Sidious everything he wanted. In trying to help him, she had sentenced him to die as Kylo Ren. Now he would die as the leader of the Dark Army.

The darkness was like a thousand needles, poking at her senses, demanding entry. What was the point in fighting it? She had pled with the Force to tell her who she was; this was it.

You will destroy everything you love... She would. No, she wouldn't; she already had. It was too late. Hope was gone. The Dark Army would slaughter the Resistance. Poe would fight until the end, doing whatever was necessary to save the galaxy, but it wouldn't be enough. Rose would be brave in the face of death, but it wouldn't save her. Finn would protect the ones he loved, but she would lose him, just as she had lost Leia, Luke, and Han. There was no saving them, because she had assured their fates. There was no saving Kylo. They would kill each other, and it would all be because of her.

Her thoughts raged around her, but she refused to let them out into the Force; she knew how dangerous that could be. So she allowed more darkness in to soothe them.

You killed your parents... You will kill your friends... You will kill Kylo Ren... Was this what the vision had tried to show her? Would she be the reason Finn was dead under that blanket? Would she be burdened with stopping her bondmate? Or... would she kill him when he tried to stop her? The darkness devoured her fear with rapacious need. The terrible claws of a monster found her in her darkness—she had felt it once before, in the throne room on the Supremacy, in the whispers in the darkness, in Kylo's nightmare.

Sidious.

Visions not her own subjugated all her other thoughts. It began with the memory of her destroying the ill-fated ship, killing her parents over and over again with relentless brutality. New images of her parents screaming as the ship ripped apart, their horrifying deaths, their decomposing bodies in the sands overtook her senses. She remembered witnessing Kylo's psychological torture in his memories. Distantly, she knew it wasn't real, but it didn't help that it all felt real. She couldn't shut her eyes, she couldn't plug her ears, she couldn't turn away from the sickening images. It became her only reality.

The torment transformed from the past to the future—the death of her friends by her own hand. She could sense the vibration of the crackling red lightsaber in her fist, see the terror in her friends' eyes, hear the agony in their screams. She could smell the iron in the blood that stained the corridors of the Millennium Falcon, and the burning of tissue as the plasma blade met the resistance of their skin. She could feel the stickiness under her feet, the weight of their broken bodies, the unnatural chill of their skin.

Rey dropped to her knees, her fingernails clawing into her hair as she watched herself kill her friends in increasing ruthlessness. At first, the feel of the floor underneath her knees and the drag of her nails against her skin was grounding, but even those sensations dulled after an immeasurable amount of time. An hour, maybe? A year? Time didn't exist there. There was no past or future. She screamed until her throat burned and clung to that last thread of reality. She knew all too soon the pain would fade, and she would be lost in helplessness against the endless onslaught of images. "Please make it stop," she begged the room, and when her prayers went unheeded, "Please let me die." The darkness held her prisoner; she was all alone.

Sidious had won.

"Rey!" she heard distant voices screaming her name, could feel real hands shaking her shoulders, but all she could see were the depraved images of her friends' deaths. Finn was choking on his own blood. Rose's neck was twisted into an unnatural position, though it was a better fate than Poe's, who was left with a burned, smoking hole where his eye had once been. It didn't matter if she could hear voices screaming for her, the death before her was her only reality. Soon those screams transformed to match the images in her head. She squeezed her eyes tight in a futile attempt to shut it all out. Her mind vaguely registered her bondmate's energy in the Force, drowning in darkness, as the screams of her friends were silenced. There was a snap in the Force, and then it all disappeared.

Rey didn't know how long she had been unconscious, but she sensed that she was no longer on the Millennium Falcon. She pushed through damaged, broken thoughts as she tried to remember what had happened. Cautiously, she blinked her eyes open. The depraved images were gone, but she couldn't find it in her to feel relieved. She was kneeling in a room she had never seen before, but, somehow, she knew what the machine was... Force Destiny. The utilitarian design of the room left her with no doubt; Kylo had come for them, her friends had been captured and they had been dragged onto the Finalizer. She couldn't find it in herself to feel anything. What did it matter now?

There was a large circular platform hovering over a pit in the center of the room. On the platform sat a Kyber crystal, submerged in a pool of bubbling dark liquid. A black obsidian ring was set atop the flat surface of the crystal. There were... brown boots in the liquid. Her eyes followed the boots up to a pair of muscular legs clad in grey trousers. They trailed further up to the body shackled to the vertical platform of the machine. The two circular rods surrounding the platform spun in intersecting arcs around the body, creating a blue sphere of Force around it. The rods spun so quickly that they became a blur, obscuring the identity of the person strapped to the machine. Each rotation created a humming sound that grew louder as the machine increased speed. All at once, there was a bright blast of light.

It reminded her of the moment that had been replaying relentlessly in her mind; the moment she killed her parents. She had been distracted by the machine– and for one fleeting instant – she had forgotten what she had done. It was a mistake she would swiftly rectify; she would never allow herself to forget it again. Rey allowed the darkness to flow inside uninhibited. She didn't want to feel the pain anymore. The Force, however, had other ideas.

A pneumatic hiss jerked her attention to the machine before her. The circular arms had stilled in their rotation, the bubbles had ceased, and as the black pool settled, the room grew deathly silent. The darkness abandoned her as she looked upon the body secured in the restraints. His arms were shackled, his jacket-clad torso strapped to the platform. His face was obscured as his head hung forward lifelessly, but she knew without a doubt that he was her best friend. The numbness faded as soul-rending grief tore through her body.

"Finn!" she cried, jumping across the pit to the platform before the walkway extended. With shaking hands, she untethered the straps and restraints with the Force. His body fell forward, but she caught him, supporting his full weight as she eased him to the floor of the platform. As she accessed the Force to feel for a pulse, his head tilted back into the light, illuminating his face. Rey cried out in anguish. She didn't need the Force to know he was dead. The once bright, kind eyes of her best friend – her brother – were clouded and unseeing. All she could do was scream until her throat burned as sharply as the rage that was building inside her.

A movement behind her startled her. She turned, hot tears blurring her vision, as her bondmate – clad in full First Order regalia – dragged a body she didn't recognize across the walkway to the machine. He chuckled darkly through his mask as he strapped and shackled the body to the machine, ignoring her as if he couldn't see her, feel her, hear her agonized screams. Perhaps he did, he just didn't care. She turned back to Finn, dragging him across the walkway as Kylo worked to restart the machine. "Why didn't you leave!?" she screamed at the man she loved as she cradled her best friend lying lifeless in her arms. "Why didn't you come with me!"

Though he had broken her heart with the secrets he kept, though the darkness had convinced her it was hopeless, Rey had never imagined this was where it would end. She had been angry, she didn't understand why he had lied to her, she needed time to think, but she never thought he would do this. As broken and bereft as it would leave her, she had to accept that this was the path Kylo had chosen. It was over; she was too late to save him and now her friend had paid the ultimate price. Why hadn't the Force awoken her earlier? Would there have been time, if she had found a way to stop it? Had she been given the chance to save Finn and stood idly by as the machine took his life?

"How did this happen, Ben?" she screamed at the man who continued to ignore her. She reached forward to touch Finn's face, to prove to herself it was real. His eyes were bruised, and his lip was split open. It was clear that he had fought until his last breath. Her next words directed toward her bondmate were broken by sobs. "I don't know who you are anymore... Kylo Ren, Ben Solo... I don't care what you call yourself; you're not the man I thought you were."

The machine whirred behind her, and her hopes shattered. Even when she had discovered that he was tracking her friends, she had believed that he wouldn't hurt them. Even when he had been seconds away from kneeling before the monster, she had believed that he wouldn't join Sidious. SH had been so singularly focused on helping him escape that the consequences of their fallout had never crossed her mind.

Another glimpse of Finn's unseeing stare made her stomach roll. She tried not to look at it, but her gaze was drawn there with sickening magnetism. Shutting her eyes, she tried to force the image away, but it was burned into her retinas. Her eyes snapped open at the sound of another hiss from the machine. She turned to see Kylo, still refusing to acknowledge her as he unstrapped the other man from the restraints. Unlike her best friend, this man was alive.

