Emma
I look out at the crystal blue waters and I have never been more at peace.
Leaning back on this lounge chair, the warm sun hitting my already slightly bronzed ski, I feel like nothing can touch me. Nothing can get through this entirely calm and solid exterior.
The rhythmic back and forth of the waves ahead of me are soothing and delightful. Why didn't I think of this sooner? I'm so happy I decided to do this...oh fuck off.
Who the hell am I kidding?
That's all still a fantasy.
The white sandy beaches are miles and miles away and calm Emma is nothing but a dream. Instead the sun is permanently hidden behind the dark clouds that have yet to alleviate since I arrived and I am sat here with Niall for yet another afternoon.
Not that I'm complaining but...
Well Niall is really getting on my fucking nerves at the moment. I'm just at the point where I want to scream but I don't because he is also the one person who I can bare to be around.
Once again we're arguing. It's not the vicious kind of fights that Harry and I have had previously. No, nothing can break NIall's cheery exterior and cotton candy outlook on life. It's nauseating and fulfilling all at the same time.
At the moment he's asking me to be reasonable and call him. Actually Niall wants me to call anyone. I haven't reached out since I got here and for some reason Niall thinks it will do me some good if I do. He mentioned something about closure of some bullshit like that.
Needless to say I haven't called anyone yet.
"Look Niall. It's not like he's banging down my door to try and fix things is he? He doesn't seem to want any closure." I argue back completely exasperated with the way this conversation is going.
"Emma, he doesn't know where you are." He counters matter factly with a knowing grin on his face.
"Come on. It can't be that difficult to figure out where I am and he's a smart guy. If he really wanted to get to me he could. I mean where else in the world would I go?"
"Um...I don't know." He says in a mocking tone. "Anywhere in the bloody world Emma."
"Whatever." I wave him off as I step into his living room and make myself comfortable. "I don't know why you're making me wait anyway? All we do is fight. Why won't you just let me go?"
"I didn't say you couldn't go, I said you shouldn't." He points out.
"And I said I'd wait a week to decide but I'm still going and I'm not calling him." Hoping to effectively stop the conversation from going any further.
"Emma you're being ridiculous."
"It's not your trip to keep from me." Further confirming his argument.
"Maybe but I'm gonna spend this whole week trying to change your mind." Well that should be fun.
"You can try but it won't happen but I'll wait a week and in return you will do what you promised." HIs face immediately falls. "Come on it will be fun."
"I don't think that's a good idea either." He says, wearily.
I know he's nervous but he needs to calm down. It's not that big of a deal afterall.
"Come on, I'll go first." I egg him on, trying to pull him off the couch, knowing his nerves are getting the better of him even if he doesn't want to admit it to me.
"Only if you tell me why you're so insistent that you get one."
Lovily.
"Niall I can't tell you that without telling you the entire story of what happened."
"I'm fine with that" Niall chuckles as I watch a big conniving smile cross his face.
"Well you won't serve me alcohol, so no. Not telling."
Thankfully, and for the first time since I've been here, Niall tries to bargain with me. "I'll make you one drink."
"Why are you so convinced I'll fall off the deep end if I start drinking?"
"I don't know... call it friendly intuition."
"It sounds more like you've spoken to my mum." I mumble bringing my bottle of water to my lips.
"What if I did?"
"Niall you don't know my mum." Please don't tell me another male in my life went to my mum.
It stung like a bitch when Harry admitted to it. For some reason that betrayal went deeper than any of the others. That might be a bit of an overstatement. It all hurt. His sneaking around, his lack of faith in me, his complete distrust, his total certainty that I was all those nasty things he described me as.
Call it a type of mild PTSD but even the thought of Niall hypothetically doing the same is panic inducing.
"Maybe I do?" He continues to joke. "Maybe your mum and I have tea every Thursday to discuss your life." I can tell he's trying to be serious but by the end of his sentence he can't hold back his smile.
"Then I'd say you have deeper rooted issues than I do." And I, on the other hand, am completely serious. Thankfully he chuckles.
"So are you going to tell me?" He inquires for the millionth time in the past few days I've been here.
To say this has been a point of conflict would be a total understatement. I'd say that it's at the very center of every friendly argument we have.
It's peculiar how our friendship has transformed in the past couple days. When I showed up he didn't ask questions, well at least he didn't push me to tell him but now he's being friendly but relentless.
I know I'll tell him eventually. Honestly I can't keep it in much longer. I need to process all this somehow and Niall just so happens to be the only person I'm talking to at the moment.
"Are you gonna let me have a glass of red wine at least?" I don't know what it is with me pairing my problems with ruddy red wine these days, but it seems right. Like a deep oaky red wine is the sponsor for all of Emma Parker's personal issues.
Well that's healthy.
"Yes," and I swear my heart picks up with excitement just at the prospect. Oh god I sound like a alcoholic loon. "And I'll join you."
"Sounds perfect Nialler. You bring the wine, I'll tell you what happened and then we go out and get them."
"Emma I'm not getting a tattoo while drunk, too cliche." He tries to brush me off but I know it's because he's terrified of needles.
