I stared at my phone dumbfounded.
Really? He had been gone for more than 24 hours, leaving me no clue where he was and he suddenly appeared innocently asking me if he looked good with his new haircut?
Half of me wanted to be upset and scold him for being insensitive but if I could recall who I am again, it's best to not making fuss of it. He was okay and if he didn't, he wouldn't be there, sitting on the chair, proudly taking photo of himself and sending it to me, let alone that he needed my opinion on his new appearance which I found it flattering.
How could I stay mad it this guy?
I couldn't pay attention to whatever Kyunghee said about as I immersed to reply Dean's chat.
Charlie : Did you really need to cut your eyebrow like that?
I suppressed a smile, I won't give him satisfaction to compliment how good looking he is. Instead, I picked on his purposely cut eyebrow, which I didn't want to admit either it strangely looked good on his face.
He probably will still look damn good with bald hair, though.
Dean : Geez, me and my eyebrow get offended.
Dean : Do I look that bad?
Charlie : Ha-ha
"What did he say?" I jolted in surprise when she asked.
She didn't need me to answer at all.
"Your Dean, isn't it?" She gave me smug smile, I hate it.
How I wanted to smack her right away.
"Yes, it's Dean, but not my Dean. Stop it." I rolled my eyes, hoping she would stop teasing me.
"Says the girl who can't stop grinning at her phone, reading whatever he sent." She playfully retorted.
"I'm not!" I quickly defended, too quick for my liking.
"Yeah, yeah~"
Actually, I lied. Something inside my heart growing more excited and intense to Dean as the time passed.
I think it's more than just word : 'like'.
----
Kyunghee won't stop commenting and teasing me until we separated. She just can't stop talking about her theory of possibilities me and Dean being together which made me and my hope getting high.
Correction, uncontrollably high.
And I didn't know how to manage it.
I do care for him, he's sweet when he wants to be but he could be the most irritating person when he acted like one. He shows me in his own way that he care for me, but Dean has feeling for me is something that I haven't figure it out yet.
I was scared that it was just me, my over thinking and over analyzing habit leading me to an empty hopes.
I didn't want to fly high only for being smashed onto the ground within seconds.
But, maybe I could ask him?
Then again, I'm too coward to find out.
I'm too shy to say, but I hope he stay.
Feeling scared as hell to want him, but here I am.. wanting him anyway.
The voice of my phone buzzed on the top my night stand bed immediately pulling me back from my over-thinking clouds, I took my phone and checked the caller.
My heart skips beat for second when it reads: Dean.
"Hey.."
Stop smiling, stop smiling.
I felt like puppy which extremely excited over anything related to Dean.
"You didn't reply my message." Dean sounded annoyed, not that I'm complaining.
He sounded like possessive boyfriend, hot and demanding. I love it.
Wait, what?
"I'm good, thank you for asking." I said full of sarcasm, little that he knew I was grinning like an idiot.
I haven't replied his chat since few hours ago because I've been busy talking and gossiping with Kyunghee, plus telling Kyunghee to stop her from creating Kyunghee's own creative scenario about the adorable love life of me and my Dean.
After quite long time conceiving her and my self that nothing happen between me and Dean, at least not yet. She finally gave in and reluctantly stop. She had to, or else I will start imagining how super excited I am preparing my wedding.
His chuckle snapping my mind back to our conversation, "Where were you?"
"Outside, hanging out with Kyunghee." I told him about Kyunghee few times before, he started to know my friend's name.
"Girls night out." He commented.
"Evening out to be exact." I unconsciously nodded but then I realized he couldn't see me, "What happened? I just come home and about to reply your chat but you beat me into it."
Once again, I'm not complaining.
"Just want to talk to you." Loneliness could be heard in his voice and I wondered why.
Of course, me being me always have stupid remark.
"To bragging your new haircut?"
"Here we go again.." he sighed, not noticing my humour. Or maybe I was a terrible at making joke.
