One Good Night
-•-•-
His bright, innocent eyes
stare at her lovingly
& she begins to do the one thing she shouldn't. She begins to secretly wonder...
"Can I keep him?"
"I told you I'll find you,"
"Mummy!!! Mummyyy!!!"
Isaac screams as he jumps off the bed — causing all of us women to gasp or yelp — and runs up to me. Reaching me, the adorable, mud-coated child jumps up, trying to cling to me like a monkey while he does.
As I kneel down to scoop the child up into my arms, for a second my mind worries about what I will do with my soiled self. Then the little boy's arms wrap around my neck and he leans his tiny head on my chest, and I decide to worry about myself later.
"I missed you too," I chuckle as I feel the child squeeze me, peppering small, muddy kisses all over my cheeks before resting his head on my shoulder. At my words, the little boy lifts his head up and moves it away from my face. He frowns, a cute little pout on his face.
"Mummy's liar! You didn't come home with us!"
I turn towards William for a little help, only to see him watching me silently.
"He won't be of any help," I tell myself silently before turning back to Isaac.
"Mummy had to do something, sweetie," It isn't technically a lie. I did have to go home and live my life.
"Do something? For soooo long?" Isaac whines as he hides his face into the crook of my neck again, not ready to let go of the argument so easily.
Isaac doesn't seem like he's going to let me off so easily. I sigh. Instead of answering him, I get up on my feet again, and turning to give William a glance, begin walking towards what I pray is the bathroom.
"Mummy will let you scold her all you want but after you're clean, okay?" I hold the light boy closer to me as we get closer towards the door I'm aiming for. A twist of my hand and I breathe out in relief. It's the bathroom. Success!
"I don't want to s-scold mummy," Isaac grumbles almost incoherently, I can't help but grin at the tiny little cupcake. This tiny boy is taking my heart away quicker than I'm ready to give. The consequences of this facade will come back and bite me in the face one day. Someday when this little boy is old enough to understand everything. I know that. I know that and that is why I should feel scared now. But instead, I can't help but grin and hold him close.
"I will bath myself, mummy," Isaac suddenly declares shyly as I place him down on the bathroom tile. One look at his chubby pink cheeks and I can't help but grin harder. The little guy is shy.
"Are you sure?" I ask, still. I'm not sure whether he is still bathed by someone or if he showers on his own. The look of confidence in the boy's face when he nods his head vigorously tells me that he must be used to cleaning his own self, so I give in.
"Okay," I nod my head, walking towards the shower's knob I feel is too high for him to reach, I twist it open, putting my hand under the water to check if it's an okay temperature for a kid, before stepping back towards the entrance of the bathroom.
"Should I leave a bit of the door open?" I ask as I hold the open door, looking back at the child standing in the middle of the large bathroom. It doesn't take him much to think about before he nods in allowance. I smile, "Okay! I'm stepping out!" I tell the child before slowly beginning to pull the door closer and closer to a close.
"He ruined your clothes. I apologise."
When I turn towards the velvety voice, William is still standing on his exact spot. The maids, however, are now quickly clearing up Isaac's bedsheets and cleaning the room. I wonder for a moment when they get to go home. It's already past seven-thirty.
My eyes move down my own attire slowly, I cringe when I spot my once blue dress now having large patches of brown. A closer look and I notice even my hands and skin are now smeared with mud.
"It's alright," I smile at William lamely, almost feeling like a mischievous child myself, "It's just mud. It'll come off after a spin in the washing machine."
"Mummy!" Isaac's voice has me turning towards the bathroom, alert.
"Yes?" I ask him loudly. I don't want to freak out. I don't want to let the hundreds of thoughts — saying that if something has happened to him, it's my fault since I left him in there alone — begin scream in my head.
William begins to stride towards the door when Isaac yells again, "Can- can you scrub my back?"
William doesn't stop and slips into the bathroom. I quickly follow in after, a breath of relief leaving my lips.
