(A/N: god bless this boy for not only swimming in his underwear but for filming it so we can all just sit back and watch.)
Malibu - Miley Cyrus
Harry
"We don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to." I tell her gently, secretly begging her to take me up on my offer and give us a little break from all these emotional bombshells.
A cop out?
Yes.
A way to try and make her more comfortable?
Also yes.
A way to do all that while also packing the added benefit of giving me a little breather after finding out the love of my life slept with someone else to which I remained as calm as I could but feel like shit while at the same time being proud with how I've handled the situation thus far?
Fuck yes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not shying away from the subject. How can I when I have already know what it is she is so scared to talk about?
No, I'm not attempting to stall this conversation for my own selfish reasons. It seriously just makes sense for the both of us.
We need a moment.
Fuck, I mean if anyone needs a break it's the two of us and looking in Emma's eyes now it's definitely the right move.
Her blue eyes are wide set and worried. I can tell she is trying to take in all that I've just said, struggling to grapple with the load that I just unleashed on her. So why wouldn't I try and alleviate some of that? Try and calm the heaving of her chest as she pushes air into her lungs and through her body.
All things considered, Em and I are doing remarkably well.
She's not hyperventilating and scaring the shit out of me and I'm not acting like a conceited and needy prat. In actuality we are both relatively calm, well one of us more than the other. Emma seems to be stuck in this little shocked moment of hers but I know if I can handle this the right way, we will get through this tumultuous time and come out the other side stronger and together.
This is my new tact as a man and a boyfriend. I'm gonna try and stop being so bloody selfish and actually take care of my girl, not just go through the motions until things get to tough and back away.
When I said I am here for her I meant it and I am going to try my damnedest to live up to that expectation.
"Emma? Love... why don't we get ourselves cleaned up and explore outside. The fresh air will do us some good."
No response.
I can tell she's heard me but isn't giving me anything. Honestly, while I knew it would be difficult and a bit of a shock to find out that I read her journal, I never imagined this, well at least not to this kind of extreme and rather unnerving reaction.
Most of the time Emma reacts. She shakes trying to hold back tears or full on cries. She lunges for her inhaler or runs out or if that's not an option she diverts the conversation. All this is to say that Emma always does something, but today she is the opposite.
Should I be worried that she still hasn't said anything?
Should I prepare myself for yet another fight to make her stay or is she–?
Wait Harry... give her time.
Yes, give her a little time. Em will process this, snap out of her little shocked daze, and then we will move forward.
I brush some loose hairs behind her ear, hoping that it'll provide some form of comfort for her in this emotional time. Who know's if it actually does but touching her in this small way is doing me a world of good.
Afterall Emma is my comfort, my port in the storm, my sounding board... simply put Emma is my everything even after the way I've treated her. I wouldn't be me without Em. I owe her so much and I doubt she even realizes it.
So why the hell did I flinch away from her?
I still can't believe I had that reaction to her of all people. Can't even explain to you why or how it happened. It was like everything was going in slow motion. Emma had told me what happened and I was trying to keep my calm reaction although my insides were burning inside with the the thought of EM doing that with some other man. I barely had control of anything as I spent every ounce of my energy to keep reserved in this moment.
Then I made the connection and it just about killed me.
There isn't a single ounce of me that believes that what happened between Jessica and I was Emma's fault because it wasn't. There was nothing she could do. Jessica was going to get to me no matter what happened. I can't believe I ever once had a redeemable thought about that girl, I'm only repulsed by her now.
Uninvited Jessica popped into my head.
I could hardly handle to cruel coincidence of these circumstances. Two of the worst things that have ever happened to me occurred in the same bloody night. I was with Jessica, Em was with someone else... I just– it's painful, that's all I can really say about it. Thinking about it too hard now would just bring it all back to the surface and I don't want that, not when I have Emma here visibly shook and in need for me to be the stable one right now.
And yet, knowing she loves me and knowing I love her, I flinched.
