#CTG26 Chapter 26
I've had a total of 4 people confessed to me that they like me... and all of them received the same response—thank you... but with Iñigo sitting beside me, indirectly telling me that he likes me, I couldn't bring myself to thank him for his feelings and put an abrupt end to whatever it was...
Because I like him.
But I didn't exactly want to be with him.
He's everything I wasn't... I just couldn't see it working. And I didn't like wasting my time... And I didn't want to be distracted. Not when I was just months away from graduation and a year away from taking the most important exam of my life.
"Sorry," he said. "Wag mo ng pansinin," pagpapatuloy niya bago naglagay ulit ng mga pagkain sa paper bag.
I stared at him... and realized that I was distracting myself more by actively telling myself to avoid whatever this was. The more I tell myself na 'wag isipin si Iñigo, mas gumugulo lang ang isip ko. Curiosity's killing this cat... and I needed satisfaction to bring it back to life.
"So what if Rhys likes me? It's not like I like him," I simply said while I continued to help him sort the breakfast food. The room was cold from the air from the AC. But I was starting to feel cold sweats forming in my skin.
I wonder what's with Iñigo that's throwing me off like this...
"Gusto mo talagang malaman?" he asked, looking at me now.
"Kung gusto mong ikwento," sagot ko.
He grinned. "Nakaka-awa 'tong kwento ko... Baka lumambot 'yung yelo mong puso."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Do you have dual personality, Iñigo? Kanina lang galit ka."
He laughed. "Sorry..." he said, then continued with the sorting of food. "There's this Iñigo the frat boy and Iñigo the normal boy."
"Weirdo."
"I just do that so I can get along with the frat people."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Easier that way, Queen Elsa," he said, smiling—the one that reminded me of sunshine and sunflowers.
"Why does it need to be easier?"
Instead of answering, he stood up. Pinanood ko kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Lumakad siya papunta sa pinto. He opened the door and looked if anyone's outside. Tapos ni-lock niya iyong pinto.
"Mababait naman 'yung iba sa kanila... Pero 'yung iba... gago," sabi niya. "Mas kailangan kong paki-samahan 'yung mga gago kasi malalakas trip nung mga 'yun."
"Why can't you just be the school's scholar? Kung ayaw mo naman pala sa kanila."
Hindi siya agad sumagot. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya... kaya naman nakita ko na naka-tingin siya sa 'kin. There was a teasing look on his face.
"Ikaw, ha... curious na curious ka na sa 'kin," he said, grinning.
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."
"Nagugustuhan mo na ko, Cha?"
I didn't answer. I just rolled my eyes again. It earned me a laugh from him. Siguro alam niya... but I just didn't want to say it yet. Saka na. Kapag lawyer na ako.
Nakaka-pagod pala 'tong ginagawa namin... To think na kung wala ako dito, si Iñigo lang ang gagawa nito mag-isa. And it's just the second week of BAR... Gagawin niya pa 'to for another two weeks... Tapos malapit na iyong finals.
Iñigo stretched his arms while yawning. Tumaas nang kaunti iyong damit niya... that toned stomach... Saan siya nakaka-kuha ng oras mag-exercise sa dami ng ginagawa niya?
"Cha, ikaw, ha... Bakit ka naka-tingin d'yan? Miss mo na hawakan?" tanong niya nang mahuli akong naka-tingin sa abs niya. Mabilis na kumunot ang noo ko.
I was about to tell him to shut up but he cupped my face with both his hands and leaned in and planted a kiss. It was just a quick kiss. But it made my eyes go wide and my heart jump in my chest.
"Inaantok na ko, e. Pampa-gising," he said, grinning before going back to sorting the breakfast food.
Ilang minuto na tahimik ulit kami. I normally liked silence—loved it, even—but at this point, I didn't want silence. I wanted to know more about Iñigo... and I wanted to ask him about him. It would be unfair to ask someone else about him when he's right here by my side.
"Bakit ikaw gumagawa nito?" I asked.
"Duty."
"You're junior already. Dapat freshman gumagawa nito."
"Ganon talaga."
"Is it Rhys?"
Hindi siya sumagot. Pinag-iinitan ba siya ni Rhys? Bakit? Dahil sa 'kin? That's crazy. Hindi naman ganoon na tao si Rhys... but then again, hindi ko siya ganoon kakilala.