"I told you, didn't I?" The man said. It wasn't until his eyes turned to burn into hers that she understood he was speaking to her. They were a stranger's eyes, yet there was something terrifyingly familiar about them. "Kylo Ren belongs to me, one way or another."

Her voice broke on a sob. "Sidious."

"Palpatine... Sidious... Snoke... this man was called Ka'tel," he stepped forward and slid the black ring onto his finger. "Does the name matter?"

"Like 'Ben?'"

"Ben was weak," the creature sighed as if the conversation bored him. "I found him, I saw his potential, he was nothing without me. I created Kylo Ren. After turning him against his family, only you stood in my way. A nothing girl from his dreams who killed her parents. You defeated him – left a permanent reminder of his failure – it should have been simple to convince him to destroy you. I encouraged the connection, I forced him to face your wrath, I showed him that you would never stand by his side. I felt your darkness, I could have easily manipulated your fall, but I did everything in my power to guarantee that you remained his enemy. I knew you could turn him against me, but I never thought I'd fail to turn him against you."

"I paid for that misstep with my life," he said, stepping closer.

"He even remained steadfast in his compassion for you long after you left him on the floor of that rebel base. You had his uncontestable loyalty. But I should thank you; because of you, I found the World Between Worlds. And as I wait for the future I was promised through those portals, you have been everything I could have hoped you would be. In your darkness, you broke his devotion to you all on your own. You helped Kylo Ren sever his pathetic hold on the light. Unlike the rest of his inferior bloodline, he will be more powerful than you can ever imagine. The cursed weakness of the Skywalkers' sentiment ends with him."

"You did it, okay?" she sobbed. "You took everything from me – you took him from me– what more do you want? To show me what I've lost?" From somewhere behind her, Rey heard Rose's screams. She knew her friend would be next to meet her fate in that machine. It wasn't too late for Rose. Rey could stop it, stop him. He had made his choice, could she make hers? Could she end his life to save her friend?

Rey stood, shaking as she suppressed a sob. She took her place between that monster and her bondmate, even if it was too late to protect him as she had promised. The darkness swelled around her. "No, you don't want to show me anything. You want me to make an impossible choice! And I'll do it..." she said, gasping in a shuddering breath. She turned to watch Kylo drag Rose into the room. She hoped her friend wouldn't see her lifeless fiancé at Rey's feet. "But when I do, I'll know that all of this is your fault. You killed Finn and you'll kill Rose too! You should be the one that pays for it, not them, not him!"

"I didn't do anything. I gave him a choice; he made it," Sidious responded, stepping even closer in challenge. Rey knew she would have to kill her bondmate, but she decided right then that she would kill Sidious first. She didn't have a weapon, but she knew what weapon would respond to her call. The lightsaber hit her palm before her hand had fully extended. It felt familiar in her hand now. Fear exploded from her bondmate's energy, piercing through the darkness. She grasped onto that bond between them, surprised that he hadn't shut her out. Despite what he had done, it was her last source of comfort.

Rey considered the weapon in her hand; she intended to add to the lives it had taken. The creature's eyes flicked down to Kylo's lightsaber as if he dared her to use it against him. "Kill me, kill him, then what?" he chuckled. "Go back to Jakku? There's no future for you; you're no Jedi."

"Shut up!" she screamed. With the wind of darkness howling through her, she swung the lightsaber at Sidious with powerful ferocity. She continued to scream as she slashed and thrust the blade at him, but his new body was agile enough to escape the deadly blows with ease. He laughed wickedly as she fought with all her might to kill him. It was futile; if the blade landed too close, he used the Force to still her blade.

"Stop!" he commanded. Something sparked inside her with his words, something was different. Had she sensed something in him? Was it... fear?

Rey changed tactics. With her hand wielding Kylo's lightsaber, she used the other to push him backward with the Force. One lucky strike knocked him off balance before he could block it, and she grazed his side with the unstable blade. "Murderer!" she screamed as she backed him across the walkway and into the Kyber crystal. Before she could run him through with it, he had manipulated the activation switch, triggering the plasma back into its housing. It only served to fuel her anger. "You took... everything... from me!"

"Don't do this, Rey," he said. Her hand nearly dropped the weapon in her agitation. Something about it felt terribly wrong, but she couldn't think past her rage. Flashes of eyes – cruel in a monster, unseeing in her best friend, and warm in her bondmate over the last few connections – drowned all her other thoughts, feeding the hatred for this man. She would kill him for what he had done.

She jammed the hilt into his abdomen. "I won't stop until I kill you."

"Don't," he warned again. "Don't do this." Except... maybe it didn't sound like a warning, maybe it sounded more like a plea. When had Sidious ever begged? Her hand moved to the trigger of her bondmate's weapon, but his finger found it first. He pushed it back to prevent her from igniting it.

There was only one way she would spare his life. No matter what Kylo had done, she knew she couldn't take his life. If Sidious gave Kylo back to her, they could heal Finn, they could save Rose, everything would be okay. "Give... him... back," she demanded.

The creature looked past her to blastdoor. "He's right outside the door," he told her with a conniving smile, and she knew the creature had every intention of deceiving her. "If you put down the lightsaber then–"

"Give him back!" she demanded, knowing undoubtedly that he wouldn't.

"Put it down," he said, gesturing to the lightsaber, "and I will." Rey narrowed her eyes in challenge. The monster stared at her for a moment, but she never held hope he would consider it. He had exactly what he wanted; he didn't fear her or death, he had nothing to lose. "No," he said finally, "I won't do it.

Rey clenched her fist and cut off his airway with the Force. He didn't fight back. As he collapsed to his knees in the pool of dark liquid, his blue eyes stared her down, almost as if he were goading her to finish it. She pressed her finger forward on the switch, waiting for him to lose consciousness so she could deliver his fate at the end of her blade. But something felt... off. His struggle, the defiant tilt of his chin, the flutter of his eyes was too familiar. It brought her back to Kylo's memories, when he had suffered by the wrath of this man. As he struggled for air, the man lifted his hand to touch her cheek.

His attempt to touch her as he had in the throne room jolted her into action. Rey allowed the darkness in, blocking everything else out. She cried out into the room as she pressed the ignition switch and thrust her lightsaber forward. It met slight resistance before her hands forced the blade through the man's chest. Her heart did not soar with victory, however. She had killed Sidious; she should have felt relief, or peace, or happiness, or anything other than the foreboding shiver that had broken through the rage.

Something wasn't right.

The man stared at her with a softness in his eyes that was inconsistent with those of a monster. She focused closer on those eyes as he struggled for breath. The blade had clearly done extensive damage to his lungs and his ability to breathe was compromised. It would be a swift death. The Force was screaming around her, but he was weaponless, as was her bondmate who she only just remembered was just outside the room. Rey glanced over her shoulder toward the door, but she was distracted. There was something different about the room, something not quite right, and it only added to the growing dread that had become impossible to ignore.

She turned back to the monster whose life was fading into the Force. As she searched his eyes, there was a flash of something in them like a glitch in the flight simulator back on Jakku. Fear prickled across her skin. There was something disastrously wrong.

In her panic, her eyes darted around the room as it shifted from Force Destiny to the Millennium Falcon indiscriminately. Was this real? She focused on the man's eyes again; there was something... something familiar about them. Then they flashed from blue to brown to blue again. It was a split-second slip, but that understanding changed everything. This wasn't real, or if it was, it wasn't as it first seemed. She hadn't killed Sidious in Force Destiny on the Finalizer. She wasn't certain she was on the Finalizer at all. What had happened?

Rey focused on the man's eyes, waiting for another change in them. She knew that strange glitch held the answer. She didn't have to wait long. The blue veil slipped and revealed those brown eyes again, and this time, she was painfully aware of who they belonged to.

"Ben?"

The illusion faded instantly with her words. It was as if a blindfold had been removed; the man transformed before her eyes as his knees gave out underneath him.

No!