I fucking fliched.
I could kick myself, I probably should.
And still it happened. Before I knew Emma surprised me and put her hands on my jaw, started to lean in with clear intent to kiss me and it was like the jolt of energy buzzed through me and I couldn't take it.
Emma was right there, so close I could feel her breath against my lips... so much of me wanted her to close the gap and link our lips, but the rest of me screamed no.
It was completely unintentional, I never meant to hurt her although I know I did. In the split second when my body tensed and shivered away from her and Em noticed, a little something flashed in her eyes.
Guit.
Fear.
Uncertainty.
I caused that and I feel like a prat. Good job I've had far too much practice feeling this way.
It's one of the worst things in the world to be rejected by someone you love. The feeling is one equal to an elephant standing on your chest and never moving. The heaviness in the heart as it continues to beat is almost impossible to push aside because when you love someone that deeply it's suddenly all you can think about. The feeling consumes you and when that is suddenly questioned... well it's like nothing makes any sense.
I hate that I did that to her.
But again, it was a natural reaction to what was happening even if I didn't mean to do it. I hate to say it but what happened between me and Jessica has shifted something inside me. I wish it didn't but has. Now it's like something is always lingering inside. I can still feel this small sense that she's still there, that violation that is fucking Jessica.
Of course this is because of that bloody woman.
When I think back on that moment, I remember recoiling from Emma like she was Jessica, not to mention that I was still trying to get the idea of Em and some other guy out of my head.
Everything was piled up on one another and I couldn't help it.
Should I bring it up? Clear the air and explain to her how on that level, nothing's changed?
Doubt she would easily believe me even if I did start explaining. She has always had this terrible tendency to blame herself when it isn't her fault and knowing Em she would revert the conversation to what happened between me and Jessica a few weeks ago and I am not ready to delve into that yet.
I fix this with Emma and the I'll deal with fucking Jessica.
The events of that night are at the very bottom of my to do list. I went to the police, I mentioned it to Liam and Louis and even Emma... I'm done, I don't need to do anymore, not yet and that's if I deal with it at all.
I can handle it but after Emma and I are good.
As you can tell I am just very up in the air with what to do with everything after what happened that night. I've certainly never dealt with anything like it before and it's a very lonely process. It's just easier to push it to the side and focus on Emma and I.
This is what's important, Emma is what is important.
"Okay Emma," I state with a joyful tap to her knee. "Why don't we get up, get dressed..." I suggest with a smile crossing my lips at my next thought. "Unless you'd like me to chose your clothes for you but I assure you it will be the skimpiest outfit I can muster love."
At my words, her gaze reaches mine fully, her eyes wide and peering back into mine as she bites her lip trying to keep the upward pull of her lips hidden from me, albeit unsuccessfully.
There's my girl.
"I promise you Em..." I begin to tease letting my hands graze over her arms feather lightly with the goal of causing goosebumps.
Success.
I can't contain my smirk when I realize just how strong our connection is. It's a primal and unextinguishable connection between us.
"If you don't get that cute little butt of yours up off this couch and into your room to change, then I will come out here and dress you in that tight little thing you wore the other night and while I'd thoroughly enjoy the view I doubt you'd be that comfortable walking down the beach with it on."
What am I saying? Shut the fuck up Harry and get her in that dress.
"Actually..." and in one fluid movement I'm up on my feet, with Em in my arms, taking us to her bedroom.
"Harry put me down." She giggles in my arms.
I've hoisted her up high on my waist so she's towering over me a bit. Her legs are tightly gripping my torso as her arms are linked loosely around my neck, fingers in my hair.
It's heaven.
"Now baby," I say looking up at her. "That didn't work the other night why do you think it would work now?"
Sure I'm teasing her and the smirk on my face might be a bit much given the conversation we were just having but this, how we are now, this is what makes us us, and I'm not gonna quench it.
Keeping one arm secured around her body, I bring my now free hand up to her cheek, guiding her lips to me and before she can argue, I press my lips to hers and the sensation is like magic.