"Why do you need to back off if he likes me?" I asked again. Iñigo didn't answer. He just kept on sorting the food. I waited patiently because I knew that he'd tell me... otherwise, he wouldn't even bother telling me in the first place that he didn't want to back off.
After a while, he stood up. "Deliver ko lang 'to."
I merely looked at him. I didn't have time for this... yet here I was.
Tumayo na rin ako at kinuha iyong gamit ko. Ni hindi ko siya tinignan bago ako nagsimulang maglakad palabas. I should be sleeping right now... taking a rest from this tiring week... But I shouldn't be pissed at him. It's his story—it's up to him if he'd tell me about it or not... Kagaya ng hindi ko pagsasabi sa kanya ng problema ko sa pamilya.
"Cha," tawag niya sa pangalan ko bago pa ko pa man mabuksan iyong pinto. "Sa poolside. Hintayin mo ko 'dun?"
I looked at him.
He gave a soft smile.
"Iku-kwento ko sa 'yo," sabi niya. "Iipon muna ako ng lakas ng loob habang nagdedeliver," he continued. "Hintayin mo ko, ha?"
I pressed my lips together. What the hell.
"Okay," I replied.
Nginitian niya ako bago kinuha iyong mga paper bag na may pangalan ng mga brods niya. For some reason, it pissed me off that he's doing this alone... Sigurado ako na marami siyang brod na pwedeng tumulong sa kanya pero heto siya, mag-isang nag-aayos ng breakfast runs.
Nang maka-alis siya, lumabas na rin ako sa room. Thankfully, wala akong naka-salubong na tao sa hallway. It would just be weird na nanditong floor ako dahil alam naman na floor 'to ng frat. Hinanap ko iyong poolside na sinasabi ni Iñigo. The sky was still dark, but I could already feel the sunrise coming.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tingin lang sa kawalan. It felt so relaxing—it was like a treat for my mind. Ilang linggo na diretso akong nag-aaral. Minsan, pakiramdam ko nalulunod na ako sa dami ng binabasa ko. Minsan, gusto kong tumigil... pero hindi pwede.
Konti na lang.
Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko.
"Walang iced coffee," Iñigo said when he sat down beside me. He was looking at the view in front of us, the stillness of the water in the pool. Kitang-kita ko kung paano niya hipan iyong kape. Naalala ko na naman kung bakit mainit na kape ang lagi niyang binibili.
I wanted to ask him if the reason why he needed to back off was because he owes Rhys' family... but I thought that it's better that it comes from him. It's his story—makikinig lang ako.
"Nasabi ko na sa 'yo na patay na pareho parents ko, 'di ba?" tanong niya. I merely nodded, not knowing what to say... When my mom died, no amount of condolences made me feel better. No words would ever make me feel better. Silence was better.
I grabbed my cup of coffee and let the warmth of the cup warm my hands.
"Baka isipin mo nagpapaawa ako sa 'yo," sabi niya na may maliit na ngiti na parang nagpapa-cute.
I rolled my eyes. "Just tell the damned story."
Humalakhak siya. "Okay po," sabi niya. Iñigo stretched his legs and sighed. "Nung magka-college na ako, dapat sabay kami ni Gracey, kaso nga walang natirang pera para sa college ko. Pero gusto ko talaga na sabay kami ni Gracey kasi naka-plano na 'yun, e... Humingi ako ng tulong sa tita ko para pag-aralin ako. Kasi 'di ba pamilya naman? At saka babayaran ko naman sila pagka-graduate ko."
Huminto siya sandali.
Humugot ng malalim na hininga.
"Kaso after nung first year, narinig ko na nag-uusap sila. Na bakit daw ba kasi nagpakamatay si Papa tapos nag-iwan pa ng pabigat. Basta... ang dami nilang sinabi. Ayokong ulitin. Nababadtrip na naman ako," sabi niya na may mahinang tawa pero peke. Ginamitan niya ng dalawang kamay iyong paghawak sa kape niya. "Syempre nagalit ako... Tatay ko 'yun, e... Nagka-sagutan kami ni Tita nun. Lumipat akong public school para makapag-aral pa rin ako. Nagsimula akong magtrabaho nun. Kahit ano pinapatulan ko basta lang 'wag akong hihingi ng pera sa kanila kasi... tangina, 'di ba? Pera lang? Kapatid niya Papa ko, e... Tapos nagagawa nilang sabihan ng ganon? Parang gago, 'di ba?"
Muli na naman siyang huminto.
