Chapter 21

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"No, no, no, no, no, no." I sob repeatedly as I sit up, startled from my nightmare.

I feel a hand of my shoulder which makes me flinch but with just a whiff of his cologne, I know I'm safe and I'm brought back to reality.

"Hey, it was just a dream, Beautiful. It's not real, he can't hurt you." I hear Vic whisper. 

I lean in to him, seeking comfort and completely forgetting about the state our marriage is in.

"I killed them." I cry as his arms wrap around me. "I killed them all."

"Who, Kells?" he whispers softly in my ear.

"Our kids. I'm a monster." I choke out.

He shushes me comfortingly and rubs my back in a slow, therapeutic manner.

"You're not a monster. You would never hurt them. You would never hurt anyone." he reassures me.

I shake my head aggressively and try to calm myself down so I can find my words.

"I killed Matty." I sniff.

"You killed Matty to protect your family. You did more good than bad, Kellin. That's different." Vic explains and I guess he makes a valid point.

I wrap my arms back around him and he pulls me closer to him.

"You're shaking. Did you take your medication?" he asks and I nod. "Are you seeing a therapist or at least talking to Mama?"

I shake my head truthfully.

"Darling, you need to talk to someone." he murmurs.

Hearing him call me 'darling' is both comfortingly and heart-wrenching.

"I used to talk to you." I whisper.

He sighs and pulls me onto his chest as he lays down. He wipes my wet cheeks as he caresses my face.

"Should I be worried about you? I knew you were down but I thought that was normal considering everything that's been going on. But you're thinking about killing yourself. That's not normal. And I don't want to lose you." Vic whispers.

"I'm not thinking about killing myself. I was being melodramatic." I lie.

"Kellin, I know you." Vic urges.

"You think you know me." I mutter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he frowns.

"I thought I knew you."

He sighs deeply and slides his hands down my back.

"I envy your ability to be sad." he murmurs, swallowing dryly. "I can't grieve. Not properly. I just get so angry instead."

I frown and look up at him.

"Grief changes everyone, Kells." he whispers. "I'm sorry it made me into this person."

I stare at him but stay silent, unsure of what to say.

He pushes some hair behind my ear and I see him staring at my lips. My breathing is shaky and I feel nervous. My heart has barely calmed down from the nightmare.

"You know how you said I could kiss whoever I wanted?" he asks.

I'm confused for a minute, my mind not catching up with me fast enough. Then I recall what I said earlier.

"What? Oh yeah." I stammer still confused.

He doesn't say anything else. Instead, he leans forward and presses his lips to mine gently. I run my fingers over his bare chest as I kiss him back. I missed his lips, his taste, his warmth. I kissing him, touching him and just ultimately him in general.

He pulls me closer to him and I hook my leg around his. The kiss goes from gentle to needy very quickly. His hands slide up my shirt and I sit up and pull it off. He then pulls me down on top of him. His fingers glide over my warm skin, causing goosebumps to crawl across it. My breathing is head and erratic. He traces the tattoos on my chest then pulls my lips back to his. The feeling of his chest pressed against mine is a feeling I've missed so much.

His hands slide down to my ass and he squeezes it tightly which makes me moan against his lips.

I'm starting to get turned on and Vic's already harder than a rock, but he slows down the kiss and moves his hands to my lower back. I get the message and slide off of him. I don't know what made him stop, but I'm glad he did. It's probably for the best.

Vic keeps his arm wrapped around me and holds me close to him. He kisses me one last time, then closes his eyes and rests his chin on top of my head.

This leaves us in a really complicated place. We still love each other and obviously there's still a lot of feelings there but we're getting a divorce. I doubt our relationship could recover from what it's been through. And that little make out session could have just been a product of lack of affection.

Besides, like he said, grief changes everyone. I don't know if he's still the man I married.

I don't want to divorce him. I really don't. But I don't know where Vic stands with all this. I guess all I can do is wait and see how we both feel when Junior wakes up.

"Get some sleep. You need it." Vic whispers.

"Okay." I whisper back.

"And wake me up if you need anything." he murmurs.

That makes my heart swell so I place a soft kiss on his chest to let him know that I'm grateful.

"Goodnight Vic." I whisper.

"Goodnight Kells." he says back.

But he doesn't go to sleep after that. And neither do I.

I'm thinking about the future. But it's a difficult thing to do. It's so hazy and uncertain.

Vic starts humming gently and it begins to lull me to sleep. I remember when one of the kids would have a nightmare and he would rock them back and forth and sing them to sleep. He's a good Papa, he always has been, even to Junior, despite not always showing it.

"Vic," I whisper, cutting off his humming.

"Yeah Kells?" he whispers back.

"When Junior wakes up, he might need fulltime care. I don't think either of us can do that on our own." I explain.

Vic's silent for a bit.

"Don't worry about that yet. Get some sleep." he repeats.

I sigh but take his advice and stop worrying about Junior, well as much as I can. Vic starts humming again so I sink into his melody and his arms, then I drift slowly into sleep once again.

--

Don't get used to the happiness.

No Ordinary Love - Kellic (Sequel to BLBB and MAFT) - boyxboyRead this story for FREE!