Even without the familiarity of his soulful eyes, raven hair, and smattering of freckles and moles, she would recognize his powerful energy anywhere. She didn't know how Sidious had done it, but she knew what that creature had done. What she had done. Rey caught Kylo as he collapsed backward, sliding down the Kyber crystal and into the liquid. She helped him to his back in the shallow pool.

She pulled at his clothes frantically, doing more harm than good as she moved him. Not that it would have mattered; the rational part of her knew it would be fatal. The wound was bleeding—why was it bleeding?—settling in a pool on the floor. He smiled as he stared up at her, his hand grasping hers as she hopelessly tried to stem the flow.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "Stay with me, please." Kylo tried to say something, but a heavy gasp trembled from his lips instead. His eyes fluttered closed, and his body went limp. No goodbye, no words for her to hold onto. Just like that, he was gone.

"No!" She pounded on his chest as she had done after he was wounded on Concordia, but she knew it was too late. "Come back!"

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Kylo stared down at the large Kyber crystal in the shallow pool of black liquid of Force Destiny. The crystal shimmered in the low light, cast in a red glow by his lightsaber. Kylo was numb, mostly, and he presumed he was still in shock after their confrontation – after he had discovered the truth. Either it was shock, or he had already felt every emotion possible since he was dragged into that nightmare, and there was simply nothing left to feel. It had crushed his fragile heart - something he thought had been destroyed years before. He wished it had been. That nightmare had been the worst torture he had ever faced, because the consequences were real. Now as he contemplated what needed to be done, he felt nothing. This was where his feet had led him after he awoke from that nightmare, because Sidious had revealed to him the only way to destroy the machine.

Sidious.

The monster who had tormented him his entire life was alive. Kylo should have felt... something; it was his worst fear realized. If his entire life couldn't be summarized by his worst fear being realized, then perhaps he would have at least felt the impending doom. But he felt nothing, because deep down he had always known he would never be free of it. Inevitably, he would feel the revolting touch of Sidious's energy in his mind again. Once he refused to lead Sidious's Dark Army, his former master would likely control him through his darkness, and then there would be nothing left of him. Commanding the Dark Army—it was everything Kylo had once wanted; it was what he had sacrificed everything for. Power. Even if he genuinely trusted that Sidious would keep his word, he didn't want it anymore. The galaxy, power, immortality... it meant nothing compared with her.

After the secrets she learned, she would never trust him again. She had likely shut out the bond for good. He didn't regret it – choosing not to reveal who killed her parents. He could have used it against her, used it to encourage her fall to darkness. But as she cried in that throne room, angry that he wouldn't be the man she wanted him to be, for once, he had felt like he was doing the right thing. Clearly, she didn't share that sentiment, though she had kept far more dangerous secrets from him.

Rey had betrayed him. This time, it wasn't a choice made to protect the Resistance. He could forgive her for walking away in the throne room. He could forgive Kamino. He could forgive her intimacy with Dameron – his bitter enemy – as long as it was her choice then who was he to say who deserved her? He could forgive that she told her boyfriend about Force Destiny; it was something that could destroy the entire galaxy. If he failed, the Resistance would be the last – unlikely – line of defense to stop Sidious from returning.

What mattered was that Rey had lied about who had been manipulating her in the darkness. She could have killed him, or worse, she could have fallen to darkness. She could have died by his hand on Mustafar, because he didn't know what was waiting for him there. Sidious had nearly convinced him to join him again, and Kylo would have, if he thought it would protect her. Kylo was certain that if he stood by and did nothing, then Sidious would do everything in his power to force another confrontation. His former master would find a way to force Kylo's hand, either through coercion or mind control. That was how he found himself standing in Force Destiny. There was only one choice he had left to make.

Destroy Force Destiny.

Everything he had done to stop it had failed. Rey would never give him that text, especially not now. He was too immersed in light to use the holocron for help. It might as well have been a five billion credit rock. If he learned one thing other than Rey's betrayal, it was just how dangerous Sidious's return would be. Force Destiny had to be destroyed, and there was no other way to do it.

Kylo reversed his grip on the lightsaber and stretched his arms above his head, holding the weapon over the crystal, aiming the tip of the blade for its center. His former master's inevitable victory could not be prevented, but he could destroy Force Destiny and delay his return. Everything had a cost—a price to be paid, a sacrifice to be made. Though Sidious had not revealed the cost of destroying Force Destiny, Kylo knew. His own Kyber crystal carried enough energy to kill him if it destabilized any further. A kyber of the size in Force Destiny carried an incredible amount of energy, more than thousands of lightsaber-sized kyber crystals combined. The moment he plunged his weapon into the depths of the Kyber crystal used in Force Destiny, it would be akin to releasing a seismic charge in Weapons Development. With the other powerful weapons in development, there would be a chain reaction that would bring down the ship. Kylo, and everything in the near vicinity, would be vaporized.

Kylo hadn't found any value in his life... for a long time. Ever, maybe. Certainly, he had fallen prey to the instinctual drive to fight for survival. After fighting for his life in the confrontation with Luke – after facing death too many times to count only to be spared by the Force – he began to attach meaning to his death. He began to imagine a death worthy of the years the Force had left him alive in torment. His life may have never held value, but his death could. Maybe Rey wouldn't care if he was gone after what he had done, or maybe she still would. But this wasn't like Kamino; this wasn't a decision made in darkness. He would turn – perhaps not the way she wanted him to – but he would cripple the First Order long enough for there to be a few more decades of peace. His only regret was Blue would be a casualty. Kylo was grateful that droid was back in his chambers, completely unaware. His death would be nearly instantaneous.

Steadying himself, Kylo drew the strength of the Force inside him, prepared to thrust that energy into the center of the crystal. He held his blade over the living conduit of energy in the Force, wondering if there was an afterlife for someone like him. It would be easier, he thought, to cease to exist entirely – like a droid. There was peace in nothingness. Even in a moment of resolution, he wavered. There was always a weakness stopping him from making the right choice, but Kylo couldn't let the droid die. There were escape crafts. If he set the coordinates, he could send the droid to Bespin. Kylo was certain Blue would be safer with Lando than anyone else in the galaxy. His only fear was the attention the departure of an escape craft would draw.

Perhaps if he found Rey through the bond, one last time, she could take Blue. A book and a vial had passed between galaxies in their bond, perhaps a droid could as well. She hated him, but she was the most compassionate person he knew. He had to try. Lowering his barriers to the bond, he found that hers were already lowered as well.

He was met by a clawing, writhing sensation.

Then he heard her scream.

Ben!

He was sprinting to her before her form had fully appeared on the floor. Her hands were over her ears, clawing at her scalp. Her eyes were screwed shut, and she was screaming.

"Rey!" he called her, but there was not a flinch of recognition on her face. Prying her bloodied fingers from the side of her head, he shouted again. "What's wrong! Answer me!"

"Thank the stars! It worked!"

His stare jerked up at the sound of the voice, finding Rey's friend Rose across from him. In his fear, he had been so preoccupied with the sight of Rey on the floor, he hadn't noticed the other presence in the room. He didn't know anything about the woman, other than what he had learned in their two previous encounters. There was a possibility this was an attempt to lure him into a trap. Rey had said they planned to ambush him, and Dameron was well aware of his... sentiment for her... after their last confrontation. What better way to lure him in than with the implication that Rey was in trouble?

Only... Rey was in trouble, and she trusted this woman. It could end in his death, needlessly wasting their chance to destroy Force Destiny, but he chose to trust her as well. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" The fear in her voice could not be fabricated; this was no ambush. "I heard her screaming and found her like this. She won't talk to me; she's been crying and begging for it to stop. I didn't know if she could hear me, but I told her to call you over your Force thing and she did. I thought you would know – "

"Why didn't you leave!" Rey cried. Her eyes were open, staring at him, but her gaze was... distant. "Why didn't you come with me!"

He picked her up and held her tightly against him as if it was enough to protect her from her torment. "I told you I would, sweetheart. I don't understand... What's wrong?" It struck him then, that the name he called her—the same name his father called his mother—had somehow changed over their interactions from a sarcastic invective to a term of endearment. What's more, he couldn't find it in himself to care, not even when he knew how deeply she hated him. All that mattered was she needed him.

