I LOOKED AT HIM APOLOGETICALLY. I knew I shouldn't have done that but I was worried about him. He now looked very frustrated because 1) There's a gun in my forehead 2) There's a gun in his forehead, too.
In his line of work I know it's not new to be hold into a gunpoint so he does not even flinch – but not for me, kaya naman nang idikit ulit ng nakahawak sa'kin ang baril ay napakislot ako. It added to Primo's frustration again.
"What a sight!" a familiar voice, talked.
Nilingon ko iyon sa kuryusudad – completely forgetting about the gun in my head.
"Jake?!" gulat na usal ko.
He was Lance's best friend.
"Long time no see, lovebirds! I thought naghiwalay na kayo?" he said, mocking. Kasunod niya ang ilang tauhan niya at pawang may mga dalang baril at armas.
"Were you behind all of this? Bakit?!" I said as I racked my brain of the reasons why would he do this.
Tumawa siya, isang nakakalokong tawa. "Money, of course. Kung hindi mo sinira ang career ko sa pagkakarera ay hindi mangyayari 'to!"
"She didn't, was she driving when you bumped into me?" Primo said, like he's tired of hearing all these bullshit.
"Hindi kita sinadyang banggain! The car malfunctioned!" Jake said angrily.
Primo shook his head in a mocking manner. "It was your team who failed to protect your career, Jake. Kung hindi sana nila ipinilit ang sasakyan kung alam nilang hindi kaya ay hindi mangyayari 'yon. It didn't help that your team insisted that there's unfair treatment at the hospital."
"It was your mother who insinuated the idea," galit na usal ni Jake at itinuro ako. "I wanted to kill her but she died instead, of course with I gave a little help to make it faster – hindi natin gusto na magtagal ang paghihirap niya 'di ba?," he said proudly.
"What do you mean?!" gulantang na tanong ko. "What do you mean she died faster?! Why are you all doing this?!"
"Your mom died?" Primo asked, surprised.
"Akala ko ba ay nagkabalikan na kayo? Bakit hindi mo pa alam Primo?" he mocked again. "Mamamatay na lang kayo ay hindi niyo pa alam. Alam din ba ni Alliyah na patay na ang ama mo?" he grinned, like an insane person.
It was now my turn to be surprised. I looked at Primo, questioning. "When? What happened?"
"He died the night before your wedding," Jake answered instead.
My heart gave a painful thud.
The night before my wedding.
I didn't know that.
Why didn't he tell me about that.
"Poor little Alliyah had to announce her marriage is cancelled. Like what you did to my career," he chuckled. "Dalhin ang mga 'yan sa warehouse."
"Anong kinalaman ng ama ni Primo rito? My mom may have been involved but he was not!!" galit na usal ko kay Jake.
"Long story, Alliyah. Wala akong oras para makipagkwentuhan. I'll let you both die without knowing the real reason. Sa langit niyo nalang alamin," he said then walked ahead.
Nauna itong umalis at ang mga bodyguard nito kaysa sa mga mas mababang tauhan nito. They had to pick up the guns that their dead colleagues were using. Dalawa sa kanila ang nagtatali ng mga kamay namin ni Primo.
When Jake was out of his sight, Primo clicked his head sidewards – like he's finally got his chance. "Please listen to me just this once," he said in a low voice.
I nodded.
He clicked a portion of his safety shoes and a knife's head ejected from it. Hinila niya ito nang hindi nakatingin ang mga nagbabantay sa amin. He was carefully sliding it up and down to remove the rope that tied each of our hands. Nang matanggal niya ang tali sa kamay niya ay nagkunwari itong nakatali pa rin ito.
"Do not move even an inch," he mouthed.
I nodded again.
Nang aakayin na kami pataas ng mga nagbabantay sa amin ay mataktikang pinisil ni Primo ang may hawak sa kanya sa pulso. He hit another pressure point using his palm and the guy went lying to the ground, lifeless.
