Chapter 10

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I'm sitting on the chair in the hospital with my face buried in Junior's yellow blanket. My neck is sore and I'm so tired. The blood that's covering me is dry now and I'm sure it's daylight outside but due to the lack of windows and the bright lights, all sense of time has been lost.

Vic's sitting on the floor about fifteen feet away from me. His knees are pulled up to his chest and he's staring at the wall again. I want him to come over and hug me but he needs space. I can see that.

"Kell, you need to shower and change. You're covered in blood." Tay says, softly.

I shake my head.

"I'm not leaving. He could be out of surgery any minute now." I whisper although I've been saying this for a few hours now.

Mike brought Tay with him when he came back with a change of clothes. He then went home to get some sleep so he and Tony could take the girls to school in the morning. I told him not to tell them anything. It's not fair to put this stress on them when we don't know how bad Junior's condition is. He could be okay. I hope he's okay.

Soon a nurse walks down the hall and I stand up.

"Hey," I say stopping her. "Do you know what's happening with my son? It's been hours." I question rather irritated. I've been asking nurses and doctors all night and they all say the same thing, 'I don't know'.

"Sir, he's still in surgery. I don't know." She says seeming frustrated. I must have already asked her this.

"You have to fucking know something!" I yell. "I just need to know that he's okay."

I then break down and start thinking of the possibility that he's not okay. There must be a reason why it's taking so long. What if I lose him? What if this is it for my baby boy? I couldn't protect him. I've failed as not only a parent but a human being.

I can feel myself losing it and hyperventilating. I fall down to the floor and Tay drops down next to me. She's telling me to breathe but that feels impossible right now.

"We're going to sedate him." I hear someone say then I'm pricked with a needle and after that everything goes black.

--

I awake in a familiar hospital room and sit up dizzily. Mike's the only person in the room and he looks at me sadly.

"You okay?" He asks but I don't have time for stupid questions like that.

"Is Junior out of surgery yet?" I question and he shakes his head solemnly.

I feel like crying. All this not-knowing is driving me insane.

"Where's Vic?" I ask.

"Same place he's been all night. Staring at that damn wall." He mutters.

"I've never seen him act like this." I frown. "I'm worried about him."

"This is how he copes." Mike shrugs. "He does it every time."

"What do you mean?" I frown confused.

"He did this when you punctured your lung, when you tried to kill yourself and when the twins were born. He just shuts down. That's his way of coping. But eventually he loses it. He'll start angrily pacing or he'll punch something but he hasn't done that yet. It's strange but I wouldn't expect anything less from Vic." he sighs. "I'll go let him know that you're awake but don't expect too much from him."

I nod and then Mike leaves the room. I want to get up but the effects of the sedative haven't really worn off yet.

About half an hour later, I'm surprised to see Vic come in. He looks exhausted and he's still covered in Junior's blood. He shuts the door behind him and doesn't say anything as he comes over to me and picks me up. I hold onto him as he carries me into the bathroom. He sits me down on the small basin then turns the shower on. He pulls my bloody shirt off over my head then takes his off, dropping them in a pile on the floor. I take over and undress myself as he undresses himself.

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