Barry Allen never wanted to meet his soulmate.
He saw what losing his mum did to his dad and he never wanted to go through that, his dad was broken. He barely ate, he didn't work and he spent most of his time sleeping and he looked right throughw
Barry.
Barry loved his father but he didn't like visit him becuase all he did was talk about his mother like she'd just popped to the shops and she'd be back.
The denial over Noras loss would be Henry's constant companion forever.
Everyone deals with grief in diffrent ways.
Some move on fairly quickly and accept that there in a better place.
Others never get over the loss instead they throw themselves in activities like work or extreme sports.
While others try their hardest to forget.
When Barry received his soulmark in his 13th birthday he remebered his mother telling him that when he meets his soulmate he should never let her go because having a soulmate was the best gift.
Once his mother died Barry covered up the blue bird that he had named Rayla.
The blue bird spent most of its time over Barry's heart trying to protect him from all the hurt he felt.
Sometimes it would sit on his right shoulder and sing when Barry was in close proximity to his soulmate Rayla would flap her wings and chirp so loudly in his head until he got far enough away from her.
He had, had to many close calls with his soulmate.
It wasn't that he was avoding her becuase he just wasn't ready. He was avoiding her becuase he didn't want her.
If he had her he could lose her. He couldn't miss some one he'd never known.
***
Caitlin was messed up.
She put all her love in one person and did everything she could to make them happy and to make sure they loved her back just as much as she loved them.
It was wrong and it was toxic but she couldn't help it.
Her parents were Soulmates they loved eachother so much there was no love to spare for her.
Her parents sent her to a boarding school and that's how she lived.
She didn't grow up with any one to look up to and she had no one to lean on. She had no mother figure and no father figure she had parents who she was always so desperate to please them.
Because maybe she was doing something wrong. If she was perfect, they'd love her.
When she was 13 she got her soulmate mark the blue bird was beautiful and it spent most of its time on her shoulder or on her write wrist so she always knew she was there, so she knew she wasn't alone.
She named the blue bird hope it was cheesy but she was 13 and the name was fitting.
Now here she was 24 years of age and she still craved someone's love. She couldn't help it.
Her therapist said she needed to focus more on herself.
But then again after he'd said that he'd fucked her on his desk...
Sometimes Caitlin would trace every detail of the blue bird and imagine what her soulmate would be like.
She'd almost met him a few times and every time she stayed in that same place and waited.
After the 4th time she got the message lound and clear.
He didn't want to meet her.
He was the only person who could love her. He was supposed to love her.
Caitlin had learnt to ignor hope she kept her singing in the back of her mind.
But mark animals were there owners emotion as well as a connection to their soulmates emotions for instance if one of them is in distress.
A year ago Caitlin was in distress alot so now hope got agitated when she was in small spaces and there was lots of yelling or if Caitlin was being hurt.
Hope had taken to biting her wrist or her neck when she was really scared and wanted Caitlins attention.
Marks weren't living things but they weren't not living either, there was no science behind them that anyone could figure out.
When one part of the soulmate pair died the mark disappeared. Some people say that losing the mark was the worst part.
She was in the lift when Hope started chirping loudly alound.
Animal marks only did this when they were around their soulmates or they thought there owner was in danger.
Caitlin blushed embarrassed when everyone started giving her funny looks and she rubbed her thumb across the blue bird to try and calm hope.
"Miss your bird is unsettling my Dragon" a older man from the HR depart men said as politely as possible but she could see the dragons tail flicking over his collar bone.
"Sorry, she gets agitated very easily" she apologised.
She continued to try and soothe the bird but it wasn't working and the bird started flapping its wings frantically "hope stop" she hissed.
The blue bird continued and Caitlin tried to sooth it but it wasn't working and her ears were staring to ring with the high pitch chirping.
"Miss-"
"Yes I know Mr.Frederick my little bird is upsetting your Dragon" she snapped "Hope please" she tried
The bird began biting her wrist she couldn't draw blood or break bones but she could bruise her and she could cuase lots of pain.
She winced and her breath caught in her throat at least now she wasn't chirping.
As if on que hope started chripping again "Oh for the love of God" she muttered reaching towards the buttons in the lift "I'll just take the stairs"
Everyone murmured in agreement and hope but down really hard on her wrist making her yelp and cradle her wrist to her chest.
Tears pricked her eyes it hurt that much and she stroked hopes feathers "we're safe" she whispered but hope bit her again and she closed her eyes against the pain.
she herd someone let out a conflicted sigh before they mumbled "Oh What the hell" before she felt a hand on her wrist and the pain eased.
"Open your eyes" he said softly
She opened her eyes slowly and the pain in her wrist disappeared and hope settled her eyes automatically fell on the hand on her arm where an identical bird was sat flapping its wings at Hope.
She pulled her wrist out if his grasp like he had burned her.
She backed into the wall and shook her head slightly when the doors opened she ran.
She sat in the stair well for a while and hummed to calm hope down then she got to work as usual. It didn't change anything.
She worked at STAR labs it was a special facility for widows who still believed that their soulmates were coming back grieving like that was okay for a little while but if they lived like that for long enough they went crazy.
Caitlin was a nurse of sorts she monitored patients talked to them for a while maybe played a game of chess or scrable but when she wasn't doing that she was in the lab helping them devlop special drugs that could cut off a soulmate connection so widows weren't in so much pain after losing their soulmate. It was morally wrong to cut off a soulmate connection But it was as equally as wrong to let people suffer.
She had an easy wnough day today she got to spend it with her favourite patient.
