A week goes by and Jax hasn’t made any big moves on me. We still casually hold hands and exchange a few kisses now and then, but he hasn’t asked me out yet, which disappoints me. I thought that we would already be official, but I guess he has other plans. In times like these, I find myself seeking the guidance from my mother’s journal.
March 1,1994
I have a feeling that you will bloom into a beautiful young woman, and when you do you will have every boy chasing after you. But you have to remember that you have to choose the best one. There will be the crappy guys that well….treat you like trash, but there is always that one. The one that you overlook. That is the one that is going to love you forever.
Love, mommy.
I smile at it, because I don’t have a lot of suitors, but the one I do have is the best looking one that everybody wants. My mom’s words always meant something to me, even if they had nothing to do with what was going on in my life. Her words were cherished.
It is Monday again...my favorite day of the week (hint the sarcasm). I get dressed, deciding to wear a simple black v neck and ripped black jeans. My usual look for what is probably going to be a regular day. I head downstairs to see John reading the paper. I don’t see him a lot around the house, because he is always at the office, but when I do he always has the same look in his eyes. Like he knows something about me but I can’t put my finger on it, but when I look up sometimes I can see that he is staring at me...hard. I just brush it off, like it is nothing, but sometimes it’s hard to ignore.
I just say hi, and leave as soon as I can. I just feel uncomfortable around him. I would rather be accompanied by Jax, and just my luck, Jax walks in playing with his car keys. I give him a sweet smile, and he returns with a wink.
“So are you ready to go?” I as him, hoping he will say yes.
“Yeah,” he says walking out the kitchen,” Oh and Jade is not riding today, just you and me.” He says with a smirk as I quickly catch up to him. He opens the door for me and I hop into the car. The car ride is silent, but not an uncomfortable one. We exchange a few glances and smiles, but other than that we say nothing.
We arrive at the school, we walk together, but we never hold hands. I just didn’t want the attention or another run in with Lily. I realized that trying to get revenge on her would make me as low as she is, so I just gave up on her. Even though we don’t hold hands we still walk together and the whispers instantly start. It got on my nerves so bad. Why did everybody feel the need to talk about us, nobody knew my name last year, so I just don’t get why everybody itches to know it now.
I walk in and give Jax a quick hug and head to my locker. But right when I turn around I hit a hard chest. I look up to Ryan Mitchell, the captain of the swim team. He has grown a lot since I have seen him last. He left for two years because his parents had a job transfer, but I guess he returned with muscles and a few extra inches.
“Are you okay?” he ask me with a deep voice.
“Oh yeah, I am fine.” I answer him, trying to get to my locker.
“Um, your name is Liz, right?” he ask me.
“Yeah, I gotta go so…” I say ending the conversation quickly.
“Yeah, see you around. “ he says with a smile and lets me pass.
I hurry to my locker and rush to class. Throughout class I stay quiet and just write notes, thinking about Jax, likes always, and how our so called “relationship” will go. It is just so new to me, sometimes I want us to not rush anything, and then at times all I want is to be with him, officially. I get so bi-polar when it comes to him.
Lunch comes around finally and I decide to go sit somewhere else new today. I am tired of always sitting by the garbage cans, tired of that horrible smell. I grab my lunch and look for Jax, but he is nowhere to be found, so I just head outside and sit at a table in the shade. The sun is shining and the weather is just great. There is a perfect breeze, and the birds fly and sing their songs. It is just so much more peaceful outside than being inside hearing the loud voices of annoying teenagers. I quietly eat my lunch and sit in peace, until I am interrupted.
“Hey, Jax.” I say, not looking up from my sandwich.
“Um, it is Ryan.” A deep voice says.
I look up to see Ryan, his hair is wet, probably from a swim practice earlier on.
“Hi.” he says again.
I don’t want to say hi again, so we just kind of have an awkward silence.
“So...how is swim team going? You’re the captain right?” I ask him, trying to make conversation so it wasn’t so awkward.
“Yeah, it is pretty good, we have some really good people on the team this year. Are you in anything?” He asked me.
“No, I would rather be at home sleeping.” I smile, trying to crack a joke, and he lets out a subtle chuckle.
“Wow, that’s funny, you might have future as a comedian Liz.” he sarcastically answers me.
“You think?” I ask.
“Yeah, honest.”
“Pinkie swear?” I ask holding out my pinkie. He takes my hand and wraps his bigger pinkie around mine. We hold on a little bit longer than we were supposed to, but when we do let go, both of our cheeks are tinged with a little red.
“So, I am having a party on Friday night, you should come.” he tells me.
“I’ll think about it.” I reply.
Then he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and heads into the cafeteria, as he leaves Jax walks over to me.
“Who was that?” He ask me with a little jealousy evident in his voice.
“A friend.” I honestly tell him.
“Name please?” Jax says still annoyed.
“Ryan, and you don’t need to worry about anything.” I assure him, by grabbing his hand.
