"After awhile I just got really lazy with putting the dates up, so for the publication I had to make some up, they said it's better for consistency, because people are all about aesthetics these days." I hummed to myself as I grabbed another cookie, and Ross, who I was laying on wordlessly opened his mouth for a bite as we finished reading.
We didn't read the whole book page by page, we just merely skimmed along and relived some memories together.
There were more tears than laughter.
"I can't believe I haven't read it." He said quietly. "I mean, I know why I haven't, but this is actually really amazing, who knew you were this compassionate and smart." He teased and I sat up to hit him with a pillow.
"The whole state of Indiana knew, and with just my luck the whole world has found out." My hair fell in my face as I got lost in thought and Ross pushed it out of the way.
"Anything new media wise?" He asked sitting up too, we've made a real mess of pillows and blankets on his living room floor.
"My PR manager has been trying to contact me, TMZ is getting in on my crazy life and back story, and people are starting to come forward claiming to be certain characters from the book but all of them are phonies." I inhaled a shaky breath. "Someone went as far as to research hospital records for information about my mother." I sniffled. "I mean they were unsuccessful, but how fucked up is that?"
"So no leads to me?" He asked worriedly and I shook my head. "Then let's go out tonight."
"Wait what?"
"Well, you see, I have a gig tonight at a tavern, nothing big, my band isn't very mainstream or anything, we're very much underground, so you'd have no trouble staying hidden if you wear one of my hats." He started rambling and I was still sitting there in disbelief.
"Wait a second, you're in a band? Since when? And when the hell were you going to tell me this?!" Ross stopped talking and looked up at me sheepishly.
Shrugging he scratched the back of his neck, blush rising to his cheeks. "I didn't want to say anything because I still play the songs I wrote for you."
"Huh." I said quietly.
"Please don't make this weird." He put his hands over his face and I laughed.
"I didn't say anything!"
"You were going to." He accused.
"I wasn't."
"Caspian, I know you." He looked at me and I broke into a fit of laughter, and he just sat trying to fight off a smile.
"I'm so used to getting away with things with Keith." I said without thinking and I warily looked over at Ross to see his smile was still in place.
"It's okay Caspian, you're very close with him, I understand." Ross shook his head. "I mean he's practically all you had over there."
"Yeah, he really got me motived when I needed it. Well actually, he would get me out of the house by promising to buy me food, which explains my weight gain." I said nonchalantly and Ross looked at me perplexed.
"Weight gain?" He scoffed and I nodded my head.
"I'm not as small as I used to be."
"That's because your an adult now."
"Gah." I covered my ears making Ross cock his head at me. "I'm a young adult, adult is when your thirty, at the least."
"Listen you old woman." Ross began and I grimaced. "I'm asking you one more time, just give me a simple yes or no then we can move on with our day." I was reveling in how he had said our. "Do you want to come see my band tonight?"
"Yes." I said back and Ross sighed and stood from our pile of blankets and pillows.
"Good, rehearsal starts in three hours." Before he could walk away I threw a pillow at the back of his head and he paused.
"Old man." Ross turned to stare at me and we had both broken into belly aching laughter.
•••
"What are you guys called?" Ross walked me through the dimly lit bar, which he had explained to me that it used to be a firehouse, which is why there is still a pole behind the bar that comes from upstairs, a balcony showing a lounge space up there.
"Odd One Out." He replied setting his guitar case on the edge of the stage, pulling a sleek black electric guitar. "Caspian, meet Luna." He gestured to it and I rolled my eyes.
"When did you get this?"
"Last year, since I don't have to pay for mortgage or rent, and my college tuition is paid in full by my sports scholarship, all the money I got from working at the hardware store had accumulated to a lump some, and I was able to actually by this for retail price." He started to tune it and I sat at a table, content with just watching him. We must've looked strange, here I was in his hoodie and baseball cap as well as his sunglasses and there he stood, his hair in his face as he was bent over his guitar. He was a rockstar, and I was a blob.
I have to be a blob to remain unseen, but I want nothing more than to be wearing a cheesy band t-shirt and holler Ross' name tonight as he plays.
He looked up at me and broke into a smile making my whole body tingle.
I'll be a blob forever if he keeps looking at me like that.
•••
I was utterly gobsmacked by the end of the night, I had to practically hold onto my seat to keep from falling over out of pure shock.
Ross did sing songs about me.
In fact, all of them were about me.
Some were ballads, others were smooth run though that everyone just jammed out to, than there were the hardcore angry ones that made me want to shrivel up into a ball with guilt.
It was past midnight when Ross had finally packed up, he told me to meet him by the back, and as I stood back there, there were other girls all giggling and looking anxiously all around, and they all started to lose their shit when the band members of Odd One Out started to appear into this small alley way. I pinched at my sides to keep the burn down as I saw Ross smile at all of them, giving them a greeting, even giving hugs and taking pictures, but I released myself when I saw how happy he was to interact with them.
"You ready Cass?" Ross approached me and one of the girls squealed.
"Awe, like Cassandra from Alone With Ashton, how cute." She smiled towards me and I smiled back to, I'm glad I've found the humor in this.
"Yeah, I get that a lot."
"You've read the book?" She was shaking with excitement.
I lived it.
"Yeah, loads of times actually." If I took these sun glasses off I could freak this girl out so bad but Ross putting his arm around me wiped away any coherent thought.
"Well ladies, we have to get going, thank you for coming out, we'll keep you posted for our next gig." He pulled me into him and walked me towards his car.
It felt nice to be held again. Especially by someone so familiar. I don't have to worry as much around him, and I feel as if a weight had been lifted and I can finally breathe with him.
I've missed him so much.
I've missed holding his hand, pinching his cheeks, running my fingers though his hair.
Falling asleep in his arms.
I found my eyes watering up as Ross reached his hand over in his car to hold mine. And he rubbed tiny circles in the back of my hand with his thumb just like he used to. It's as if we had never let go.
This part is uncertainty, this part is confusion, it's falling for him all over again.
"Do you still love me?" I uttered out.
•••••
Sorry that this has taken 20 years
But I'll try to get back to updating weekly again.
Hope y'all had a good Saturday.
Thanks for reading.
-Aliah