Flashback
"Keir, you have to tell him." Madison looked at me with pleading eyes. She was urging me to do the right thing but I just couldn't see telling him, he would only deny it.
This was all a big mistake. I should have known better then to be hooking up, but that was the thing; trouble follows me. It's never far behind, like it is my partner. I should have saw this one coming from a mile away but I always told myself it wouldn't happen to me. Those things didn't happen to me, they happened to others.
"Madison I can't." I stressed looking down at my swollen belly that had resulted from my poor life choices. I felt like a planet walking around with my 9 month pregnant stomach.
"He has the right to know Keira, it's his baby too." The baby would come any day now and that thought alone terrified me. My life was more like a mess rather then someone's life. Now looking down at my belly I realized that more then ever.
"I can't deal with all of this!" I was stressed out and afraid. I was deathly afraid of my parents, to the point I couldn't even talk about it.
"I'm sorry to break it to you honey, but the baby is on its way whether you like it or not. It's not just your life you have to worry about now." Madison said unfolding her arms as I looked up from my bulging stomach that was about ready to pop. "Yeah I'm sorry about the circumstances that this happened but at some point you need to pick yourself up and realize this is happening! There are real consequences to your actions and maybe you'll understand that now but, you need to deal with this because you are out of time."
Madison brought me to a revelation, snapping me into reality. I had been wallowing in self pity for months now and I needed to stop. I had to deal with what this was at hand. Rubbing the top of my belly I moved my hand down to where I felt a little kick against my stomach.
Sighing in deeply I looked back at Madison who still stood her ground. She was someone who told you the things you didn't want to hear, she told you straight up what you needed to hear but didn't want to.
"You're right." I nodded keeping my hand where my little baby kicked away at me. The baby did this whenever I was upset or unhappy it always seemed to do this.
I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, in all honestly I didn't want to know. At first I was unattached and planned on taking the easy way out. I was unfit to be a mother and didn't want to bring up a child in these circumstances. However I couldn't go through with aborting the life blooming inside of me, I could never forgive myself if I went through with that.
I kept the gender unknown because I wasn't yet sure if I was going to keep the baby or not. If I didn't, I would rather not know anything about him or her; I wanted it delivered and sent out of my sight. However, now I wasn't sure on my decision. I was still on the board of what I was going to do. I was lost with no one to turn to.
"I need to get my life in order, I'm a complete and utter mess...." I trailed grasping onto my stomach, feeling a sharp pain.
"Keira?" Madison came closer to me when I looked down to see a trickle of water flow down my leg on puddle onto the floor.
"Holy shit!" I slapped a hand over my mouth staring at the puddle that sat right below me. A surge of anxiety igniting inside me as I kept my eyes concentrated on it.
"It's time!" Madison said getting me to look at her after long stares at the ground. I wrapped my arms around my stomach hoping that, that would ease the sharp pains.
+
"I'm too tired! I can't push anymore!" I screamed from the pain that was more overwhelming then I thought. The doctors had told me it was too late for an epidural in my case and that I would have to go natural.
Madison and I had hit traffic on the way to the hospital which made things worse since we had timed out the contractions. It made me want to sob when they told me an epidural wouldn't make a difference.
"Come on... You can do it!" Madison took ahold of my hand, being my only support I had. If it weren't for Madison I don't know what I would do.
"It hurts so bad! Make it stop!" I screamed out feeling another pain surge through my body once again. Curling my toes I squeezed my eyes shut and tightly held to Madison's hand. Tears were pouring out my eyes as the doctors did what they could to calm me down. Which wasn't much since I was in shock and in large amounts of pain.
"Come on Valerie! The baby is crowning!" The doctor informed me while he looked at my progress. I felt like I had been pushing for a good 45 minutes and nothing was changing.
Seconds felt like hours as I gripped the sheets and balled my hands into fists. I screamed out again when I felt the same surge of pain spread throughout my body. I felt like I was being ripped apart.
"It's a boy!" The male doctor said as I let out a heavy breath. Sweat and tears pouring from every duct in my body I felt overwhelmed shortly after the birth. A loud cry coming from the baby's lungs as the middle aged doctor with a medical mask around his mouth said over the loud crying.
I watched as they cleaned off the baby as he screamed loudly, not calming down at all. I watched with shock as the little life I had just given birth to searched for a familiar voice.
"Keira! He's so beautiful!" Madison commented next to me as I took ahold of her hand once again. The doctors cleaning me up as a the nurses tended to my baby. It was weird to say, that he was my baby.
When the nurses approached me with him I saw that they had banded him and laid a blue hat over top of his head. His face was red from the crying as I looked into the nurses arms at the tiny little body. He was smaller then I had imagined him to be, from the size my stomach had grown I would have thought he would be bigger.
"Would you like to hold him?" The nurse asked with her medical mask still covering her mouth. They had wrapped him up in baby blue blanket that was tightly swaddled to his body.
"I ummm..." Fear clouded me as my eyes widened at the tiny screaming body. I didn't know what to say or do, I was afraid of this small body.
"Yes she does." Madison answered for me while the nurse carefully laid the little boy in my arms. I was frozen with fear as I looked into his little face, even without looking at his eyes he looked exactly like Harry. It was as if he was an exact replica of Harry himself.
"It's okay... Shhhh..." I cooed to him shakily calming him down from the sound of my voice. A sound that was familiar to him most likely from all the months I had been carrying him.
Reality hit me hard as I was sat up in this hospital room bed. Everything was coming into perspective now but that didn't change the fact that there was still so many issues in my life. Not only have I been hiding away from my parents but I had been bouncing from Madison's house to Devin's. Devin was a kid I met and had developed feelings for but our relationship was a shit storm. We were always arguing with each other and never really saw eye to eye on things.
I knew he wasn't good for me but I didn't have the courage to leave. He would often tell me what I wanted to hear and every time it worked. I had lost all the control I had over my life over this one thing, trouble. It never escaped me. Always lurking around the corner or creeping up behind me.
"So what are you going to do?" Madison asked keeping her eyes on the little bundle of blue blankets that the baby nuzzled himself into.
"I'm going to try." I nodded seeing the baby's tiny beautiful features, his eyes still closed as he eased into a sleep. I owed him that much, I brought a beautiful soul into this world and it was my responsibility to care for him.
He was so tiny and more then normal I would say. It was most likely from my lack of eating, I didn't eat as much as I was supposed to and often skipped meals. I wasn't ever really hungry and would forget to eat but I guess this little guy paid the price of my choices.
"I think that's a good idea." Madison said touching the top of the little boys hat covered head.
I had so much to worry about but for right now, all I could do was enjoy my son that was in my arms now.
note// I thought it would be cool to get a perspective on what happened in the past with Keira.
QOTD: What are your thoughts on Keira?!