"Are you saying you get drunk off one glass of wine Niall?" Far too amused by the mental image.
"No. I'm not saying I won't do it, I'm saying it's not happening tonight." There is conviction in his tone but he's avoiding eye contact with me. I don't need him to look at me to know he's bloody terrified.
But I really want to do it. I need to do it.
It was really fun planning things out with Liam and I kinda got the idea in my head and it won't go away. Of course I wish I could have Liam there but that can't happen.
Now I just need to decide what to get. I obviously can't go for what I had planned for Harry's birthday. I think I'm just going to keep up the trend and go with my gut, be irrational and get the first thing that feels right in the moment.
"Fine, but tomorrow we're going out and getting tattoos. It's happening."
"Fine." I watch him get up and pat his legs as if he's trying to find something. "Alright, let me just run down and get the night started downstairs and then I'll be back up and you can talk."
With that he leaves the flat and, right on cue, my phone goes off, the ringtone filling the quiet room.
It's Lina. I've been dodging her calls for a few days now. Guess now is as good a time as any to talk to her. I answer and I'm immediately met with her raging voice.
"Emma Parker! How dare you flee the country without even a word as to whether you're alright!"
She might be loud but she does sound genuinely worried. That's just Lina, aggressive and caring all in one loving bundle.
"Lina you drove me to the airport."
"Yeah and that was the last time I heard from you! I thought I had a Taken situation on my hands or something." I can hear her ragged breathing through the phone.
"Don't be ridiculous Lina."
"Oh hush. I have sent you a hundred texts and voicemails and I haven't heard back from you! It's been days Emma. I know you're going through some really shitty stuff right now but you can't just shut out everyone in your life." Jeez, she seems really hurt.
"I haven't done that."
However, she's right. I might not have meant to but I've shut her out since she left left me at the airport the other day. Bit I don't want to admit any of this to her. "In fact I had a lovely chat with mum the other day and Niall and I are getting on just fine."
Terrifyingly, she falls quiet. At first I don't know why I'm getting this reaction, not until I realize...I just told her about Niall.
Great.
"Who's Niall?" I can already hear subtle hints of excitement in her voice.
"He's just a friend. Don't freak out."
"Emma you just said you have another friend, of course I'm freaking out." This time she can't hide her gleeful enthusiasm.
"Fuck off Lin, I don't need this right now."
"Well someone has to!" She blurts out. "Harry's a prick... I get that but he's one person. There are loads of people here who depend on you and you've gone off and run away from all your problems instead of facing them head on."
I'm seething. How dare she?
This is ridiculous. Lina is the one who drove me to the airport. She was on board with my plan a few days ago. Yes, she tried to talk me out of it but if she didn't want me to go I know she has her methods.
If she really wanted me to stay than she could have.
"Lina, like you said it's only been a few days, I doubt the polo club has completely combusted since my departure."
"I don't care about that. Emma, I'm you're best friend and I've been worried d sick. I've never seen you like that and it took a lot to just let you leave. I thought you were going to..."
I stop her there. I hate that I told her of my momentary lapse in judgement one afternoon right before I left for boarding school and met her.
"I'm not going to do that again. I'm a big girl, I suppress my feelings in different ways now." Trying to get her away from that certain line of questioning.
"Oh really, and does Niall have something to do with that?"
Jesus Lina.
I take a strangled deep breath before continuing. "Come off it. I'd never have sex with Niall."
In that knowing voice of hers she replies, "I never mentioned sex."
Fuck.
"Yeah" I stutter out. "I know I was just saying."
"So you've had sex with someone else I'm gathering."
I hate that her intuition is spot on.
"No." I lie through my teeth and sounding a little too defensively for Lina's likely given her response.
"Bloody hell Emma, you just told me this wouldn't be like before."
"It's not!"
"Of course it is! You just told me you had sex with a stranger."
"Sounds like you're grasping at straws there." Nope, you're fucing dead on.
"Well am I wrong?" She presses and I remain silent. "Exactly. Tell me what happened."
"I don't think I want to."
And I mean I really don't want to. I can already feel the shame welling up once again. Not that I'm entirely ashamed of my actions, not like I cheated or anything, but telling Lina just brings this to a whole new level.
"Emma I'm not gonna judge if that's what you're thinking. I know it's hard for you to believe that but I just want to be here for you. That's a big step considering what you had with Harry... you can't be feeling okay."
"I'm feeling fine" but my stupid voice cracks.
"I can tell you're not." Her vice empathetic but firm. "Just tell me. You might just feel better."
"Lina please stop." I rub the back of my neck like a certain someone. Fuck I've spent too much time with Harry.
"Do you want me to come over there?"
"No don't be silly," hoping beyond hope that she doesn't come here. "Plus I have Niall and he's a good listener."
"Sounds like you're replacing me." She jokingly quips.
"Could never do that Lin... you know too much anyway." I joke the last half of the sentence.
"So you're not going to tell me? Not even the abridged version?" I take a deep breath.
Better get this over with.
"His name is Sam. I was sitting at the gate and started crying over Harry. He offered me his handkerchief. We got on the plane and it just happened. I was hurting and I wanted to get back at Harry so I just followed Sam into the plane restroom and then it was over." Please don't ask anymore questions.
