Sunday morning I welcomed the sunlight with puffy eyes and a dry throat.
I hadn't slept the entire night, and if I dared to look in a mirror i'm sure it would be obvious.
I could just imagine the bags under my eyes and the knots in my hair, so when I finally noticed the sunlight coming from my window I put my hair and a bun and then turned over in bed so I could sleep.
But sleep didn't want me, instead it wanted to keep me up and make me replay last nights events over and over in my head until I wanted to throw up.
Harry had kissed me.
He had thrown me up against the wall and kissed me.
"Harry, what are you doing?" I whispered, frightened by his behaviour that was similar to this morning.
He moved his head down.
"What are you doing?" I asked again, my voice shaking.
"Don't talk, Princess." He growled. "Don't."
He was so close to me now I could see my reflection in his green eyes, I looked terrified.
"Har-"
That was all I was able to get out before the surprise of my life happened. He moved in and closed the distance, smashing his lips against mine.
I groaned before rolling over, trying to make the memories stop.
I glanced at my phone, squeezing my eyes shut.
My father had called me last night, but I had been crying too hard to speak so I had let it go to voicemail.
Finally I picked up my phone to listen to the voicemail.
"Hey Emmy, its Dad. I guess you're already asleep. I just wanted to say i'm so sorry I couldn't make it to see you today. I promise I tried everything I could to get out of it but you know how stubborn these congressman can be. Anyways, your Mom said you two had a good talk and i'm sorry I missed it, but i'm glad you're doing a bit better. You know that if you need us that your Mom and I will always be here. Call me when you wake up. Love you."
I set my phone down before turning onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.
I didn't plan on leaving my room anytime soon, and when I heard Harry's door open I really didn't want to leave.
In the silence of the apartment I heard him go into the bathroom and then leave it, walking into the kitchen.
The coffee maker started, filling the apartment with the aroma of the drink I was craving, and then I heard the toaster go off before he went back to his room, closing the door.
My stomach growled and I whined before sitting up, looking around my room. I had a bag of skittles on my desk, a water bottle in the side pocket of my backpack, and if I remembered correctly there was a granola bar in there also.
I grabbed the granola bar and the water bottle and then sat back on my bed, eating my "breakfast".
Once I was done eating I looked around my room to find something to do. Thankfully I had my laptop and a few books so I started with reading a few chapter of To Kill A Mockingbird before putting my headphones in my laptop and watching movies.
It may seem childish, but I would rather have not eaten and died of starvation than go out of my room and run into Harry. So I stayed in my room all day long.
Finally at around 11:45, once I had heard Harry go to bed and it was quiet for 30 minutes, I left my room to use the restroom and grab a snack before going back in to hide.
I heard silence from behind Harry's door.
When I got back in bed I grabbed my phone before calling my Dad. He always stayed up late so I had no doubts he'd be awake.
He answered on the second ring.
"Em! I've been awaiting your call." I could hear his smile. "What took you so long?"
"Um, it's been a rough day." I sighed.
"Yeah? What's going on?"
"Boy drama." I said. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth.
"Your Mom told me a bit about that. Do you need me to beat someone up?"
I laughed.
"Sure that'd be great."
"It's late, what are you still doing up? You're normally asleep by now."
"Can't sleep."
"Don't lose sleep over that boy, Emma. He doesn't deserve you. But then again, i'm your father and I think no boy will ever deserve you. But this boy definitely doesn't deserve you."
I smiled.
"Thanks."
"So your Mom says you're going to try and come up this weekend."
"Yeah. Hopefully my homework load will be light."
"Good. Well Lion and Tiger are missing you. They run to your door every morning."
"I miss them too. I could really use a friend right now."
"Well I know how you get when you don't get enough sleep, so get some rest and call me tomorrow."
"Sure."
"Sleep tight kiddo."
"Night, Dad."
I set down my phone and then turned over in bed, ready to catch up on the sleep I needed.
My alarm woke me up at 5:30, and I groaned as I got out of bed.
I desperately needed a shower, so I braved the hall and luckily Harry wasn't there when I went to shower.
I kept the door closed as I dried my hair and straightened it before leaving.
But luck would have it that whenever I opened the door to leave the bathroom Harry opened his bedroom door.
I didn't see him because I quickly closed the door, locking myself in the bathroom. I heard him sigh and then go back into his room.
I waited a minute until I opened the door and then sprinted to my room, closing and locking that door as well.
My makeup was kept subtle and I dressed in black yoga pants and a maroon jersey, putting on my black nikes and then praying Harry wasn't out there when I went to go get food.
Since I hadn't eaten much yesterday I was starving, so I grabbed some toast and had some apple slices and yogurt as well.
I was pouring myself another cup of coffee when I heard Harry leave the bathroom, and I froze.
Keeping my eyes on my coffee cup I heard him enter the kitchen, inhaling when he noticed my presence.
I slowly took my mug and went to the living room, sitting on the love seat, my back towards Harry.
I could hear him make his breakfast and then sit at the bar.
Being on the same room as him was giving me major anxiety, so I walked back to my bedroom, feeling his eyes on me.
I finished my coffee in the privacy of my bedroom and then exited when it was time to go. He was waiting by the door, his eyes trained on me while I had mine on the floor, passing him and entering the hallway.
It was a silent walk to class and when we arrived I set my back pack in the chair next to me, Harry pausing before sitting in the one next to it. I think my message was clear I didn't want to deal with him.
After that he stopped looking at me.
Once class was over I was walking out when I heard Travis calling my name.
"Emma! Emma!" I rolled my eyes and kept walking but he placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Emma please let me explain." He said as he caught his breath.