"Good morning Mr. Allen" she greated forcing a smile that was half genuin.
"Good morning Dr. Snow"
He looked at the top of her hand and smiled "good morning Rayla"
Caitlin shook her head to herself "Mr. Allen I've told you her name is hope, we go through this every morning"
He shrugged and his eyes fixed on the bird that was flapping its wings at Henry in greeting.
"Okay lets look at your chart shall we" Caitlin said picking up the chart "do you need any medication?"
Henry shook his head and she smiled "good, do you want to go for a walk down the hall for me while I change your sheets?"
He laughed "your not a maid Dr. Snow"
She shrugged "the cleaners are never on time" a smile tugged at her lips and she helped Henry out of bed.
"Just-"
"Walk to the window to stretch my legs, I know"
Caitlin tugged the sheets of the bed and through them in the wash basket.
When Henry came back he settled down in a chair.
Caitlin caught sight of the birthday card "Oh, I almost forgot" she reached into her bag and pulled out a birthday card and hands it to him "happy birthday Mr. Allen"
He smiled "thankyou Dr. Snow, you'll get along well with my wife, I know that she's been waiting to meet you for along time now"
Caitlin smiled slightly Henry wasn't one of the worst patients they had and he only mentioned his soulmate once a day but he did it often enough to have him admitted by his son.
Henry was probably Caitlins favourite patient, he knew why he was here. He didn't try to escape. He didn't put up a fight and he'd never hurt her.
More then a few patients had kicked her, hit her, pinched her, bit her and pulled her hair. Henry was one of the calm and down to earth ones he could get very angry and snappy sometimes and within a few weeks of meeting her Henry had refused to listen to any nurse or Doctor apart from her.
"My son did he'd visit me yesterday, on the phone" Henry told her.
"That's nice, I know you've missed him"
"I wonder if he'll keep his promise this time" Henry thought alound.
His son Barry had promised to come visit on a number of occasions and Henry always got excited about seeing his son and he'd talk about him all the time.
She'd herd so many stories about Barry sometimes she felt she knew him, Henry made him sound like such a great and caring guy but when Barry would fail again to show up and she thought maybe he wasn't all as great as Henry said.
Caitlin didn't reply stright away instead she placed a hand on his shoulder "Everyone finds there way home"
Henry smiled "not everyone has a place to go home to" he said sadly
"I'm going to put in your order for lunch" she said softly "I'll be back soon"
"Take your time dear" Henry said his eyes fixed on hope sho had began to flap her wings in agitation.
Caitlin brushed her thumb over the bird and made her way out of his room.
To calm hope down she had to put her ear phones in listen to the 'Grease' playlists for some reason hope loved musicals.
"Summer days drifting away" she sung under her breath as she made her way back to Henrys room.
"Mr. Allen I asked them and they don't have the-" she cut her self off abruptly when she saw him her soulmate was sat opposite Henry and staring at her.
She couldn't move. It was like she was paralysed. "Doctor Snow this is my son Barry, he finally decided to visit" he smiled
She swolled past thr lump in her throat "...your son" she replied almost numbly she could barely here thr music blasting in her ears over the aound of blood rushing to here ears like she was under water.
Henry tilted his head and his eyes fixed on hope, who's chirping she hadn't registered.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts. What was she supposed to do now? She'd been waiting her entier life for Barry the one person in the world that could love her. The one person who dispite how messed up she was, loved her anyway.
But he'd always gone the other way, he'd always avoided her. He'd taken to not visiting his father so he wouldn't have to meet her.
Hope flapping her wings impatiently brought her back to reality.
And as if a switch had been flicked she plastered a a perfect fake smile on her face-- bright but not creepy, welcoming and not showing too many teeth.
"It's nice to meet you" she said and she was proud when her voice didn't waver "like I was saying" she turned to Henry they don't have the bread with the seeds in that you like so there going to put it on tiger bread instead"
Both men just stared at her blankly not taking in a word she was saying there eyes fixed on hope who had began to peck at her already bruised wrist.
She swallowed "I'm- I'm going to leave you to alone now" she said hurriedly turning towards the door.
"Doctor sno-"
She didn't let henry finish she just left and rushed to the abandoned stair well that no one used anymore.
...and throw my life away on a dream that won't come true...
It was so fitting to her situation it was funny.
She felt hope settle over her heart to sooth her as a tear rolled down her cheeks.
...but to cry infront of you, thats the worst thing I could do...
She ran her hand through her pony tail, this was a mess. She had no idea what happened next sometimes she wished she could just skip to the ending so she had some reassurance becuase this was just to painful.
"So do you make a habit of sitting in stair wells?" A voice said softly as the door closed behind them.
Caitlin glanced up at Barry then looked back down "go away"
He settled down next to her on the steps "...you see my dad really likes you and I was taught never to let a pretty girl cry"
She rolled her eyes "I'm not crying, please go away"
"I'm not going away"
Not this time. He mentally added.
"I know that something is wrong, a little birdy told me"
The joke was a along shot and it was more likely to make her angry then cheer her up.
"Your not funny" she grumbled but he saw her mood lighten slightly.
"...when Rayla is anxious she likes contry music" he said softly and gestured to her ear phones "what are you listening to?"
"Grease" she muttered
He couldn't help but smile "sounds about right...that looks painful" he gestured to her bruised wrist.
She swolled and looked down "it's fine"
"Why is she like that?" Barry asked
"I don't want to talk about it"
He nodded slightly.
"I'm sorry"
"No your not"