I could picture him running fingers through his hair out of frustration, the habit that I finally catched after being close with him.
His hair looks so soft, though. I was disappointed of him to phone call me instead of video call.
Ugh, stop thinking weird things, Char.
Let's back to business.
"That's somehow convince me to believe I'm ugly." He said in flat tone, too flat. Usually if I attack him with teasing and my corny joke he would exchange it with sarcasm or teasing me even more.
This time it's not like Dean that I knew.
"What's going on with that super sensitive mood?" I demanded, slightly annoyed too.
"Nothing, forget it. I don't know why I called you anyway.." he's became such a handful jerk. He can't call me out of nowhere then telling me nothing, planning to hang up on me rudely like that. He can't and I won't let him.
"Wait! You can't do that." My voice sounded weird and strangled because I was mad.
If I could see him now, I'd like to smack his head with my encyclopedia book. So he can back to his sense.
"Seriously? I can and I'm going to hang up, okay bye?" He taunted me, Dean really know how to push my button.
"You're jerk." I finally said, clear and proud of myself.
"Excuse you?" He sounded offended, good thing.
"You heard me." I mocked him, really.. how could he turned into an asshole within minutes? First he sound lonely and sad, wanting me to hug and comfort him then now he acted like major jerk.
"Why is that I'm such a jerk? Enlighten me then, Charlie."
"You can't hanging up on me like that, it's rude. So tell me what's going on.. Who's that guy? Who's picking a fight on you? Why would you choose to be mad at me instead of beating his ass up?"
"Geez, woman. You sure love talking a lot." He sighed, but judging from his tone, I knew he would tell me anyway.
"Tell me."
I waited him to speak, but after almost two minutes only silence and muffle sounds could be heard from Dean's line.
In the silence, I could hear his breathing, sighing then finally he cleared his throat but at the same time I chose to take over the conversation, changing the subject.
"I want to tell you something."
"I want to ask you something."
We said in unison.
"You first." I said, feeling relieved that he actually back to speak.
"You know there's 'ladies first' rule, right?" Dean pointed out, I'm sure he rolled his eyes as he said that.
"I know, but I give you privilege to be first, though."
"Aw, that's so sweet, Charlie." He said in disgust tone, then chuckled anyway.
Changing mood in real quick time.
"But first, I'm going to ask you.. okay?"
What? What he will ask?
About my feelings?
No he won't, will he?
"Charlie, you there?"
Damn, stop over thinking and worry about every single things! I mentally slapped myself.
"Yeah?"
"What should I do.." he trailed off, wasn't sure with himself.
And I was beyond anxious waiting he finished his sentence.
"What should you do..?" I repeated after him or encouraging him, whatever suit it well. I just want to know what was about he's going to say.
"What should I do..." He sighed, "When she push me away whenever I want to get closer? I mean, we're good sometimes, but the other time she would get mad and upset which obviously I didn't know why. It's frustrating as hell and you're girl, so I'm sure you know what the heck passive aggressive means plus girl's codes. I'm clueless.."
What?
Did I hear it wrong?
She?
Who is she?
Did Dean talk about about someone else?
Other girl?
A girl?
What is that mean?
My stomach churned as I heard Dean rambling, pouring his feeling for the girl that I don't want to know who she was.
I couldn't understand what he said fully after that, my mind went wild, my brain was in chaos, thinking about what Dean said make my blood drained.
After all this time I spent with him, made me thinking I have a chance to be with him, to make him happy, to love him. All that images went blurred as I felt my eyes getting wet.
All his kindness, his nice gesture and those banter whenever we're on a phone call obviously didn't mean anything. It was all his friendly act, I was only a friend and here I am too confident imagining that me and Dean could be dating.
I was a friend for him, no more than that.
I think I went blind and ridiculously crazy for having impossible thoughts about me and him being together.
I must had been stay silent for a quite long time, because I heard he's calling my name when I was busy fighting my tears.
"Charlie, say something.."