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Thunderstorms.
Out of all things that could terrify you in the world, it was the ear splitting sound of cracking thunder that followed the flashes of light. Not the idea you could be eaten alive by a Titan or even titans themselves. No, it was thunderstorms that made you anxious. It was almost childish but you couldn't help it.
Yet here you were, standing outside in the pouring rain, the night sky void of moonlight and stars. The storm was at its peak over you and the thunder that rumbled the earth and the blinding light didn't faze you. You were too engrossed in your thoughts, emotions running rampant. Worry, excitement, fear. When one emotion would run its course, you felt a wave another.
How am I going to tell him...?
For once in your life, the thunder didn't make you jump in fright because all you wanted was for this rain to wash away your thoughts.
Your confused tears kept mixing in the rain that pelted your face and you attempted to gather yourself together. You'd been out here hiding for two hours now; he would come and find you eventually. You knew well enough he was going to be worried. But the thought of going back inside headquarters seemed daunting and you decided to instead, sit down against a wall for a moment. Sparing others from your emotional issues was a top priority to you for now.
As long as the rain let up a little, the Survey Corps was going to do some cleanup work around Wall Rose tomorrow. Titans have been hanging out around the walls lately and Commander Erwin Smith has been ordered by the general to push them back.
And that's why you were scared.
You haven't felt that way since your days as a recruit but you were terrified of the titans again and the idea that you could die.
You absently put a hand on your abdomen. The waves of uncontrollable weeping, the random nausea, and a sudden aversion to the idea of eating gruel or the other disgusting crap the military had to eat some days were pretty clear to you now. Your poor husband had no idea what you were going through either; he was a busy man.
"Dammit to hell!" you heard a faint voice through the rain. You cringed inwardly and waited for the person to approach you. "I've been looking everywhere for you! And the hell are you doing out here for? You hate thunderstorms."
Despite the general acidity in the tone you could tell there was relief underlying in the words. A figure crouched down in front of you and you lifted your gaze up to the man you married two years ago. Levi automatically looked more concerned at the sight of your red eyes.
"Hey...what's wrong with you?" He touched your face gently, moving aside some of your dripping hair. You didn't answer but instead closed your eyes and leaned slightly into his hand. He was so warm compared to the cold rain; even the wedding ring on his finger that touched your skin gave you some solace.
With a heavy sigh, he moved to help you up. "It's cold. You're going to fall ill so let's get you inside."
"Yeah..." you replied quietly as you rose to a stand.
"I can't afford to have you sick tomorrow. You won't perform well," said Levi, putting an arm around your shoulder. He moved forward and you followed suit, almost clinging to him. He noticed this and paused to gaze at you. "What's wrong?"
Unsure of how to say what you wanted, you found yourself shaking your head. "Nothing. I just was thinking."
Levi brought your left hand to his lips, kissing the wedding band around your finger. "You're always thinking," he said. "More introspection?"
You found your lips twitching into a smile. "Something like that."
A crack of lightning flashed over your heads, followed two seconds later by loud thunder. You jumped involuntarily and Levi chuckled. Without another word, he led you inside to your shared room to dry you off.
You remained quiet, Levi rubbing your sopping hair with a towel. Your eyes were staring blankly at his cravat he always wore. Levi, however, was watching you carefully. He knew that it was best to leave you be in the midst of intense thinking you had every so often. Your intelligence was something he always found attractive, as well as your constant desire to improve yourself physically and mentally. You and him were alike when it came to thinking logically instead of through feelings. That being said, your heart for people was what sealed the deal on his end.
"Don't leave my side tomorrow," you suddenly said from underneath the towel. Levi paused, lifting the fabric up to find your eyes clearer than they have been in days.
He furrowed his brow. "You say that as if I haven't been by your side for the last four years...." He resumed drying you again but you waved him off dismissively.
You rose to a stand and absently began to undress. "I know," you sighed, tossing aside your jacket and moving to strip from your pants. You wanted to tell him but if you told him before the expedition tomorrow, he may do something completely reckless to keep you safe. You didn't doubt his skills, of course. He was a brilliant soldier and everyone knew that.
Warm arms enveloped you from behind once you were standing in your underwear. You leaned into Levi's embrace and closed your eyes, listening to his even breathing. Silence fell over you both but you felt comfortable and at ease finally. You should have ran straight to him for some peace of mind instead of secluding yourself in the rain.