Hindi ako tumingin sa kanya. Baka kasi ayaw niyang makita ko iyong mga mata niya. I felt his vulnerability inches away.
"Syempre naging busy ako. Si Gracey ang kulit. Punta nang punta sa apartment ko kahit sinabi kong 'wag kasi medyo delikado. Tapos... ayun."
Huminto siya.
Ilang segundo iyong lumipas na walang salitang narinig.
"Okay lang kung hindi mo itutuloy," sabi ko sa kanya.
Tumingin siya sa 'kin. "Gusto mo ba si Rhys, Cha?" tanong niya. "Mabait naman 'yun... Gago lang sa 'kin pero may dahilan naman kasi."
"Di mo ba ako narinig kanina nung sinabi ko na wala akong gusto sa kanya?" sagot ko.
He gave me a half-smile. "Narinig. Gusto ko lang siguraduhin."
"Good. Kasi wala na akong balak ulitin."
Natawa siya. "Sungit na naman."
"Inaantok na kasi ako."
He smiled again. "Ako rin. Tulog tayo?"
Kumunot agad ang noo ko. "Ano ba sa tingin mo tayong dalawa? Hinahalikan mo ko... tapos ngayon inaaya mo akong matulog?"
Tumawa na naman siya. "Ano ba gusto mo?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang isasagot ko kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na wala akong balak magboyfriend hanggang hindi pa ako lawyer. I knew that being in a relationship is hard work and I needed all my energy focused on one thing only.
"Bakit galit sa 'yo si Rhys?" I asked instead.
"Kasi..." sabi niya habang binaling iyong tingin sa langit. Papa-taas na iyong araw. Ilang beses ko na ring naka-sama si Iñigo na manood ng pagsikat ng araw. It's weird... I didn't even know what we were... We're not really friends... but definitely not more than friends... just in between... and would remain in between until we're ready to put a label on whatever this was.
"Pasaway 'yun si Gracey..." sabi niya na may maliit na ngiti. "Siya kasi iyong binilinan ni Papa bago siya... Basta... Kaya pakiramdam niya responsibilidad niya ako," Iñigo continued. "Nung college, pinupuntahan ako lagi sa apartment kahit delikado... Nagdadala ng pagkain sa 'kin, nilalaban damit ko, nililinis apartment. Tapos... napagtripan ng mga tambay."
Nagsimula kong marinig iyong tibok ng puso ko.
Posible pala 'yun.
"Kaya galit sa 'kin si Rhys kasi muntik ng mamatay si Gracey kasi ang gago ko," mahinang sabi niya. "Ilang beses na nila kong sinabihan dati na sa bahay na lang nila dahil magkakilala namin pamilya namin dati pa... pero pride, e..."
Tumayo si Iñigo.
He seemed so uncomfortable telling me this.
"Wag mo ng sabihin kung hindi ka kumportable," sabi ko.
"Okay lang... para may alam ka naman sa 'kin," sagot niya. "Pero 'di ko 'to kinu-kwento para maawa ka, Cha. Gusto ko lang na alam mo kung bakit ganito kaming tatlo ni Rhys at Gracey. Komplikado kasi. Siguro pansin mo na parang galit sa 'kin parents nila pero walang magawa... Si Gracey kasi pinilit na wala akong kasalanan kahit halos mamatay na siya nun dahil sa 'kin. Minsan iniisip ko sira-ulo talaga 'yung babaeng 'yun, e," sabi niya na may mahinang tawa.
I looked at him. The smile on his face when he mentioned her name. His face lightened up.
History... that's what they have.
"Kaya ako nasa frat kasi sinali ako ng tatay ni Rhys dahil ayokong tumanggap ng pera galing sa kanila. Ultimo trabaho ko, siya nagbigay. Kailangan ko kasi 'yung scholarship. Kulang 'yung sweldo ko sa trabaho. Kapag wala 'yun, mag-aalala si Gracey... makulit talaga 'yun. Kaya kahit hindi kami magka-sundo ni Rhys, napilitan akong sumali para hindi na mag-alala si Gracey."
They... go way back.
They're not just friends.
"I feel so indebted to their family," he said. "Pakiramdam ko gagawin ko lahat ng sabihin nila sa 'kin..." pagpapatuloy niya. "Pero—"
Tumayo ako.
"Umaga na," sabi ko habang naka-tingin langit. "Uuwi na ko."
This... this was the complication I didn't need in my life.