"Alright ladies if you look at your itinerary for today you can see THAT WE'RE FUCKING LATE!" April yelled from the bottom of the stairs and I stood with her. She decided to organize a bachelorette party, saying how it's the least she could do considering the fact that she's accosted the lives of 3 out of the 5 of us. The bridal party consists of VI's cousins, Renee and Gertrude, Piper, me, April.
Not exactly the wildest bunch, but with April's plans for today we're all about to get real close and personal with each other.
We got into two separate cars, April was driving Vi and her cousins, one of them has an oxygen tank that's necessary for her to live, so I had to drive with Piper and Danielle. Danielle's not apart of the bridal party but Ross was worried about her being by herself.
It was a short drive to a salon, it's the same one I came to junior year to get ready for prom, this is the salon that all the girls went to in high school.
Mani/pedi's and facials were first on the agenda. Vi's cousins were loud so the rest of us didn't feel the need to make our own noise. Which I was grateful for seeing as Danielle was sat right next to me and April.
"This is exactly what I needed." April sighed.
"Avoiding helping with the wedding really takes a lot out of you, doesn't it?" Danielle sasses and both Piper and I looked at her in surprise.
"Well shit. Couldn't have said it better myself." I laughed making April roll her eyes.
We walked out of that damn salon almost three hours later with matching nail polish besides Vi who we forced to get these huge ass acrylic nails. And besides the one comment that Danielle made, she was actually really funny. I found my stomach hurting from laughter as I drove them out to this ranch April planned for us to stay the night at. It was some sort of bed and breakfast, wine tasting combo.
I've never liked wine, mostly b I've never been relaxed enough to enjoy it. As soon as we went through the gates we were given a glass of champagne for starters. And we were toured around the dusty establishment then taken to the stables... to ride horses.
"Come on, y'all are a bunch of wimps!" April rounded about us on her own horse making me roll my eyes.
"Alright whatever." I looked towards Vi in surprise as she stepped up a stool and mounted the horse, with difficulty of course but once she was right side up everyone mock applauded her to which she rolled her eyes at. VI's courage seemed to stir the rest as they all began to attempt aside from me and Danielle.
I don't trust horses, that's my excuse for not saddling up. But what's her excuse?
I looked towards Danielle and she sighed as if reading my thoughts. "It's just not safe." Her brows pulled together as she watched the girls ride off.
"Horses are weird." I offered, and she shrugged. Making me look at her in confusion.
While the other girls got a view of the winery me and Danielle were taken to a lounge, where we were offered some expensive looking glasses of wine, I took it warily, because wine is just such a classy drink that I don't think I'm qualified for, while Danielle declined.
It was mighty awkward and after a solid ten minutes of us just wallowing in the tension I decided to get rid of it.
"So, how'd you meet Ross?" She seemed hesitant before she shrugged her shoulders.
"I came to the tavern during a show night, I didn't really pay attention to his bands performance because I was to busy arguing with this guy that was harassing me," She smiled. "And Ross came out of nowhere like a real hero and told him off."
I nodded in thought. "Seems like him." She looked at me curiously, "He was always like that, he always claimed he never had a jealous bone in his body, but any guy who attempted to talk to me in school would treat me as if I had the plague the next day."
"Was he.... Violent?"
Did she know about his disorder?
"At times. I mean, I would try my best to not upset him but both of us are hot heads." I said sheepishly.
"He doesn't act up often, but when he does I just don't know how to help him." She confessed.
"Well, if I learned one thing, it's that you don't make matters worse by screaming at him. Learned that the hard way." Recalling our past arguments, I grew uncomfortable. Because it was in the past when we actually had something to fight for.
Now there's nothing left to fight for.
"Has he ever hurt you?!?" She asked in concern and my eyes widened as I quickly shook my head.
"God no! Emotionally yeah sure, but physically he would never." I couldn't even stomach the thought so I set my wine to the side.