Inside the bathroom, the little guy stands beside the running shower. Clouds of foam cover everything but his face. I can only chuckle at the bright-eyed, naked child as he looks at me with a wide toothy smile, his hands extending a sponge in my direction.
"Come here you," I beam at the child as I reach him and take the sponge from his tiny hands. I try to stay away from the water as I turn little Isaac around and bend forward to scrub his back. I realise bending forward isn't a great idea when my hair falls forward on both sides of my face.
"Ah well, I might as well go all out," I think to myself as I let a sigh slip out of my lips and continue scrubbing the little boy's shoulder.
"I'll just grab a ca—" My hands stop in their movement. I freeze and my breath hitches in my throat. In this moment, the only thing I'm focused on is the fingers now softly brushing against my skin, raking my hair back.
"Ah," I blink — surprised — as William silently wraps his fingers around my hair and pulls it back, holding it securely away from my face.
"Mummy?" Isaac sounds confused. Probably about why I've stopped scrubbing him.
"S-Sorry. I'm sorry," I stutter, carefully turning the boy around again before I continue to scrub his skin as gently as I can.
By the time Isaac's bathed, I'm also feeling the dire need of having one myself. I can't complain though, I've known I was a lost cause ever since I let little Isaac cling to me like a monkey.
We get out of the bathroom with a very happy, and clean Isaac wrapped around in a large white towel. Turning towards us, the little dumpling beams before rushing off towards the clothes laid on his freshly made bed, making cute little tip-tapping sounds against the floor from his small adorable feet.
"I can dress myself, mummy. You and daddy take a bath now," Isaac grins as he turns towards us and I feel myself visibly blanch at the thought of how we're going to handle the child now that he is bathed and everything is clean. I mean, I need to go home. Saara must be freaking out by now.
"I'll wait till he's dressed to explain things to him, and then go home," I whisper as quietly as I can while William walks out and closes the bedroom's door behind us.
"You're drenched," William replies instead. It's a simple statement, but it makes me realise just how immodest this modest dress gets once it's wet.
Immediately I look down towards my chest — I want to cry. I want the earth to split open and swallow me alive. My cheeks begin to burn and I quickly slam my handbag on my chest. My mind is in overdrive. This just can not be happening.
"I'm so sorry!" I whisper, quickly beginning to walk away from the man. I'm so embarrassed, this is the loudest I can bring myself to speak.
I don't even take a step forward when a pair of large hands clasp around my shoulder, holding me back.
"Do you want to take a shower?"
Of course, I want to take a shower. But somewhere where I have actually have clothes! Still, I don't exactly want to seem like I'm filthy.
"It's fine. My clothes are dirty and it'll be too much of an inconvenience. I'll just take a cab straight home," I bite my lip. I can feel the heat curling up from my neck up to my face. I don't know why but I feel really embarrassed about my outfit situation now that I'm all alone with William.
"It's not an inconvenience," William counters bluntly. Not explaining further, I can only move as I'm softly steered away from Isaac's room.
William stops us in front of another door that looks almost identical to Isaac's, and opening it, walks in, leaving me standing outside the door.
"Come in," I hear his voice call out and I hesitatingly take a step in, nervously taking a look around the large — very large — bedroom.
Looking around the white and green themed room, my eyes land on the clean white desk placed on the side of the room, my attention zooms to a cross-sectioned brain's model that is placed on it and I instantly know who this room belongs to.
Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!
"Here," I meekly grasp onto the set of shirt and sweatpants that is handed towards me. I'm no genius but of course, I know who these belong to as well — it's perverted of me to think this but wow, William has worn these clothes before.
"They're new. I've never worn them, don't worry,"
I feel myself blush shamelessly.
"Thanks," I murmur, nibbling on my lower lip like I always do when I'm nervous.
"The bathroom's behind that door," I turn to the direction in which he is pointing at.
"Fresh towels are in the bathroom," William clears his throat and I feel my blush deepen, "Take your time. I'll be outside,"
I watch as the man turns around sharply and swiftly leaves the room. "He must feel as awkward as I did," I sigh to myself dejectedly.
