AVA
I watch Thalia walk out, forcing myself to not scream for her to stop and to not jump up and tell her how I feel and how it's torturing me. Instead I let her go.
When she asked me why I wanted to know why she kissed me, I wanted to reply with 'because I want to know how you feel.. I want to know that it wasn't just a dare, or in the moment thing.' And, when she asked me why I kissed her back I wanted to say 'because you stopped my thinking process.. Because despite everything warning me that this, us, is a bad idea, I can't help but be attracted to you, in every way possible.' But I knew if I said those words to her there would be no going back. Her compliments weren't just words to me, I get compliments similar to those often. From her, those words sent shivers through my body and made my heart race and the blood flow to my face.
I sigh, and close my eyes. What the hell am I to do? I think, It's illegal, true, and I can get in so much trouble, but hasn't literally every movie and every romance novel taught me that it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, where you are, what people tell you and what the circumstance is, if you want someone (more if you love someone but I can't use those word with Thalia, not yet anyways) then you shouldn't let anything stop you from having them (in a non creepy way).
I groan out loud in frustration, and snatch up my phone and call Emma. Just as I stand to start pacing the room, she answers.
"Hey pumpkin, what's up?" She says chirpily.
"I don't know what to do Em!! I've tried to ignore her but I really can't, I spoke to her and apologized for kissing her back, and guess what?! I've come to the realization that I'm NOT sorry for kissing her back. I haven't felt so free and so happy in so long, and she makes me feel that way!! When the I'm with her everything fades into something that doesn't matter. I really like this girl Em, I know it's illegal but I really fucking like her," I say all in a rush, and hearing it out loud makes me realize how true it is. The other side of the call is silent.
"Em? Are you still there?" I ask, after a long silence.
"Yes I am, I'm just thinking," she says, and after a short pause she continues "I'm just so confused, you don't ever and haven't ever gone for someone younger, and this girl in like 9 years younger then you. I just don't want to see my best friend behind bars, is this teenager worth that?"
"She causes me to not think straight, I want to break the rules for her," I say.
"She's just gone break your heart, she's nothing but trouble." Emma says and I start to get annoyed with her negativity.
"You don't even know her Em," I say, some what defensive.
"What do you want me to say Ava? That you should go for it?" She exclaims. I stay silent, unable to answer. What did I want her to say?
"Think back to when you were a teen, when we were her age all we could think and talk about was boys and girls and drama and school! We weren't mature enough for a proper adult relationships! What makes you think she is? And you hardly know her Ava." She sort of snaps, and I can here all the reason in her voice.
"You're right.." I say quietly, knowing that being stubborn and arguing with her will get me no where. After all she is, as always, completely correct.
"I'm sorry Av, I don't want to be right," she says earnestly.
"What do I do?" I say.
"My advice is let me and Kayla hook you up, and take you out to get drunk. And then treat Thalia like any other student, nothing special." She says.
"Yeah.. That might be tricky.. You see after I apologized she apologized to, but then just as things started being normally between us she started asking questions and confronting me on why I kissed her back and I ended up upsetting her more and now she's angry.." I say, wincing at the situation.
"Not to be a bitch but this is my case in point. If she were mature she would've dropped the situation once you guys sorted things out." She says, and I feel a ball of annoyance at my friend started to fire up.
"You're not being considerate at all Emma, what if you were her and you had a crush on a hot young PE teacher and kissed him and he kissed you back and then told you that you were a mistake and refused to admit to why he kissed you back? How would you feel? You would be pretty upset and angry and hurt too," I snap.
"Yes but I wouldn't kiss my teacher would I?" She defends back.
"I said IF, it's a hypothetical situation!" There's silence between us.
"Listen you're stressed and confused, how about you go home and take a bath.. relax a bit." She says after a pause.
"Okay." I say, knowing that if I do as she says now we'll avoid a fight.
The rest of that week Thalia continues to sit in the back of my class, ignoring me and avoiding me. Even on Tuesdays at debating, she mostly just pays attention to Cameron and insulting Isabelle at every available chance.
I can't help but stare at her, the way every now and then a lock of her dark hair falls across her face when she's bent over writing, or how she bites the corner of her lip when she's thinking hard. I find myself getting lost in day dreams about how her finger tips would feel against my skin. It doesn't help either that Thalia has been looking a little sexier then usual.. I've noticed she's wearing sexier and tighter clothes and sexier and darker make up.
