LAUREN'S POV:
Being a waitress had it's good moments and it's hard moments. I usually got tipped well though. Today in particular was frustrating though. Everything was finally catching up to me. Like I'd been running a race and winning but then I got distracted by the person cheering for me on the sideline and when I looked back everyone was right behind me. I hadn't talked to Zayn since three days after the whole airport incident and I started thinking up different scenarios. I mean, maybe I said something over the phone? Or I said something over text that he misunderstood because you know people can take text messages out of context, so I started gently chewing down on my thumb as I scrolled through my text messages trying to find anything. I called him, I texted him, numerous times may I add. I was being ignored and it was driving me crazy.
I've been on the social media, I've seen pictures of him out and about with his mom and his phone was right in his hand. I decided to give in and call one of the boys. They were my last resorts because I didn't want to seem desperate but holy shit I was desperate. I called up Harry and he answered after a few rings. "Lauren? Is something wrong with Camila?" Panic was in his voice. That goes to show how often I call him. "No. She's- she's fine. I was actually wondering if Zayn's with you?" a hint of hope to my tone.
"No, sorry he's not. I'm out for tea with my mum and sister they leave tomorrow morning, so getting in my last rounds. I think his mums helping him rearrange his room. We finally got all of furniture, well for our rooms atleast. Everything else is coming by the end of the week."
"That's great. Well, I'd better let you get back to your tea."
"Right. Is everything well between you two?" I did a small laugh, it was a sad laugh.
"I guess not." I frowned, spinning my order tablet around on the table.
"When was the last time you spoke with him?"
"It's been like a week."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But I really don't wanna keep you. Just please tell him I'm sorry for whatever I did." and before Harry could say anything I hung up.
"Jauregui, table twelve needs a wipe down." Drè said to me. I stood up, and got right to my duty. I wasn't even finished my shift but Drè told me they don't need anyone moping around sending bad vibes to customers.
I took a shower, which probably took me an hour since I was kind of going through even more scenarios in my head. Once that was all finished I went downstairs to eat some cereal. I wasn't in the mood to warm up food that was made while I was at work. "My feet are killing me." Chris groaned walking into the house. He also had a job, a cashier at a nearby grocery store. "How was work?" I asked.
"Like I said my feet are killing me." He grabbed a banana and sat down at the table. "What about you? How was serving the richy riches?"
"I got sent home two hours early because apparently my aura was dark and my negativity cloud didn't need to shadow over the customers." I did air quotes.
"You have been kind of carrying some negativity cloud the past couple of days." he stated.
"I have not!' I declared. Chris stood up and threw away his banana peel.
"I'm just kidding, don't attack me. You do seem a little bothered though. What gives?"
"Boy drama, you don't want to listen."
"You're right." he winked. "Goodnight Lauren,"
"It's only eight."
"I know. But I think I'm gonna call it an early night. Wheres everyone at?" he asked, standing in the doorway.
"Mom and dad are out at the movies, it's date night and Taylor still isn't back from Katie's.".
"She may as well move to Katie's house." he joked leaving the kitchen.
I wasn't even finished with my cereal when I started getting an incoming videocall on skype. It was Zayn. I quickly hit answer and after a few seconds his face popped up. "First and foremost I want to say that I am sorry for not getting back to you in a week, I've just been busy moving in and all and then furniture shopping and spending time with my mum, you know I rarely see her."
"Okay, but you could have text me saying you're busy atleast so I didn't look pathetic texting you."
"I'm sorry, and there is something else, that's been bothering me for a week now." He rubbed the nape of his neck.
"What is it? Are you okay?" I asked.
"I am yes, it's just management last week gave me an ultimatum, you, or my career." He didn't look into the camera as he said this.
"You're kidding me... what did I ever do to them?"
"They don't like the bad press that we are getting when I do stupid things like flip on paparazzi and people think you're the cause of it because you're around when it happens, now I'm not saying I think like that, I'm just-" I cut him off.
"Choose your career." I said for him.
"What? I wasn't going to choose one or the other."
"So I'm choosing for you. I am not going to be some pawn in this ultimatum. A whole week you ignored me Zayn, you say you weren't going to choose one or the other but it seems like you were thinking about it alot more then you claim."
"Lauren-"
"No." I shook my head. "And plus, I don't know when I'm going to see you again. And I have a job now, I'm trying to save up to go to college in Spring and I need to stay focused on that not when you're going to call me next." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I bit on my bottom lip to keep them from escaping. "And that's what you should be focusing on too, your career."
