"Kell, hey, wake up Darling." Vic shakes me awake.
I groan and cuddle into him more, my eyes fluttering open for a second. I take note that it's still dark.
"What?" I mumble, confused as to why Vic woke me up. It wasn't long ago that I had fallen asleep for the second time after waking up. I'm just restless tonight.
"You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?" Vic asks seeming confused and worried.
"Are you sure?" I frown confused.
"Yeah, you were thrashing around violently. You hit me in the face." Vic explains.
"Oh, I don't remember it. I'm sorry, Babe." I frown, kissing his cheek.
"It's fine, sweetheart. Why don't you go take your medication?" he suggests.
"Okay." I yawn, quickly kissing him then dragging myself out of bed.
I take the bottle of pills off the nightstand and head out of the room, downstairs to get a warm glass of milk.
Once I've taken my meds, I head back upstairs but hear movement from Junior's room. I walk down to it, assuming it's Chrissy but hoping it's Junior.
I open the door and find Junior shutting the window he obviously just climbed through.
I sigh relieved and throw my arms around him tightly.
"Thank God you're safe." I whisper. "Please don't do that again."
"I'm sorry, Dad." he apologizes.
"You should be. I was worried sick." I grumble. "Kel, I'm sorry we've been so focussed on the girls lately but you know we care about you and if there's anything you need, you can come to us."
"I know, Dad. I know I can can come to you." the way he says 'you' leaves me confused. Like he's bitter about the thought of talking to me.
I take his chin between my thumb and my index finger, examining his lip piercing.
"It suits you." I tell him. "Make sure you clean it and look after it, okay?"
"I will." he mumbles.
I give him a sad smile and then my eyes wonder over to Chrissy's bed. It's empty.
"Where's your sister?" I ask him.
"I don't know. I just got here." he shrugs.
"Get some rest, kiddo." I tell him, kissing his head then I leave the room.
I go down to the bathroom. The door is closed and the light is on. I knock lightly on the door.
"Baby, can I come in?" I ask her.
"Yeah." She answers weakly.
I push the door open and find my daughter slumped over the toilet.
Ever since she started getting estrogen injections she's been unbelievably sick all the time. The doctor said its just side effects and that it should clear up when her body gets used to it.
"You doing okay?" I ask her kneeling down next to her and tucking some hair behind her ear.
"Yeah, I just threw up a lot and now I can't get up." she mumbles seeming a little delirious.
"Why can't you get up?" I ask her.
"I'm dizzy." she breathes.
"Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?" I ask her.
She laughs a little.
"I'm okay." she whispers.
"Do you want to come back to bed with Papa and I? I don't want you to choke on your own vomit while you're sleeping." I suggest.
She nods so I lift her up and she wraps her arms around my neck. I carry her back down to Vic and I's room. I place the girl next to Vic who wakes up again instantly.
"You're not my husband." he mumbles sleepily, looking at the girl who giggles.
"Right here, Babe." I tell him, getting into bed next to Chrissy. "Chrissy is feeling nauseous."
"Oh poor baby girl." Vic mumbles, kissing her forehead.
I pull the duvet over us and wrap my arm around Chrissy.
"Get some rest." I tell her and she hums, closing her eyes and falling asleep.
"Junior's home." I tell Vic.
"Great." Vic says sarcastically.
I frown.
"What's your problem?" I whisper angrily. "You should be glad our son is home safe."
"It's hard to give a shit about him lately." Vic mutters.
I'm hurt by his words. This is our son he's talking about.
"I think I'm going to sleep on the sofa." I mutter.
"Kell, don't be like that." Vic sighs.
"We made him, Vic. I carried him for nine months. You cut the cord. We raised him. We taught him how to speak and how to walk. He's still our little boy. I can't listen to you talk about him like he means nothing to you." I spit.
"Kellin, I love him, you know I do." he sighs.
"Does he know that? When was the last time you told him that?" I mutter, getting up and storming out of the room.
I consider going downstairs to the living room but then realize I left my pillow with Chrissy. I then decide to sleep with Tay.
I go down to her room and get into her bed.
"Kell?" she mumbles stirring awake. She's been a light sleeper since Matty kidnapped us all those years ago.
"Vic and I had a fight." I tell her.
"Oh, I'm sorry." she yawns.
"It's okay. I'll talk to you about it in the morning. Go back to sleep." I tell her and she hums.
She falls asleep pretty soon but i spend most of the night thinking. Thinking about Junior and Vic and Chrissy and Lisa. I love them all so much but they're stressing me out lately. Maybe I just worry too much.
It's five AM when Tay hits me.
"Stop tossing and turning or get out." she grumbles.