Since falling in love with you, and especially after marriage, Levi has changed. Not completely, but he was gentler with his words and not as cold to the world. He still had his tendencies to be tactless and cruel, but those only showed when in battle or while in "work mode." In his personal life, and particularly with you, he let his emotions show more and even learned to be affectionate to some degree. The thought of his early days of dating you made you smile; he had been awkward and almost naive. Two things you never would have thought he could be. The only thing Levi had ever been unseasoned in was love.
You felt Levi kiss your shoulder gently. "Worrying doesn't suit you, sweetheart," you whispered, eyes still closed. He snorted quietly into your skin, never having been one for such names like "sweetheart" and "honey." Not that he would admit it openly, but he was fond of the way you called him those things though.
"Well, you're worrying me..." He kissed the nape of your neck. "Did something happen? Or are you scared from the storm? Are your parents sick or is it your brother?"
He paused.
"...Or is it something I've done? I know I haven't been around much in the last two weeks but-"
You opened your eyes and turned to face him. "No, no, no, no," you said, hands at his cheeks and looking at him directly. "You've done nothing wrong and I know you're working hard. Our marriage is perfect and everyone is fine. Please don't over analyze me like that, Levi. Don't worry."
He did not look convinced. "So what is it?" he asked, tone becoming a little more demanding. He took your hands off his face and held them tight. "You're hiding something."
You could no longer hold his intense gaze and you turned away to change your wet undergarments. Even now, there were times when he would make you uncomfortable just by looking at you.
"It's nothing bad," you assured him, unclipping your bra. "Let's just...go to bed. I'm tired. We can talk about it tomorrow. I promise."
You slipped into the bed, avoiding Levi's questioning gaze. You so desperately wanted to tell him, to share the news with him and feel the excitement together. It just didn't seem like the right time to tell him. If he knew, he would probably try to keep you off the expedition tomorrow and you were needed. Squad Levi would be unbalanced and lacking of you weren't there by his side.
It was not long after you felt Levi's warm chest against your back, his arm holding you close to him. "Oi," he said into the darkness of the room. "I love you."
His lips brushed against your hair and you smiled.
"And I love you."
With that, you fell asleep to the sound of heavy rain and Levi's gentle hand stroking your arm.
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"Heichou!" shouted a female voice on your right. You landed on a large tree branch before turning to Petra who had landed just below you.
The rain still was falling but the worst of the storm had passed overnight and because of that, the Survey Corps had their cleanup expedition underway. The majority of the Titans had been led away from the surrounding town outside of Trost and into the nearest forest where the Corps would use the tall trees to its advantage. Fighting them in flat ground was too difficult to manage. So far, only a handful of injuries have been incurred but as far as you knew, no fatalities. Yet.
A small thud occurred just above your head and you didn't need to look to know it was Levi.
"Ten meter and two five meter titans inbound," Petra reported, the rest of the squad landing among the branches around you.
Levi nodded, perched against the side of the tree with the help of his gear. "(F/n) and I will take the ten, the rest of you finish off the others. Petra and Eld on one, Gunther and Oluo on the second."
There was a resounding noise of agreement from Squad Levi before everyone dashed off as assigned.
You hesitated.
Since breakfast, you've felt nauseated beyond measure but you were able to keep yourself from vomiting thus far. The rank smell of dead titans wasn't really helping your stomach at all but there was work to be done. Keeping a level head was the only thing keeping your meal from coming up at bay.
"Titan sighted," you heard Levi call from in front of you. Flying forward through the trees, you used the trunks to push off every so often for more momentum, struggling to keep up with Levi. That was nothing new though.
Without words, you knew you were to play distraction while your partner finished the deed. The ten meter was easy work when it was Levi as your partner. This Titan wasn't particularly intelligent or even fast, making it almost pointless for you to be there. Levi was skilled enough to take this one down on his own.
Whipping around said titan, you easily maneuvered away from its hand that tried to catch you. With moves borrowed and learned from Levi, you swung your blades toward the titan's face, detaching them in midair. The iron blades flew at top speed, making contact straight into the eyes and blinding it.
Levi easily dealt with the rest of the body, moving quicker than any soldier. Sometimes, you genuinely thought he liked to show off in front of you, like now. He could have easily just made for the nape of the neck but instead, he almost was toying with the titan, cutting off tendons vital for movement.
With one final strike, he took a large chunk of the titans neck. Blood spattered across your face before you perched yourself high among the trees. The earth rumbled when the Titan hit the floor.