It's as if I haven't tasted her in ages and while I know things are still rocky it's nice to know that this still works.
It takes Emma a moment to adjust, shocked by my sudden assault no doubt, but soon enough her lips meet mine stroke for stroke.
The kiss isn't hurried or overly lustful. We are merely communicating with one another. Showing that we are here and in this together and that no matter what happens, we'll make it through somehow.
Em and I are two people trying to navigate our why through this new dynamic, find a happy medium, and truly get to know each other for who we are now open rather than the people we allowed the other to see.
There is no more hiding, this is us.
Overcome by the moment, I sweep my tongue across her lips asking for entrance, which to my dismay, Emma does not grant.
Shocked I pull back at her denial, purely shocked. "What? Emma!" I playfully scold, begging for the contact but she's having none of it.
Slowly she unwraps her legs from around me, holding onto my shoulders as she guides her body down the the floor. Lucky for me the entire way down she is pressed up against me and feeling the the full length of her body against mine, even in the seemingly innocent circumstance, is getting me a little excited.
With one final smile, Emma turns around and steps over to the dresser making good on my request to get dressed. Of course, at this point I am not bothered by some silly walk on the beach.
I want Emma here, now, and in bed.
It's not even about sex, although that would be a more than welcome activity. I want to be close to her, hold and cuddle her again like we use to do back home. I want my hands on her and sweeping through her hair.
I want to feel her chest pressed up against my back with her small palms pressed on my chest and torso. I've never admitted this to her (although I think she already knows), but I adore when she lets me be the little spoon. It's so comforting to be wrapped and secure in the arms of another person.
I want to feel her warm breath against my skin. I want to lay down with my girl, completely wrapped up in her as I brush my fingers over her arm as she does the same on my head. I want to do all that and more.
I want to be us again and I'm gonna take it.
"Harry stop" she squeals as I wrap my arms around her from behind. Even after hours on the beach under the hot sun she smells divine.
I take what little time I have to bury my face in the crook of her neck and kiss and nip her sweet spot. Her hands immediately spring up and grip my forearms as I tighten my hold on her.
To my delight she starts to giggle at the sensation but even through the giggles she finds a way to get through to me.
"Come on Styles. Get on a pair of shorts and one of those kooky Hawaiian shirts of yours so we can go out."
(A/N: ^what I picture him in but he has such a vast collected you go ahead and imagine which ever you want love.)
But I don't unwrap my arms from her. "I'd much rather stay in here with you."
"Harry, fresh air will do us good. You said so yourself."
"Well I changed my mind." I pout.
Bloody awful idea, bloody awful.
Why didn't I just propose we come in here and lay down?
Emma gives me that 'know it all–no shits given look' that makes my stomach flutter before scolding me for my boyishness. "I'm sure you have Harry, but we're going out."
Within a few minutes we're both dressed and walking out the door and back into the bright sunshine.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders the instant our toes hit the warm sand. Giving her a firm kiss on her temple, we start making our way down the beach to where I know there is a secluded part of the beach that is perfect for what I have planned.
Don't get too excited. I haven't set up a nice picnic lunch or some fun water sport to do. This whole thing is on the whim but I'm fairly certain we'll have fun.
No I'm positive we will.
Things feel different now, like we have cleared this invisible hurdle where our pasts and our personal issues aren't roadblocks to our relationship but building blocks to a stable foundation.
Em and I have a lot of work to do but we'll get there.
"Harry were on earth are you taking me?"
I only smile down at her from over my sunglasses knowing it will annoy her. I;m please to say it does as I get a swift slap to the stomach before wrapping her arms around me.
Result.
You might think that I should be trying to make nice, use this as an opportunity to act like the perfect gentleman that doesn't smirk, make lewd sexual comments in the worst situations, or playfully bites her ass during drunken sex. I'm of the mind that we should act as we normally would and only apply our changed during the points where we need to learn and grow.