I apologize and climb out of bed, knowing that I'm not going to be able to sleep. I go back down to Vic and I's room to get my car keys. Vic's sleeping soundly with his hair all messed up and his mouth agape. He's so attractive.
"Daddy," Chrissy mumbles sleepily.
"Yeah, honey?" I respond, frowning at how tired she looks.
"Can I have the day off school?" she asks.
"Yeah, of course." I whisper. "When your Papa wakes up, can you tell him I've gone down to the cemetery?"
She hums and closes her eyes again.
I get my car keys off the nightstand then lean down, kissing Vic's cheek lovingly.
I then leave the house and get into my car. I drive down to the cemetery, not before stopping at the florists on the way and getting a bouquet. I find my dad's grave and sit down on the grass. I place the flowers against his tombstone and pick at the grass feeling uncomfortable.
It's been so many years and I'm still unsure how I feel about his death. He treated me horribly but when it counted the most, he was there for me. I love him. He's my dad and I don't think he should have died but if he didn't, I don't think I'd want him to be in my life.
"It's thanks to you that I still have my husband and my babies. I know I say this a lot, but thank you." I mumble. "I forgive you, I really do. And I love you. But you fucked me up so bad. I don't know how to parent. I have no idea what I'm doing. You were supposed to set an example. You were supposed to show me the ropes. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?"
A frustrated tear falls from my eye.
"Sometimes I think I should just turn to alcoholism." I say jokingly.
I just wish I had a little bit of guidance. Maybe I should call Papa later. He's raised two boys. He must know something.
I hang around, just talking to my dad for a while before I decide I should go home. When I get home, I stay in the car for a while, not quite ready to enter the stress that is my home.
Finally, I get out of the car and go inside.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Vic shouts as I enter the house. "You didn't think to leave a note? Maybe take your phone with you?"
I look up at his angry face tiredly.
"I went to the cemetery. I told Chrissy to tell you." I mumble.
He sighs frustratedly.
"She's been asleep all day." he mutters.
Mike comes in the room looking concerned.
"What are you yelling for? Relax." he tells Vic then leaves.
Vic rubs his eyes then looks at me apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I'm tired. I didn't mean to yell. I just get so worried about you." he murmurs.
Matty still affects all of us but sometimes I think he affects Vic the most.
"He's dead, Vic. You don't need to worry." I tell him, kissing his cheek softly then walking past him to the living room where Mike and Tony are watching a movie with Lisa.
"Baby, why aren't you at school?" I ask her, then turn back to Vic giving him a stern look.
"We slept in so Papa said I could stay home." she explains
"Great parenting." I mutter to Vic.
I storm out of the room and go upstairs. I go down to Vic and I's room where Chrissy is still sleeping in our bed. I lay down next to her and close my eyes.
A few minutes later the bed dips down and I open my eyes. Vic's frowning at me.
"We woke up at one. It would have been pointless sending them to school. Plus Chrissy was sick and I doubt Junior would have went to school if I sent him. You understand that, right?" he asks.
I nod and sigh.
"Yeah, I overreacted. I'm sorry. Just tired and stressed." I mumble.
"And that stuff about Junior. I do love him. I always have. I always will. He's my son. My baby boy. It's hard watching him grow up." Vic explains.
"I know, babe. I know." I yawn.
"We should get some sleep. I think we both need it." Vic mumbles and I nod.
"Hold on. I'm going to call Mama and Papa over for dinner. Is that okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, is everything okay, Beautiful?" he asks concerned.
"Yeah, why?" I frown.
"You left while everyone was asleep and didn't come back for hours. You only see your dad when your questioning your parenting abilities. And usually we invite Mama around so you can talk to her. Plus I slept without you for the first time in years last night." he explains.
I smile sadly and run my hand along his cheek.
"I don't know." I whisper, a tear falling from my eye.
I reach into my pocket and get my phone then find Papa's number.
I call him and put the phone up to my ear.
"Hey Kellin," he chirps when he answers the phone.
"Hey Papa, I was wondering if you and Mama were busy tonight?" I say hopefully.
"Never. What do you need?" he asks.
"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" I ask.
"We would love to. We bought the kids presents yesterday so we were planning on coming around anyway." he chuckles.
"It's not even their birthdays. You spoil them too much." I laugh.
"Can't help it." Papa says.
"Okay, well we'll see you later." I tell him.
We say goodbye then I hang up. Vic kisses me as pulls me closer to him.
"I love you. Get some sleep." he whispers.
"I love you too." I murmur.
I close my eyes, ready to get a restful sleep but then I feel Chrissy roll over and next hear her start snoring loudly.
Vic whines quietly and I kick Chrissy's leg softly.
"Baby girl, I love you but shut the fuck up." I groan in which she replies with an even louder snore.
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Hope y'all enjoyed! Sorry this took so long xx