"How did this happen, Ben?" Rey was shaking in his arms. There was no doubt she was talking to him, but she wasn't talking to him. She was staring across the room as if she was talking to someone they couldn't see, as if he wasn't there. "I don't know who you are anymore... Kylo Ren, Ben Solo... I don't care what you call yourself; you're not the man I thought you were." He knew she hated him, he knew she wanted to shut him out, but this seemed... different.

Kylo raised his eyes to meet those of her friend. He didn't know what to do. What could he say? "Where are the others?"

Rose shook her head. "It's just Finn and Chewie with us. Chewie is asleep on the single bunk, and Finn is manning the cockpit."

"Okay, I need you to – " '

"Sidious," Rey whispered. It was only then that he noticed the thick, heavy darkness spilling over from her side of the bond. This time, he knew it wasn't all her darkness. At the touch of his former master's vile energy, he slammed up the barriers in his mind. He couldn't help her if Sidious was in his mind too. "I'll destroy him, Rey, I promise—"

"Like 'Ben?'" she asked sarcastically as she stood. Rose jumped to her feet in panic. Kylo languidly stood, acquiescent to the inevitability of the situation, but with no urgency to face the unavoidable confrontation. The way she said his name sent a shiver over his skin. He had destroyed 'Ben,' years before she had stumbled into his life, and had told her as much countless times. Was she only now understanding that truth?

The Force was alight in warning. She was drawing in the energy around her, preparing for a fight. He could contain an energy blast, but Rose could not. "Go," he commanded, but her friend didn't move.

"Rey? What are you doing?" Her shouts fell on deaf ears. Rey was lost in her darkness. "What's wrong with you?"

"Darkness," he rasped. He knew it all too well. Rey was strong, but this was stronger.

Her friend was brave; he'd give her that. Instead of fearing her darkness, instead of running away, she stayed. He had been wrong in the throne room. Rey truly had found her family. These people wouldn't abandon her as her parents did, they wouldn't fear her as... he had been feared. Rose's hand went to her tool belt. "How do we stop the darkness?"

"I don't know," he answered. It wasn't lost on him that she had said "we," that she seemed intent to put aside their differences to help her friend. She was at his side as if she trusted him, and he couldn't disappoint her. "I'll figure it out. Go."

"I'm not leaving," she said. Rose had the same stubbornness as Rey, the same drive to fight for the ones she cared for, but there was something Rey had that Rose didn't. The Force. Rose stood no chance against his bondmate.

It was difficult to determine where the exit was located on their side of the bond, but judging by the quick glance Rose made over her shoulder, it was likely behind them. Rey was standing with her hands clenched, eyes distant and glazed over, as the darkness pulsed around her. They couldn't just lock her in the room because they were on a ship. An explosive energy could critically disrupt the integrity of the vessel. In the vacuum of open space, that meant instant death. If he was going to have any chance of containing it, he couldn't risk any distractions, and injury to her friends was a very real potential complication. "I have the Force; you don't. Get out. Now."

Turning his back on Rey, but tracking her proximity in the Force, he reached for Rose's arm to direct her out of the room and was moderately surprised when his hand wrapped around her solid form. He knew he could touch Rey, but this confirmed that they could interact fully with each other's environments. The room faded from Force Destiny to the crew quarters on the Millennium Falcon, and he quickly found the exit. "Ben, I can help you," Rose protested, but he dragged her to the blastdoor.

When it opened, they both came face-to-face with her profoundly alarmed fiancé. Though Kylo assumed congratulations and the like were in order for their engagement—he had witnessed it after all—he highly doubted it was an appropriate time to offer them. The former Stromtrooper's gaze shifted from her to Kylo, down to Kylo's hand on her arm, and back up to Rose again. Kylo sensed Rey approaching, but his thoughts were jarred when a fist crashed into his face.

"Yeah, you're real," Finn said. Kylo blinked away blood; evidently, the wound on his browbone had been reopened. When his focus returned to Finn, the man's blaster was raised and aimed at Kylo in a respectably quick draw. "What the Hell is going on here?" Finn demanded. Kylo opened his mouth to shed light on the situation, but Finn gestured vaguely with the weapon, something that was achingly reminiscent of Han Solo. "No, not you," he growled and turned to Rose.

"Finn, I can explain..." Rose said, stepping closer to Kylo as if she intended to block him from blasterfire. Or at least, attempt to block him, as it was no easy feat with their height and overall size differences. That part didn't stick with him as much as the knowledge that she would try to protect her enemy from her fiancé. He knew it was for Rey's sake, not his own, but the gesture—while foreign—was curiously meaningful. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to ponder it further. Time was up; he couldn't keep his back turned on Rey.

"You better start, Rose, because that looks like Kylo Ren is on this ship, and there better not be Kylo 'scum of the galaxy' Ren on our– "

Kylo pushed into his frantic mind, severing Finn's connection to consciousness before he could finish his sentence. As Finn slumped to the floor, Rose turned to Kylo, horrified. "Ben, was that entirely –"

"You did it okay? You took everything from me," he heard behind him and turned to find his bondmate's stricken face.

"Rey I..." he started, but what was there to say? Rey hated him; she had made that much clear. He couldn't blame this entirely on what Sidious was doing to her. The darkness would lead to her inevitable violent reaction, but that didn't change that she didn't want him there. Would she allow him to help her? Not likely. If he thought she had a chance to battle it on her own, he would have left, but he couldn't leave her alone, not when this was all his fault.

"You took him from me," she continued. "What more do you want? To show me what I've lost?"

Kylo narrowed his eyes in confusion. Took who?

"Rey?" Rose asked from somewhere behind him. "Who did he take from you?"

Kylo glanced at her friend just outside the blastdoor. Rose was kneeling next to her fiancé... her unconscious fiancé. Was he who Rey believed Kylo had taken from her? Did she think he – "Rey, your friend is fine. I didn't kill him," he explained, turning to Rose for help.

He was grateful when her friend immediately chimed in, "He's asleep, Rey. He's snoring. Come see, he's –"

"No, you don't want to show me anything," Rey spat, nearly delirious in her anger. Her attention focused on him, but her eyes stared right through him. "You want me to make an impossible choice! And I'll do it, but when I do, I'll know that all of this is your fault. You killed Finn and you'll kill Rose too! You should be the one that pays for it, not them, not him!" He hadn't hurt her friend, but he knew she wouldn't listen. The darkness wrapped around her as the Force shuddered again in warning. She had saved him on Kamino and after Concordia, because she believed in him. Did she wish now that she had let him die? Would she kill him?

Kylo received his answer promptly. The only warning he was afforded was a sharp spike in the Force, and then his lightsaber was ripped from his belt. This time, there was no sense of admiration or betrayal as he had once felt when she had taken his weapon from him. All he could bring himself to feel was... resignation. The lightsaber ignited, and Rose withdrew her electro-prod from her toolbelt. But Kylo shut the blastdoor before the red plasma blade came down between them, nearly severing his arm. Locking the blastdoor with the Force, he pivoted to narrowly evade the blade a second time. "I didn't kill him, Rey!" he tried. "He's fine! Rose is fine! Don't listen to the darkness!"

"Shut up!" she screamed, as darkness howled through the room, surrounding them both. Rey's eyes were merciless as she swung at him again. He was for once grateful for Luke's teaching; he had never believed learning blocks in the Force against a lightsaber would ever come in handy. He had been impatient and frustrated, because he had wanted to focus on learning to wield the weapon itself. Now he admitted the training had its place, as he used small Force pushes to halt or redirect the blade.

Swinging her blade wide, she forced him to jump back. The blade caught his outer thigh in his distraction. Thankfully, it missed the major artery. He would take a cauterized lightsaber wound over a blaster shot any day. Realizing that he couldn't avoid a fatal wound if he faced her much longer, Kylo tried to wrap her with the energy around them to stall her movements. But she blocked his actions in the Force. Or Sidious had. "Stop!" he demanded, but his words and Force manipulations only seemed to incense her more.

