The next few weeks were blurry, everything went by so fast.
Before i knew it i had to choose the dress, the cake and the location. It's all so much.
'Sugar come to bed' Tim whispered in my ear, 'oh did I fall asleep?' I asked and saw me homework laying on the desk totally untouched. 'Tomorrow is a new day' he said and took my hand to pull me to bed.
'I have to finish this' I whispered to myself and wanted to turn around. 'No you are tired, I even think you have a fever. You go to bed, and I'm going to lay next to you' he said. 'Fine' I sighed very sleepy.
'Why are you this nice?' I asked while I got ready for bed, 'does that mean I'm not nice to you, do I need to remind you of that big rock on your finger' he said grinning. I laughed, 'fine you have your moments better?' he nodded and pulled me on top of him.
'Angel, you need to tell me if it's not too much planning our wedding and go to school. You have a lot of stress on you, you get thinner with the day' he said worry glancing in his eyes.
'Yes it's a bit much but I love to do it' I said and kissed his lips. They are so soft, it feels nice.
'Thank you for being this understanding' I said and laid my head on his shoulder while we cuddled in bed.
REANIMATE
'What did you say?' I asked him, 'I didn't say something, are you okay love?' I nodded and turned my sight back to the television.
'HER HEART IS STOPPING, AGAIN' someone yelled.
'Don't play me, why did you say that?' I asked him.
'Babe I didn't say anything, are you sure everything is alright' he said now sitting up. He wasn't kidding and neither was I. What was going on?
'PLEASE TRY EVERYTHING' someone cried.
'No I'm sorry I just need some sleep' I said and cuddled up to him. But I couldn't help listening to that crying voice.
'You seem distracted, are you alright?' Tessa asked me. How did she get here? About that, how did I get here?
'Oh yes' I said and noticed all the dresses, but I already have mine right? I looked over at Tessa and noticed the small bump on her belly. Is she pregnant? Why didn't I knew that and is it even true?
Bridesmaid dresses? but I made that appointment for like in two weeks with Tessa. Is it already that time, how can I miss two weeks of my life. Maybe she did tell about being pregnant or not.
'Alex what is up with you, you are not yourself the past few weeks' she said and I sighed. How do I explain voices in my head? And missing weeks of my life I don't think she will understand. I have to make something up.
'I have second thoughts' I said without thinking. Her eyes got big and she fished for my hand. 'Why didn't you tell me sooner crazy pants' she said. 'I don't know, I didn't want to think about it' I said.
All lies .
'I just don't know if this will be the right time you know' I said. She nodded, 'I know what you mean' she said. 'You do?' she nodded.
'When I first find out about little Roger in me I freaked out and had all these thoughts about what if you know but there will never be a right time. And I couldn't be more happy' she said. 'I am happy for you, I hope I will have that one day' I said. 'Why yes of course, you will make a great mother one day' she said. 'Thanks, you will be a great mother too' I said. She nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
'Come on, we have a lot more shops to go to' she said and grabbed my hand.
'How was it?' Tim asked the moment we both walked in. Marcel and Tim were hanging on the couch with a beer in their hand. They were just relaxing, I don't see Tim a lot like this. It's kind of satisfying that even the hottest man can have their "whatever I look like" mode.
'I missed you today' he whispered and rubbed my belly. Does he know something I don't. It must be nothing, I stepped one step backwards and eyed him curiously. What is he up to?
'PLEASE SAFE HER'
That same person cried just like I heard the other day. I turned around to see them al staring at me. 'What?' I asked, 'are you still seeing your therapist?' Tessa asked.
'Why would you ask?'
'I just, look we are all worried Tim told us about the voices you apparently hear during the day and well we are very worried about you' she said.
'I am fine' I said
'So you say that hearing voices is totally normal?' she asked me
'I am not hearing anything alright'
'That is clear because did you hear what we just said to you?' she asked staring at me getting pissed off. Great just what I needed. Someone who is on me all the freaking time.
'I don't know what you mean Tessa, I am perfectly fine' I said trying not to freak out. I know it's not normal at all. You are not suppose to hear them, or any voices. It freaks me out, but I just know the moment I tell them they send me to a therapist for everyday of the week.
'We don't believe you' she said. 'Then you are on your own right guys?' I said eying Tim curiously. Is he with her or with me? He looked worried, 'look Alex, maybe Tessa is right and it's not a bad thing that you are going to see someone like a therapist like you did in the very first place' he said.
'So you do believe her' I said. 'No that is not what I meant'
'That is exactly what you meant, I am not hearing voices' I said trying to convince myself even more then them.
'You do hear something because I saw you, you thought I said something while I was completely silent it freaks me out Alex please tell us what you hear so we can help you' he said.
I sighed and rubbed the sweat off my forehead.
'It's okay, I am okay, we are okay' I whispered more to myself.
They all looked so worried, they all care so much for me and the worst part is that I don't even care. I mean I do care, that they care about me but I can't go back in some institution or something like that. I can't be locked up again.
WHAT HAPPENEN CONRAD YOU PROMISED TO PROTECT HER
That voice looks like... I couldn't put my finger on it. I frowned my eyebrows together because I am definitely overthinking this. Why am I hearing these voices, what are they trying to tell me?
'Angel?' Tim asked and stepped towards me. 'Don't' I said warning him. He belongs with them, 'you believe them, you are with them' I snapped. 'You don't believe me, you are my fiancé' I snapped. 'Please calm down angel, this isn't good for the baby' he said. Baby?