“Oh and can you drop me off at a party on Friday?” I ask him.
“Yeah sure, can I come along?” he ask me.
“Yeah.” I say and kiss him on the cheek.
Lunch ends and Jax and I head our separate ways. I watch him leave, his tall silhouette and strong frame makes him look bigger than everybody else. I smile, in my head, he is mine, and I am just lucky to have him. Nothing or no one can mess us up.
Friday comes along and Jax still hasn’t made any advances toward me, and I have to say that I’m getting a little impatient. As a woman, I will not chase after him. A man should always pursue the girl he wants, well that is what my mother said in one of her entries.
I haven’t read from her journal in a little while, but I just find myself busy. It is not like I’m busy doing things but just thinking about things. In case you did not know, thinking is very time consuming, but when we get home that Friday the only thing I think about is what I am going to wear to this party. I didn’t want to wear anything skimpy or sluttish, but I also didn’t want to look like a nun.
After ripping all the clothes out of my closet and drawers, I end up picking a LBD (little black dress) that has lace detailing all over it. I matched it with red pumps and did a simple smokey eye. I walk downstairs to meet Jax. He looked very hot. He had on a plain white v-neck and dark denim jeans and a pair of converse. He looked like he could come out of a clothing catalog with his hair styled in a quiff and jean jacket. As I open my mouth to say something, he interrupts me and says, “ Wow, you look… amazing.” He says looking my body down.
I blush, “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I say he takes my hand and takes me to the door, but Mary comes running over and holds out a phone.
“Before you leave, I wanted you to have this. I realized you don’t have a phone. So just in case you need us, just give us a call. All our numbers are in the phone already.”
I take it and thank her for the amazing gift and giver her a quick hug.
“You guys have fun, but not too much.” She laughs as she watches us leave out the front door.
“Ready to party?” Jax ask me, I just shrug my shoulders, it has been awhile since I have been at a party. I never really desired to be around horny drunk teenagers, but I wanted to have fun tonight.
We arrive to big house, cars line up the street and I could hear the music all the way down the street. It seems as if the whole school is invited. I slowly get out the car, and walk up the steps to the house with Jax by my side. We walk in and the smell of puke and beer is overwhelming, but I calm my stomach and walk further into the jungle of drunk teenagers. People make out in corners, and hmp each other on the dance floor, this complete madness. Know I know why I didn’t really like to go to parties.
“Do you want anything to drink?’ Jax asks me interrupting my thoughts. I nod my head and he walks out of my sight to get the drink.
I just stand there awkwardly waiting for Jax to show up, I find a little corner on the wall and stand against it, watching everybody. Everybody seems so wasted. I see people that can barely walk and people just not caring and passing out on the floor. I laugh at few of the dramatic drunks always trying to make a scene.
“Hey, look who came!’ Ryan says happily, I could tell that he is sober though. His words aren’t slurred and his eyes aren’t bloodshot which kind of makes me feel a little bit at ease.
“Yeah I am here, nice party. Lots of...people.” I say trying to make small talk.
“Yeah, I didn’t think that there would be all these people.” He shrugs, “Why isn’t there a drink in your hand?” he ask me.
“Oh, one of my friends is getting me one, he should be back in a couple of minutes.” I tell Ryan.
“Oh cool, well I guess I’ll just wait here until your friend comes back.” He says making himself comfortable against the wall.
I see Jax walking towards me with two red solo cups in his hand. He walks carefully not trying to spill anything on anybody. As he approaches me, Lily pops up out of nowhere and starts talking to him, she takes one of the beers and starts talking animatedly. I shake my head at how much attention she wants and needs from Jax that she is never going to get. My eyes connect with Jax and he mouths sorry. I just wave it off and shrug. I see that she isn’t going to let him just leave. I would hate to be him right now, so I don’t make a big deal out of it.
“I think you may have to get that drink for me.” I say looking up at Ryan’s tall frame.
He nods with a smile, and head to the big beer keg on a table. He returns with two cups. We sip our drinks and start some small talk.
“So this is a big house.” I say imagining the house with all these people in it.
“I guess so, do want a tour?” he ask me.
I nod and he tries to show me downstairs but it is just so crowded, I only see bits of the kitchen and living room.We head upstairs and he shows me a few bedrooms, almost every single one is occupied by sweaty teenagers having quickies.
His room is the last bedroom and he takes out a key to unlock his door. I I were him I would have done the same thing, I don’t want people doing unmentionable things in my bed. He closes the door behind him as I walk in. I start getting a headache, probably from the loud music playing downstairs, I rub my temples, trying to make the pain go away.
“You okay?” he ask me.
I shake my head, and he motions for me to sit on the bed. He sits behind me and starts massaging my shoulders. It takes the attention away from my headache and I close my eyes. Out of nowhere I feel his lips on my neck. I tell him to stop.
But he doesn’t.
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Love, Reagan and Meagan <3