Akmang tutukan ako ng baril ng may hawak sa akin so Primo eyed me, carefully reminding what we talked about then threw the knife in the air. The knife missed me by a millimeter because it gave me a very small cut in my cheeks. If I moved, ako sana ang tinamaan ng kutsilyo. But I kept my end of the bargain this time. He keeps messing his job because of me.
Nang mapansin ng mga kasamahan nila ang nangyayari ay agad nila kaming nilapitan at tinutukan. Someone from the group lunged an attack, wanting to fight Primo using strength. Primo stopped him using his palm at itinulak pabalik sa kanya ang pwersang binigay niya. Habang nangyayari naman ang suntukan nina Primo at ng apat na lalaki ay isa isa rin akong nilapitan ng dalawang natitira. The others went ahead with Jake thinking we got captured and we couldn't escape kaya mas nagbigay 'yon ng advantage sa amin.
I took a step back at tumama ako sa dibdib ni Primo. Napapalibutan na kami ng mga ito. Nang akmang babarilin na kami ng mga 'to ay mabilis na kinuha ni Primo ang nalaglag na baril kanina at inunahan ang mga 'to sa pagpapaputok.
Maybe it was instinct that made him shoot the enemy straight to the heart. But I saw that, it happened in front of my eyes. Hindi ko mapigilang manginig sa nakita. The blood, the lifeless body lying on the ground.
"Forget about this," mahinang bulong niya.
I shook my head, temporarily forgetting we're in the middle of danger.
"Ayah!" niyugyog niya ako sa balikat.
Bago pa siya nakapagsalita ay isang putok ng baril ang umalingawngaw.
He tactfully shoved me behind him, willingly taking the bullet supposedly aimed at me.
Para akong natauhan nang makita ang dugong umaagos sa braso niya. Daplis lang ang tama niya but the blood might result to extreme blood loss.
"Hindi na kita uutusang tumakbo dahil hindi ka din lang naman susunod, so stay behind my back," he said as he continued pulling the trigger and shot everyone who tries to get our way.
He's purposely missing the fatal points this time.
Tama lang na hindi kami mahabol ng mga ito, his target are their legs.
Hinila niya ako patakbo sa hindi ko malaman kung saang direksyon. Isenenyas niya sa akin ang isang tagong pinto na hindi mo mapapansin kung hindi naman talaga ituturo. It camouflaged with the surrounding.
It was another safe house.
They didn't know about this one.
Mabilis niyang tinapon sa akin ang dog tag niya na nagsisilbi ring keycard ng pinto para mabuksan 'yon. When we got inside ay hinila niya ako sa loob ng elevator.
"Thank God, we're safe," mahinang bulong ko at dinikit ang sarili sa dingding ng elevator.
Napapikit ako sa naisip. I sat on the floor losing strength and adrenaline rushing off my body. Flashes of dead people lying on the ground flashbacked to me. Blood dripping from their chest.
Primo did the same and sat on the floor too, he left a big space between us.
"Were you hurt?" mahinang tanong niya sa akin.
I shook my head. "What about your wound?"
Hinubad niya ang tshirt niya at humantad sa akin ang katawan niyang masyadong naalagaan sa training. Sinusubukan niyang talian ang nadaplisan niyang braso galing sa tela ng damit niya pero hindi niya magawa kaya sumandig na lang sa dingding at pumikit. He was tired.
I wanted to touch his face and ask if he was alright.
I wanted to tell him, I'll do the first aid for his wound like I always did.
I had so many things I wanted to do but I stopped myself.
We settled with being civil with each other. He was only doing his job that's why he's protecting me.
Tatayo na sana ako dahil nasa basement na kami ng safe house, which is the floor that he pressed but at same time, the elevator stopped moving and the power ran out.
I groaned.
"They forgot to load fuel to the generator," he informed, you can hear the weariness on his voice.
Kapag minamalas ka nga naman.
"How long will it take to fix it?" I asked, bumalik ako sa pag upo at sinandig ulit ang balikat sa dingding ng elevator.
I'm tired.
Masyadong maraming nangyari sa araw na ito na hindi ko inasahan and it drained the hell out of me physically and emotionally.
"I don't know, they'll be here anytime," he murmured, his voice is hoarse.