"Murderer!" she screamed, channeling her rage into every swing, immersing herself fully in the darkness. The unstable blade barely missed his face as she swung again. When he used the Force to redirect her blade, she altered her strategy. One arm thrust the weapon at his abdomen, the other attempted to drag him forward with the Force. He succeeded in resisting it and avoiding the strike, but the situation had escalated to dangerous levels. He shook the blood from his eyes, which had begun dripping down his cheek to the floor. After a particularly alarming near miss, a blast of energy shoved him backward. He almost lost connection to her side of the bond, and his surroundings faded from her crew quarters to Force Destiny. He gripped the Force to regain balance, but the blade caught his side. He hissed in pain, but she was relentless in her attack. "You took... everything... from me!"

With wild swings, she backed him into the Kyber crystal at the base of Force Destiny. Before he took a direct hit to the heart, he manipulated the activation switch with the Force, triggering the plasma back into its housing. Rey stepped forward and pressed the hilt to his abdomen. "Don't do this, Rey." A flash of a vision replayed in his mind. Kylo feared this was it, this was what he had foreseen. Rey's dark, emotionless eyes stared up at him as her thumb found the activator switch.

She shoved the hilt more forcefully into his chest. "I won't stop until I kill you!" she assured him. The sharp edges of the crystal cut into his back.

"Don't," he murmured. "Don't do this," he tried to reason with her, hands raised in supplication. There was something that sparked in her eyes at the words, he thought for a moment he had broken through the darkness.

"Give...him... back."

Kylo attempted to slide away from her, but the Force held him in place. "He's right outside the door, if you put down the lightsaber then–"

"Give him back!" she demanded

"Put it down and I will!" he shouted back.

Let me in... Kylo Ren... a sickening voice whispered in his head. She is under my control... and mine alone... Lead my Dark Army...or she will...

Sidious.

"Rey, give me the lightsaber." Rose had reentered the room at some point; her fiancée was fortuitously missing. Though Rey needed to see him, Kylo didn't want to be there when he awoke. Rose continued to attempt to reason with her friend, but he ignored her pleas and spoke directly to his former master.

What about Rey?

If I have the last Skywalker...then I don't need her...do I?... If you want to protect her... what better way to do it... then with the strength of every powerful Force-wielder... who has ever lived?

Kylo shook his head. Sidious would never risk another betrayal. He didn't want Maul, or Bane, or Revan; he wanted their power. They would all be under his mind control, just as Kylo would be if he accepted. If Sidious truly needed a commander for his Dark Army, Rey was a better choice. With control over her, he could ambush the Resistance and end the war once and for all. If he was offering Kylo a choice, it meant he already intended to use her, and it was a trap...or this was not about winning the war. He guessed the latter. If Sidious wanted him, after everything he had done, it could only serve as a means of vengeance.

Sidious hated the Skywalkers. He wanted Kylo to command his Dark Army so he could control him. Kylo imagined it—surrendering to the power of his former master. He would have to prove his loyalty, most likely by reincarnating Sidious through Force Destiny. Kylo would be back under the creature's control—and in his grasp—but he would be given unimaginable power over the strongest Force-users that had ever existed. If Sidious was to be believed, she would be safe.

Maybe Kylo would have agreed, if the voice inside told him she would be safe. Sidious had said that if he had the last Skywalker, then he wouldn't need her. But Kylo wasn't foolish enough to believe Sidious would grant her freedom. He had proven that he feared Kylo's sentiment and would do anything to destroy his ties to everyone else. Kylo would have traded places with her in a heartbeat if he believed Sidious would keep his word. Kylo knew, however, that the moment he opened his mind, Sidious would use him to kill her. He also knew what Sidious would do if he refused.

"No," he finally managed, "I won't do it."

Worthless scion... your use to me has come to an end... I should have rid myself of your weakness long ago... Rey jammed the hilt harder against his abdomen. Her finger rocked forward to press on the activator, but his hand shot out for the switch. He pushed her finger backward off the trigger, overpowering her. If Rey wanted to kill him when she had control over her own mind, that was one thing, but he would do what he could to stop Sidious.

"Rey!" Rose shouted as the Force wrapped around his throat. He was well-acquainted with the feeling of hopelessness as his body screamed for air... nauseatingly so. Sidious knew he wouldn't fight back, because he could injure her in the process. He grasped onto the Force, not to use against Sidious—against Rey—but for the strength to immobilize his body and to hold on for as long as he could. There was a particular comfort in familiar pain. He recognized the burning in his lungs, the pulsing dots that twinkled through his vision, the thrashing of his heartbeat in his ears. It was predictable; there was the fading of the pain, then the slight sense of euphoria in his oxygen-starved mind. He knew when the darkness began to encompass his vision, that the shadow of unconsciousness was near. Of the brushes with fate he had avoided, and the fate he had delivered onto others, he knew it wasn't the worst way to die.

Rey cocked her head to the side as she drained his lifeforce. His free hand moved to cup her cheek, to try to silently break through the darkness in her. Those eyes—he didn't know how, but they weren't hers. There was more than darkness in them; there was something evil... but familiar. It was as if he was staring through her eyes and into Sidious's.

His own eyes burned, so he let them fall closed. He took solace in picturing Rey's sunlight eyes rather than the ones before him; the ones belonging to a monster. It would be a better memory to take with him into whatever came after. The pain subsided, and he knew it was over. At last, his fingers slipped off the activation switch. As he drifted into unconsciousness, he awaited the brief, concentrated pain he knew would come as the blade pierced through him.

There was a jolt of a body slamming into him instead. The cool relief of air flooded into his lungs and an involuntary coughing fit convulsed through him. Sound returned, as did the pain, and his eyes snapped open to screams. Rose was straddling Rey on the floor, attempting to pull the lightsaber from her grasp. Lifting his arm fatigued by oxygen deprivation, he used what limited control he had over the Force to immobilize Rey's movements. It was only temporary, but it gave her friend the chance to distance herself from her.

Kylo collapsed against the crystal as he steadied his breathing. His body begged for him for sleep, but he knew Rey needed his help. He couldn't leave her to battle Sidious alone. "Ben," his name brought his attention back to her friend. "I asked if you're okay." It was a question entirely foreign to hear from another person. Rose nodded to the burn mark on his tunic where the lightsaber had grazed him. "We have Bacta patches if you need –"

"It's just a flesh wound," he assured her as he gulped in painful breaths.

"What about that?" she asked, gesturing to his nose.

"It happens sometimes after the Force choking." He said, wiping the blood trickling from his nose. "It'll stop." There was a look in Rose's eyes that made him uncomfortable, something that made him feel vulnerable and exposed. Rose looked as if she would ask him something more, but she nodded her head instead. He was thankful she let it go.

"I'm so sorry!" Rey screamed in agony, breaking through the silence and her meager Force restraints. Her hands returned to her head as she clawed at her temples. "Stay with me, please!"

Kylo pushed himself to a stand, called the lightsaber to his hand, and secured it on his belt. Kneeling next to Rey, he turned to her friend. "I have to use the Force to go inside Rey's mind. I need you to take your blaster, set it to stun, and aim it at that door. If anyone comes through it, stun them," he directed, knowing she had zero cause to listen to him. "If they kill me, I can't help Rey."

Rose considered him and his momentous request. He knew what he was asking of her; she had no reason to trust a murderer as she aimed a blaster toward her own fiancé. She had no reason to allow her enemy to perform something on her friend that she couldn't understand, but she nodded anyway. "No," Rey cried. "Come back."

Kylo closed his eyes and pushed past her defenses and into her mind.

Just the touch of his master's revolting energy repulsed him; it took everything in him not to pull away. Steeling himself, he immersed himself in the darkness. This was no nightmare; he knew what torture she likely faced. He could feel her despair. He remembered the torture well. When the mind was convinced fantasy was reality, then reality became subjective. The hell Rey was suffering was her only reality. His entire body vibrated in fear as he pushed forward into her mind.