"Oh well," I sigh to myself as I slowly turn towards the bathroom, "Thank you."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Taking a shower really is a luxury I decide as I walk out of the bathroom finally feeling like a human being again. William's sweatpants hang loosely around my hips, held only by the strings I pulled and tied in the middle as nicely as I could. His shirt, on the other hand, is the only thing that assures me that I will be able to survive in this outfit. On me, it's almost a mid-thigh dress. That's assuring because even if the pants fail me, my dignity will still be saved by William's shirt-dress.
Tucking the plastic bag that usually carries my umbrella but right now carries my soiled clothes, into my bag, I open the door of the bedroom and step out.
"I'm done," I mumble. I can feel his eyes on me, giving me a once over as I stand before him in his clothes. Is he too shocked to see my bare face? I don't apply that much makeup though?
Still, I can't find the courage to look up into his eyes.
"I've kept the towel in your hamper, I hope that's okay?" I add, shuffling awkwardly on my feet when he doesn't reply. What, is he upset?
I can't help it. Curiosity burns in the back of my mind and I slowly lift my gaze until I meet William's. As my eyes meet his, I feel my breath hitch in my throat. His dark eyes are peering into my soul again, seeing my deepest secrets, reading my most private fears.
"Mummy!!!!!"
Isaac's wail catches me off guard, but it's a welcomed distraction because I quickly turn towards the maid rushing towards us, carrying him in her arms. I was about to die under William's soul-reading gaze.
"Now we're both clean," I grin at the little boy as I take him from the maid's arms. Immediately Isaac jumps into my arms, tightening his hold around my neck.
"You smell just like daddy," the little guy giggles, pulling his face away to show me his toothy smile and for the nth time tonight, I feel myself blush profusely.
"That's because mommy used daddy's shower gel," I whisper into the boy's ears making him giggle loudly, "Don't tell him though." I wink at him playfully, strangely proud that I'm the reason behind his laughter.
"I'm going to bath," William announces all of a sudden, both Isaac and I turn towards him in surprise. Thankfully, this time his eyes are on Isaac instead, "Isaac, be good."
I can feel as Isaac slumps against me at his father's words. He's disappointed.
Wanting to distract him, I quickly twirl the boy around until he's giggling again.
"Have you had your dinner, sweetie?" I ask the little boy, making sure that he's fed before I try to put him to sleep. Behind us, William's bedroom door shuts close.
"Really? What did you have for dinner?" I pry, turning towards the maid who is still standing there.
"Chicken and mashed potatoes," she mouths just as Isaac replies the same. I smile at the maid as I mouth a "Thank you," and she quickly begins to retreat.
Looking back at Isaac I smile, "That sounds yummy! So you're not hungry right now, right? Do you want to eat something?"
"Uh-uh," Isaac immediately shakes his head and I nod to myself. Okay, he's not hungry.
"Do you want to drink something?" I ask softly instead.
"Hot chocolate!" he yells and I shake my head, "It's too late for that, how about you have that tomorrow for lunch or breakfast?"
"Okay mummy," Isaac whispers immediately. Something in the way he's talking makes me uncomfortable. I realise that the little boy agrees to almost whatever I say, that too almost immediately — like he's afraid of upsetting me. Like upsetting me will make me leave.
My hold tightens on the kid and I hold him close to my chest.
"Isaac, I need a little favour from you. Will you promise?"
"Yes, mummy!" Isaac almost jumps into my arms, eager to help. I cringe. Somehow his sweet behaviour makes me want to cry instead of smile.
Still, I hand the beautiful child the brightest smile I can afford. I make him move a little back so I can look into his tiny eyes before I speak.
"Mummy wants you to promise me that you will always be honest with mummy. If you don't like something, tell me. If you want something, tell me. Don't lie to me because you don't want me to get upset, okay?"
Little Isaac looks at me for a little while, his round perceptive eyes stay on mine before he nods. Then he lets his head fall, "I don't want mummy to leave again."
It's a mere whisper. I'd never thought a whisper could break my heart. But this one does.
