One Risky Evening
-•-•-
"It is not rational. There is a high chance of failure," her brain states confidently.
"But it will make you truly happy while it lasts,"
her heart's soft whisper echoes around her.
She turns towards the fading footfalls.
"Remember, only while it lasts. Why risk it? You're safe right now," her brain scoffs.
"You can't always find true happiness by keeping yourself safe. Why not risk it?" her heart smiles at her encouragingly.
"You will hurt in the end," her brain warns her.
"But you will never wonder 'what if'," her heart encourages.
She begins to run.
"Gemma," I introduce myself, "Gemma Windly."
"Gemma," William repeats my name and I just stare at him, liking how my name rolls off of his lips.
As if approving how my name sounds on his tongue, he nods, then suddenly begins looking uncomfortable again.
I frown, my mind immediately flutters to little Isaac, "Is everything alright, Mr. Noo?"
"William, please," he replies plainly. I realize that his accent is not quite Canadian-like but a bit more like the Australian accent mixed with a Canadian accent. It makes me more curious about this man whom I've found myself wondering about at odd times of the day during the past month. This is not good though. Definitely not good. He's married. This curiosity can lead me no where happy.
"Actually I wanted to thank you for that afternoon. Isaac was very happy... until we went home and he realised you weren't coming."
... what?
"I'm sorry? What about his mum? Aren't you married?" I blurt out tactlessly. I really am confused. Didn't I see him and his wife at the theatre?
William stiffens under my questions for a few seconds before he seems to collect his wits again and hastily clears his throat, "Should we find a coffee shop?"
This confuses me even more. Why exactly does he want to go to a coffee shop with me? What could he want from me after a month? Is something really wrong with Isaac?
I nod, holding my bag tighter against me, "Sure. Let's find a coffee shop."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"Thank you for agreeing to talk to me, Gemma," William speaks simply as he tucks my chair in, and then walking around the small, round table, settles on his own, right across me.
The coffee shop we find is a quaint, beautifully decorated little cafe situated just five minutes walk away from the publishing company. I'm a little surprised, despite thinking that I know these streets fairly well, I had no clue of this shop's existence.
"It's no problem, really," I shake my head, feeling my face heat under William's gaze, "I am a bit confused though."
"Hello! What would you two like to drink?"
My head turns towards the server and I smile at the pretty girl when I see her looking at me. Her light hair creates a halo under the chandelier we have overheads, I smile when I notice her smile carrying a hint of amused warmth.
"A cup of hot chocolate, please," I reply, before turning towards William.
"Americano, thank you," he tells the server. His eyes, however, remain on mine.
"What about?" He asks me, tilting his head to his side. It takes me a second to realise that he's talking about the comment I just made before the server arrived.
There is something in these eyes of his. That and the look he carries that makes me feel like he's peering right into my soul. I admit... I'm unsettled.
Still, I dare to speak.
"At first, and I mean no offense in whatever I am about to say, when I met Isaac I thought his mum was lost and he had mistaken me for her because I simply must have dressed like her or something. But then I let him have a closer look at me and he still insisted I'm his mum and when you came after him, but alone, I thought that I must look like her and she must be... you know... deceased." I stop — glancing at William to see if he's offended yet or not — and find the man regarding me with his quiet, unreadable eyes.
Oh God, someone tell him to look away.
Now completely unsettled under his observant gaze, I clear my throat and quickly continue, "Then I saw you once at a theatre with your wife so — "
"She isn't my wife. She's my best friend's younger sister. Like my younger sister."
"Oh," I nod dumbly, trying to understand what he's just placed in front of me.
"I'm divorced," William states bluntly.
I can't believe it, he just put it out there like it's nothing. Like it's the weather. Suddenly I see this man in a very new light. There's more to him than that innocent-looking smile.
"I'm sorry," I reply automatically. I don't know if I should feel embarrassed for admitting that I analysed his life, or that I assumed his wife was dead and his best friend's sister was his dead wife returned to the living, or be shocked how he just acknowledged his divorce without a hint of emotion.
"Nothing to be sorry about," William speaks dismissively. His voice is devoid of any emotion like he's talking about someone else's failed marriage and not his.
No, actually I'm sure people have more emotion when talking about someone else's divorce than he does talking about his.
"Isaac is almost five. His mother and I got divorced when he was three. I won the custody. It worked out because his mother didn't want anything to do with the both of us," William's eyes blaze with something I can't put my finger on, and I just sit there, waiting to see if he will continue or not.