Levi landed in a branch beside you and the both of you stared down at the already steaming Titan.
"Tch, too easy," said Levi, sheathing his blades. You continued to gaze at the Titan below.
"Well, maybe for you, show-" You ground to a halt, when a wave of the decaying flesh smell hit you. Dizzying nausea consumed you. Without warning, you gripped your stomach and heaved out your breakfast into the air.
"(F/n)!" cried Levi in alarm. He has never seen you react like this to a Titan kill before, at least not since your days as a recruit. "What the hell? Are you okay?"
The vomit kept coming, making your eyes water. You forced yourself to think of something else, anything other than the giant carcass in front of you. Gasping for air, you moved your face to the sky, hoping the cold rain would make you feel better.
"I'm pregnant," you said, spitting out the bad taste in your mouth. This was the last way you wanted to tell him but at this point, you couldn't keep it in any longer. Your vomiting made it too hard to cover up.
There was no reply and you looked over to Levi to find him staring at you blankly. He was expressionless as ever, but as his wife, you could see the slightest amount of astonishment in his eyes. You didn't break his gaze, unsure of what you should do to soothe his shock. Somehow, you expected him to react this way, even if you had been discussing the idea of children for months now.
"What?" He barely said it over the rain.
"I-I'm pregnant!" you repeated, still huffing slightly. "You're going to be a father."
Another massive wave of nausea hit you and you vomited again. You hated the way your whole body would lock up in the midst of you throwing up and you were grateful there were no titans around. Once you were finished, you slumped in the air, your wiring keeping you from falling out of the tree. Exhaustion replaced your queasy feeling and you prayed the cleanup was near complete. You weren't going to be much use in this state.
Again, you looked to Levi for a reaction as you wiped the remaining saliva with your green Corps cloak. This time, however, he appeared both concerned for you and strangely angry.
"Levi?"
"Why the hell did you wait to tell me this!?" he snapped. "Are you kidding me? Our child is inside you right now and you're fucking out here in the rain, killing titans!?"
"What was I supposed to do?" You knew he wasn't entirely angry with you; you knew full well he was just concerned. "I wasn't going to stay behind because I'm a few weeks pregnant. I'm fine!"
"Clearly not!" Levi gripped your arm and pulled you roughly onto the branch. "You may be a soldier but you are my wife and that takes precedence over whatever duty you have to the Corps."
That wasn't entirely true and he knew that. However, the perks of being humanity's strongest soldier was that often simple personal requests were granted without much thought.
You thought he as going to lay into you more about how reckless you were being but instead, he hugged you tightly. You cringed, knowing you reeked of vomit but he didn't seem to care.
"I would kiss you but you just threw up," he grumbled into your ear. You chuckled at this, wrapping your arms around him. "And to be clear, I'm still pissed at you."
In spite of the statement, you laughed a little harder. "But you're happy, right?"
"What kind of question is that, stupid?" said Levi when he pulled away. He poked your abdomen gently and you automatically put your hand over his to keep it there. "That little shit in there is the product of our love. Of course I'm happy."
"'Little shit...'" you repeated with a roll of your eyes. "Sweetheart, if you're going to call him that, he will end up being just like you. I don't know if I can handle that."
"What makes you think it's a boy?" Levi raised an eyebrow.
You pat him on the cheek affectionately. "Because he's making my life a living hell upon our first meeting, just like his father."
Levi grumbled, not pleased with the answer.
"You picked a hell of a way to tell me. In the middle of a fucking expedition. Honestly, (f/n)."
At this, you averted your eyes. "I'm sorry. I only just realized a couple days ago. I wasn't sure how to bring it up when you've been busy."
"'Honey, we're having a baby' would have sufficed," said Levi, clearly still miffed. You rolled your eyes again, knowing that whatever you said would probably not be a good enough reason in his eyes. He had a point though.
"Honey, we're having a baby," you imitated him with a tired smirk. "There."
Before he could snap a retort at you, the rest of Squad Levi called out to you both, landing within the trees around you.
"Five meters are taken care of," confirmed Eld firmly, going into a squatting position.
Levi rounded on his team, who all froze at the sight of his stern gaze. He pointed to the side directly at you.
"She's pregnant."
A moment of silence ensued and you facepalmed at how blunt he was. Not that you expected him to say it any other way.