Kylo expected the barriers to be relatively simple to push through with the assistance of the bond. What he didn't expect, however, was the powerful shove with the Force. When he regained focus, he was on his back on the floor of Force Destiny, or perhaps it was the Millennium Falcon; it changed depending upon what part of the room he stared at. His breaths were shallow until the pain from his chest subsided; his muscles protested as he forced himself up. He attempted to press into her mind again but was thrown out even more forcefully than before. The ache hadn't fully subsided by the time he tried again, only to be shoved out with more strength than before. He groaned as he forced himself up again, his body shaking with the exertion. "I can't do it; she won't let me in."

He was never one to learn anything quickly, but he recognized when a change in tactic was needed. The question was, what else could he do? She wouldn't allow him to help her. He shifted to his knees beside Rey, who was still hopelessly unconscious, as he searched for the right answer; something that had never been easy to come by in his life.

Rose stared at him, horrified. Would she blame him for what was happening to Rey? Or for what he did to her fiancé? He was their enemy; would she call for the others? Thankfully, she spoke first. "What... just... happened?"

What was he supposed to tell her? The truth? She wasn't stupid; she had seen what happened to Rey. Could he trust her? Did he have a choice? The only certainty was that he needed help. Desperately. "Did she tell you about Snoke?"

"I know who he was." Her voice betrayed her surprise. Evidently, she didn't believe he would be truthful with her either. "What about him?"

"He's been in her head since Crait," he said, admitting it aloud so he could force himself to accept the reality.

"What? That's impossible. He's dead."

If he had been told the same truth a day before, he would have reacted with equal incredulity. He wished he could tell her it was impossible. But he knew what he endured—what he felt—the monster was still conscious somewhere between life and death. He had to ensure he stayed there. "Trust me," he sighed. "I know, I killed him."

Rose's brows pinched in confusion. "I thought Rey killed Snoke."

Kylo had forgotten about the bounty. It felt wrong, putting more blood on Rey's hands, especially for a death she hadn't committed. "He used the bond to lure her to the Supremacy; he left me no choice."

"You did it to save her from him," Rose realized.

"To save her from myself," he corrected with more ire than he intended. She didn't react in fear, but he still softened his voice when he spoke again. "He ordered me to kill her."

Rose studied him closely, and if he wasn't focused on his fear for Rey, it would have troubled him more. Whatever she found in her search, it couldn't have been the truth, because a soft grin lifted her cheeks. "And you killed him instead?"

He thought he had. He thought he had finally been free. In one day, he thought he had rid himself of the two men who had shaped him into the creature he had become. They had both chosen to find Rey in death instead, and without the help of one of them, he didn't know how he would stop the other from returning. "Not for good," he said, staring down at the woman who was lost to the monster he'd sworn to protect her from. "I discovered he's actually Sidious and had a machine that can reincarnate him. I had no idea he was in her head until today. I promise, I'm doing everything I can to stop him for good."

His mind flashed to the moment in Force Destiny before he found her on the floor. While he had been searching for the strength to destroy the machine, that monster had been torturing Rey. He still was. Kylo could have destroyed the machine, stopped him from returning, but he couldn't have saved her. Falling with Force Destiny, he would have left her alone with Sidious. His hand found hers in silent apology.

He doubted it gave her much comfort – if she even recognized the gesture at all as she battled the darkness in her mind – but he threaded his fingers in hers anyway. Rey had stood by him, she had fought for him, she had flown across the galaxy and hadn't given up on him. She had hope in him when no one else did. He should have gone with her, after their battle in the throne room, then Sidious would have never found his way in. Even as she battled her own darkness, Rey had stayed by him. Certainly, she had said horrible things, she had listened to the darkness, but in the end, she had always held out hope for him. At least, until he betrayed her and left her mind to be torn apart by his former master. He knew the battle of darkness more than anyone. Perhaps others may have turned their back on her after what she had done, but not him. Just as she had seen the man he was through the darkness, he saw her.

I promise you, Rey, I won't take my last breath until I know he will never hurt you again.

He intended to keep that promise. The only problem was – how could he kill an immortal man more powerful than death itself?

Kylo only broke his stare from Rey when her friend shifted to stand. "So we're fighting Sidious, too? That... complicates things, doesn't it?"

He knew Rey had told Dameron about Force Destiny, had she not told her friends? "How has she not told you any of this?" he asked the woman as she crossed the room. "I thought you were close?"

Without looking back at him, she answered with a shrug, "Rey didn't tell me about Snoke, but she did tell me about you. Except for the 'Kylo Ren' thing. I had to figure that out on my own." She paused, turning to glance at him over her shoulder. "I remember what you said about him, you know."

Kylo hummed, dropping his stare back to his reposed bondmate, much as he had when he first met her friend. Only this time, the demons haunting Rey were not her own. And this time, Rose knew exactly who he was. He still didn't know why he had opened up to the woman, why he had allowed her to believe he was Ben Solo. Nor did he know why she had never confronted him about it when she discovered his true identity. In fact, her kindness toward him had never faltered. She treated him the same as Ben Solo as she did as Kylo Ren. He knew it was for her friend's sake, but that – coupled with the fact that she had saved his life earlier – left him little reason not to trust her.

"She just wants you to turn, Ben."

It was enough to draw his attention back to Rose. He was momentarily dumbfounded by this woman calling him a name that wasn't meant for her enemy. She knew who he was now, yet she still called him by that name. "She doesn't want anything to do with me, she hates me."

"How could you think that?" Rose said as she bent to rummage through items under one of the bunks. "I've seen the way she looks at you."

"Because I... I hurt her," he murmured, turning his eyes back to his bondmate. Her eyes were open but unresponsive. Terror twisted through her features, and there was nothing he could do to help her. He didn't know why he continued to reveal truths to a woman who fought for a cause prepared to assassinate him, but nothing seemed to matter anymore when he felt so hopeless. "The last time I saw her, Sidious revealed the... secrets... we've kept from each other."

"Secrets?"

"She hid this from me – the darkness," he said, gesturing to Rey's struggle with his former master. "And her... intimate relationship with your general."

When Rose laughed, he flinched; he hadn't expected her to be kneeling next to him again. Only this time, she was kneeling on the side farthest from Rey. When he turned to her, she reached for his injured side. He grasped her wrist to halt her progress, but she smacked his hand away with a shake of her head and a grumble about "men." He held his breath, but he didn't fight her as she lifted his tunic to reach his wound. He sat paralyzed as she inspected the injury; he didn't trust anyone to touch him other than Rey. It was uncomfortable and unsettling; she did everything in her power not to hurt him. "It was a lie, you know," she said as she cautiously cleaned the wound. "The only secret relationship Rey has is with you, Supreme Leader."

Kylo didn't answer. Rey had told her general about Force Destiny—after she had trusted him with the vial and he had destroyed Kamino. She defended the man and trusted him even though he was using her. What reason would she have to do that if she didn't have a relationship with him? "I'm curious," Rose said, interrupting his growing resentment toward the general. "What secrets did Sidious reveal to Rey about you?"

He winced when Rose applied a salve to the wound, nearly forgetting in her gentleness that he had allowed her to touch him. "My explicit knowledge of the location of your new base," he replied.

Rose hummed, continuing to work without much of a reaction at all. "And what do you plan to do with that knowledge?"

"Nothing I haven't already done," he said with a mirthless huff. "I was the one who gave Maz the coordinates and the navigational routes that kept the Resistance away from the detection of the First Order."

Those words finally earned him the woman's stare. There was no terror, or outrage, or disappointment in her eyes. There was confusion, but also... hope. "Why didn't you tell her?"

He scoffed. "I knew how she would react if I told her. She was angry that I knew about your base at the temple on Barkhesh; she would have never gone to Dantooine if she knew. She was supposed to be there right now. Safe. Not on an adventure to restore her lightsaber when the entire First Order is searching for the Falcon." He leveled an agitated glare at Rey's friend.

"The entire First Order... but not you?" Her hands were still on his wound, but she held his stare. "You're not searching for the Resistance?"

