SORRY
EXTRA LONG CHAPTER THOUGH :)
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Niall
Groaning, I roll to my side, feeling a stinging pain in my stomach and causing my head to spin and turn for a few seconds before going back to normal.
There's a painful cramp in my stomach, and I feel hot and cold at the same time, the temperatures washing through my body with a burning and freezing feeling.
They bite at me, making me feel sick and woozy, and a painful headache is coming up too, forcing me to bite the inside of my cheek harshy and making me squint my eyes closed.
The heat in my body takes over, spreading through it and making my skin flame and burn.
I quickly throw the blanket off me, letting the cold air in the room hit my skin.
It's not enough.
Shaking, I bring my hands up to my stomach, grabbing it tightly and wishing for this awful pain to wash away and fall off me, leaving me alone.
But ofcourse it doesn't, it never does.
I can feel the heat radiating from Liam's body, who is laying next to me, and I scoot as far away from him as possible, trying to find a place where my body can cool down.
Biting my tongue, the pain in my head and stomach only seems to get worse, so I throw one leg out of the bed, deciding to go get an aspirine.
But as I move up, the stinging pain only gets harsher and sharper, and I double over, clutching my stomach tightly and trying not to move as I sit on the edge of the kingsized bed, feeling the heat spread faster and faster.
I let out a puff of air, and whince as something sharp slices through my skull, making a loud heartbeat sound through everything and hurting my head.
"Niall? Ni, are you okay?"
Liam's groggy morning voice washes over me as I stare at my feet, watching my toes curl and uncurl at the piercing pain.
It's like my legs are even paler than they normally are, having lost all their healthy colour.
What is going on?
Did I eat something that I could become sick of?
Did I do something weird?
"Niall?" Liam speaks up again, sitting up and rubbing his lazy and tired eyes.
How early is it?
Did I wake him up?
Opening my mouth, I take a few deep breaths, wanting the fresh air to help me feel better.
"Liam, I-"
I grown, leaning forwards even more and closing my eyes tightly.
Maybe I should go back to sleep.
"-I feel a little.. a little weird."
Suddenly I can feel something coming up, and I lean forward, opening my mouth wide and panting.
But nothing comes, and I can only see the floor spin and turn and feel my skin burning with that painful heat.
I can feel Liam coming closer, and he sits down next to me on the edge of the bed, reaching out to rub my back, but flinching back when his hand touches my skin.
"Woah, Niall, you're heating up."
He's too close.
I can feel the warmth of his body, that I used to love so much, but am hating right at this moment.
Everything burns, it's hurting me.
"Love, please go lay back down, what do you feel? Where does it hurt?"
The nickname keeps playing over and over in my head, making my breath hitch and my heart to speed up.
Love, love, love.
Pushing me back carefully, Liam makes sure that I slowly lay backwards on the matress again, leaning my head against my blue and white striped pillow.
I am not able to form words for a while, as my throat feels dry and my entire body turns limp.
All Liam does is smile down at me, running his fingers through my hair and rubbing his other hand up and down my arm.
I know it's supposed to feel nice, but it just doesn't.
His fingers are too hot as they burn my head and arm, slowly making a searing pain spread all over my extremely pale skin.
"Tell me, what can I do to make you feel better?" Liam whispers, sounding honestly worried about my condition.
I don't want to worry him.
I want him to smile.
I like his smile.
I don't know how, but it makes me feel happy too when his brown eyes sparkle, the ends crinkling, and when his soft lips curl upwards, showing his genuine happiness.
'Please smile..' I want to say, but instead I just grown again and push his hot hands away from my body.
Liam frowns, something I really didn't want him to do, and he stands up from the edge of my bed, still looking down at me.
"I-it burns." I explain to him, my voice sounding like small and vulnerable.
My voice sounding like a sad and desperate plea for help.
My voice sounding shaky and miserable.
That's not what I wanted it to sound like.
I'm stong.. right?
I need to be strong.
Biting his lip lightly, Liam glances at my trembling body, sighing slightly.
Maybe he didn't want me to hear his tired sigh, but I heard it anyway, and it hurts my heart and makes my eyes sting with salty tears.
I don't know why that small sigh has so much influence on me.
But it does.
"I'm just going to get some water and an aspirine, so I'll be gone for a few seconds. Will you be okay?"
I nod slowly, pressing my lips together tightly and clutching the matress with my left hand.
I feel like when I let go, everything will dissapear from me, and I don't want Liam to go.
I want him to stay with me.
Stroking my hand, Liam smiles a small smile at me, and then quickly lets go, remembering about the burning heat.
I close my eyes tightly again as I hear him walk away from me, causing the darkness inside envelop all around me and to make me shiver.
Shiver even though it's hot.
A pair of dark eyes flash across my sight.
A trembling hand, a black pool, the floor.
Drops.
All dripping down in a different rhythm and smashing into me, their heat searing right through my skin and making my head hurt.
