* POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING*
I know that Brendon has anxiety too but for the purpose of this imagine, he doesn't. No disrespect at all to him x
Y/N POV:
Tonight I'm going to see my Brother do his first show on the Pray For The Wicked tour. It's been ages since I've been to see Panic! in concert so I'm excited. However, part of me is extremely nervous because for the past few months, I've been really struggling with anxiety. I've found it increasingly difficult to be around large crowds of people and it's caused me to have multiple panic attacks.
As I drive to the venue, I put on my most relaxing playlist, trying to ease the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. It was an effort to leave the house, every time I headed for the door, my eyes would well up with tears so I had to spend some time calming myself down. As I drive, I focus on my breathing, trying to keep it as steady and as even as possible. I try to remind myself that there'll be people around me that I'm familiar with and if anything happens, they're sure to help me.
"Hey stranger" Zack says, meeting me at the back entrance to the venue. He hands me a pass, so that I won't constantly be asked for ID and he leads me to the dressing room. I feel my nerves ease off, instead they're replaced with overwhelming excitement. I haven't seen Brendon in a while, as I've been busy with my own work so I can't wait to see him.
"Y/N!" He shouts, hopping off the sofa and running over to me. He picks me up and whirls me round, just like he used to when we were a lot younger.
"Slightly dizzy" I say and he puts me down, pulling me into the tightest hug ever. It feels so good to be with again. We're lucky to have be really close, able to tell each other anything. However, I haven't told him about my anxiety. We've both been so busy and he's been so excited due to the new album, that I didn't want to burst his bubble.
"Hey you" Sarah says, giving me a more gentle hug. The others greet me too and we spend a while just catching up. When I'm with them all, I feel so at ease that I almost forget why I'm really here.
"Excited for the show?" Brendon asks.
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" I laugh, he knows how much I love watching him perform.
*After The Show*
"Brendon, you wanna go out and meet some of the fans?" Zack asks, after Brendon's showered and dressed.
"Yeah of course, let me just finish packing up my stuff" He says, shoving some stuff into a small bag. The rest of us talk amongst ourselves, buzzing from the most amazing show possible. The others head out first, wanting to get straight onto the bus. Sarah follows them but I stay behind, as requested by Brendon.
"Just thought you'd want to see some of the fans too, they really like you Y/N" He says, finishing putting everything in his bag. Zack, Brendon and I begin heading out of the venue, saying thank you and goodbye to the staff as we make our way out.
Immediately, I feel my stomach do a flip as I hear the screams of the crowd outside. There is easily over 200 people, all pushing to be as close to the door as possible. I feel my heart rate speed up as we get closer to the door and I will myself to keep moving, despite everything inside me telling me to turn and run. My breathing begins to turn weird, but Zack and Brendon don't notice.
As we step outside, the noise is almost deafening. Everyone is fighting for Brendon's attention, waving phones and bits of paper in his face, desperately wanting an autograph and a selfie. I hear some people screaming my name and I do my best to smile and say Hi, but inside I feel like I'm dying. Everything becomes a blur and it all becomes too overwhelming. It feels like I can't breathe. I try to tap Zack's shoulder, but there's so many people waving their arms about that he doesn't feel it.
I try to push my way through the crowd, but everyone is packed in so tightly that nobody wants to move. I feel hot tears begin to stream down my face as I become more forceful in my pushing, desperately trying to break away from the crowd. After much effort, I manage to get away and I run to a secluded side of the venue.
Leaning against the wall, I let the tears run down my face, not caring about how loudly I'm crying. I try to calm my breathing down, trying to remember all the breathing exercises I've read about over the past few months. In the background, I can still hear the screams and shouts of all the fans. Due to all the noise, I struggle to get myself to a calmer frame of mind.
"Y/N? Y/N where are you?" I hear Brendon shout. I open my mouth to speak, but due to the tears that are still rolling down my cheek, I'm unable to get any sound of my mouth. I hear his voice growing closer and I try my best to wipe my face, not wanting him to see me like this.
"What's wrong? Y/N, what happened?" He asks, putting an arm round me, rubbing my arm gently. I collapse to the ground and he sits down next to me, wrapping me up in his arms.
"The crowd. I can't. Anxiety" I manage to get out in between tears.
"Okay, shhh, take some deep breaths for me, okay? It's a panic attack but it will pass, I just need you to breathe with me" He says, taking deep breaths and I start to copy him. With each breath, I feel my heart rate slowing down and eventually, the tears stop streaming down my face. He keeps rubbing my back, helping me to feel more calm and secure.
"There we go, you're doing really well. Shall we head back to the bus? We can go a quieter way, okay?" He asks and I nod my head. He stands up first and then offers me his hand, which I gratefully accept. As we head back to the bus, my eyes dart about, looking out for a group of fans that might come up to us. Luckily, most of the crowd have gone home, realising that Brendon isn't going to come out again.
"Has this been happening for a while?" He asks.
"A few months" I say quietly, averting my gaze to the ground.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He says, sounding really sad. I knew this was coming.
"I didn't want to bother you, I thought I was overreacting" I reply, looking at him quickly. His eyes are filled with sadness.
"Hey! If something is wrong, then you'd never be bothering me. I want to know things like this, it makes me sad that you've been going through this alone. I'm sorry I made you come out to see the fans with me" He says and I quickly pull him into a hug.
"Weirdly, I'm glad you did. I'll never beat this if I don't put myself in uncomfortable situations. I won't rush to do it again, but it's not your fault" I assure him, smiling at him.
"I love you, Y/N. Please don't keep things from me" He says and I nod, not really knowing why I didn't just tell him in the first place.
Ahhh wasn't sure how to end it.