Nang nasanay na ang mata ko sa dilim ay hinanap ko siya. I almost wanted to stop breathing when I saw that he was already staring at me leaning opposite to my direction. Ang isang kamay niya'y nasa tuhod.
The elevator is not exactly dark lalo't umiilaw ang emergency sa bandang taas ng lift.
Mula sa kanya ay inilakbay ko ulit ang tingin sa bandang dibdib niya. Nang makontento ay sa dogtag niya namang nasa kamay ko dumako ang tingin ko.
I'm holding his dogtag at may isa pang bagay na nakakabit dito. Hindi ko napansin 'yon kanina dahil sa pagmamadali and he was keeping it behind his shirt all the time so I only noticed.
I cannot see it but I can feel the ring against my fingers and palms.
I swallowed the lump in my throat that's starting to build up.
It's his wedding ring.
Tumingin ako ulit sa kanya at hindi pa rin niya inaalis ang tingin sa akin.
There was no reaction on his face.
"Don't tell me you forgot to remove this too?" I asked, my voice low and hurt. "You shouldn't keep things from the past, it's bad luck."
He smirked as a response. "I'll take that out later, too."
Bakit kailangan niyang itago 'to?
Umalis siya...
Why does he needs to keep these remnants that would keep him from moving on...
Why does he have to act like it was against his will???
Why is he acting like it was the hardest decision he made in his entire life...
Ang dami kong tanong pero wala naman akong sagot na nakukuha sa kanya.
I fought back the tears and looked at the sky's direction para ibalik ang nagbabadyang luha ko.
"Will you get that removed too?" I asked while smiling bitterly on him.
I'm talking about the tattoo on his chest.
Our supposed wedding date inked in roman numerals.
Hindi siya gumalaw o nag alis man lang ng tingin. Feeling ko wala na naman siyang planong sagutin ang tanong ko.
He sighed and stirred. "No, I won't."
"Why?"
"So I won't forget how I hurt you," he chuckled dryly, pain is very evident in his eyes.
My tears are starting to build up again so I looked back up. Bumuga ng hangin na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.
"I will only ask one last time, why did you do that?"
He knows I'm asking for the reason why'd he left me hanging in our wedding.
"Because I had to," he was now emotionless, he avoided making eye contact. "You're better off without me."
He's so good at guarding his emotions and reactions and sometimes I wonder if his organization also trained him to do that.
"You cannot give me that kind of reason, Primo. Quit giving me that bullshits dahil limang taon kong tinanong sa sarili ko kung anong nangyaring mali para hindi mo ako siputin sa kasal natin," marahang usal ko habang ilang butil ng luha ang tumutulo mula sa mga mata ko.
He didn't look at me.
He closed his eyes bago muling nagsalita.
"Ayah..." he started, his voice low and hurt. "It drove me crazy too, you know..." he breathed. "My last memory from five years ago was seeing the only girl I love crying on the pavement floor," his lisp thinned. "It was a whole five years of hell for me that I purposely chose the hardest mission and wished I'd die in any of that assignment. If you think I can sleep soundly at night with that memory of you.... you're wrong. I almost lost my mind too..." he opened his eyes and it's almost going red, probably from trying not to cry.
"You were not there, Primo. Kaya 'wag kang magkunwaring alam mo kung anong pinagdaanan ko noong araw na yun," sabi ko habang pinipilit pahirin ang luha kong parang dam na binuksan sa bilis ng agos.
"I was there," he confessed gently. "I wanted to come and get married to you."
I laughed between the sobs. "But you didn't," bitterness dripping all over me.
We were consumed with silence again – I was just crying the entire time, silent and slow tears rushing down my face.
It took him about five minutes to talk again.
Pinagmasdan niya akong mabuti like it will be the last time we will see each other.
"It broke my heart," he said in his lowest voice at marahang isinandig ang ulo sa dingding. His intense gaze never left my eyes even for a few seconds. "I watched you, hopelessly crying on an abandoned playground at wala akong magawa... I wanted to run to you and hug you, kiss you like how we always do. Bring you to the altar and do our vows, get married. Heck, I wanted to have children and live a happy life with you..." he stopped, he was having difficulty talking while trying to control his emotions. "I watched Jaguar do all the things I should be the one doing.... I watched you smile and be happy with someone else, Ayah. I watched everything even if it started to broke me more along the way.." he chuckled again.
