It's New Years Eve. Neither Clarke nor I wanted to go to the big party many of the seniors are having. The thing about Clarke is that everyone loves her and knows her. So she gets invited to lots of things. Rarely does she go because she knows I don't want to tag along. We decided just to stay home with and relax. Abby has to go in at 10 tonight so we will have the house to ourself. Abby and I have both been working like crazy this week. It was finally agreed upon that I can pay her $100 a month if I felt obligated. It took much debate just to reach that number I don't think it is high enough but Abby insisted she didn't want any more than that. She said I should save up for a car since my parents took the mine from me. I bet they will give it to Lincoln. I also need to figure out the phone thing because it is a matter of time before they cut me off.
Clarke begins to stir beside me. That girl can sleep let me tell you. She woke about at 11:00 this morning. Then at about 3:00 she stopped me from my homework and told me she wanted to cuddle. She dragged me up to her room ignoring my need to finish the assignment. She turned on the TV, snuggled up against me and with in minutes she was out. It's 4:30 now she finally opens her eyes.
"Mmm Lex." She pulls my shoulder to face her.
"Yes?" I kiss her nose.
"I love you." She kisses me back. "What time is it?"
"Nearly 4:30"
"Really? So I have like 30 more minutes" she turns over like she is going back to sleep.
"Oh no you don't. Let's go down stairs so I can finish my homework and so you can spend time with your mother before she leaves." I roll on top of her showering her in kisses. She try's to push me off.
"Fine fine fine I will go." She sits up. "Sorry for wanting to spend more time snuggled up to you." She actually looks pissed.
"Clarke stop. We get to be together all the time now but if you want to lay back down now we can. I guess my homework can wait." I pull us both down on the bed Clarke grins.
"You're such a pushover Lex" She is giggling now. She is really proud of herself for making me agree to lay back down.
"Oh really." I pretend to get angry. "You can sleep by yourself now" with that I walk out of the room. I give it about a minute.
I sit down at the table to finish my work. Clarke hasn't made an appearance yet. Guess she really went back to sleep which mean she is either mad or thinks I'm mad. I'm not going to go up there though. Instead I help Abby make dinner. Once it's finished I go to get Clarke.
"Wait Lexa I'll get her." I walk back to the table. That was weird. Maybe Clarke really is upset with me. She must have texted Abby or something. They both make their way downstairs. I hug Clarke but she doesn't seem to want it. She nudges me away. Now I'm really hurt. I sit at the table as Abby and Clarke make weird facial expressions at each other. I feel so out of place and confused. Once we finish eating Abby pulls me aside.
"She is not upset with you. I know that's what you're thinking."
"Is everything okay?" Abby just nods and leads me to the living room.
I sit on my normal spot on the floor. Clarke is in the chair opposite of me. She watches basketball because nothing else is on and I watch her trying to figure out what is going through her head. Before I know it Abby is telling us she is leaving. She winks at Clarke and hugs me goodbye.
"So what the hell is wrong?" I say before Clarke can avoid the conversation.
"Nothings wrong. You were just angry." She gets up and walks over to me.
"I was joking I wasn't angry." I stand up grabbing both her hands "Come on baby you know me better than that." I kiss her on the forehead.
"I know but you seemed upset through dinner and I really thought you were hurt." She looks really worried.
"I wasn't upset well except when you pushed me away. I thought I did something to you because you and Abby were acting strangely."
"I shouldn't have pushed you away. I know that probably made you feel worse. I'm sorry" she wraps both her arms around me leaning her head in.
"It's okay." She looks up at me.
"Well I still want to make it up to you." I look at her confused and she takes my hand pulling me up to her room.
***Mature***
We enter and the room is dark. Clarke walks around lighting a few candles. Before taking both of my hands. Everything is starting to piece together now. I take a deep breath, I'm ready, reassuring myself.
"Clarke" before I can get anything else out her lips are on mine.
"Tell me if you need to stop" I don't say anything I just pick her up. Moving towards her bed. I trip over something and we both fall. I let out a laugh and continue kissing her. I slowly remove my top and hers as well. I have seen her like this before but this time is different. I move my mouth down to her breasts. I gently kiss them. Clarke moves her hand to the back of head and pushes my open mouth on to her, she moans. Her other hand moves up to cup my boob, a gasp escapes. I kiss the rest of the way down her body ending at the top of her pants. I look up at her and she nods. My hands fidget with the button until I manage to undo it. I slide them down along with her underwear. My eyes move up and down her body trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do. Clarke senses my struggle and flips me over making short work of my pants. She comes up to kiss me.
"Tell me if it's too far" She says as she begins to rock her hips back and forth into my body. I push my hips into hers needing more.
"Baby" is all I say because her lips on my neck make it impossible to think.
She gets the message though and moves her head down my body trailing kisses as she goes. Suddenly everything gets hot and all I want is more of her. She must sense my struggle because she begins quickening her pace. "Clarke" I finish before anything else can come out of my mouth.
I roll on top of her but she sits up with me in her lap. Her lips never separate from mine. We are a tangled mess now but that doesn't stop us.
"I want to" she interrupts me with more kisses on the neck. I forget what I was saying "you" came out of my mouth the next chance I got. I push her down hard. I quickly move my head to her thighs trailing kisses up towards her center. I look up at her one last time before going for it. I mimic what Clarke did the best I can. I guess its working because Clarke's muscle tense around my head. When she relaxes I move back up to her mouth. Rolling both of us over so her head is on top of me both of us trying to slow our breathing. I kiss her head. My eyes become glassy as she draws shapes on my side with her fingers.
"Are you okay?" She breaks the silence as she looks up to me.
"More than okay." I say as tears fall down my face.
"You sure?" She asks as she wipes them away. "You don't seem like it"
"Yes I'm sure." I pull her into a kiss. "They are tears of relief, joy, happiness. It have taken me nine years to allow anyone to touch me the way you do. I never thought I would be able to be this exposed to anyone. Hell I never even thought I would be able to kiss another person without panicking. And yet here I am with you. Thank you so much for showing me what it is to love and be happy."
"Lexa there is no need to thank me. You did it on your own. Now yes this gorgeous body may have something to do with it." She rubs her hand over her body and I crack a smile. " But you allowed yourself to open up. You allowed yourself to love another person. You allowed yourself to love you again. And I have never been more proud to call someone mine."
"I love you. And you are right that body is pretty fucking great." I move my hands up and down her sides. "I really hope I wasn't that terrible."
"I mean you had a pretty good teacher if I do say so myself." She winks and I shake my head.
"Come here you dork." I pull her onto me. We spend the rest of the night in her bed, never bothering to put clothes back on but never doing much more than kiss instead we cuddle and turn on the TV to watch the ball drop. It's the happiest I have ever been and it kind of scares me. But I fall asleep with Clarke's nude body pressed up against me not worrying about what the tomorrow might bring.