"Fuck Emma, you joined the mile high club!" Lina squeals at me through the phone.
"Who joined the mile high club?" I hear a deep voice distantly from her end of the phone.
Fuck.
"Emma" Lina answers sounding far too giddy by this fact.
"Lina! Could you not?" Referring to her blabbing my secrets to whoever's just walked into her room.
"It's only Henry, don't worry."
"I take offense to that..." Her fiance says mockingly. "Hi Emma."
"Oh hush Henry. Emma I'm serious, how are you?"
"Honestly Lina, I don't really feel anything. I mean I'm heartbroken but that's due to what went down with Harry. With Sam I just... I don't feel anything."
I take another deep breath.
She's right, I do feel things but I try not to linger on those feelings because I know I'll just be crushed by the weight of them. But Lina is too nosey and persistent. "Seriously?
"Well I felt dirty after but I've taken about a dozen showers since then and that's seemed to have done the trick." I chuckle.
"Emma you shouldn't laugh" she scolds me in a shocked manner.
"Lina give me this one. I've had a shit couple of days I don't need you on my case as well."
We remain silent for a few moments until the question that's been on the tip of my tongue since the moment she rang me comes bubbling to the surface.
"Have you seen him?" My heart suddenly accelerating with each word.
Do I want to know? Do I want any information on him? Would it be easier to just forget about Harry all together?
"Ha! Do you really think I'd be this calm if I had seen him."
"I guess you're right." Very disappointed that she has no information on him.
It wasn't until this moment but I really want to know about him.
Is he with Jessica? Are they sauntering around without a care in the world, Oxford's new golden couple? Have they already started picking out fucking china patterns?
Thankfully Lina speaks up and pulls me from my thought tirade. "I take it he hasn't called or anything"
"Why would he?"
"Because he's in love with you."
I can't help but scoff at this. That's ridiculous for her to say and she knows that. "Not by the looks of things the other night."
"I know but you said yourself that something didn't seem right when you...um walked in on them."
"That was just my mind playing tricks on me Lina." Of course it was.
Initially I just wanted to come up with excuses for him. I didn't want to believe what I saw in front of me so I just made up that idea that something fishy was going on.
Harry was sleeping with her and that's it. Nothing complicated happening about it.
"Are you sure because—"
"Why are you pressing this?" Very annoyed. So annoyed actually that I get up from my place on the couch and start rummaging through Niall's kitchen cabinets.
Fuck, for a guy who owns and live above a pub he's flat is completely dry. It's devastating and highly inconvenient.
"I'm just saying you should think on your next move very carefully. I don't want you coming out the other end of this full of regret."
"It's a little late for that?"
"What? Why? Because of Sam?" Sounding sadder than I am right now.
"No because we're already at the end."
"You just don't know that!" Lina yells at me through the phone. She really needs to get this fantasy of Harry and me out of her head.
"I do, I've known since the moment he first kissed me at the club. We were always going to end up like this."
"Emma you and Harry broke up because you're both stubborn idiots who had a huge fight, not because it was predestined to happen."
"Lina we broke up because we are broken!" I burst, not having admitted to this fact once before. The emotion is too much. "And because when I went to mend fences he was sleeping with Jessica."
"And you slept with Sam, you're even."
"But he did it first." I retort, rather childishly.
"Oh grow up Emma. I'm not having this argument with you."
Yes, I understand that this is misplaced anger but it's anger all the same and I need to drain it out my system. Lina is simply the lucky one who gets to experience it. I'm so pissed off with her rational brain at the moment.
"Well then we better get off the phone then." I spit back.
"Fine!" Lina snaps.
"Fine!" I yell before I hang up.
Almost instantly a text message comes in.
From Lina: this isn't over.
I throw my phone to the side and release a deep, highly annoyed groan as I lean back on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. I can't believe I let her get to me like that and I can't believe how I acted. Who the hell cares who slept with someone else first? It's all details at this point.
Silly, meaningless details.
"Well that was mature" I hear Niall remark behind me.
I turn around in my spot on the couch to look at him. Niall is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, bottle of wine in hand, and a very amused smirk on his face.
Well I'm super glad he's enjoying my turmoil. "Did I ask for your opinion?"
Without a word Niall saunters into the kitchen, grabs two glasses and then takes a seat next to me.
"Ohh a full bottle. What did I do to deserve such a thing?" I joke, more than happy he's gone for the gold tonight.
"Well I'm feeling generous tonight." Without another word he pops the cork and pours each other is a glass.
We clink our glasses and immediately after I take a sip. The slightly cooled elixir of the red wine is a welcome distraction. It's like I haven't had a drink in ages although it's only been a few days.
Niall props one leg on the couch so he's directly facing me and gives me a curious smile, looking like he's expecting the world from me.
"Okay Emma." He says, leaning back and giving me a reassuring nod. "Go on."
___
A/N: It's a bit of a filler and sorry I had to leave it there. The chapter was way too long and this way I get to enjoy the suspense of leaving you guys hanging (sorry loves).
Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
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All the love, C.