"I can have both Lauren! I've been having both." His voice cracked and I can see the glint of tears in Zayn's eyes and his bottom lip was slightly trembling. "I know, but I can't." Just saying that made me break down.
"Look at you Lauren, you're crying. You don't even want to do this." he said and the pain in his voice wasn't easy to overlook. I nodded. "This is what I want to do, what I need to do."
"Lauren, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for avoiding you this week, I was just, I don't know.... confused."
"Well you don't have to be anymore Zayn. I'm setting you free."
"Fucking stop." he pleaded. "I don't need to be "set free" I'm not some prisoner." And it was strange, it was like something in his eyes flickered. "You know what, fine. Fine. You're right. This relationship is costly. You flying to me, me flying to you."
"Right..." I said wiping at my tears.
"I am sorry for, for being such a burden.."
"You were never a burden Zayn," I said. Zayn looked away from the screen and I knew he was wiping away his tears. He looked back at me and sniffled. "I just wish this wasn't over skype." he said. I nodded in agreeance but I couldn't say much more. "I guess goodbye?" he said. I had nothing left in me so I just gave him a limp wave and he was the first to disconnect.
I sat there at a loss for words trying to figure out how this happened and I shook my head trying to process everything but I ended up just crying myself to sleep. I did this all for him, I didn't want him to feel like he had to choose and even though I knew his career was the obvious choice I didn't want him to choose between me because I knew even though I wasn't even a legitimate option to weigh it'd still hurt a little when he made a decision.
Last night it hurt, but I guess the realization didn't kick in until I was woken up this morning by Taylor. "Forget where your room was?" I looked around and noticed I fell asleep in the kitchen. "I..." I rubbed my eyes and looked down my laptop and everything started to hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I actually felt my heart breaking in half. I held my hand over my chest. "I.."
"Use your words Lauren," Taylor said. And then the tears made an appearance again. "Lauren? Are you okay?" I didn't say anything, I just pushed my chair out and fled up the stairs. I had an hour until I had work, I really wanted to call off because I couldn't even handle being awake right now.
On my way to my room I crashed right into my dad. "Lauren? Why are you running?" I shook my head.
"I, I'm going to be late for work."
"Why are you crying?" he asked taking my hands.
"Because I'm running late!" I basically shouted at him.
"Whoa whoa ticking time bomb."
"Can you please move so I can get ready for work." my dad scooted over not saying another word and I brushed past him and slammed my door shut once I was inside.
Take a deep breath Lauren and don't forget to exhale. I threw on khaki dress and put my hair into a ponytail and adjusted my name tag. I looked in the mirror, and forced a smile. "Hi. I'm Lauren. Can I start you guys off with drinks? We have pepsi products and teas, both cold and hot." I sighed not even convincing myself. I sat on the edge of my bed and slipped on my lacy white socks and my white doc martins, and headed out of my room to brush my teeth.
When I walked downstairs Taylor was sitting on the couch. "Feeling a little better?" she asked, a hopeful smile on her face.
"Why are you even up this early?" I asked, as I frantically searched for my white waist apron.
"Katie has Summer school." she said, "so her mom dropped me off." I didn't respond, I grabbed my car keys and didn't say bye, I just left. I knew in the frantic state that I was in and how early it was that I probably shouldn't even be driving a car. At every red light I debated texting him but I knew he was sleeping, it was like four in the morning there. I knew he'd see it when he woke up but I didn't want to seem so wishy washy about things. I was the stupid one that started this afterall.
Work was hard. I dropped two cups, gave three tables the wrong orders and I was tipped horribly. I somehow survived until the end of my shift and I was being called into Drè's office. I walked inside, I'd never been in here. It was painted mint green and a picture of him and his husband was up on the wall. I sat down and Drè offered me coffee, I said no. "You're already jittery, I understand. So that's partially why I called you in today. Now, I know you haven't been working here long but your performance yesterday night and this morning were...." he was trying to find a word. "unacceptable. We make good money by being employed by this country club, the past three years that I've worked here we have not gotten one bad review but I'm sure your mistakes were definetely noticed, they weren't easy to overlook."
"I apologize Drè, I just- I had a rough week and last night just..." I couldn't even finish my words I felt sick. Actually sick, like I could just vomit right now. Drè handed me a piece of paper. "A week and a half. Wednesday, come back. If your performance is impressive, you can stay. If not... then you're gonna have to turn in your nametag. I looked down at the paper. I've been suspended for a week and a half, great. "I just need tremendous improvements from you, bring back the spunky Lauren from the interview." I did a small smile. I don't even know if you could classify it as a smile. It was more like my lip didn't even curl up half way, and then it fell right back down. I got up and made my way out of the country club.
