New Beginnings {Completed}

Chapter 43

Christmas passes before I know it, making my birthday party closer than I want it to be. I'm  more nervous than excited, but I have a good reason. I haven't stopped this secret relationship thing with Jax, which is a problem because Alex and I are still dating. In other words, I am fully cheating on my amazing boyfriend. Since all of this is happening I have nothing else to do but hate myself, but I can't help myself when I'm around Jax. He has a hold on me and has trapped me again. So when I found out that Mary had invited both the boys to the party, I nearly had a panic attack.

I don't know why I was so shocked when she told me. Jax lives in the same house as me, and Alex is my boyfriend. I should have saw it coming, but I was blindsided instead. I've thought about how I should handle the situation over and over again, but nothing seems like it will work out. I guess things will just play out, and I hate that.

I tell myself everyday to calm down, but nothing ever works. The only person that makes me feel better is Jax. So I find myself in his arms a lot more lately. Now for example. Once again he has me wrapped up in the comfort of his arms.

"Jax, are you coming to my party?" I ask him.

"I guess so, why?" he tells me.

"Well I didn't know if I should tell you, but Alex is going to be there." I tell him.

"Oh, well that's not going to stop me from coming." he shrugs, pulling me closer to him.

"Promise me nothing will happen."

"You know I can't promise you that, but I'll try." he kisses my forehead.

"Thank you." I smile up at him.

"Liz, do you still love me?" he asks me out of nowhere. He has asked me this many times, and each time the answer is the same.

"I can't answer that right now. You know I can't. I am cheating on my boyfriend for god's sake." I say, slightly pulling away from him.

"Ok, I understand. I just wanted to know." he tells me, with his head down. I've hurt him...again.

"Okay, I think I'm going to go... somewhere. I'll se you later." I say, walking out of his room.

That went great. I go downstairs and grab Mary's keys of the counter after writing a small note, telling her I'm taking her car. This has become a routine for me and her. Me always borrowing her car, and surprisingly she doesn't have a problem with it. As long as I tell her I'm taking it out there is no problem.

Once I'm inside of her huge SUV, I send Alex a quick text telling him to meet me at the neighborhood park. I don't know why I chose the park or why I chose to tell Alex to come, but I did. I drive the short 5 minute drive to the park, and wait for Alex's Camaro to pull up.

Within minutes I see him pull up in the parking spot beside me. We both step out at the same time. A small smile covers his face, it's always there when he sees me. Once he is close enough to me, he pulls me into a hug and kisses me. I try my best at trying to get over the guiltiness I feel right now, but I can't. What I'm doing is wrong, but I don't have enough courage to tell him that.

He pulls away from the kiss, a confused look on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asks me.

 "Nothing, just a lot on my mind. You know with the party and all." I lie. It's much more than that. It's always more with me.

"Okay. So are you excited? You're turning 18." he smiles at me.

"Yeah I guess so. Not that big of a deal." I shrug.

"Are you kidding me? This has to be your best party ever." he says, grabbing my hand.

"I think Mary is trying  her best to make it great." I laugh, thinking about all the planning Mary has been doing.