The child doesn't want to upset me because he doesn't want his mother to leave again.
"I won't leave you, Isaac," I dig my own grave. "I will always be with you," and put a wreath on it.
The door pulls open behind us, "You're both still here?"
We turn towards the voice and I drop my head, blinking hard. Looking up my eyes widen when I see William's narrowed eyes on me.
"Was mummy crying?" he asks his son. Immediately Isaac pulls back and looks at me, placing both his hands on either side of my face to stop me from looking away. Despite my misting eyes, I smile at the child brightly.
I don't know why I'm behaving like this. Like an idiot who can't control her emotions. But I can't stop the tears. Just feeling Isaac's small arms holding onto me tightly, thinking that I'm his mother, thinking that I'm his mother who's come back to him, who loves him, who's thankful he's in this world... his mother... it all just makes me want to cry. The poor child. The poor child...
The two boys suddenly become dead silent.
"What did you do?!" Both of the boys ask each other at the same time.
"Did Pa fight with mummy again?" Isaac's small chubby fingers find my cheeks and he carefully wipes the tears I'm so foolishly weeping. This only makes me want to weep harder. It's so embarrassing. I can't even stop. I try harder to stop.
"No, I didn't!" William snaps, suddenly looking slightly offended, "You did something, didn't you?"
"Both of you didn't do anything," I sniffle, bouncing Isaac in my arm to bring his attention back on me, "Mummy's just crying because she had a bug in her eye."
"A bug?!"
I nod, smiling at the boy weakly, "But it's okay. Mummy's removed it. See?" I widen my eyes into two circle saucers, "Mummy's not crying anymore."
Isaac looks skeptical for a bit. But then he gives in.
"Okay muaahhhhhhh—" he breaks into a yawn, and I giggle as I tap his tiny chin with my finger, "—hhmmyy" Isaac ends with a giggle of his own.
Turning towards William, I ignore his curious eyes.
"The little prince is sleepy," I chuckle as convincingly as I can while I stare at the gray material of his shirt instead of his face.
"Let's get you to sleep," William decides to play along as he steps forward and lifts a yawning but otherwise completely awake Isaac from my arms and into his.
I'm thankful for his ignorance. I don't know how'd I would be able to explain myself if he demanded me to. The humiliation would also be quite real.
We walk together to Isaac's room, and for the first time, I realise how far away from William's room it is. How does William know when Isaac has nightmares? Does he keep those camera things? I frown. Still, how can he keep his child in a separate room? Doesn't Isaac get scared?
The sound of my phone beginning to blare in the corridors of this large house almost gives me and the other two boys a mini heart attack.
"Sorry," I quickly apologise before shuffling through my bag and pulling out my iPhone.
"Hello? Gemma?"
It's August.
"Hey, August," I reply sheepishly as I follow William into Isaac's room. William turns to glance at me before he slowly places an almost asleep Isaac on his bed and begins patting his forehead.
"Where are you?!" Saara comes to the line and I find myself flinching at her shrill voice.
"I'm okay," I reply instead, being careful of not saying the wrong things in front of the child.
"That's not what I asked!" Saara demands loudly from the other side of the line and I find myself flinching again.
"Don't you trust me? I'm a law-abiding citizen," I sigh, giving her my best response.
"Where are you? August will come get you!"
"August?" I make a face wondering exactly why he has to stay over with her for so late at a time, "Okay look don't okay? I'm texting you."
I cut the line in record time.
"Daddy, mummy's pants are falling. Go tie it like you tie mine!" Isaac yells suddenly, looking very much awake now. I blink at Isaac before my head snaps to William. By now it's not even a surprise. His expression is just as unreadable as ever as he sits on Isaac's bed, looking into his own phone. At Isaac's yell, his eyes lazily move to me and I cringe.
"Daddy's bigger in size than I am so that's why it's falling, sweetie. But it's fine, don't worry! Let's get you to sleep okay?" I try to console the child as I pull onto the falling disaster of pants and begin walking towards him.
