I brushed through my hair refusing to listen to Chen's argument with Mira about Daoming Si. Their argument was almost like on speaker for the entire household. I didn't dare to shut him up though.
Quite frankly, it kinda scared me to see him. I've never seen Chen angry. I didn't want to face him.
Right now he was spitting stuff on threatening to shove Si's face in god knows what. Curses were shooting out of his mouth like a firearm I was sure my staff was very concerned.
Mira only said a few words here and there but I couldn't think about that. It was too early for this. The whole thing was outrageous. It hurt to the point that I actually wanted to take a small sip of alcohol.
No, what was I thinking? I won't act reckless, not then, and certainly not now.
I shook my head grabbing my backpack from the bed,"I can do this. Just act..normal" I reminded myself for the millionth time.
Today was a school day and it was going to be harder to avoid Si at school. But as I practiced last night I had to act fine. It's the only way to convince others I'm okay.
I fixed my black ripped jeans, as Mira suddenly entered the room closing the door behind her. I raised my head up confused.
However, she walked up to me instantly taking off the grey sweater I was wearing,"Hey!" I snapped. She then took my hair out of its braid messing my whole hair up,"Mira!"
Mira ignored my complains and went to my closet tossing me a whole new outfit.
I caught them at ease,"Okay, What are you doing?"
"Wear something pretty, it'll always distract one from your true emotions." she said.
I glanced at her up and down confused. I opened my mouth to ask more but Mira put her hand telling me to not say more,"Trust me..it works. Just please go out and ignore Chen. He's not acting like himself right now"
Mira truthfully looked exhausting. Her energy seemed drained. Usually she was holding some sassy smirk on but now she had ber eyebrows furrowed together , her lips were being bitten by her pearl white teeth. It was a habit she did when she was nervous. She told me one time when we were kids.
"Okay, I'll sneak out through the kitchen or something like that" I assured awkwardly.
Mira bit her lips into a firm line nodding before leaving my room quietly. I slowly stared down at the outfit she gave me.Well I might as well wear what she gave me. But I wonder what that was about..I hope Chen isn't too pissed.
I sighed changing into the outfit she gave me that was a mini skirt and a long sleeve black top wearing a belt around the skirts waistline. I added the high knee black boots to the outfits since this outfit did expose a lot for cold weather.
I tied my hair into a high ponytail before hesitantly making my way to school. I made sure to not see Chen on my way out.
I took a cab to school thinking about the whole arranged marriage.
I mean, was I really ready for him to get married? To be with another person for the rest of his life? The thought of it sickened my stomach I had to stop myself from thinking. I put my hand to my mouth and stomach feeling nauseous.
I can't keep thinking like this. I should be happy for Si. This could help him become a better man just I wouldn't be by his side.
"We're here Ma'am" the driver said snapping me out of my thoughts.
My eyes darted at the school and him. I stiffly nodded clinging onto the strap of my bag,"Thank you. Here keep the change" I handed him the money before exiting the car.
I walked through the cold breeze hurrying to my classes. I made my way through the busy hallways not bothering to apologize for bumping shoulders, as I shoved earbuds into my ear blasting my Billie Ellish playlist for most of the day.
I avoided holding a conversation with anyone. I was trying to distract myself from him. All they would want to know is at least some detail of him. And that was off limits for me.
When lunch time arrived I met up with Shancai, and Quinghe walking along their side to get lunch.
We walked through the entrance of the cafeteria already seeing a bunch of people here. I sighed lowering my music a little as Quinghe suddenly one nudged my side,"Kiara, lets go over there" he said grabbing my arm.
I took my earbuds off as my eyes wondered over to where he was taking me.
When seeing it was F4 all together I froze. I looked at Si for a quick second. Our deep brown eyes met each other. He held a frown look with bags under his eyes. His food seemed to be barely touched. Except for the chopsticks there spinning in his hand.
I let out a shaky breath breaking the eye contact. I looked straight to the ground as Shancai joined my side when we got to their table.
"Hey guys" Quinghe greeted. The boys said their hi's but I remained mute refusing to look at him.
"Kiara, what's wrong?" Shancai asked, concerned.
I shook my head,"It's nothing" I assured.
"Aren't you going to say hi to Daoming Si?" Quinghe asked aloud.
Damn it.. I thought.
I forced myself to look at Si trying my hardest to look emotionless. I cleared my throat straightening my posture,"I guess I do have a few words to say. Congrats on your upcoming engagement , I'm proud I was there to witness the announcement"
Ximen, Lei, and Mei Zou eyes bulged turning to Si fast,"Engagement? That's your long story?" Lei asked shocked.
Whispers and eyes were on us, but I did my best to ignore them.
Si began to twisted his chopsticks awkwardly. He avoided their eyes until he dropped the utensil and stood up finally looking me in the eyes,"Hey, I didn't know about it either. My mom decided on her own"
I crossed my arms,"Is that so? Well I guess your marriage won't be a problem seeing that you held hands passionately while running to elope"
"Am I that crazy? Why would I elope with that crazy women!?"
I scoffed in disbelief,"I'm not the crazy one here. Your mom whose the crazy bitch that dragged me to see that romantic moment with that new fiancé of yours" I hissed.
Si let out a frustrated sigh,"I cant explain it to you"
I raised my eyebrow shooting death glares,"Then don't, go talk to your perfect match. I mean you both ran off together might as well continue that sweet shit"
"I'm telling you, Kiara, I made a mistake! I thought it was you"
He thought it was me? I stared at him feeling my blood suddenly boil,"Excuse me? Did you think that excuse would work? We look nothing alike. Our hairstyles, skin, clothes, height, weight are completely different! You can't be that blind."
"But it's the truth! Why are you so unreasonable? I tried calling you all last night" he frowned.
"That's because I blocked your number"
Actually that wasn't true. I didn't block his number, Chen did but in this argument it made more sense.
"You what!?"
"No, you know what? I shouldn't have to be reasonable" I snapped taking a step closer that our chests almost touched,"After kissing you and some what confessing to you I find out the next day your getting married? Did you never think on how I would feel? I warned you about your Mom and how she'll still control your actions, but you know what forget what I said. Go and be with fiancé who has everything you like, fair skin, short, cute innocent beauty. I'll be over here, away from you!"
"Kiara Wait!"
I rushed past people not bothering to wait for Shancai or Quinghe. I ran out through the hallways til I was outside feeling the cold breeze hit me. I stood at the side of the building rolling my head back.
I shut my eyes not wanting tears to come out but it was too late. I cursed under my breath furiously wiping the tears that were flowing down my cheeks.
"I hate this, I didn't want this" I cried silently. I rolled down to my butt hugging my knees together. Was he really in love with her? Gee, I regret kissing him. I knew what we had was too complicated. Our worlds were full of the same struggles.
Except I was too broken to be fixed. I was still trying to pick myself up. I thought Si would somehow always be at my side. I guess I was wrong.
I sobbed into my hands hiccuping a little.
I can't help but want him, it hurts, it feels like I'm suffocating in a bubble of water being drowned repeatedly. Si was like my source of actually living out of the darkness. But thinking on his marriage is throwing me back to where I can't breathe.
I shook my head leaning my head back that the wind softly blew on my cheeks that began to burn.
Was this what my feelings were for him? Did I really love him? Strong enough that I disapproved the marriage?