The next morning was actually pretty nice. It was sunny but not overbearingly so, it was just the right amount. Of course it would be so uplifting when I had to go do something so upsetting.
I still wasn't sure how I was gonna tell Max about my true feelings. It was all much easier said than done. Yes, I had always had strong feelings for Jay but that didn't mean I didn't also have feelings for Max. Like I said, he was there for me and was always so attentive towards my feelings and troubles.
I wanted to wait until later that day so that I could gather my thoughts and hopefully be able to word myself correctly.
I wasn't very hungry so I just went to the kitchen and made myself some coffee. After fixing it to my liking I went into the living room to find something entertaining on tv. Of course there was nothing interesting so I just resumed my coffee sipping and deep thinking.
There was some noise coming from the kitchen so I knew Jasmine or Ana must be awake. Thank God. I heard "Hey There Delilah" start to play and I knew that it was Jasmine making all the noise. She was in love with the song and had recently set it as her ringtone.
Based on her tone, she was talking to someone important. I thought it best not to interrupt her intense conversation.
She hung up and came into the living room with a cup of tea. Her face had annoyance written all over it.
"Morning. What was all that about?" I asked before taking yet another sip of my coffee.
"My parents. They were asking about school again. I keep them updated with everything so I have no idea why they're treating me like a freakin kid." she huffed.
"Because they're your parents, that's what they do Jasmine." I stated and realized that may have sounded harsh.
"I know, it's just annoying is all. Anyway have you decided what you're gonna tell him?" she questioned.
I nearly choked on my drink, how did Jasmine even know about it?!
" Jasmine how did yo-"
"Dude you and Ana are loud. Plus I'm not dumb, I can put two and two together. Don't avoid the question." she stated.
I nodded and chose a patch of the floor to keep my eyes on so that I didn't get too upset or anything. "Honestly, I have no fucking clue. He's really a great guy, he doesn't deserve this and I feel like shit knowing that I'm basically leaving him for one of his best friends."
"Well, you guys aren't official or anything so that'll make it easier honestly. Plus like Ana said, I'm pretty sure he knows. He's probably just hoped this day wouldn't be for a while." she replied.
I chewed my nails nervously, which really sucked because I hadn't done it in quite some time. " You're right. I think I should just be honest with him about everything. He deserves that much at least."
"Whatever happens and whatever you decide to do, I'll be here for support. Ana too." she ruffled my hair.
"Thanks boo. I should probably go shower and change. I wanted to wait until later this evening but I might as well go now. Especially cause I think I know what to say." I sighed and got off the couch. Jasmine smiled at me and kept drinking her tea.
I've always loved taking showers, they're just so therapeutic. Seriously, most of my problems were solved in the shower. I'm not sure why but my thoughts became much clearer. Maybe because it's just you and the shower, nothing else to cloud your judgement. Plus, it's what I usually do when I'm upset, which is a lot. I'd been able to learn to control my anxiety and depression but of course they still played a part in my life. Not many people knew about my problems, actually, there were only three people that knew everything. Ana, Jasmine and Jay.
Oh Jay, that curly bafoon. I hadn't even talked to him in ages. For obvious reasons, but still I have to admit, I missed our conversations. He just had this way of making people feel comfortable. And I missed that. But I needed to keep my mind on Max and what I was going to say, because this wasn't going to be easy.
I just hoped I wouldn't lose both of them in the process.
***
Once I got to Max's place, I had to keep myself from turning around multiple times. But he needed to know the truth and it was the least I could give him after all he'd given me.
With each step my feet felt heavier and heavier until I was finally at his door. I knocked three times before he acknowledged my presence.
"Who is it?" he yelled in his cute little Manchester accent.
"It would probably be wise to look through the peep hole Max." I joked, trying to lighten to mood.
He opened his door right away. "Oh but then I wouldn't be able to see a clear image of you, love." he kissed my cheek and ushered me inside.
"Do you want water or anything?" he began walking toward the kitchen.
"Uh no I'm fine. I just really wanna talk to you about something important." I responded timidly. I stared at my hands and noticed my chipped, black nail polish.
"Oh alright, go on." he sounded surprised and walked toward his couch, clearly expecting me to follow him.
I sat down carefully and turned so that I was facing him directly.
"Before I say anything, I just want you to know that you're an amazing friend and I'm glad to be able to even call you a friend." I twiddled my thumbs, I could feel my palms start to sweat.
"Um thanks, what's all this about though? Have I done something wrong?"
"No not at all. In fact, the complete opposite. You've really been there for me a lot lately and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate that. But if we're being honest here, you and I both know this is a bit more than friendship." I said carefully, praying he wouldn't react terribly.
"Well yeah I'd say that'd kinda obvious. I don't kiss all my friends you know." he laughed.
I let out a small laugh and continued with my sentence. " I'm not going to lie, I've enjoyed it. Not just the whole kissing thing but our relationship with each other in general. You're such an awesome person and I know that you'll make an excellent boyfriend. But, just not for me."
His smile had disappeared and was replaced with a slightly clenched jaw and what appeared to be watery eyes. I pleaded with the gods that may be that I wouldn't have to see him cry.
I reached for his hand and scooted closer to him.
"I'm really sorry. I truly am, I didn't want this to happen. Especially not when you've been nothing but kind to me. Max I rea-"
"I know. It's okay Sally, really. Honestly, I saw this coming. I knew things were going too well, this is what always happens with me." he grabbed my hands and ran his thumb over them.
My cheek became wet and I decided to try and talk now before my crying ruined my voice.
"But you need to know why. You deserve that much. You're one of the funniest, nicest and coolest people I've ever met and I know that one day you're gonna make some lucky girl very happy. I know this is so cliché but it's the truth, it's not you..it's me. I like someone else very much and it's not fair to you or me to pretend I don't like this person." I rested my head on his shoulder.
"I know who you're talking about. I've always known. You don't have to hide it or anything. You obviously love Jay. I had just hoped I'd be enough for you. But you two belong together and I can't keep you apart any more. But I want you to know that well, I... I love you and I think I always will. So no matter what happens, I'll be here for you. Always." he finished and rested his head on top of mine.
Wow. I knew he liked me, but I had no idea just how much.
"I'm not even sure what to say, because I know I can't say anything to fix this. And I'm really sorry about that." I replied softly.
"You've already fixed me. Now it's your turn to fix him."
We stayed like that for a while before I decided I should leave. I could tell that he needed some time and I respected that. After all, he had just confessed his love for me and I didn't feel the same way.
Even though I still felt bad that I couldn't give him what he wanted, I was content with knowing that he wasn't angry with me and that he would continue to be part of my support system.
Because that was a pretty big job and I'm glad he was part of it.
And with that knowledge, I could finally tell Jay everything I'd always wanted to.
-------------------
Hi !!
This chapter actually made me emotional while I wrote it but I hope you guys like it even though it's short and kind of a filler (:
I recently went back and read the first few chapters and I realized my story had veered from what I intended it to be but I think I know what to do now.
Either way I hope you all like it and if you don't that's cool too.
Thank you so so so much for getting this story to 900 reads, I'm truly shocked. Your reads mean the world to me.
Hopefully I'll be able to update soon cause I know I'm kinda dragging this on. But it'll all work out I promise!
ily all
Xx