"I really don't want to hear why you cheated on me so please just leave me alone." I went to walk away but he stopped me and I then felt Harry's presence next to me.
"It was an accident, im so sorry."
"You don't accidentally make out with someone."
"Emma please can we just-" He tried to stop me from leaving again.
"I don't care who my parents are or if everyone here is taking my picture because i'm about two seconds away from punching you in the face. It's over."
"Let me just-"
I clenched my fist and cocked my shoulder back, ready to punch but Harry stepped in between us.
"This conversation is over. Travis, walk away."
I moved and began to walk away, heading up the stairs to my next class.
When my classes were over I made my way back to the apartment with Harry on my heels. I went to grab a water bottle from the fridge and some chips from the pantry and then straight to my room.
There I took off my makeup, changed into a sweater and pyjama shorts then hit the books, studying for my Spanish quiz the next day. All of this drama with Harry and Travis was clouding up my brain, and I needed to get a grip on my priorities.
Even though my life was slipping through my fingers I couldn't let my grades go as well.
Once I was done with Spanish I did my online homework for world lit and then read over the lecture for chemistry so i'd have a clue when I was in class. Chemistry was not my best subject.
Once my studies were over I watched a couple episodes of Parks and Rec before going to make dinner.
When I reached the end of the hall I saw Harry standing there at the stove, stirring something in a pot.
He hadn't seen me yet, so I took this moment to look at him, really look at him.
His body was tall and muscular but I could see his broad shoulders that once stood proud and arrogant were now lowered, showing his discontent.
Harry's face was carved and defined, and I could see his jaw was tense and his eyes tired.
He was upset. His face rarely showed what he was feeling but his body language always did.
As he stirred the pot aimlessly I noticed him squeeze his eyes shut before opening them again.
Harry was attractive, and I saw that, but I never imagined he could ever be attractive.
I wanted to know why he kissed me.
Was he attracted to me? Did he want me that way? Was it just a spur of the moment mistake?
For the sake of my sanity I needed to know.
I tucked my fingers inside the arms of my sweater before crossing them over my stomach, putting my full attention on Harry.
"Why?" I whispered.
Harry's head turned in my direction, his eyes landing on me. I thought I detected a bit of shock in them but if there was any it went away instantly.
He took the spoon out of the pot and set it on the counter before turning to face me.
He didn't say anything.
"Why did you kiss me?"
He looked away.
"Was it just a spur of the moment thing, or-or did you just trip and it happened on accident, or did I dream the whole thing?"
He clenched his jaw.
"Please just tell me why, because I can't keep thinking about this. My mind is exhausted from playing it over and over and I just...I need to know if it was real or not."
He closed his eyes.
"Please you owe me." I cried, successfully keeping the tears at bay this time.
Harry finally looked over at me.
"It was a mistake." He said.
"You're Harry, you don't make mistakes."
His nostrils flared but he wasn't furious angry, he was just frustrated angry.
"You're supposed to be my body guard. You're supposed to be protecting me-"
"You think I don't know that?!" He then shouted, waving his hand in the air for emphasis. "Do you think I'm not aware of what happened and that I'm not upset about it?"
"I think you made clear how upset you were when you stormed off after making out with me!" I fired back. "But in case you don't remember, you're the one who kissed me. You shoved me against the wall and you kissed me, not the other way around. So why did you do it?"
"I don't know." He said through his teeth.
"Yes you do." I took a step forward. "I may not know your biography line for line, but I do know that you don't do anything without a reason. There's a purpose for every step you take and you know i'm right. So why did you kiss me?"
He moved his gaze to the ground.
Harry wasn't going to answer me. I knew it.
"You know what? I'm just going to call my Dad and request a new body guard because I can't deal with this."
I turned to walk away but suddenly his hand appeared on my forearm, gripping it so he could spin me around to face him. It only took a second for him to take my face in his hands and attach his lips to mine.
I stumbled backwards a few steps but he turned us so that I was against the counter. I could taste the herbal tea on his tongue and feel his breath hitting my face.
He broke the kiss, and I opened my eyes to see his green ones looking into mine.
I barely even had time to recover from the first kiss before he moved in for the second round.
"Stop." I tried to get out but he was too forceful and was overpowering me. "Stop!"
I shoved against his stomach and he backed up, looking down at me like he didn't know what to do.
"What are you doing?" I whispered, trying my best not to cry.
"I don't know." He said back just as quietly.
"Well you need to figure it out, because i'm not just a plaything for every guy to have their way with. Figure it out."
I hit his chest with my fist for good measure before storming out of the kitchen.
When I got back to my room I finally started to come to terms with the fact that I had just made out with Harry.
Closing my eyes I gripped the comforter of my bed, trying to catch my breath. My body was tingling and I could still feel his lips on mine.
Harry couldn't stand me, and as far as I knew he hated me and it wouldn't make a difference if I existed, but now he was suddenly kissing me and I was too confused for words.
I didn't know how to understand what he was thinking because I barely knew him. He could be thinking one thing and doing another, but if he was frustrated and was expressing that by kissing me then I needed to know.
I needed to know what was happening, and if this was just random acts of frustration or if he was feeling something for me (which had to be impossible, I mean the man glared at me at every opportunity).
And when he figured it out, he knew where to find me.
I decided to skip dinner that night and instead stayed in my bedroom and finished off the bag of chips I had grabbed earlier, hoping in the morning Harry would have an explanation for why he had kissed me.
But I knew if he had one, I also needed an explanation for why I had kissed him back.
--
Ba dum tsk!
So what do you think Harry is thinking?? Is it frustration or feelings?
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I'll have an update soon!
Much love xx-m