Kylo glanced away from her then, choosing to stare down at his bondmate instead. It wasn't an easy answer. When he knew where she was, he didn't search for her, but now that she was flying somewhere in the galaxy without his help in hiding from the First Order, he was terrified. He would search for her – to protect her – but as for the Resistance? "I told you, I already know where they are."

Rose returned to her work. "And it would ensure victory for the First Order if you found them."

"I never cared about the First Order!"

Kylo knew he shouldn't have shouted, but she didn't argue with him or condemn him for his reaction. Rose worked in silence, even when he growled as she placed a freezing salve on his wound. He finally realized she was waiting for him to continue. "I was a monster," he said, "to everyone, because of the darkness inside me. I didn't know it was Sidious whispering in my head, I didn't realize that he was slowly turning me against them. Not that they helped prevent that. I tried to ignore him, to suppress the darkness, I just wanted to be good. I tried. My last chance was when my uncle took me as his student. I thought if I could be a Jedi, I could prove to them all that I wasn't a monster. But even he lost hope in me; he saw the darkness and tried to kill me. It felt like there was nowhere left to turn but Sidious."

Kylo couldn't bear to glance up at her, to see the expression on her face, but he knew she was listening. Her fingers had stalled in their work of dressing his wound. "So I joined him," he said softly. "I became the thing they all feared I would be. But I didn't care about the First Order, I just wanted to destroy the Jedi... I wanted to destroy my uncle. I wanted revenge for what he had done. And my mother had given everything to the New Republic, but I saw it for what it was. I just... I just wanted to fix everything that was wrong with the galaxy. The spice addiction, the slavery, the control of the crime syndicates – the failures of the New Republic. I wanted to eliminate the chaos of the galaxy in ways my mother or uncle never could. I thought the First Order was the way to do that. I thought... I thought I could create the change no one else could, even if that made me the bad guy in the eyes of people like you or your friends."

"What about Hays Minor?" Rose asked as her hands resumed their fastidious work on his wound. "Did you lead that invasion?"

Kylo shook his head in confusion. What did any of this have to do with simple negotiations over ore? "The blockade of the Otomok system? That was Hux."

"It was not just a blockade," Rose said, voice low. Not when they had met, or when he admitted he knew their whereabouts, or when he had rendered her fiancé unconscious had he heard anger in the woman's voice. But he did hear it then, when she spoke about a planet inconsequential to the war. "The First Order forced my family and our people to become slaves to mine ore for their war machine. They destroyed our planet with their pollution, and then after my sister and I escaped, they massacred our people—our family—to test their weapons."

The First Order was supposed to create order, not chaos. They were supposed to stop the slavery and lawlessness that had grown rampant under the stagnant Republic. Massacring and enslaving worlds that weren't fighting back, when had that become First Order policy? Had his master told him the truth about his missions in the Unknown Regions? Had the worlds and people been a threat to the First Order as he had been told? "I didn't know," he whispered.

"Or you didn't want to know," Rose said, not unkindly, as she placed a Bacta patch on his side.

He nodded slowly, refusing to look at her. The familiarity of his self-focused loathing was a small comfort when confronted with what the First Order had done—what he had done. How had he not seen it? Everything he had believed was a lie; it was a common theme in his life, but that didn't lead him any closer to the truth. "I was leading the invasion of worlds and murdering villagers, and I convinced myself it was necessary until I stood on the Finalizer and watched them destroy Hosnian Prime. Then I met Rey and she called me a 'creature in a mask,' and I knew I was a monster, but I couldn't understand why I wanted to prove her wrong."

"You're not a monster," she said with an adamance that surprised him. "That thing in her head is."

"But I'm the reason he's there," he rasped. There was nothing she could say to deny that truth. If it weren't for him, Rey would have been free of their bond, and with it the darkness that had allowed Sidious entry.

"If you want to stop him," her words were spoken to sound offhand, but he sensed the hesitation, "then it sounds like you don't belong with the First Order at all."

This woman had to be the most optimistic person he had ever met. It wasn't as simple as she believed, but then again, nothing in this war was simple. The fact that he – the Jedi Killer – was fighting to save the Last Jedi from the control of his former master with the assistance of his enemy was anything but simple. "I suppose it would sound like that, wouldn't it?"

"So what changed, Ben?" She asked, breaking him from his thoughts. He glanced back to Rey as her friend rolled his tunic down over the bandaged wound. Staring down at his bondmate, he knew exactly when everything had changed. It wasn't a "what" that had caused the change, however, but "who."

"Rey."

"Even if your only motivation is to protect Rey, you know Rey is not with the Resistance. So why are you protecting them? Now that you know we're gone, you could destroy Dantooine and win this war." It was the truth. There was nothing he could say to justify the decisions he made that directly conflicted with those of the First Order. What he had done – what he had refused to do – his younger self under Snoke would have called him a "traitor." Surprisingly, that realization didn't bother him at all. Rose smiled knowingly when he bit his lip and refused to answer. "You could keep us safe by joining the Resistance, you know," she said softly. "Having you on our side could change the tide of the war. You and Rey would be stronger together."

"Then who would stop the First Order from finding you?"

Stilling her hand as she returned the supplies to her medpac, Rose stared up at him with something like realization. "Is that why you still stay?"

Kylo hardened his jaw as his eyes returned to Rey. Yes, he was a traitor. No, his ideals no longer aligned with the First Order. Before they had separated, she'd told him that she could never share her location with him as long as his allegiance was to the First Order. Part of him had realized then that, somewhere along the way, protecting her—and the Resistance by proxy—from Sidious and the war machine he had helped create had become his only purpose. But that was far different than admitting that protecting her was the only reason he stayed. It was terrifying, because perhaps it wasn't a strong enough reason at all. What did it matter now that Rey hated him? The old voices in his head told him he was weak in his compassion for her, that she would abandon and betray him like the others. They reminded him that she already had. You are nothing without the darkness, they convinced him. Power will never leave; power will never lie. When he finally answered her question, he hid behind doubt instead. "I've sacrificed everything for the dark side."

"And?"

"And if I left, those sacrifices would have been for nothing," he snapped. Kylo convinced himself that he didn't have time to argue this with her. It didn't matter why he stayed. Rey was trapped inside her mind by his former master. He had to help her, not argue with her friend about his reasons for remaining with the First Order.

"But all of those sacrifices are in the past, Ben," she reasoned. Didn't she know what he had done? Shouldn't she fear him? It was clear she wasn't afraid as she grasped onto his arm to focus his attention. "The people you killed will still be dead whether you stay or turn. In fact, some of them died in the hope you would turn. That doesn't sound like 'nothing' to me. And if you stay, then you'll have to make more sacrifices for a cause you no longer believe in. The question isn't how much you've already sacrificed, but how much more you're willing to sacrifice."

He hated that her words rang true. The question, however, was not about how much more he was willing to sacrifice, but why he had made those sacrifices. It wasn't for Snoke or Luke anymore—this loyalty couldn't be broken. "I'll sacrifice whatever is necessary to keep Rey safe."

"What happens when you can't protect her anymore? With or without you, the Resistance will eventually face the First Order." The statement hung in the air between them, allowing the potential consequences to take root. It was effective. Kylo felt sympathy for her future husband; he would never win an argument with this woman.

"You don't need me to win this war," he murmured.

"I know," she assured him. "I believe in Poe as a capable leader, I believe in our hope, and I believe in Rey." It was the truth, but it was oddly relieving to imagine a destiny for him that was not intertwined with the outcome of the war. "But that doesn't mean we don't want you on our side," she said. "Whether you are with us or not, I know Rey will fight to save the galaxy. She doesn't need you to turn, but she still hopes you'll fight by her side. Rey has been suffering from darkness, and maybe there's a lot I don't know about her, but I do know one thing; Rey loves you. And when she has allowed herself to be vulnerable around us, it has all been about you."

His only response was a soft hum. He had no doubt she had told them all about him, especially after what Sidious had forced him to reveal.