"I'm just trying to understand him better. He gets really closed off, and it makes it hard to fathom spending the rest of our lives together." She wiggles her ring finger and I looked at it with envy.
"Does he snore now?" I asked curiously making her laugh.
"Yes, he wakes me up every night." She giggled and I shook my head fighting a smile.
"Does he still sing in the shower?"
"Without fail." She confirmed and this time we shared a laugh and I felt tears spring to my eyes. "You okay?"
"Y-yeah." I wiped at my eyes offering her a smile. "It's nice to know what's different and what's the same with him." I looked her in the eyes as I partially lied. "I'm happy he has you now, I did so much damage."
Danielle was looking at the ground. "Could you tell me what happened?" She asked quietly.
"It's a long story." I was unsure but she put her hand on mine.
"I can keep up, besides we have time to kill."
•••
"And so that's the reason why we talk over the phone, he's worried I'll do something to hurt myself." I sighed. "But it's going to stop. The phone calls, the emails, everything." Of course I didn't tell her that merely two days ago I had my tongue down her fiancées throat, but I wasn't about to start drama until after Vi's wedding.
"Y-you don't have to." She tried to reassure me. "Now that I understand I'm not going to come after you like a crazy girlfriend anymore."
I shook my head. "No, it's time." My lips went into a tight line. "We've been in a back and forth for years and it's time to move on." I lulled my head to the side, my head feeling Light from all the wine. "Anything set in stone for the wedding?"
"The color scheme is black, white and yellow." She scrunched her nose. "I'm wearing my mothers dress, I still have to get it altered because who knows how much weight I'm going to gain when it's finally time." She sighed and I raised my brow.
"Your the size of one of my legs." I teased and she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, here come April." I looked up to see April practically running towards us and she stopped out of breath.
"Vi fell of the horse so that gives us some time." She breathed out.
"Time for what? Is she okay?" I was about the head over but April grabbed my arm.
"The strippers I ordered are running a tad late so go help her up and take her to you room to shower, I'll tell you when to bring her over." April flipped her hair over her shoulder, laughing to herself. "This is going to be great."
"You ordered strippers?"
•••••
Y'all this is going to be hard, but there's a reason why I haven't been updating.
Recently I have told my family about my depression, as it was at a very critical point. I wasn't sleeping or eating, I would just stay in my room all day and cry for seemingly no reason.
So out of respect for myself and my health I went on an unexpected hiatus, because everything that I was doing became too much and I dug myself in a hole that I needed help to get out of.
So I've been talking to a therapist and it's amazing to talk to someone with no strings attached.
Although I'm nowhere near better, I am still here. I still love writing with all of my heart but I hope you guys understand that me constantly writing, I mean I wrote 15,000 words a day and it was getting me no where.
So I took a month off for my mental health and in the mean time I have made some changes.
1. Cutting down on my typing, I now write 5,000 words a day
2. Dieting and exercising
3. Surrounding myself with people I love
4. Changing my branding
YES as you may or may not have noticed, I AM NO LONGER COSSISCUTE!!!
it was scary ngl, I've had the user since 2011?? So I've been cossiscute for six years, and it was time for a change.
I am now supernova_ross, it's a nod towards frank Ocean, Oasis and Ross which are people that make my life wholesome.
Also the same day I changed my user, I GOT NOTICED BY R5/ELLINGTON
I mean what a coincidence that the day I changed my user AFTER SIX YEARS OF TWEETING THEM, they notice me when I change my user??!!
So basically to wrap everything up, I will try to finish this story ASAP but please be patient with me, I'm an emotional wreck who doesn't deserve your support but I love u guys sm
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DEPRESSED, PLEASE DON'T WAIT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE TO GET HELP!
I AM HERE FOR YOU.
I AM HERE FOR ALL OF YOU.
YOU ARE LOVED,
AND WANTED.
LOVE, ALIAH