Moving around the bed to his side, I quickly settle myself on the bed and watch with a strange warmth in my chest when Isaac scoots over to me instantly, snuggling into me like he wants to fuse us together.
"Mummy will sleep with me tonight?" Isaac mumbles the quiet question. The rational part of me is telling me to refuse. That I shouldn't sleep in basically still a stranger's house. So what if he's a neurosurgeon in the making? A person with one of the most respectable jobs. So what if his son pulls at my heartstrings? Who's to say neurosurgeons can't be serial killers? Or just dangerous? The rational part of me wants to put a limit on how much of myself I offer this little boy. It's just the second time and I'm already doing things I've never thought I'd do, just to make this child smile ~ it's all and well for him. But for me? What if this leaves me with nothing in the end?
Some anonymous intellectual somewhere once said:
You can do everything in your power for someone. But one day when they turn around saying "Did I ask you to do it?", you won't be able to complain because they'll be right.
One day this boy will turn around and ask me if he ever asked me to do this for him, lie for him, pretend to be his mother for him, bathe him, put him to sleep, maybe even raise him for a while — will I be able to complain?
"Mummy?"
"Hmm?" I hum, breaking away from my internal battle as I focus on little Isaac again. I'll set some boundaries here, I'm sure the child isn't too little to reason with.
"Will you sleep with me tonight?"
"Isaac, mummy and you need to have a serious talk tomorrow morning, okay?" I mumble sweetly to the child snuggled beside me.
"Are you leaving again?" Isaac's voice croaks and he tilts his head back to look at me. The mop of dark hair over his forehead sweeps over his eyes at that moment and I carefully caress his hair away from his forehead.
"No. No. I will stay with you until you absolutely get tired of me and tell me to leave," I assure the child. I'm being honest. Despite all the questions I might face from Isaac when he realises I'm not his mother, I'll be here for him while he needs me. Right now he's too little to be so sad and heartbroken. Too little for me to turn away from.
"I will never tell mummy to leave!" Isaac announces adamantly as he looks at me with his creased tiny forehead.
I can't help but smile at the little child. So innocent of how the world works.
"Okay," I say loudly, placing a kiss on his forehead, "I believe you."
"Now sleep."
My breath hitches in my chest in shock at the sound of a third voice in the room. I'd completely forgotten that William's still in the room!
"Daddy will sleep with us too?" Isaac bursts out excitedly as he jumps on his bed towards his father. I begin to panic. This was not something I was expecting! How can William sleep in the same bed with me?! We're not even friends!!
"No. Mummy will sleep with you tonight. Daddy will sleep in his own bed," William tells his child clearly. His phone rings again and my eyes snap to his and then his phone.
Girlfriend?
Right, judging by his looks he should definitely have one. But it must be hard with his profession. Right, of course, he must have a girlfriend. Does he want some alone time with his girlfriend? I must help him.
"Yes, sweetie. Mummy doesn't want to sleep with daddy, he's no fun. Mummy wants to sleep with you and tell you stories and hear your stories too. Let daddy sleep in his own bedroom, okay?"
"But Tammy says her mummy and daddy love each other and they always sleep together. Daddy doesn't love mummy?"
I almost choke on my saliva. William's phone pings again.
"I'm so pretty of course daddy loves me!" I blurt out hurriedly. Isaac giggles as he snuggles closer to me and I wrap my arm around him, motioning a wide-eyed William to quickly move out. This time my phone pings. I turn my head towards it.
"On second thoughts, Tammy is right, Isaac. Daddy will sleep with you tonight," I almost choke on my saliva for real this time.
My wide eyes snap to William and I mouth out "What are you doing?"
The quiet man shrugs at me this time and I watch him, jaw slack, as he settles into the bed. Keeping himself almost at the edge.
"Daddy, let's snuggle," Isaac's sleepy voice mumbles.
I die.
"Mummy needs to use the bathroom!" I almost yell as I shoot out of bed, "Snuggle with daddy in the meantime!"
I rush towards the washroom.