(A/N: just need to take a moment to adore his little ears and soaked hair and defined jaw... can it get any better — of course not but he will. Honestly I'm surprised I got this chapter finished with the amount of Harry that was loaded on us today lol. Anyway, enjoy my loves.)
Water Under The Bridge - Adele
Harry
It's bright, too bright and I haven't even opened my eyes yet.
All I can see is the bright red orange hue on the back of my eyelids the split second before I am fully awake and open my eyes.
My whole body is still exhausted from the activities of last night. Arms, legs, chest... all numb and feeling completely satisfied. I can't help but smile to myself.
Last night was fucking incredible. Sure we were off to a rocky start when I invited myself to go to the club with her but a few drinks in and our song blasting through the speakers things got better and better.
I still can hardly believe that Em actually danced with me let alone allowed me to do what I did in the club restroom. I swear with Em and I there is no telling what we will get up to in a loo. It seems to be the common factor when it comes to Em and I being together. London, the train, countless times trying to assuage our passion at school, it just seems to happen.
What is it about restrooms?
The pillow is soft under my head and with the sun beating in, I am warm and cosy. Taking initial stock of my surroundings, I realize I'm still naked (no surprise there, I normally sleep in my birthday suit, sex or no sex), a single sheet is placed over my legs up to the middle of my back, and Emma isn't cuddled up next to me.
I'm not surprised of Em's absence though. We didn't fall asleep on top of each other and while I am all for a good cuddle, the way things turned out last night was perfection.
Surprisingly, I remember it all very clearly. Carrying her into the water, how she clung to me, seeing her soaking wet and in her dress, the way she demanded I strip for her, whispering those dirty things in her ear, doing those dirty things, licking, biting, kissing her skin, finally sinking into her and relishing in the way she perfectly wraps around me before I pounded into her over and over.
Perfect, fucking perfect.
After all that we didn't need that kind of closeness after we were spent. We didn't need to be wrapped up in each other, our bodies pressed together as one unit, we didn't need the reassurance after what we had done. She and I just knew. It was in the very air around us. The way we had connected last night said all that we needed to say.
Just laying there, breathless, sweaty, and flat on my back while Em did the same, all I needed to know was that my girl was right beside me feeling the exact same thing. And as silly as it sounds, I just wanted to hold her hand.
Em didn't argue or hesitate. Her fingers fell between mine like puzzle pieces coming together seamlessly. After all, that is what Em and I are, even after everything we've been through together and apart, we just seem to fit.
Well I know this, now I just have to get Emma to believe it again.
Lazily I open my eyes, letting them adjust to the morning light that's spread through the entire room. It's warmth against my face is soothing in so many ways, the only thing who could do the trick even better would be the ravishing girl laying in bed next to me.
Trying not to move around to much in the fear of waking her, I turn my head to look on her side but she's not there. Hoping to change the scene before me, I rub my eyes with my knuckles and look again but nothing changes.
My heart speeds up immediately, the lump in my throat grows, and I swear I am gearing up to jump out of this bed and sprint to the airport, naked or not.
Of course I had the thought that she might run in the back of my mind but I never truly thought it was a viable option not after last night.
I thought what we had, however flawed, was more important to Em than that.
But for the first time in my life I stop myself. I don't jump to conclusions or snap judgements, not fully anyway. I pause, take a deep breath, and take note of my surroundings. Granted it's hard to just stay still and not jump to action but I somehow manage.
My worries and fears are abruptly calmed when I feel the blanket on my back being pulled lower, stopping right at the base of my back, a few inches lower and the girl who just moved it would have quite a view.
Em's here and I can finally breath again.
I smirk to myself at the memory of biting Em down there last night. I had never done that before, with anyone let alone her. The moment I had her flesh taken gently between my teeth, I felt a jolt thunder through my body, from the ends of my short hair to the tips of my toes. Made me think why on earth I hadn't done it before.
When she turned back to look at me in that one perfect moment, her face was flushed, breathing uneven, whole body completely naked bare her lace bra... she was quite a sight to behold.
Em's sigh pulls me out of my sexy revery.
Slowly I shift to peer towards the end of the bed and finally see her there.
She's sitting up, sheet held up above her breasts, knees bent in front of her as she rests her forearms on them. The entire expanse of her back is bare to me, from her delicate and divine shoulder blades down along where her waists pinches in through to her hips. I want to touch her, kiss her all over like I did last night, taste the sweet familiarity of her skin against my lips and feel the way her body responds to me under my fingers... but she's tense, I can tell. The wheels are turning in her head and I have no doubt the events of last night are the subject of her warring thoughts.