"It's hard to tell a child that his mother doesn't want to have anything to do with him," He admits after a moment's silence. He's still emotionless. Still as unreadable as ever. But somehow that's okay. In this moment, I'm sure I feel enough pain for little Isaac to make up for both of us.
"Why did he think I was his mum?" I ask, suddenly puzzled about the little boy's misunderstanding.
"Your yellow umbrella. Isaac and his mother never really spent too much time together. After she left, I got rid of all of her things. But he still remembers her yellow umbrella. It was like yours. She used it a lot,"
"Oh," I frown, then immediately smile when the pretty server arrives with our drink.
"Thank you!" I smile at the girl looking at me.
"Any day," she grins as she sends a wink my way before turning around and leaving, immediately I find myself blushing.
Looking down I turn my tissue paper around and just as I thought, her number is written on it in very neat handwriting.
"Ohh," I exclaim under my breath as realisation hits me.
"You seem flattered."
Immediately I'm brought back to reality. My eyes snap to a quiet William's and I smile, "Of course I am. A woman thinks I'm nice enough to give me her number."
William's lips quirk around the edges, I smile feeling quite proud of almost making this silent man smile. Then the reminder of why we're actually here hits and I straighten in my seat.
"By the way, why did you approach me today?"
William straightens in his seat,"I realised I never thanked you for consoling my son that day. I thought I'd meet you thank you properly. So thank you, Gemma."
I stare at him. Am I supposed to be doing something else? At this moment it doesn't seem to feel that way. I watch as he reaches for his cup and slowly brings it to his lips. I look away.
"Oh don't mention it," I let out a little laugh as I wave my hand in front of me dismissively, "If it's okay with you, I'd like to meet Isaac sometime. Maybe he'd like that?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," William responds immediately. My eyes snap to his and I blink, suddenly confused. Did I say something wrong?
"He'll get very attached to you. It'll be troublesome for you in the future," William adds.
"Has he been okay for the past month?" I ask the tall, dark-haired man. I'm suddenly not sure the boy has been okay for the past month.
"He's very spoilt."
Despite not answering directly, his answer confirms my suspicions. I watch as William's eyes harden before he continues, "He's also very stubborn."
"Regardless," William suddenly straightens, "I will be lying if I told you that I lost your business card and that is why I did not contact you when Isaac threw his tantrums. I did not contact you whenever Isaac insisted because I simply did not want to. But I've noticed that the card has disappeared from my study yesterday, and I'm afraid Isaac will be contacting you one way or the other very soon. I do not want my son to bring you any inconvenience, so that is why I decided to seek you out today and thank you, and apologize in advance."
Oh...
"Oh," I breathe and William's eyes snap to my face.
"I understand, Mr. Noo," I nod, biting my lip as a small smile mercifully presents itself on my face, saving me from exposing the humiliation I'm feeling inside. I don't know why I'm feeling humiliated though. This feeling, it's very odd.
"Don't worry, I won't get upset if he calls me. Each time I'll just talk to him until he's had enough of me and hangs up. Will that be okay?"
William's expression closes up before he nods, "Yes. That will be fine."
Just then the sound of his phone's ringtone begins blaring in the silent cafe and immediately he slips it out. His eyes find mine, "Excuse me."
I nod and he accepts the call, placing it against his ear.
I watch as William's face goes blank, something akin to anger flashes into his eyes and he grits out his next words, "Put him on the phone."
"Isaac, go have your bath, please," William's voice is quiet. Quiet and cold. Nothing like the tone I usually see parents speaking to their children in. He doesn't even seem frustrated. Just distant and cold.
There's a minute of silence where I'm sure Isaac is handing out his excuses to his father. I can only stare at William's face, taking in every expression that graces his face. The way his double eyelids open and close while he talks, the way his nose flares as he probably hears something that upsets him, the way he presses his lips into a straight line.
"Isaac, you're covered in mud. Stop ruining the house and let the nanny give you a bath!" William snaps suddenly and I jump in my seat, shocked and terrified at how deep his voice has gotten with anger.
I think I hear a loud "NO!" from the other side of the line and William's jaw tightens across the table.
"Susan," William says, as Isaac's nanny probably comes to the line.
"That would be violating your contract, Susan. You can't quit without a three-month notice," William grits out, looking more and more furious by the minute.
As if done talking, he slams his iPhone on the table. This time a woman across the cafe also jumps in her seat.
His blank dark eyes find mine, and I find myself shuddering under his cold gaze.
"I believe this is where we say goodbye, Gemma. I have to go home," He tries to smile. I can see it. Unfortunately, it doesn't come out right, and he looks like he's grimacing instead.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
William insists on paying the bill. In the end, when his warm hand wraps around mine and carefully pushes it back until it's pressed against me, I let him.
