Intent 2: Fight or Flight [Wattys 2017] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 9

(A/N: ^gif just got stuck in my head, given Em's words on the subject, and I couldn't not use it.)

Last Love Song – ZZ Ward

Harry

I stare blankly at the delicately written letters at top of the page, scared shitless to read any further. This one is the truth, the whole truth of what she really felt. At least I think so, I can just feel it.

What is love?

Well that's a loaded question if I ever heard one. I mean what else can this chapter be about besides what Emma really feels for me. I know that's silly and immature to say but this, like all her previous words, is all Emma. Written down is the girl I have always loved and so desperately wanted to know. And now she's given it to me.

But at what cost?

I pushed too hard, I wanted too much and it ended up breaking us.

Should I even read this? I want to with every fibre of my being but won't it just hurt more?

No, no, that doesn't matter, this is possibly the last bit of Emma that I'll ever have.

With a shallow breath, a pounding heart, and shaky hands I start.

"Love. What a total scam of a concept."

Well that's a promising start.

"For so long I never believed in the whole institution. It just wasn't real to me, I couldn't feel it.

Love was always just something we created to make movies and sell books. But you know what, life isn't a John Hughes movie or a Jane Austen novel. Not all our love lives are tumultuous for a while and then magically fixed by the end of the story. It doesn't work like that in life so why do we believe it does?

Besides, all these books and movies ever show us is the chase. That's all we want anyway.

The movie always ends once the jock kisses the nerdy girl and the book only ever shows us the sweet kiss once true feelings are exposed. They never show us what happens after the happily ever after.

Well I know what happens. A few months down the line the couple ends up in a huge fight and the cycle starts up again. Chase, romance, first kiss, fight, heartache, breakup... Chase, etc.

The cycle keeps going on and on and it doesn't stop.

Has no one else ever thought about this? All the promise, all the drama is in the chase between two people. The push and pull of feelings before things finally fall into place but they never show us the aftermath.

It's the same in life. Once we finally have the other person we want we only end up wanting more. We  aren't content in the slightest.

That's what love was and it just wasn't for me.

Not one bit."

"Jesus," I mutter to myself.

I knew she was weary about love and relationships but this is a much deeper and far reaching opinion than I could have ever imagined.

Why couldn't I have changed this? I was the person who was supposed to change her opinion and make her see differently. I had months with her and somehow I never showed her this.

I failed. Fuck I failed.

"It's not as if I was always that way. I didn't pop out of the womb despising love and vowing to never succumb to the likes of some Prince Charming.