My head ached terribly. I almost couldn't focus on my surroundings for a few seconds that I would have to shut my eyes to regain conscious. I lied on the hospital bed continuously hearing the heart monitor beep at a constant rate.
I had woken up a couple minutes ago, and I was panicking, touching my chest, to see if the any knife had managed to stab through me, but I seemed perfectly fine. The doctors explained that my neck was a bit sore and that they'd given me ice, cream, and tea for my throat that was slightly red and swollen.
I don't remember passing out, I couldn't remember much before. Only that I stoped NY and that F4 was there. Along with him..Daoming Si. But was he really there or was my mind desperately playing tricks with me at that point?
The only good thing I felt good about was that my problems were finally over.
"Kiara!"
Oh shit never mind.
I sat up seeing Mira, Chen, Jungkook, and Nick..
"I can't believe you did all that without telling us!" Mira yelled pissed crossing her arms.
Chen sighed,"Your crazy, little cousin"
"Crazy is one way to describe her" Mira sassed.
I rolled my eyes, ignoring her. Jungkook came to the side of the bed and brought me into a warm hug. I smiled and hugged him back,"Thank god your alright Kiara. We thought you lost you when Mr.Wang told us what happened."
I raised my eyebrow,"Whoa calm down guys" I said pulling away from Jungkooks hug,"All she did was choke the air out of me. She didn't stab me or shoot me."
"Still, we care about you Kiara" Jungkook glanced over at Mira,"Even if some don't express it."
Chen chuckled, elbowing Mira's side who only nudged him back,"Yeah..we were pretty worried" Mira lowly said.
I smiled, at least she's somewhat behaving.
"So what exactly is gonna happen to NY or Haeun?" I asked leaning back into the bed.
" Haeun's in jail right now but she's going to prison" Mira shrugged.
I widened my eyes surprised,"Why?"
"Mr.Kim discovered that she had bought illegal drugs and devices for a period of time when she was trying to track where you were constantly moving" Jungkook explained.
Oh god, she went to that extreme?
"They'll be sending her to court sometime next week to determine how long she'll be behind bars" Chen continued on.
"Yeah, what's important is that it's all over" Jungkook said causing us all to ultimately agree.
"Can I talk to Kiara alone?" Nick suddenly blurted out, making the room turn quiet. I found myself shit in a uncomfortable position. I almost forgot he was here.
"I'll see you guys later" I waved at my family.
They got the idea and nodded, awkwardly waving bye before leaving the room.
Nick and I sat in front of each on the bed in silence. It seemed like none of us had the courage to talk about this, despite knowing that this needed to get over with.
"I'm sorry—" I began,
"I just wanna say—"
We both tried to speak at the same time but quickly stopped. I awkwardly laughed gesturing for him to continue on,"You can go first."
"I want us to continue on Kiara, and date."
Oh gee, maybe I should've gone first. I sighed shoving my face into my hands,"I don't know Nick.."
He frowned,"What do you mean you don't know?"
I looked up and removed my hands from my face,"What I mean is..I don't know if I can just be with you. Nick, you and I are so different. I know how you are. You prefer be someone for the fun of it. I don't, I want someone who I can be serious with."
"That's not just it, is it?" He asked but I didn't answer. I looked down at my hands guilty,"Its because of him isn't it?" He scoffed hearing his tone become harsher.
"I—I can't just get over him that fast Nick. What do you expect? I'm not like you!" I exclaimed.
"He left you Kiara, he doesn't want you. He hurt you, and you still wanna be with him?" He asked in disbelief.
He threw his hands down as he turned his back on me. I glared at him,"That's not true. He wasn't the one who hurt me, I hurt him, I'm the one who broke up with him."
"Then why are you so hurt about it?" He asked even more pissed.
"It's complicated, and quite frankly I don't want to explain it to you, what I really wanna know is why you wanna be with me? You never saw me like this before" I crossed my arms, standing up from the bed.
He turned to me annoyed,"What would you know?"
I laughed amused,"Are you serious? I remember when we were just kids I would want to hang out with you but every fucking time we went to some place you had a girl kissing your body, and there I would sit there listening how much you loved her lips on you and I hated how I had stupid feelings for you. It's like I was some fucking piece of trash when I was around you and I hated that I felt that way."
I felt hot tears threatening to spill but I began to breathe heavy. I tried to calm down but I realized I couldn't stand the sight of him right now,"You has feelings for me?"
I scoffed, shaking my head, I looked away from him,"Yeah I did."
Suddenly I felt his hands on my cheeks. I could see him wanting to lean in but I gave him a soft push,"Don't Nick."
"You said you had feelings for me. Like do you love me?" His voice whispered, almost as if he was afraid to cry.
I pushed myself to look at him, as I saw his eyes turning red,"I..I do love you, just not the way you want me to."
He sighed,"Okay..I understand."
"I'm sorry but what we could've had..died when I met him. I need to focus on myself right now, and I think you do too. I just can't see myself with anyone right now. I'm sorry" I apologized sincerely.
Cause right now, the love I have for Si I'm sure will never die, and that's what scares me.