I did a horrible park job. I just wanted to go inside my house and just fall into my lonely bed, curl up into myself, and sleep. Other plans were made though, my parents were sitting on the couch, Taylor and Camila were sitting on the floor in front of them, Dinah and Ally were on the floor and Normani and Chris were on the small loveseat. I kind of just froze in the doorway, and stared at everyone with a blank expression. "Lauren, take a seat." My dad said. I scrunched my face up in confusion, dropping my keys onto the table by the door. "I'm not taking a seat.. I'm not having some sort of intervention.."
"You got out of work at twelve, it's three o'clock." my mom said.
"I needed some air. I took a drive." I said, not seeing why my whereabouts were being monitored
"Your boss called us and told us you were suspended because you had manic behavior these past two days." My dad chimed in.
"Are you doing... drugs and they're now starting to have affects on your behavior?" Chris asked. A smile on his face, almost as if he was hoping I was doing drugs so he could stop being the usual one that gets punished and I'd get thrown into rehab and my parents would remove the focus from him onto me."Chris!" My mom shouted across the room at him. Normani nudged him. "You guys were beating around the bush." he shrugged.
"You guys think I'm on drugs?" that actually made me laugh. "Are you kidding me?"
"Your fidgety behavior at work." my mom said.
"falling asleep at the kitchen table and waking up crying and clutching onto your chest." Taylor said.
"Acting like a frantic maniac when I wouldn't move out of your way this morning. Blood shot eyes." my dad noted.
"Is there something you aren't telling us?" Ally asked from the floor.
I could pull my hair out they are such idiots. "You know you guys are right. You're right. I did have blood shot eyes, from crying just like you guys stated. I fell asleep at the kitchen table because I cried myself to sleep. I woke up crying and clutching my chest because my heart actually hurts. I felt it. I've been fidgety from all the crying I've been doing. And I'm acting frantic because I'm stupid, okay? I made a stupid decision last night and Zayn went along with it. I couldn't focus on work because I'm in pain. It was a break up. I'm not on drugs. I'm glad you guys think I'm that mindless." I felt the burning of the tears and I rushed past everyone and up to my room.
Minutes later there was a gentle knock and without my permission the door was pushed open. In walked my four best friends. I just looked at them, and dug my face back into my pillow. "Your parents thought it'd be best if we came up to check on you," Camila softly said.
"What? To make sure I'm not dabbling with drugs." I sneered.
"Lauren." Dinah said. She sat down beside me and soothingly rubbed my arm.
"You can talk to us if you want, or we can sit here and hug you while you cry." Ally said. I turned over realising I shouldn't shut out my best friends. We were always here for each other through thick and thin. "Can you do both?" I asked, finally sitting up.
"Of course we can," Normani squeezed my cheek.
I looked at all of them and let out a sigh. "So Zayn's been ignorning me for a week and so I got tired of the waiting game, so I called Harry and Harry told me he'd tell Zayn to call me, and so I was in the kitchen last night and Zayn skyped me and basically apologized for avoiding me, then..." I started to cry again. Ally was squeezing one hand and Normani the other. Dinah had a comforting hand on my arm, and that left Camila wiping my tears. "Then, he told me how their management gave him a choice, me or his career because apparently Zayn does stupid stuff when he's around me and so he was supposedly confused the whole week and I knew deep in my heart that..." I took a breath. "I knew that Zayn was going to choose his career given the option, so I basically got to it before him and told him that I needed to focus on my job for college and then he said our relationship was costly because of all the flying and I don't know, we broke up, that's all I know for certain. It's not like the last break up but it hurts just as much. I'm in love with that guy. Like madly in love. I've never been in love with anyone, I mean I literally gave Zayn all of me. Now it's like, I feel like this is it for us, I just have this ache in my chest now, and this is all so dumb." the pain in my heart was beating like a drum and I could hear it in my ears. "Oh Lauren!" Suddenly I was being enveloped in my friends arms and for a second there it felt like everything was normal, like last night never happened. If I just lay here with them like this long enough maybe I could actually cry all of my tears out, and convince myself that it didn't happen. I wonder how Zayn's taking this, I started remembering how his voice was cracking as he tried not to cry but then I remember that flicker in his eyes last night and I think to myself, maybe this is all he really wanted.