Acting overly nice and not teasing each other isn't natural for us, so why do it?
That's not us, it's never been us, so why start now?
"Harry seriously, there is nothing out here." She comments taking a look around the little alcove of beach that we just stumbled upon.
"That's kinda the point baby."
Once I find a nice spot, I let go to stand in front of her. I push my sunglasses up to the top of my head and start unbuttoning my shirt.
Time to have a little fun.
"Harry what are you doing?" She asks with a slightly shocked tone but by the way her eyes are glued to how my fingers twist and release every button down my shirt, I know she get's what happening and if not Emma is certainly enjoying the show.
And we all know how much my girl enjoys a little show.
"Seems like an obvious answer baby... now come on." I answer, pulling off my top and resting it on the dry sand before start on my shorts.
"Harry why didn't you just put on some drunks." Em asks, shocked that I'm stripping down to my briefs in front of her. I knew this would get a little reaction from her but I'm not bothered by swimming in my white briefs and, if she takes a moment to think about it, I know Em will enjoy it. Not to mention there has been the odd occasion where I spontaneously strip down for no apparent reason.
Who knows why, guess it's a little quirk of mine.
(^I couldn't resist)
"Babe you didn't tell me we were going swimming." I smile up at her, playing along with shock.
Like I said, I did have a little idea that we might end up doing this, granted I actually found this place. Not to mention that I might of conveniently neglected to tell her about it in the hope that I could get her to swim in her underwear or even skinny dip with me... But I won't be telling her any of this.
Remain innocent I say, even if she doesn't believe it.
For me I wouldn't think twice of jumping into the ocean with next to nothing on but Em is a different story.
Doesn't mean I can't try though.
"Harry... this was your idea!"
"Emma," I call back styling my voice to her shocked one. "I never claimed to be a master planner now did I?"
Or am I?
This couldn't be going better even if I planned it minute by minute honestly.
Emma might be putting up a bit of a fight now but I know she'll end up in the ocean with me. Like most things she just needs time.
Just think if I had learned this lesson months ago, so many things would have been different. London, Christmas, my birthday and every moment in between would have been better. We would be on this trip a happy carefree couple with not a care in the world having sex on every surface available to us.
But then again if all those things hadn't happened the way they did, we wouldn't be here now.
"You're impossible sometimes Harold."
Well what can I say to that?
Em's right, especially at this current moment, so I just smile as I pull off my shorts leaving me in nothing but my sunglasses and underwear.
"Don't give me that look... we don't have to swim."
"Oh yes we do." I state, kicking off my shoes and piling my things off to the side, nodding my head rather aggressively at her.
This is happening. It is happening, Em just might not know it yet.
"I know what you're doing Styles," Em simpers at me, crossing her arms over her chest. Little does she know when she puts her arms up like that it pushes her breasts together creating that brilliant shadow over the valley of her breasts.
It's killing me not looking down to openly staring at her but the sheer memory of how it looks has more than enough effect on me.
"Yea? And what exactly am I doing baby?" I ask deeply as I stalk my way over to her.
"I'd say I do." Em says with confidence, the girl I feel in love with fully shining through. "You just want to get me down to my underwear–"
"How could you accuse me of such a thing." I fain shock, bringing my hand to my chest.
We all know she's right on the money.
"And if I don't comply you'll throw me over your shoulder and race into the water with me fully clothed."
Yup.
"So you see, either way you're getting in." Smiling at the thought of Emma soaking wet, her body floating on the surface of the water with the sun beating down and causing a bright shine on her skin.
"But it's your choice babe. I'll be waiting in there when you're ready," and with that I turn around and make my way to the water.
No doubt I've shocked her. I bet the last thing she thought I'd do would be for me to actually walk away, in a good way of course, and let her come in on her own.
She know's this will be fun.
I know she knows this will be fun.
And I'm pretty sure she knows I know she's knows this will be fun.