"The night air feels so good," I sigh contently as we step out of the cafe and instantly I'm hit by the chilly night breeze. I let myself close my eyes and inhale the clearer air.
Opening my eyes, a smile on my lips, I turn towards William and his dark eyes and freeze under his gaze for the nth time today.
"Thank you again. And take care, Gemma," William speaks quietly as we stand facing each other. I frown when I feel a slow pang sit in my chest.
It's the craziest thing I can feel standing in front of the man, but I want to help him. I want to get inconvenienced. I want to meet his son and get to know him. Them.
"William," I take a step forward, then stop when his eyes flash with something akin to a warning. I let my head drop.
Despite logic telling me that we would be better off and less confused if we just say goodbye tonight, there is so much I want to say to this terrifying stranger in front of me. So much of my time that I stupidly want to offer. But instead, I retreat.
"Goodbye, William."
A clipped smile settles itself on William's face and he nods, "Bye, Gemma."
I turn around. I'm walking away. My feet are moving, one step at a time. One step at a time, away from William. We've said goodbye. I'm going home. This isn't a television drama. Our fates aren't intertwined. I can not walk into their life. This isn't a television drama. It won't have a happy ending.
But why doesn't this feel right? Why doesn't the concern that I have for Isaac move further away from me like I am from William? Why do I want to help this family that I barely know anything about?
My feet stop moving and I curl my hands into fists as I just... stand there and think. Do I really want to help them? Do I really want to, despite the consequences? All the consequences?
It's hard. I don't exactly know what consequences lie ahead. I can't think. Maybe I'll have to pretend to be Isaac's mum for quite some time. Maybe I'll have to give him a big part of my own world. These seem like possible outcomes but at this moment... I can't think of whether I can handle it.
My fists tighten and I turn around to face William's back as he slowly walks away. Watching him walk away, I suddenly nod to myself and take a definite step forward. I don't know if I'm making one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life right now. But the rush of knowing that I'm going to help someone I want to. That I'm going to see someone I like to, at this moment — that's enough.
When my legs break into a jog, I'm not exactly sure. But soon I've reached William and I immediately slow down my pace to walk beside him.
I can feel his shock. I think I can also feel his reluctance, but he doesn't stop walking and neither do I.
"What are you doing?" William asks as we walk towards whatever he is walking towards.
"I'm going to help you calm Isaac down," I reply honestly. There isn't much to it than this. I'm going to make a very sad boy smile.
"Gemma," William says as we reach a gray Tesla SUV. He stops and turns towards me. Immediately I take a step back, "I don't want to pull you into my problem."
"He's not your problem, William. He's your son and seeing me makes him happy. I want to make him happy," Truthfully, I'm frightened. I'm actually terrified that William will tell me to get lost. And I will because he has complete right to not accept my offer to help. But I smile. I smile as brightly as I can at a man I barely know. But want to.
"Gemma, I can't let you —"
"Let's go?" I smile at the man as I tilt my head to one side playfully. I'm being an idiot, I'm trying to act cute and at ease. Like that will work on a grown man I barely know. Still, in my foolishness, I give this a try as well. Inside though, I'm terrified, just waiting for his verdict has me almost having chest palpitations.
It seems like a while with William and I just standing there, not doing a single thing. The sound of the traffic pass us by is the only thing that keeps me grounded as I stand in front of the man, losing my mind thinking about his next course of action. Then he speaks.
"Get in."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I find that the drive to William's house is a mere fifteen minutes from the cafe. William ends up living in a very posh, urban neighbourhood.
As he turns the car into a well maintained looking driveway. I find myself staring at the large house that lies beyond the tall gates. I want to slap myself across my head. I really should have known that he's probably filthy rich.
I find myself flinching when the security guard finally opens the gate and William begins driving in. "This man even has a security guard?" I think, bewildered as I find myself immersing further and further into William's world. The gates swing to a close loudly behind us and I suddenly realise that this is it. My fates have now been sealed.
"William, what do you do for a living?" I shift in my seat awkwardly as he parks the car in the garage and turns off the ignition.
"I'm a neurosurgeon resident. This is my fourth year," William replies while we just sit in the car. He turns to look at me just as I do the same. I find my eyes instantly stuck on his.
"Is there a problem?"
A problem... Yes. Suddenly I feel inadequate and a great candidate for all sorts of allegations. Like me trying to associate myself with William just because of his wealth.