Unlike so many times before I actually take a moment and stop myself from just jumping in. I need to take things slow with her, dip our toes in like we did last night if things are going to get back to where we once were.
And still I am itching to touch her, to be close to her again even in the smallest way.
My eyes scan over her skin and I see the detailed ink on her side. I want to ask her about it so badly, get the story behind the broken arrow adorning her skin but I doubt starting with that would be prudent.
Instead I brush the pads of my fingers and the back of my nails over the base of her back and back again. The contact spikes every nerve ending like a electric current tied between us. This only further proves that she is my very source of energy.
Neither of us make a definitive decision to move even though it is clear that we're both awake now. Em stays where she is sitting and looking ahead while I stay back and just enjoy the feel over her under my touch.
Back and forth, back and forth. It's simple but soothing... at least I hope. If Em wants me to stop I am sure she wouldn't still be in bed with me.
After a few more long moments of calm silence I start moving to sit up. I keep myself a few inches behind her so I can place a chaste kiss on her shoulder before resting my chin there.
Again Em doesn't move, doesn't make a sound.
In all honesty I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. She's either alright with everything and reminiscing or she's trying to devise a way to let me down gently.
Although I can't tell what's going on in that beautiful mind of hers, I can tell my girl has a million and one things on her mind. After last night how could she not but I need to get in and give my proposal before she completely fixes her mind on a plan and regrets what happened... that is if she hasn't already.
"Em..." I hum against her skin placing another kiss on her.
Tentatively I keep my lips against her as I speak hoping the contact will help rise something in her this morning. "I meant what I said last night."
I peer up at her to see if her expression has changed but I can't see her face, only how she's tucked the side of her bottom lip between her teeth.
She's thinking about it, Em's thinking about it.
"I'm so in love with you Em. So much." I continue, trying to keep my voice quiet and steady but it's hard with my my bloody heart is pounding in my chest, I'm positive she can feel it. "I'll do it however you like baby just... please just be mine again."
She's quiet for a moment.
"Harry I..." but she lets her words teeter off with no sign of continuing and it kills me.
Is this a good thing? Bad?
It makes sense to say I should read between the lines, try and gage what she means by the few words she utters and her entire demeanor but assuming anything with Em hasn't worked in the past and I won't let it muck up my plan now. She is going to have to explain it to me.
"Baby I know it's a lot. I know we have a ton of shit we need to get through and overcome but don't you think we can get through it if we're together?"
Maybe asking her a question, especially this sort of question isn't the wisest thing for me to do but I can't help it.
I watch as she takes a long deep breath, keeping her stare fixed on the wall across the room.
"Harry I don't know if I can."
I should be terrified of her words, thrown back by the blatant negative connotations of what she is saying but the words are feather lite as they pass her lips, so full of self doubt and even confusion that I can't believe there is any conviction behind them at all.
"You're strong enough to to anything Em." I try to reassure her as I finally lay my palm against the warm skin on her back. "I promise you are."
"But Harry, just because last night worked doesn't mean we will or even should work..." There she goes stopping herself again.
Please baby just tell me, I'm not going anywhere and I'm trying to prove that.
Keeping one hand against her chest to hold up the sheet, she brings the over the push back her hair in mild frustration. "I don't know, it doesn't mean we can make our relationship work. Last night just means we are sexually compatible."
As I listen to her words I am taken aback by how solemn they are and it's heartbreaking. The old Harry would cut her off and argue otherwise, demand that she understand this isn't the case but I can see Em's point of view.
In her eyes she is still the girl with the troubled and secretive past that I am desperately trying to get out of her and I am still the prick that walks away from her and even turns to his ex at times.
Well I'm not that person and I'm going to handle this differently, everything depends on it.
"Last night was more than that and you know it," I explain slowly.
"Really Harry? Are you certain because I don't know..." She seems sad at the question as she stretches her legs out in front her her, keeping herself up and holding the sheet to hide herself.
"I do know baby and not just because I love being with you in that way." I start to explain, hoping I can find the right words to help her understand. "Emma, I know you felt it. It's incredibly cheesy but there was so much love there. I know it we were goofy and drunk and rough at times but Em, we're in love and at the end of the day I believe that it's enough."
I watch patiently as she takes in a quivering breath. "But..."
Patiently I wait for her to continue to there is nothing. My strong beautiful girl seems exhausted in every way possible. I want to try and help her through it but I have no idea how.