I close my eyes even tighter, trying to get rid of the images and the pain, but it doesn't stop.
A body.
It's laying still, not moving, probably not even breathing.
Eyes again.
Everywhere around me I see those dark eyes, black drops falling down from them and colouring the world round me in the darkest black possible.
A scream is drifting around in my head, hitting the sides of my skull and reflecting back to the other side, continuing with this routine.
"Niall?"
I open my eyes again, and white light flashes for a while, blurry figures floating around before finding their spot and staying there, slowly turning normal again.
When I see Liam, I take in a gasp of air, the real world knocking back into me.
I don't even remember what just happened.
I don't want to remember.
"Here." He sits back down on the edge of the bed, handing me a small white pill and a glass of clear water.
My shaky hands grab them both, and without spilling anything I gulp the water and the aspirine down, feeling it cool my throat for a few seconds before everything starts painfully burning again.
Liam's brown eyes observe my face, and I look back at his, something tickling my insides.
I've been feeling weird about Liam.
But it feels like a good weird.
I enjoy being around him, it makes me feel happy and less alone.
I like the other boys too, but Liam just has this special effect on me that I can't deny in any way possible.
"I'm just going to tell the boys that you're sick, and that I'll stay with you today, okay? I'll come back as fast as I can."
His voice sounds so nice and soft, and I just want to lean forward and melt right into it, being wrapped up into the comfortable noise.
Humming a little, I scrunch my face up, feeling a icy cold pain piercing right through me.
Liam just stands up again, quickly throwing a shirt over his bare upper body, smiling at me for two seconds, and then rushing out of the hotel room, leaving me alone.
The door closes behind him, and after that it's silent, the only thing being heard is my heavy breathing and the ticking of the small clock on the nightstand.
I don't want to be alone.
I can't be alone anymore.
I hate it.
So much.
Because when I'm alone, these images come.
They flash around in my brain and leave me feeling sick and scared.
And I don't want that.
The icy cold pain spreads through my body, slowly but surely making the searing heat vanish into nothing.
Instead the cold takes over now, freezing me from the inside and making my hot blood turn into ice.
I shiver, grabbing the blanket tightly and curling up into a little ball, breathing into my hands to keep them warm.
But my breaths arent hot or even a little warm.
They're icy and cold.
Clutching my stomach tightly, I curl even more around my own body, trying to find some warmth.
But it stays cold, and my body keeps on shaking.
The blanket doesn't help at all.
I need something warmer.
Something hot.
Shakely climbing out of bed, I hold on to the shelf above the bed tightly, not wanting to fall.
When my feet find the ground, and my legs find their grip, I stand up.
At first I get extremely dizzy, swaying from side to side and clutching the wooden shelf tightly, but after that slowly fades away, I am able to stand by myself again.
I slowly start shuffling towards the bathroom, the stinging coldness whirring through my body and making my skin feel like it's on fire.
An icy fire.
Holding one hand against my temple, and using the other one to keep myself standing, I get closer to the bathroom door.
I want some warm water.
Some hot water.
I'm freezing.
Quickly opening the door, I stumble inside, and grab a hold of the white sink that's standing against the wall.
It's cold in the bathroom.
Incredibly cold.
The ice seems to be stinging in my feet, crawling up my legs, and pinching through the rest of my entire body, making me shiver and my skin to turn even paler.
I feel ill.
Without really thinking about what I'm doing, I turn on the tap, letting the water stream into the sink and then making it cirkle before dissapearing through the drain.
I make it heat up.
Warm.
Even warmer.
Until it's the hottest possible, steam loosening from the clear fluid and swirling up into the air.
My legs are shaking, and I need to hold on to the white sink tightly to keep standing.
Quickly, without hesitation, I stick my icy arm underneath the water, making the steam swirl faster and the water to touch my skin and splash back up in little droplets.
At first I feel nothing.
The coldness stays, my blood is still ice, and my skin is just as pale as before.
But suddenly, after a while, I can feel my skin warming up, the hot water spreading though it like a fire.
It feels nice.
But the rest of my body is still freezing and cold.
Just when I my arm starts to turn red, and I sigh and close my eyes, someone walks into the room.
"Holy shit Niall stop that!"
Liam quickly grabs my arm, moving it from underneath the tap, and hisses when the water touches his own skin.
While holding my arm in one hand, he turns the tap cold with the other, and I watch how the water stops steaming and slowly loses its warmth.
"That water was burning hot! Why did you-? Fuck, it looks so red!" Liam rambles, while his warm hand caresses my skin around the red spot.
His warmth feels nice.
I need it everywhere.
I look at my own arm, watching the red spot as Liam moves to feel if the water is cold, and then swiftly pushes my arm underneath, holding it tightly.
It's too cold.
It's making me freeze again.
Shivering, I pull my arm away, causing Liam's finger to bump again my burned spot, and I flinch in pain.
"Don't do that Ni, please, put your arm back underneath." Liam says with a careful look on his face, grabbing me by the elbow and making his warmth spread through me.
