Saying goodbye sucks.
Not saying goodbye seems even worse.
I started packing after the phone went dead, Ross' words still rang though my head, I was dying to know exactly what else had happened, but something tells me I don't want to know.
"Do you remember the day that I had told you I loved you? Because I can't seem to remember a time when I didn't love you." There was a pause. "It felt natural, it was easy, you know, you're an easy person to love."
After taping the last box shut I kicked it away, hearing the cardboard scratch against the hardwood. I felt empty, like I had packed away the things that had made my life partially full. I'm leaving with almost everything I came with, I've recently bought some toiletries and organization baskets and hangers, just basic things I'm going to need for my dorm.
Mama Vi was able to pull some strings for me, helping me get a cheap car, it's decent, I'm just hoping it would be able to make the drive safely.
"What time are you planning on heading out?" Mama Vi came around the corner, a file under her arm.
"In a couple of minutes I just want to think for a bit, and I'm planning on staying the night at this motel, I want to get at least six hours hammered out." I put my hands into my back pockets and Mama Vi nodded taking the file that was under her arm, her face somber. "What's this?"
"Your birth records."
I opened up the file to see my two small footprints on a fancy looking piece of paper. My social security number. As well as my birth certificate, my eyes zeroed in on my parents' name neatly jotted down on the bottom, I ran my fingers over it, trying to see if I could feel the grooves of where the pen had made its mark.
It's strange, how when you discover things that people have left from their life time, how they're still here, my parents are gone, but they'll still be in all of the books they've read, places they've wandered, papers they've signed.
It's comforting.
"Thank you, I haven't seen this stuff since I was a kid." Mama Vi patted my back, bringing me into a hug, a goodbye.
"Things get worse before they get better." She began. "You've experienced the lowest of lows, now there's nowhere to go but up. You deserve the world."
I wanted to tell her about how I had doubted her words, I wanted to tell her that I couldn't see things getting better because I was so blindingly numb to the world around me. But at the same time I wanted to believe her.
"Thanks for everything." I hugged her a little tighter. Pulling back to get one last glance at her, she had tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. A pleasant picture.
"Call me when you stop at hotels and such, just so I know you're okay." I nodded in response and grabbed the last box that I had kicked across the room. Just I was about to leave I had stopped in the doorway. "Vi?" She turned to look at me and I looked at the ground almost ashamed for leaving this task for her. "Tell Ross I'm sorry." She nodded her head walking behind me to shut the door.
After packing the box away I was off, to a different page, different phase, a different life.
One without Ross.
••••
"Come on, pick up already." I held the phone tightly to my ear only to hear Caspian's voicemail again. I finally pulled up to the house, not even grabbing my things I head inside as quickly possible, and I barged into Mama VI's office only to find the couch empty, the blankets she used folded and put away beneath the couch.
"You're a day too late." I jumped at Vi's voice behind me.
"S-she left?" Just like that? Poof gone? I rubbed the back of my neck in stress planning to just shove past Vi to go to my car but she held my arm.
"Going after her isn't going to help this." She said sternly and I looked at her in disbelief.
"I can't be without her Vi, so don't stand in my way." I tried to move again and she blocked me and I stepped back my chest heaving.
"She told me to tell you she's sorry." And at this I couldn't help it, I was gasping for air as if the wind was knocked out of me. Vi grabbed for me before I could collapse to the floor and she held me as I broke down.
"Shh, I've got you hun, you're okay." She moved my hair out of my face and ignored my free flowing tears.
I felt like my brain was disconnected from my body, I felt like breaking everything in the room and I just wanted to hold Caspian. "How could she just leave?"
Just like you did? My subconscious retorts.
"I fucked up, I fucked up real bad." I wiped my nose with the back of my hand as Vi led me over to the couch.
"You did what you thought was right." Vi sighed. "And she did the same for herself." She held my face in her hands, making me look her in the eyes. "The time just isn't right, okay? You two need to focus on yourselves, figure out who you are before anything else." She patted my cheek. "Everything will work itself out, it's not the end of the world."
Sure does feel like it.
After calming down and sitting in silence I tell her I'm going to bed. And I did, I went to my bedroom to pack a bag, the new kid that was in there stirred awake, I haven't bothered to learn his name.
"The fuck?" He looked over at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Don't say shit, you got it?" The younger kid sighs sitting up.
"You going after that girl?" I nodded my head but he shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea man. Females ain't worth it these days, they just cause trouble."
"Well," I zipped up the duffle bag I had with the rest of my things, I still had some clothes in my car. And I reach towards the top of the closet to get a shoe box full of money. "This girl is worth it."
His eyes widened at the amount of cash I stuffed in my bag, it was just something that accumulated from my parents, birthday cards, sports, whatever the occasion was they didn't know me well enough to get me a personal gift, but money is always great I guess.
"Go back to sleep, the less you see the better." I grumbled, heading towards the window, it wasn't a big jump since we started stacking fire wood here.
"You know you won't be able to come back here right?" I nodded my head, leaving our conversation at that as I climbed out the window.
If you run away from a group home, that's it, no warnings, no second chance, boom you're in a foster home. But if I don't try, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.
And as I get in my car I dial a number that I haven't had the need to use in... well I never really used it.
"Hello?"
"Piper, it's me, Ross."
"You fucked up." Was all she said.
"You have no idea." I pulled out of the driveway. "You were right." I said quietly. "April didn't want either of us." This time saying the words actually hurt, because she went through the same heartbreak I did at her disappearance.
"You okay?"
Caspian's words rang through my head from what felt like a lifetime ago. I am most certainly not okay.
"I will be," I gripped the steering wheel as I got ready to merge onto the highway. "That is if you tell me where Caspian is."
"Ross I-"
"She tells you everything, don't you dare lie to me, just please do this one thing for me and I promise I will name our first born child after you." I joked and I could hear her laugh on the other end.
"She's going to hate me for this." I frowned. "But she'll forgive me anyways because she is the best person I have ever met." She spoke lower. "I can't believe you let her go."
"Well, I'm here correcting my mistake, now, I'll call you when I get there."
"Okay, drive safe."
"And Piper?" I heard shuffling on the other end.
"Let me sleep you jackass."
I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to say thanks." It was quiet on the other end before I heard a snicker.
"You're welcome Ross. Goodnight." Click.
I threw my phone down, turning the volume up. If everything goes to shit, at least I know I tried. And as I drove through most of the night I kept telling myself that it was worth it.
••••••••
I've been procrastinating hardcore bc I don't want this book to come to an end 😩
Q: do you think it's a good idea for Ross to go down there? I mean he's risking a lot...
Thank you guys so much for reading, please vote and comment. And if any of y'all ever want to talk or something I'm literally always online, so my social links are in my bio, it'd be cool to talk to you guys, or if you wanna just stalk me I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm cool with that too.
-Aliah