"Emma, I know it's hard for you but I promise, in the end everything we went through will just be water under the bridge... you and me, we will be alright I swear it."
Finally I wrap my arm around her waist, gently pulling her into my side, and kissing her shoulder. I should probably leave it there but I start to trail kisses up along her shoulder and over her neck.
Soon I feel the pull of a smile cross her face and so I take it as my cue to explain my plan.
"How 'bout this. We have a week here right? Why don't we take this time and just be together. Jump right in and see if we can do it again, just you and me. Sorta like a test run." And even as I let the words linger in the air between us I can't help but smile at the possibility this might actually work. "It's perfect baby. We are away from the real world, away from prying eyes and crazy exes and annoying friends..." Certainly not talking about Lina there, I say sarcastically in my head... what the hell we all know it's bloody true.
"No one to spoil it. It's just you and me here Emma and it feels so good. Like we did last night let's just try it. Until we are due to leave... let's just try and be together."
I sit as still as I can as I wait and watch her turn her head to look at me. Her eyes are weary, almost glassy with trepidation and concern. "Is that what you want? Honestly?"
Pardon me?
It's the worst thing in the world knowing that the person you love doesn't fully feel just how much you love them. It's like a bag of sand pressed down on your chest and all you can do is slowly breath in and out until the weight becomes less and less.
But there is no relief now, not an ounce. Luckily though Em seems formidable to my plan even though I am doing a shit job at showing what we could be.
Trying with all my might to reassure her I close my eyes and leave a lasting kiss on her cheek, making sure to trace every word there with my lips. "You Emma, you're all I have ever wanted and I'll try whatever I need to get you back."
Wanting to look into her eyes I turn her chin to look at me. "I know we can do this."
Em's biting her lip and I let my thumb drag over the plump skin gently, slowly, over and over begging for her answer.
After a few agonizing moments I watch, beyond excited, as her lips pull up into a smile and nods.
I cup her face and bring her lips to mine. It's not a deep kiss, just one that seals the deal, a kiss that shows the other it's actually happening, that for this week we are actually going to be Harry and Emma again.
Soon I pull back and press my forehead against hers, silently thanking her for giving me, giving us this chance.
Somehow we end up falling back on the bed, just laying next to each other basking in the silence that surrounds us and the decision we just made. Simply knowing that there is some semblance of what we used to be in the air is more than enough for me right now. I'm not going to be the pushy bastard I was for months and months. No, it might be hard to believe but I will not fuck this up.
This week, on this beautiful island with the girl of my dreams I am going to win her back.
I look over and see Emma looking up at the ceiling, her hands folded over her tummy, the sheet just over the valley of her breasts, hair all askew from our activities last night. I love just watching her uninterrupted. It's been so long since I've been able to, since I had the chance to just love her for all she is in the most simple way I can.
We only spent a few weeks apart but everything about her is almost exactly the same. The faded freckles on her nose, the blonde waves in her hair, the shining blue in her eyes, the scars on her shoulder, the pink in her lips... it's almost all the same but in the end I am the only reason for the changes. Her necklace isn't around her neck, the ring isn't on her finger, and there is a new marking on the side of her ribs.
And still every little ounce of her is my Em and it's gorgeous.
"Em?" I break the silence, shifting to my side and putting my weight to my elbow before leaning my head on my hand to look over at her.
"Hmmm..."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes..." Em responds, skepticism laced in her voice and shown on her face through the tension in her brow.
"It's really important baby." I continue, keeping a straight face.
"Harry, I love you." She begins and my heart skipping a beat at how freely the words pass her lips. "But if this is more heavy emotional stuff I'm gonna need a few more hours sleep."
I chuckle. "Think you can handle it Em."
"Alright, what is it?"
Taking my green light, I pull back the sheet just enough to reveal my question written on her skin. Em sucks in a breath when I let my fingers drag over the ink on her skin, it's beautiful. "It's about this."
I noticed it last night but I was too excited by the prospect of finally making love to her again that I daren't stop myself to ask.
In all honestly I don't know how I didn't see it before the moment I did. All Em wore for most of the day was her bikini. Although now that I really look I guess it's high enough to be covered by the strap but still, I should have noticed.
"What about it?" Em's sweet voice fires back.
"I just wondering about the story behind it I suppose." I try to keep the question lite and non committal but I'm dieing to know.
Emma takes in a deep breath, obviously trying to find the words to explain.