With a clamor of noise, you could hear the congratulations, and Oluo's haughty reservations, from your squad mates. You couldn't help but smile to yourself as Petra swept you into a tight hug.
"Oi!" barked Levi. "My child is in there. For the remainder of the expedition, I expect every one of you to keep (f/n) safe. Understood?"
You rolled your eyes and held up a hand. "That's really not necessary," you were saying but trailed off when you received a sharp look from your husband.
"I have to report to Commander Smith. Regroup with Squad Hanji on the west side of the forest. I'll be back," Levi ordered, readying his blades and gear. "Don't engage any titans unless absolutely necessary, am I clear?"
He was stared down Eld, who didn't flinch at Levi's heavy gaze. "Yes sir!" said Eld, saluting his superior.
"And you," growled Levi, turning to face you again. You smiled innocently, already aware of what he was going to say. "If I lose you, I'm not just losing one person now. So don't you dare do something stupid."
"Yes, sir," you sighed, lazily saluting him. You knew you'd get an earful about that when you both got home tonight.
Against his better judgement, Levi pecked your cheek lightly. "Be safe," he whispered in your ear. With that, he ran to the edge of the branch and fired off his wires. You watched his form disappear into the haze of the rain and trees before you let out another heavy sigh.
"Aww," Petra giggled beside you. "He really loves you. You're so lucky!"
You returned her smile, noticing Oluo pretending to gag himself senseless while Eld appeared unfazed and Gunther looking strangely uncomfortable. It was hard not to laugh quietly to yourself, positive that Levi being openly affectionate was a strange sight to them.
"Luck huh?" you said under your breath. You weren't sure if luck really had much to do with it.
"Let's move!" said Eld, unsheathing a pair of blades. "We were ordered to regroup."
The rest of Squad Levi readied themselves to move out. You reached for your trigger hilts and attached a pair of blades before you leapt out of tree, launching yourself into the forest. The team maneuvered their way through the vegetation, eyes peeled for any Titan movement.
It was relatively quiet in the forest. Although the rain wasn't nearly as heavy as the night before, it still stung your face as you flew through the canopy. Eld led all of you to where you left your horses and you landed lightly on your feet in the saddle. Once you adjusted yourself properly, you reined your mount to face your second in command.
"Squad Hanji should be only half a league from here," said Eld. "Just stay alert for titans."
He glanced at you and you sighed in annoyance. "Let's not do something unnecessary on my account," you said, trying to keep your tone indifferent. "If we run into trouble, don't expect me to back off and run."
"Levi doesn't want you to engage-"
"My husband is being unreasonable in light of our situation,"you cut in dryly. "No one in the Survey Corps receives special treatment, not even Levi. Neither should I."
Petra put an hand at your arm. "But you're with child now. You need to be careful."
"I'm aware," you replied, your fingertips absently stroking your stomach. "I'll be fine."
Eld exchanged a skeptical glance with Gunther but did not state his opinion. He rounded his horse to face west. "We need to move out."
With agreement, you tied the reins of Levi horse to yours to lead it. With a quick kick into your own mount's side, you were off into the hazy forest.
You didn't show it, but you actually were highly irritated that everyone now was treating you as a liability to the team. You understood the concern; you were bearing a human being now, no matter how small. This was yours and Levi's child and of course you were worried for your welfare and the baby. However, the idea of you just being the weak link was aggravating. You've been with the Corps for years; now is not the time for you to be babied.
"Eld!! Five titans!" Oluo cried out, cutting through your thoughts. You looked to your left at the incoming titans. Three were at least ten to twelve meters and the other two were anywhere from five to seven. Two had blood dripping from their mouths and it was clear that another squad was decimated by this pack of titans. A deviant seemed to be leading the others, though you didn't think that was by choice or intelligence. This deviant was fast even though it was moving on all fours like a beast of the forest.
"Do not engage them!" Eld ordered, pushing forward. "Orders are to keep (f/n) safe! Do not engage them."
"Don't be stupid!" you shouted, pushing your hood back for better visibility. "There's a deviant in there!! We can't avoid this!"
You didn't wait for another order and sprung up to the balls of your feet on your saddle. With a quick move, you were in the air, blades unsheathed and gassing towards the titans. You heard the cries of alarm from the others, knowing they'd follow you in order to keep you safe. In the back of your mind, you knew you were going to be reprimanded severely for disobeying orders but there wasn't a way to outrun the deviant titan's speed.
