Intent 2: Fight or Flight [Wattys 2017] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 38

(A/N: My girl bunniesinablanket loves drama so I tried to make it as emotionally dramatic for you. Next chapter will be worse cause we are going inside Emma's head. hehehe)

Turning Tables - Adele

Harry

I can't stop bounce my fucking knee up and down and there are so many thoughts racing through my mind I can't keep a single thing straight.

It's that time and I am fucking nervous about it.

I'm cold and hot all at once.

My heart is beating a mile a minute.

My hands are sweaty and shaky.

Like I said before, I'm nervous.

So fucking nervous in fact that the only way I can calm myself is by thinking of my girl just on the other side of the wall. I just have to keep reminding myself that whatever I'm feeling in this moment is nothing compared to what Em's going to feel when she walks out and realizes what I've done.

This is her life, her past on the pages clutched between my fingertips. I want to know everything, every emotion big or little that she felt just as she wrote it down here. But writing it is vastly different to sitting down with the one you love and explaining it.

It'll be hard. It'll probably be tearful. She might want to fight me or run off and be alone. But it's time, I can feel it.

After I what Em said back in the outdoor shower I just knew it was time for this. It was just after I had experienced a kind of closeness that I had never felt before, even with Emma. We were more connected than ever before.

That was her taking the first step. Em revealing that one particular feeling to me was the green light to this conversation whether she knows it or not.

In the moment after she finished speaking and before I kissed her I could tell she was second guessing herself, maybe even on the road to regretting what she had just said. Well I couldn't have that.

So instead of telling her I showed her it was going to be okay, that I was going to keep my word and stick around this time no matter what she told me. It's going to be difficult. Fuck I can already feel my heart speeding up and my throat closing in anticipation of what Em's going to say and she hasn't even stepped into the room yet, not to mention I have already read everything.

I should be calmer that this.

But I know I'm not prepared. I know I'm going to have to sit here, listen, and watch her struggle with no way to alleviating any of it for her. I'm going to have to sit back and watch the love of my life struggle and I can't take it away, I can't make her feel better or calm her mind. All I'll be able to do is sit back, listen, and hold her.

And I will. Nothing and no one, not even Emma, can keep me from doing so.

Emma is my world and I'll try my absolute best to keep her together.

I don't think this will break us, not one bit, but I'm worried that this conversation might set us back, fuck up all the progress we've made on this trip. It wouldn't be her fault of course, I'm just worried that she might let all the pent up feelings she has about the past blind her to all we have achieved.

I lean back in on the couch and clutch the leather bound journal in my hands not daring to open it without her here. I'm holding it so tight my hands are getting clammy and I'm worried it might slip right through my fingers.

The shower being turned off momentarily pulls me from my nerves only to get them going two times as much when I realize that this is about to happen.