I know it's selfish but I can't help the pang of sadness knowing that I missed out on something that we should have done together. Liam told me as much. Em had the whole thing planned as part of my birthday and I royally fucked it up. Obviously I can't go back and change what happened but I wish I knew what Em created. Liam said Em spent countless afternoons trying to nail down the perfect design but in the end it didn't come to fruition.
Again I'm a flipping poncey ass prick.
"Time just keeps going you know. There are countless moments in life you can look back on and find significant. People try to break you or help you or leave you... doesn't matter what really but it all seems to fit."
I understand her sentiment but what it has to do with this I have no idea. Right now I desperately want to get inside that head of hers and understand what she's thinking, back when she got it and right now. The story behind it and the compulsion that made her get it when she did.
Thankfully my girl continues.
"That's what each the small dots are, those moments I mean. Even when something terrible happens, when the world seems to be over and you don't want to keep going, time just keeps moving forward and pushing you along doesn't it?"
(^A/N: Similar but not exact.)
It's all starting to make sense. Each dot of ink represents the moments in her life, big or small doesn't matter, they are all a part of it. The snap in the structure I can't determine though. Initially, and from what she just said, I imagine it represents the night with her father. The night he abused her, broke her bones, bruised her skin, and battered her spirit.
At least that's what I thought, now I'm not so sure and I get a sinking feeling.
It couldn't be what happened between the two of us right? Yes, Em got this done after the chaos ensued but was it really dire enough to depict it on her skin?
No, it must be her dad.
Fuck I hope it's her dad.
The only thing I have going for me is the amount of dots after the break in the arrow. If I stick with the logic Em is giving me, then it must be the night with her dad because not that many things have happened in the last two weeks. So much happened after the night with her dad for Emma– her mum and Steve, getting into Oxford, the twins, me... it must represent what happened with her dad.
"I don't know," Em huffs, pulling me out of my muddled mind. "I just needed to do something. I spent so much time with Liam trying to make it perfect that when it didn't happen I couldn't get the idea of getting one out of my head. So I just decided... this one was an impulse, I'm sure you can understand the feeling." She smiles over at me letting her knuckles glide over my own inked skin.
"That I do." I smile back at her, loving how open she is being.
"I missed you so much, it consumed every little bit of me and for a few moments I wanted to feel something different."
Fuck, I think my heart is breaking all over again.
"Em I'm so truly sorry, I–"
"Don't Harry, it's on both of us." She starts before turning over to look at me again. "Anyway, I said no heavy emotional stuff right?"
I mirror her smile and nod.
"Good, then if that's all done with..." it's not but I'll let her have it for now, "...then I'm going to take a shower."
In an instant she's out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her (and yes she does look over her shoulder with a smirk to look at the goods), and walking into the bathroom. I lay still, watching after her as I hear the curtain pulled back and the water turn on.
Before I give myself time to think I stand out of bed and follow her in.
We said this week we're us so might as well start acting like it.
"What! Harry!" She squeals when I pull back the curtain, a smile plastered on my face.
Obviously she is dripping wet, water continuously cascading down her body although she is trying, in vane, to cover herself.
"Hey you said you'd give it a go." I explain matter a factly to which she slowly nods, confusion drawn all over her face. "Good now are you really gonna tell me that I wouldn't have pulled this and followed you in here if things were normal between us?"
I let her have a moment to ponder it but before she can try and talk me out of it, I step in, pull the curtain closed, and stand right up to her, joining a soaking wet and devilishly beautiful Emma under the water. I place my hands on my hips and smirk down at her, all of her.
"Harry." She tries to scold me for being cheeky but the shivers I witness ripple through her body tell me that being alone in here is the last thing she wants.
"Yes love?" I smile down at her as I glide my knuckles over her cheek.
Then she does the best thing she could do right now. Em softly shakes her heads, flashes me a smile and tells me I'm impossible in the sweetest way.
And I just know...
I've got her.
___
A/N: It's happening! It's really fucking happening people and May 12th cannot come soon enough!
But first we have SNL to look forward too and who did love the promos! I mean Harry and Jimmy are simply perfection. That's why I had to ad the video!
I have never admired someone's back so much... or front.
And in a pink pool of water. Seriously, our boy really knows how to deliver!
Only two more sleeps till SNL and Harrys second new song! One moment he's sexy and brooding in the bath and the next he's sitting on the SNL stage and smiling like a goof, seriously love this kid.
Finally, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Get ready for some cheeky cuteness. It's vacation time for Emma and Harry and I might just let them do all the things he had planned before the chaos ensued.
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All the love, C.