Caspian's POV Five months prior
"Now if you'll turn your attention to Keith as he presents his project I'll be walking around to gather your essays." Everyone in the room seemed to exhale in relief. I put some of my things away, leaving my essay out, crisp and printed as of two weeks ago.
I really have to stop skipping ahead, it makes me look like a smart ass.
"Uh, hi, my name is Kieth, and as an out of country student it's mandatory for me to do introductions for my classes. I was born and raised in Stockholm Sweden-"
I looked up to see a very tall muscular guy, his brown hair was perfectly quiffed, and the sweater he was wearing showed his figure off nicely.
"I am fluent in six languages, such as English, Spanish, and French-"
His PowerPoint had various pictures of himself, the pictures from his adolescence made me begin to chew on the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling.
"Now a lot of you may be wondering as to why a foreigner is taking a government class, but it's simply because I'm fascinated with democracy." Everyone in the room laughed at that.
Keith went on with things about his home and everyone in the room was entranced with him.
"Yeah, I had to take a ferry to-" And suddenly all my senses were just registering blue! Blue! Blue! As he had made eye contact with me.
"I uh, I had to take a f-ferry to school." He continued. Making eye contact with me every now and then, and by the end of class I was a hot mess.
As soon as we were dismissed I darted out the doors, practically gasping for air. Never in my life had I ever been affected by someone so... severely.
"Hey, I didn't get your name." I turned to see Keith, his smile seeming to brighten up this rainy day.
"Uh, sorry, it was stuffy in there." I held out my hand. "I'm Caspian."
"Well obviously I'm Keith." He laughed, shaking my hand. "Caspian, such a beautiful name, like the sea?"
I blushed and looked away. "No, uh, it was the name of a prince, in the Chronicle's of Narnia." I shrugged. "My parents were bookworms."
"Ah, I see." He nodded, releasing my hand and stepping back. "Well Caspian, I'm sorry, but I have to go to another class. It was nice meeting you, hopefully we could talk again another time."
"Yeah, I'd really like that." I could no longer look him in the eyes, and I was graciously happy as he had finally walked away and I was able to breathe properly.
Going back to my dorm that night I had lied there, all of my coursework forgotten as I pathetically thought about Keith.
It was stupid, to just lie here like a little girl fantasizing us maybe going to the movies. But in the back of my mind I knew exactly what this was, finally there was someone who I didn't see Ross in. If anything this guy is the exact opposite of Ross. Brown haired, blue eyed and Swedish. Things Ross will never be.
Is that why I can't stop thinking about him? To ease the pain of thinking about Ross?
Just as I thought that my phone had buzzed and I sat up to check it.
Ross: *Today kinda sucked, I had two exams today, but it could be worse.*
As I read this, it was only a dull ache. And I longed to make the pain fade completely away like how quickly it had subsided today.
•••
2 months pass
"Do you want to hang out tonight?" Keith had put his bag over his shoulder and I just merely shrugged.
"I don't have anything planned tonight."
Me and Keith had actually hit it off pretty well. We would hang out on weekends a lot and most times just have an endless thread of texts coming in. It was as if I could finally breathe after trying to swim towards the surface. The hurricane that was Ross did more damage than I had thought.
And I found myself trying to set an anchor down, to set myself within a comfortable distance of Keith's happiness. Because he was like an antidepressant. I became addicted to the feeling of okay.
Okay, a confirmation word that made me know that whether this next path in life takes me up or down, in the end I am going to be okay.
So when Keith asked me if this time we could do something as more than friends my response was immediate.
"Okay."
•••
2 months
I've missed this.
The sun shining through the window. My hair flowing over my back. My head resting against a beating heart. Hearing each intake of breath, those funny gurgles that sound like farts.
But I almost startled at the voice that had greeted me. "Did you sleep well?"
Keith's Swedish accent bounced around in my head and I hid my face in his side, being completely horrified with myself for thinking about Ross. And I was doing so good too.
"Yeah." I sighed. I hadn't meant to stay the night last night, me and Keith were exchanging articles last night for debate and I was dead beat tired, so I just opted to crash at his place.
"Caspian, can I ask you something?" He ran his hand up and down my back.
"You just did." I laughed and he pulled my hair making him laugh too.
"I was wondering, I-if, if we could make this official." His hand stilled as I moved my head to look at him. "I mean, I would understand if you weren't ready, or if you thought this was too soon..."
We lied in silence for a bit and Keith kept nervously twitching. "You can say no, I'm a big boy l, I can take it."
I pulled away from him and sat up. "No, it's not that." I looked down at my hands that seemed much more interesting. "There's just someone that I can't stop thinking about." I said quietly.
"You mean the one who messages you at least eight times a day?" I looked up at him in shock and he shrugged his shoulders. "I see the way you look at your phone when you get their messages, I understand." He sat up too pulling his legs away, to where we weren't making contact anymore.
Every word my heart is shouting at me consists of "end it now!" "You're just going to break his heart!"
But for once in my life I blocked that out. "No, Keith, I'll do something about him, okay? Because," I reached out for his hand. "I want this."
"Liar!" My heart screamed.
"You sure, I wouldn't want to make you pick, I just want you to be happy." He kissed my hand and I fell into his arms sighing.
"I'm going to go see him."
I'm going to see Ross.
••••
Present
And that's what I did, but I never thought that I would be sitting here more torn up about the situation as I was before.
Everything that I had thought wasn't true.
This whole time while I was going through the motions thinking that Ross and April were in a relationship, Ross was actually going through the same thing.
And even worse, when I was with Keith, Ross was still suffering.
I don't know how long it was that it took until I heard Ross breathe. He was tense again, and watching his shoulders arch forward with rage and sadness only deepened the guilt I was feeling.
I didn't know I was crying until a tear had slipped over my lips. And I took a breath too, and along with it came the pain I felt months ago, except this time it was worse.
I wanted nothing more than to hit rewind. After all of the times he had told me he loved me it took one accidental phone call for me to not believe a word of it?
You really are stupid Caspian.
"Ross, please say something." I begged.
"Get out."
"What-"
"Get out! I said get out! I don't want you here!" He exploded and all I was able to do was blink as he yelled at me. "So this is why you came back? To tell me to get over you? Well congratu-fucking -lations mission accomplished."
"How was I supposed to know?!" I screamed back.
"By talking to me! Caspian, this isn't my fault, you're the one who ran from me!"
"Then how come you didn't come after me?" I finally asked in the break of silence. And he put his head into his hands, grabbing at his roots, showing his frustration.
"I did, but you told me that you don't want me anymore." His stone tone sent shivers through my spine. "You probably don't remember because you were drunk off of your ass, I don't even know who you are."
Me neither.
"Get out of my car before I do something I regret." He leaned over me and opened my door.
"Is that a treat?" I asked quietly. And he looked me in the eyes, his hazel eyes, were red and puffy, and before I know it he leans in to kiss me.
A sigh immediately escapes my lips, and as he angles his head to the side, my fingers find their familiar spot in his hair. And when I open my mouth he groans, before pulling back.
"Goodbye Caspian." His breath blew across my face and before I know it I'm on the ground Ross slamming his car door and pulling out without as much as a look at me.
••••••••••••
Double Updates boii
This story is getting so frickn hype, this is an early Christmas present as I will be busy with finials ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And I thought I'd do an early character question this time around, as you guys may have LOADS of questions 😬
Questions for Ross
Questions for Caspian
Questions for any other character
Questions for me.
Thanks for reading 💕
-Aliah