'Baby? what baby? I think Tessa will be fine' I said. 'Honey, please don't tell me you don't remember' he begged. 'Oh my god, she is missing pieces of what is happening in her life' Tessa said.
'What am I missing?' I snapped but they shut me out. I am clueless.
'She doesn't know anything of what happened the past few months' Tessa said. 'What happened? It's been a few weeks since my engagement' I said. 'No it's not, it's been months' Tessa said. 'Don't you remember anything of it?, my miscarriage? You guys postponing the wedding because of me?, then you break the news of being pregnant? Our fight about that? Then turning out me being pregnant again?' she asked.
'You are a big fat liar and you are all fooling me, first of all I am not pregnant at all, you are. It's been only a few weeks Tessa relax' I said trying to cool down but how could I? I know she is right. 'How can you be this stubborn, it's right in front of you why won't you just accept the help that we offer' she snapped.
'Would you?' I asked. She seemed caught off guard by this question. 'What do you mean' she asked.
'Would you accept the help that your loved ones offered while you know you are slowly turning crazy? While you know it's the right thing to be locked up again? That is what you all want right?' I asked.
'Don't be silly I would never lock you up like this' Tim snapped getting more angrier at me with the minute. 'You mean because I'm pregnant' I whispered with tears forming in my eyes. He would lock me up again. I can't believe this.
'No that is not what I meant' he said, 'then what do you mean, you mean as soon as this child is out of me you dump me somewhere?' I said.
'No god damnit' he yelled and slammed his fist in the wall. 'Tim behave' Tessa said. 'Honey you are sick' Tessa tried again. 'What am I suppose to do Tessa, I just find out that I am pregnant and that you all think it's better I will be locked up again' I screamed. They were all silent. 'Excuse me' I said and walked true the house to the office. Well at least it was the office now it was the baby room. I walk in and apparently we expect a daughter, everything is pink. I sink to the floor and sit against the wall. I press a stuffed animal against my belly scared of what is going to happen. Scared of reality and my unconsciousness.
My unconsciousness and reality. I don't know in which one I live anymore. I stroke my bump lightly, it feels weird to heave a little human inside of me again. To feel it all so suddenly.
I am losing this game...
I am losing myself...
I looked at the door when I heard someone knock a few times before coming in. 'Angel' he sighed when he saw me sitting against the wall. He sat next to me, 'are you taking this child away from me, just like he did?' I whispered. 'No and I am a little hurt for even thinking that, but what I do think is talking to your therapist isn't a bad idea. Even I think hearing voices isn't a good sign angel' he said. I knew he was right, but was I ready for that? admitting that there is something wrong with me?
'Will you stand by my side?' I asked, 'always, you will be my wife and I don't care it it's tomorrow or in one year. You will be the mother of my daughter and we stay together. Always' he said. 'Promise?'
'Promise' he said and kissed my hand while he pulled me in his arms. I don't feel good about this at all. Something big is coming, and I don't know how to prepare for this.
IS SHE DEAD?
That voice again, that sad voice is so familiar. Who is that woman talking in my head. It was in the middle of the night and my bump was really uncomfortable. It looked like nine months along while I just was about three months. I missed something again. Like I see flash-forwards of my life.
Like it will be over soon, really soon.
I rubbed my really big belly, where my little girl is hiding.
'Can't sleep?' he asked joining my hand on my belly.
'No she is very buzzy tonight' I whispered.
'I can't wait to meet her and get lot's of children with you' he said kissing my lips. 'Yes that would be amazing' I said staring at the ceiling. Waiting for gravity, or whatever it is that make me see new things of my future.
'Eliza, don't put your little fingers there of the door closes your fingers will hurt' I said to my baby girl. She crawled in my arms as soon as when I picked her up. This little one became my world as soon as she was born and another one is on his way. It's a little boy, we haven't told Tessa yet because I feel so guilty. She can't have children anymore after Roger was born, they have a hard time to do IVF and have another child. I feel like ruining it for her and all of her happiness. She wants a sibling for Roger what I totally understand but, can it be my happiness too?
Wait a minute.
A few minutes ago I was nine months pregnant and now my daughter looks like she is already one years old. How can this be? What is happening, this happen faster I lost years of my memory. Am I even seeing this therapist?
CLEAR
I felt a huge shock on my chest, what the hell is happening.
CLEAR
The same person yelled again and I felt this shock the same as before. I grabbed for something so I wouldn't fall with my child in my arms.
CLEAR he screamed louder.
I fell to the ground, Eliza fell out of my arms to the ground and disappeared in dust as soon as she hit the ground. Tears formed in my eyes, what is happening I'm scared.
So scared.
I felt that shock over and over again. Like they want to stop my heart. No they are trying to start my heart but it beats right and it doesn't explain the shocks out of no where.
The walls began to crumble to dust just like Eliza did. The furniture too, my baby bump disappeared and I was just wearing a shirt that is way too big for me. Everything was falling apart.
I opened my eyes and looked around me, white walls, me purple from bruises, and I am wearing a white hospital gown. What is going on, this tube is leading in my mouth. 'There she is' the doctor said and took my hand. 'Calm down, I am getting that tube out of your mouth' he said and removed it with care. I looked around me, my voice was gone, mouth was dry and legs do I even still have them?
Tessa was looking normal like she was but not pregnant and alone. No Marcel.
The doctor checked my vitals if everything was responding like it has to, everything or most of my vitals were but my brain. Then reality hit me.
I woke up.