Rose seemed to understand his line of thinking. "Not like that, Ben," she sighed. "Listen, when Rey and I first met, right after we landed on Barkhesh, she told me about the man who had broken her heart. I knew then that she loved you. And then after she kissed Poe to protect you, she told me about your fight. That was the day I found out you were Leia's son – Ben Solo. She was terrified because she couldn't find you in the Force. When I told her to go find you, she said she had tried that before. She was convinced you didn't love her, because she wasn't enough to convince you to come home. When I suggested she let you go, she said, 'I don't want to let him go, I just want him to be the man I know he can be.' Then I met you, and realized your journey home would be more complicated than your feelings for Rey, because that was the day I realized that you loved her too."

Rose smiled when he met her eyes. Every bit of self-preservation – years of walls he had built around his weak, fragile heart – begged him to deny Rose's claims. But his throat couldn't find the words. "I know you helped us when the reconnaissance ship landed on Barkhesh. And I know she lied about your bond to the Resistance. You both have committed treason for each other. The love is there, but it will never work as long as you both are on opposite sides. I can't imagine what it would be like to live a lie like you are with the First Order while trying to protect someone they are trying to kill. And I know living like this is tearing her apart, too.

"When Leia died, Poe made it clear that Rey would be tasked to kill you in an ambush. She fainted when she heard that news. And then she protected you from Finn – her best friend. She felt helpless in the war room. She tried to give Poe the vial to prevent another conflict between you and our general. She is doing everything she can to protect you, but we both know it's only delaying the inevitable. Rey is desperate to fix her lightsaber, so she is not caught helpless again like the war room. Poe has already used you against her, and I'm worried he's waiting for her to fix this lightsaber before he does it again. Is that what you want?" she asked. Kylo shook his head. It was everything he was trying to prevent.

"Then you need to decide what you want to do, what side you want to fight for. Rey's mistake was believing love was reason enough for you to leave, and yours is believing that it is reason enough to stay. I think you need to take Rey completely out of this and really think about why you're with them." Sensing his wavering resolve, she moved in for the final blow. "You can't stop the inevitable battle between the Resistance and the First Order, but you can choose which side you're fighting on."

Kylo said nothing in return. There was nothing for him to say. Rose didn't have the same trouble. "Until then, Rey will find her crystal, and then we'll return to base. As long as your army doesn't come for us, we'll be safe on Ilum. But you know it's only a matter of time before—"

"Ilum?" Kylo jolted as his mind stalled on her words. No... it can't be... He turned, but there was no humor in the woman's expression. "You're going to Ilum?" he asked slowly to temper his panic. She nodded, oblivious to his inner turmoil. "You're taking the most wanted woman in the galaxy...in the most wanted ship in the galaxy...to the First Order's largest Kyber mining facility since Starkiller.... Have you all lost your minds?!"

The confusion on Rose's face genuine, which concerned him further. "But Poe said..."

Kylo was certain Dameron knew better than anyone that Ilum was a death trap for the Resistance. The new general was many things, but not stupid. Of all the worlds with Kyber in the galaxy, why had he allowed them to go there? It only intensified his fear that Rose was right, and the clash between the Resistance and First Order was near. Kylo turned back to Rey with a new resolve. "When I finish with this, turn that ship around; I don't care what Poe Dameron tells you."

"I thought she was shutting you out," Rose reminded him. "How will you help her?"

"I don't know. Sidious controls us through the darkness, and, after what I did, she can't and won't force it out on her own. I can't exactly take away the darkness..." His eyes shifted up to Rose's stare as the realization settled over him. Take away the darkness. "I am going to try something I've never done before. I don't know what this will do to me; but if I fail, if I turn on you or her, don't hesitate—you point that blaster at my head, set it to lethal, and pull the trigger."

He didn't wait for her to respond, placing his hands on either side of Rey's head. Instead of pushing into her mind again, he dropped all his barriers and grasped onto her darkness, drawing it into himself, away from her. It wasn't the first time he had drawn in the darkness, but he found he hated the feeling, everything inside him fought against drowning in it. He tightened his muscles reflexively as the vile touch of Sidious's energy slithered into his mind, but he only pushed harder to draw it in. He would fall to his former master's control forever before he allowed Rey to endure what he'd suffered under that creature.

With a snap, he was no longer seated by her side but back in Force Destiny. There was a pressure on his mind like a thousand needles pointed at his thoughts, prepared to take them hostage. He knew how this worked; Sidious had used it too many times to count. If he thought of a good memory, Sidious would change it, forever taint it to something depraved. If he thought of a terrible memory or a fear, it would manifest itself before him. Few thoughts were safe; First Order propaganda, worship of his grandfather, his admiration of his master, the acts he had committed to surrender himself to the darkness. His mind would inevitably slip, however, and the torment would begin. Once he lost control of his thoughts, it was difficult to regain until the training was done.

He didn't have that kind of time. Poe Dameron had been foolish or vindictive enough to send Rey straight into the waiting hands of the enemy. She would resist imprisonment and risk a lethal reaction. That is, if they even allowed the Falcon to land on-world. If Hux gave the order....

The room fell away as the icy terrain of Ilum appeared. He had allowed his mind to wander, and he would pay the price for it. Hux held a gun to Rey's head. Her eyes were not on the general, however, they were on him. First, angry and accusing, then pleading with him to save her. He did nothing; he knew how this worked—he knew there was nothing he could do. His mind would conjure his deepest fears; he would watch her die.

Somewhere his rational mind knew it wasn't real, but it mattered little when he experienced every sensation as if it were. He knew he would never forget the details of her death, would obsess over them in the dark hours of the night; this frustratingly authentic memory would ignite the fear he carried with him. He steeled himself for the inevitability, grateful that this moment would not be added to her own memories of suffering.

Hux turned, considering him for a moment before throwing her face-first into the snow. His foolish, foolish mind had wandered and changed the illusion again. Hux grasped her by her hair and lowered himself on top of her, pinning her underneath him. The words he whispered to her were vile and nauseating, but Kylo had heard the words before; in her memories of the thugs of Jakku. He knew what Sidious's version of Hux would do to her.

Again, he prepared himself. Stepping in would only escalate the illusion until he lost all rational thought. His stomach rolled with what he would be forced to endure, but he took comfort in the fact that she wouldn't. This wasn't Rey. Rey was a fighter; she would have sliced Hux's face open long before he could try anything. It was easy to separate himself from the illusion, because he knew the strength of her powers. She would never allow....

The illusion changed again: this time Rey turned underneath Hux as he transformed into Poe Dameron. She wrapped her arms around his back, meeting his advances. It incited something possessive in Kylo to see her touch someone else, but he preferred it over the alternative. As Dameron trailed kisses down her neck, she murmured sweetly, "I am loyal to you, Poe."

Kylo broke away from the hold that the illusion held over him and screamed at the heavens, "I don't care, Sidious! I don't care!" The illusion began stuttering back and forth between Dameron and Hux. The flashing illusion stood and pointed the blaster at her in challenge. When Kylo didn't react, the illusion pulled the trigger on the blaster, exploding a beam of plasma into her head.

Rey was instantly motionless, the snow tainted crimson around her. Refusing to look at her, he focused and shouted, "I don't care what you do, because I know the truth! This isn't real! Nothing you do will change that!" He shoved against the foreign energy in his head, throwing together barriers he hadn't used in years, shutting himself completely from the darkness in the process. A brightness overtook his senses, and he fell backward.

He opened his eyes, breathing heavily, and found himself collapsed in Force Destiny. Kylo knew that if he didn't destroy the machine, he risked the chance of Sidious's return. But if he destroyed it, then Rey would be alone with a monster in her head... a different monster in her head. With the power of the crystals on Ilum, Sidious could easily find his way in again—if the stormtroopers there didn't capture her first. He was left with an impossible choice, but it was a different type of conflict than he had felt before.

Something else was different. The connection with Rey was closed, but Sidious and the darkness were gone from their bond. Painfully bright, overwhelming light seeped into the emptiness the darkness had left behind. He knew he couldn't keep Sidious and the darkness at bay forever, but something had changed. His mind was clearer than it had felt in years.