Em just wouldn't be Em if she didn't pick a little bit of a fight. In fact, Emma putting me in my place and teasing me as I do her, are some of the reasons I feel head over heels in love with her.
The water is crisp on the skin as I plunge into the crystal clear water.
I wish we could stay here forever. It's not reality of course, but we could make it ours couldn't we? I'm fully aware that it sounds like I'm running away from all the issues and bumps that we will face back home but I'm honestly not bothered with any of that.
I just want Emma, my Emma.
Once I finally make it far out enough, bright blue sky above me and bright coral deep below, I turn around to see if Emma has made any progress towards stripping down herself and joining me.
When I finally focus on her I find her back turned to me and walking away.
A surge of worry plunges in my gut until I realize what she's doing. Off to the side is a little shack that probably houses an array of water gear and beach games. I don't know how I didn't notice it before. But if that is there then I guess people come here more often than I was told which might mean...
Fuck me. We might have an audience after all.
Letting those rather risqué thoughts go, I watch patiently as Em makes her way around the back of the structure, hidden from view.
What on earth is she doing? Making a run for it or giving a show of her own.
Please be the latter.
Taking longer than I expected, I resign myself to floating on the surface of the sea letting my skin soak up the sun's warm and rejuvenating rays.
This is the life I'm telling you.
Soon enough though I hear a commotion back on the shore and pop my head up to see what it is. Of course it's Emma but she is guarding herself by a massive paddle board.
She really knows how to get to me.
This woman, the girl of my dreams, know's exactly what to do to get me all hot and bothered. She can dangle herself in front of me in the most eloquent and seamless way, bring me right to the edge before letting go completely and giving me her all... or she's in a right mood leave me with blue balls.
I watch intently as she splashes through the shallow water, taking a few steps in before stopping and leaning over to rest the board on the water and finally revealing herself to me
All she has on is her in her bra and boyshort panties, so from a distant any passerby would just assume it's my bikini clad hottie girlfriend walking through the waves over to me.
What a sight she is, almost too good. I swear if anyone passes by and looks a little too long, over-protective Harry will come out and we all know how rational he is.
I don't say a word as she travels the distance between the shore and me, not moving toward her of swimming away. Actually I'm frozen in my spot treading in the water and just waiting for my girl.
She is putting on a little show.
Told you didn't I that behind Em's argumentative knee-jerk reaction is rather an agreeable woman.
My woman.
I watch mesmerized as she hoists her body onto the flat of the board, swinging her legs off either side of it and well.
Fuck, she's trying to kill me... I know she is.
Em looks gorgeous. A tanned beach carefree wonder. It's like she's glowing, she fits in here perfectly. Her seawater swept blonde hair breezing against her shoulders as she gently brushes her toned arms through the water and floats over to me.
"Well don't you look lovely." I quip, placing my arm on the board and resting my chin there.
"Ya, thought you'd like it." She answers, with a knowing smile.
"That I do baby, but I think it's high time you get in here with me."
And before she can say a word I flip the board over and watch her plunge into the water before instantly wrapping my arms around her.
Let the fun begin.
___
A/N: First we get sexy rocker Harry in his movie, then we get cute dancing Harry on James Corden. And we can't forget CARPOOL HARRYOKE last night!!! I've watched it over and over. It is the best one yet!!!
He is killing it on that show. And yes, I have been getting up at 5am each morning to watch it because for some unknown reason James Corden doesn't air on the UK. What on earth are people watching?!?! I just don't understand... lol
I hope you like the chapter my loves. I really enjoyed writing it. This was one of those that basically wrote itself and after a few emotionally heavy chapters I thought it was high time to give these two (and us all) a bit of a break. There were no bombshells or mysterious texts or psycho ex girlfriends... just Harry and Em on the beach.
Do what you guys do best and comment! Seriously, the way you reacted to Harry last chapter was AMAZING! I didn't know how it would come off so I am so happy you guys enjoyed it.
VOTE + COMMENT
All the love, C.