Pinahid niya ang ilang butil ng luha na kumawala sa kanya, failing miserably from stopping himself from crying.
"Like I said, I don't deserve you. It was my fault – and the only thing that keeps me assured is that the guy who's taking care of you is Jaguar. I know he will never let you get hurt. That's the only thing that matters to me you know... you... not getting hurt.. you... fine and well and happy..."
My heart hurt so much.
I know I shouldn't have listened to this dahil mas magugulo lang lalo ang isip ko.
But this was the conversation I was always waiting for.
Sa lahat ng tao, I should be the one to know how Primo makes decisions. He will never intentionally hurt someone he love para sa pansariling kapakanan niya lamang.
The thought hurt so much.
It was too much realization for me to bear.
I acted like I was the only one hurting...
I acted like he never showed how much he love me para pagdudahan ko ang damdamin niya sa akin..
"I was willing to break my own heart for your safety, Ayah," he whispered when I didn't answer, his voice so low and so hurt.
"That's my decision to make, Primo. That's our decision to make," giit ko, keeping myself from crying out loud.
Hindi siya umimik.
His breathing became uncontrolled at hindi siya makatingin sa akin.
He was just staring at the ceiling, a few tears escaping from his eyes.
"Did you regret leaving me – at all?" I asked softly, tears still streaming down my face.
"I did... Fuck, I regret it every second of my life," he smiled bitterly. "Pero kung magkakaroon man ng pagkakataong ulitin 'yon at ganoon ulit ang sitwasyon. I will still not show up to that wedding..."
"I still don't understand what happened," I said, still confused.
What situation?
"You can ask the others for the answers of those questions, it's not a memory I wanted to live again," he answered. "Please tell your dad I resigned, Rogue will send my replacement."
"Primo..."
"You have Jaguar, Ayah. He will take care of you as much as I did o baka higit pa. I didn't come back here to get you away from him. I just wanted to make sure you're well. So let's be civil and act like how bodyguards and bosses should be," he said then stood up.
He went to the elevator's control panel, pushed some buttons and the elevator started running again. The door opened wide, giving a quick entrance to the safe house.
"I am not doing well, Primo!" I spatted. Mataas ang boses sa pagitan ng pagpigil sa pag-iyak.
He chose not to listen to my last sentence and started walking out the elevator.
"Susunduin ka ni Jaguar dito mamayang madaling araw. We offered the private chopper here para hindi na kayo mamroblema sa passport mong nawawala."
He stopped at lumingon ng bahagya sa akin.
"This is really good bye for us, Ayah. It was nice seeing you again and I'm very glad you're happy," he gave a small smile at dire-diretsong umalis palayo sa akin.
I watched him walkaway this time.
He was here and he bid farewell.
Hindi katulad dati na ni anino niya'y wala.
Noong una, I wanted to hear even a simple good bye from him.
Kahit wala ng explanation. Kahit nagpaalam lang naman sanang aalis siya.. Kahit 'yon na lang....
I put my hands on my face to control myself from sobbing.
Pero bakit ngayong nagpapaalam na siyang aalis siya at hindi siya makikigulo pa ay mas masakit sa puso...
He has a deeper reason for leaving five years ago na sinadya niyang 'wag sabihin dati man o ngayon. But I'm sure it was for my sake. How dumb could I get?!
And now he's leaving for the sake of Jaguar...
Bakit parang mas masakit marinig mula sa kanya? Bakit parati na lang niyang iniisip ang iba?! Bakit kahit ngayon lang ayaw niyang isipin ang sarili niya?
I sobbed even harder.
My heart hurt so much.
For him, for us, and also for Jaguar.
It took me a minute to realize the elevator was not broken, he wanted to spend a few moments with me to talk.
It took me another five minutes of crying to realize that I never really moved on from him...
It was always Primo.
It will always be him.