That weekend Kayla and Emma drag me out to a club, and somehow manage to get my downing drinks and dancing with them like I'm 21 again. Soon I'm more then tipsy and grinding up against a very attractive guy with beautiful tanned skin and a ripped figure and blonde dark hair and blue eyes. Instinct tells me to slip my hands around his neck and in response his hands slip down my sides. One thing leads to another and we're kissing.. and the only thing that I can think about is how rough his lips are.. and how his lips aren't hers.. aren't Thalia's..
But I remember the pep talk I got from Emma and Kayla, how i need to move on from this crush. That it's going to be hard but I must push through it and move on. So, next thing I know is that we're at his fancy apartment (we got around to some talking, he's 29, a lawyer and his name is Dylan) and I'm wrapping my legs around his naked waist as he grabs my breasts roughly and pounds into me.
Once we're done I leave, explaining that I have somewhere to be tomorrow, and I call Kayla and Emma to pick me up. Even at 3 in the morning they're eager to know all the details and I force a smile but even they see through it. But I tell them everything and lie and say I'm okay.
I shower as soon as they drop me off at my apartment (I insisted that I needed to be alone). I haven't ever been the type of girl to sleep with a stranger she just met, in fact I can't remember the last time I slept with a guy... I have of course slept and dated guys before, but usually I find myself going for the ladies..
Sunday I called Kayla over and she knew immediately what was wrong.
She engulfed me in a hug as soon as I opened my front door and she saw my tearing up eyes.
"I really like her Kay," I say as she sits next to me on my couch.
"Baby I know.." she says softly rubbing my back.
"Emma makes sense.. I know I have to do what she tells me too because she's being the most responsible.. but I can't seem to do it. All I could think about when I slept with that guy is how Thalia's lips feel.."I say.
"Look, I've always been a strong believe in love. I think that any rules and laws preventing love between people are stupid laws made to break. Love is the most powerful feeling in the world, better then any drug, and without love life is nothing but bland." Kayla says to me.
"So.. do I go for her?" I say, listening to Kaylas words made me think.
"I think you do what you think is right, not what others say is right," she says touching my cheek. I smile and lean my head on my shoulder.
"Thank you Kay," I say.
"And I'll support whatever you decide to do Av, and I'm sure Emma will to even if she disagrees with it." She says hugging me briefly.
Monday comes and I have decided. As reckless and as crazy as it seems, I'm going to chance with Thalia. I may not be in love with her, but I know I have feelings for her, and something tells me she's worth risking for.
I feel the excitement when it's time for my class with her, but to my dismay she doesn't show, and when I call out her name for register Cade tells me she's moved from my class to the other chemistry class. My heart drops. Did she really switch from my class..
For the rest of the day I can't stop thinking about why Thalia switched out of my class. Did I hurt her? Could she not stand me any more?
However I knew that even though she won't be in my chemistry classes any more I will get to see her tomorrow at debating.. maybe ask to talk to her then. But then again I haven't even figured out what to say..
I shake my head to myself as I drive home on Monday afternoon, muttering "Thalia what have you done to me..", because honestly I can't remember the last time I felt this flipped.
On Tuesday it took me the entire hour of debating to finally corner Thalia towards the end.
"What do you want?" She sighs frustratingly.
"Please can we talk?" I try not to beg.
"About?" She says finally looking at me. I try not to stumble over my words as her grey eyes captivate me.
"Why you dropped all my classes and switched to another teacher?" I state the obvious question.
"Because that's what you wanted right? You don't want anything to do with me, I'm just that student that you mistakingly kissed back and now you want me to get out of your life? Well, I'm making things easy for you. Now you won't have to see me every day and I won't have to see you, making it easier for me to get over you too." She says simply, as if her decisions are obvious. She moves past me before I can speak, leaving me processing her words.
For the rest of the week I only saw her twice, once outside sitting with a pretty red haired girl with tattoos and piercing and the other time walking down the hall way with Cade and Trystan.
Both times our eyes met briefly before she pulled her gaze away, and both times she left me breathless. How can a seventeen year old do this to me?
That Friday I slump down at my computer at home feeling useless.. there's no way I can talk to Thalia and try fix things, she probably thinks she's doing what's best. That's when I see the email, reminding me that next weekend there's the A level champ me and the two other teachers and going on.. and I smile because Thalia is going to be on that camp.