"But, I'm freezing." I mumble, my lips trembling.
I'm looking at the ground, how the white tiles have grey lines in between them.
They're cold.
"I thought you were burning up.." Liam mumbles, probably mainly to himself, before pressing one of his hands against my forehead.
His eyes widen, and he pulls back, resting his hand next to his body.
"Love, you skin is still very hot. I think you're having a fever or something."
Love, love, love.
Why does he keep calling me love?
Something is tickeling in my stomach again, and I can't help but smile a little at the brunette in front of me.
He makes me feel weird.
He makes me feel happy.
"I don't feel hot. I feel cold."
Sighing, Liam leans forward, grabbing a washcloth, and putting it underneath the still running tap.
When he's positive that it's completely drenched with cold water, he turns the tap off, laying the wet washcloth down on my red arm.
"Just hold it there, okay? And come with me."
While I press the cold and freezing piece of cloth against my hurting skin, Liam grasps my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom, going towards to small closet in the corner of the hotelroom.
He picks a large blanket from the closet, and then walks towards the bed, still pulling me after him, and throwing the blanket on the kingsized bed.
"C'mere." he whispers, pulling me down on the bed and quickly tucking the blankets around me, making some kind of cave of warmth.
It still doesn't help though.
The coldness is still humming through my body like a snowstorm, freezing everything on its path.
"Are you warm now?" Liam asks, sitting down on the other side of the bed and watching my head that's peeking out from underneath the pile of blankets.
I sigh, and shake my head.
I'm not warm.
I'm feel like winter.
Smiling lightly, Liam then lifts the blankets up, and crawls underneath and towards me, wrapping his hot arms around my body.
My heart starts beating my my throat as I look him in the eyes, getting lost in his autumn.
Without even actually noticing myself, I lean forward, and cuddle up into his chest, the skin of my arm coming in contact with the heat radiating off his bare stomach.
The ends of his shirt have crumpled upwards a little, showing a piece of his bare skin underneath the blankets.
Slowly slipping my hands against his stomach, I can feel the heat spreading through my body, making me warm up more than that burning water could ever do.
I mindlessly ride my hands more upward underneath his shirt, and I can feel his breath hitch and his heartbeat spead up.
Am I scaring him?
I quickly want to pull my hands back, but before I can make the small movement, Liam already speaks up.
"If you wanted my shirt off you could also just tell me, you know?"
He smirks down at me, his lips curled up in a cheeky smile.
My cheeks start heating up terribly, probably tuning entirely bright red.
Why did I do that?
That was probably wrong of me.
Liam doesn't seem to mind though, because he quickly pulls his shirt off, throwing it on the ground and scooting even closer to me, his bare chest bumping against my shirt.
He wraps his arms tighter around me, letting me snuggle my cold nose against his hot neck and taking up this smell and feeling.
After a while of just us two cuddling, I close my eyes, tangling my legs through his.
"I'm still a little cold." I mumble against his chest, my lips brushing against his hot skin lightly.
Looking up, Liam stares me in the eye for a few seconds, before smiling a little and murmering an answer.
"Do you know what helps?"
I shake my head, and he just smiles a lopsided smile, grabbing the bottom of my shirt and pulling at it a little, motioning for me to help him pull it off.
My heart stops for a minute.
What about my scars?
What about those words carved into my ugly skin, being left there for forever?
I mean, in bath is the closest to naked any of the boys have ever seen me, and the scars were hidden underneath the soapy water back then.
But what about right now?
I don't know.
It takes a while for me to realise that I trust Liam, and that he trusts me.
It takes a while for me to realise that the guy lying in front of me cares for me, and that he wouldn't do anything to me.
It takes a while for me to realise that I should show him things from my past, so he can help me with the future.
And after I do, I decide.
"Liam? I-I have scars and.. and I don't know-.."
The brunette just shushes me, and looks into my eyes caringly.
"Calm down love. It doesn't matter. It's alright."
And I let him.
I let him slide his hands underneath my shirt and brush against the scars on my skin.
I let him throw my piece of clothing away, letting it fall to the ground.
I let him cuddle closer to me, not minding the raw skin and the scratches and the words.
He doesn't mind.
And I get warm.
Finally I don't feel cold anymore, having his bare stomach pressed against mine and his hot arms wrapped around my shoulders and back.
Then, he starts to slowly kissing me.
His lips touch the skin in my neck and trail down to my shoulder, lingering there.
Liam has been doing this a few times after the first time he did it.
It's always to calm me down or to make me feel happy.
And it does.
His lips leave burning and tingeling spots behind, and it feels like my heart is on fire.
His kisses then move towards my collarbone, and my breath gets caught in my throat as I can feel his warmth slowly going towards my chest.
He's kissing my scars.
He's kissing a word.
He's kissing 'Insane'.
"Go to sleep.." Liam whispers against my skin.
And that's exactly what I do.