"Yes," I blurt out, "I thought you were a normal middle-class man with a great car just by chance. I didn't expect you to be so — "
"You have an issue with my wealth?" William cuts me off dryly.
I sigh, "Yes. It makes me uncomfortable."
It's best, to be honest here. I know it is.
"Does that change your decision?" William asks quietly as he turns back to the front, looking out of the car with hard eyes.
I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just analysing things too much. Ah, I want to hit myself. Why do I have to be so filterless with this man and embarrass myself like this?
I let out a slow simmering breath of nervous air. Let it all out so that there is none of the nervousness left. I'd already decided to butt into this family's life like a fool, I'm not going to act a bigger fool and not go through with it.
"May we go in?"
As we get out of the car and make a move into the house from the door in the garage, I can almost smell the sweet scent of Gardenias teasing my senses. Taking off my shoes and slipping into a spare pair of slippers William gives me, we begin walking towards where I believe Isaac is.
As we step into his luxuriously built large kitchen, I can only walk a step behind William deliberately because I barely know where we are going to go next. Even though I'm usually a fast walker, it's easier to follow him when we're in such a situation then stop every five minutes because I don't know where to go.
Our tastes are blatantly unlike. Although, William's home, like mine, has an open concept. Where I'm more of a flowing morning breeze by the sea or an open field, he's the glitz and glamour of the city.
We make our way from the kitchen to his immaculate living room. I can see my own face on the polished floor. I'm almost too afraid to accidentally touch anything in case I dirty it. Everything looks just out of a magazine.
"Are you okay?" William asks suddenly while we begin walking up the stairs. He doesn't take to turn back.
I smile helplessly as I look up and at his back, "I'm scared of accidentally touching something and breaking it. Your employees take their work seriously."
"Thanks."
William's voice sounds like he's probably smiling. It's a shame I can't see for sure since I am behind him. So instead, I smile with him.
"Mr. Noo, you're home," the male help standing in front of a door turns towards us. At first, his eyes touch William's, then when I step out from behind William, it reaches me and he frowns. He's curious. I know. I try not to shrivel under his curiosity.
"I'm home," William nods at the man, "You can retire for today, Ren. Thank you."
By the way, the man is guarding the door, I can only assume that this is Isaac's room. I feel the excitement of seeing the little boy again bubble in my chest. I don't think I'll admit it so freely to everyone but I missed the sad little boy.
I watch as William's hand wraps around the doorknob and he breathes in and out before twisting the door open and walking in. He leaves the door ajar but I stay outside. The man, Ren, is still standing beside the door, sizing me up.
It feels like opening the door opened up a whole new world. Only after the door's opened to have the dozens of voices of people requesting the little kid, floats out of the bedroom.
"Daddy!" I hear Isaac's moody voice wail at William, and I turn to glance at Ren — who is still sizing me up. Despite his slightly guarded expression, I smile at the man.
"Isaac, get off the bed right now!" William scolds his child. It's not like he's shouting, but his words are cold and harsh and his tone is as hard as a rock. So he might as well be shouting.
"No! Daddy is liar! Daddy don't love me! I want mummy! Where is mummy?! She said she will find me! Where is mummy?!"
I stiffen outside the room. How could such a little child believe that his father doesn't love him?
A gasp leaves my lips when suddenly William's standing in the doorway. His dark eyes meet mine and our eyes remain on each other as he extends his hand towards me. My eyes snap between his smooth looking palm, to his clean, unreadable face.
Slowly reaching forward I put my hand over William's, I almost gasp again when he closes his fingers around my hand tightly. The tall man pulls me close, my eyes widen when he moves closer. His unreadable eyes look into mine. The scent of Gardenias gets stronger in the air.
"Thank you."
I blink. He doesn't. We're too close. We're touching. I can almost taste his exotic smelling cologne. I can see the pores and a fading pimple scar on his flawless skin. We're really close. His eyes are peering into my soul.
"Paaa!" Isaac wails from inside the room and this time I find myself moving in response instead. My fingers tighten around William's hand and I walk into the room, leading him in behind me. I stop and instantly his hand leaves mine. Mine falls to my side.
It seems like Isaac freezes on the bed as his eyes fall on me. The five very distressed looking women around his bed let out a sigh of relief before turning to me. I can feel them begin to size me up as well.
The absolutely filthy looking child suddenly jumps to his feet and takes a few unsteady steps towards the edge of his large queen-sized bed, as if he's trying to make sure that it's really me. Suddenly he jumps, "Mummy!"
A number of gasps echo around the room.
I beam at the child.
"I told you I'll find you."