The deviant leapt for you, its enormous teeth making a snap as you passed. It nearly caught your torso but you were agile enough to dodge the attack and you made for the titans behind it. With a burst of gas and your cables giving you momentum, you flew past the rest of them and swung around a tree to make for the nape of the nearest ten meter.
Blood sprayed your clothes when you cut a chunk out of the neck. The Titan went limp and fell to floor of the forest. You landed against a tree trunk for only half a second, before pushing off of it and firing off your wires once more. Your eyes caught the quick movement of your teammates; Eld, Oluo, and Petra were teaming up to take down the deviant and Gunther already took down one of the smaller titans.
The last twelve meter Titan saw you coming and made to snatch you out the air. You easily dodged the hand with a quick maneuver you learned from your husband. However, you did not see the second hand come after you.
You realized you gravely misjudged this titan's intelligence once the massive fingers closed in around you. Your shriek pierced the air, the pain of being crushed slowly becoming unbearable.
"Shit!" you groaned, barely able breathe. Paralyzing fear engulfed you, the titan's giant eyes peered at your face. In the distance, you could hear your squad mates screaming your name but the Titan was already slowly bringing to its opened mouth. They wouldn't make it.
You couldn't scream. This was it. You were going to die. You and your child.
"L-Levi," you choked out. You shut your eyes, awaiting your fate. "Levi..."
There was still so much you had to live for. Your child...Levi, you were young still. You would leave so much behind if you were to die now. Even in your immovable state, your arms locked at your side, a fire burned inside you. Without thinking, you opened your eyes, the abyss of the titan's mouth before you. You desperately tried to wiggle free but it was a useless attempt. If only you could move your hands!
I can't die. Oh god, I can't!! Levi!! Levi help me!
There was only a half a foot between you and the teeth that would tear into you like nothing. It was over, no one would come and save you.
"I'm sorry."
Overhead, there was a battle cry unlike any you've ever heard, making the Titan pause as he put you in his mouth. The rage and anguish mixed together in that cry created a desperation you could feel in your veins.
And within a flash of movement, quicker than your eyes could focus, there was blood spraying from every direction. It splashed into your eyes, the warm liquid nearly burning your skin and before you could understand what was happening, the fingers that encased you loosened.
You didn't hesitate. Scrambling for your trigger hilts in midair, you shot out your cables. They made purchase in the thighs of the Titan and you managed to swing between its legs and collide into the ground ungracefully. You weren't seriously injured so you were able to spring out of a roll and turned to find Levi making the final strike of the titan.
"Levi..." you breathed.
The Titan swayed on the spot, dead and its limbs useless with Levi's handiwork. It was overkill, but you could imagine why Levi had went above and beyond to mutilate this titan before actually killing it. Once you realized it was about to fall backwards into you, you made for the trees above, narrowly missing being crushed.
You had barely landed on a sturdy tree branch when you heard Levi's feet hit the bark a few feet away. The earth rumbled as the rest of the team finally took down the deviant and you breathed easy.
You weren't sure what Levi was going to do now that it was over;he looked both furious and relieved, if that was possible. But you didn't care and you leapt into his arms. Without warning, you cried into his shoulder. Too many emotions ran through you to be able to place them but you felt Levi hold you tight.
"Dammit to hell... I thought I was going to lose you," he muttered into your ear. "The fuck were you thinking? I told you not to do something stupid."
"I'm sorry," you sobbed, hand clutching the back of his shirt. "I'm so sorry."
Levi sighed heavily, breathing in your dripping hair. He very nearly lost you, his wife...his partner...the woman bearing his child.
The woman he loved.
Seeing your torso halfway in a titan's mouth caused him to snap. He didn't even think, his desperate rage took over his body so he could save you. Thinking on it now made his stomach churn. It's one thing to lose his comrades to the titans, but another to lose the only person he loved to monsters.
His two most precious beings, the only two things that he cared about in this vicious world.
"Stupid," he whispered into the rain. "You're okay. I'm right here. I'll always protect you."
Levi went to his knees and kissed your abdomen. For whatever reason, this made you cry harder as he leaned his forehead against you. You couldn't help but put a hand over your mouth to quiet your sobbing as he knelt there before you in silence.
"Hey kid," he said after a long moment. His voice was quiet, barely above the noise of the rain. "I'm going to protect you too. Nothing is going to hurt you. Ever. Your parents are soldiers...so you better stay strong in there. Be strong for us...because we're waiting for you."
Just hang in there, kid.