I honestly thought that I would be able to call July 19th, 2000, the day I married one of my best friends.
I thought that we'd get married, buy a house, have a few kids and grow old together.
The Weasley's had been planning this thing for months. It'd been more than a year since Ron proposed. Evidently, I said yes. I loved Ron, I still do. However, what happened between us that day was less than ideal.
Harry and Ginny had recovered quickly from the war, compared to some of us...
They had each other to lean on and they weren't afraid to discuss what happened, the horrors they'd witnessed.
Every single time I mentioned it to Ron, he'd turn all gloomy, tell me to never speak of the war again, mutter something about his brother's death and ignore me for several hours. After, he'd climb into bed with me, apologise for his behaviour and stay with me the night.
To be honest, it wasn't what I wanted.
It was always the same thing. I wanted adventure, to go back to Hogwarts and the good old days of rule-breaking and sneaking around with the boys.
We didn't have much of that these days.
I wanted life as it was before the Battle of Hogwarts.
I missed it.
I also missed the people that were in it before the Second Wizarding War unjustly claimed their lives.
I ached for the intelligent conversations I once had with Remus and the smiles I'd see on everyone's faces at Christmas. Watching Tonks make Ginny laugh and the Twins pulling practical jokes on everyone with their newest merchandise.
Those were the days.
Unfortunately, it would never be like that again.
We would never again have the innocence that was taken from us when we got involved in the war. Never again would we attend Hogwarts and escape the outside world. We were adults now.
Harry often reminded me of that. He'd been training to become an Auror with Ron. I was proud of them.
I hadn't done anything, yet.
I wanted to return to Hogwarts and maybe one day become a professor under McGonagall's guidance, but no one would allow me. They said I wasn't ready, and perhaps they were right.
I still had terrible, terrible nightmares of what happened that dreadful May 2nd.
The Weasley's used to run into my room to check on me when they were especially awful and I would wake the household with my loud sobs and heart-breaking cries. Or so they said.
Nowadays, Ron would wrap his arms around me and press my head to his chest. I would fall asleep again to the lull of his steady heartbeat.
Perhaps that was the reason I decided to marry him.
He obviously loved me.
I often sat by the window sill wrapped in a blanket, watching the days go by. Mrs Weasley feared I was depressed. I heard her whisper to her husband and daughter about the way I walked around, seeming lifeless. Of how little I ate. The way I screamed when the nightmares would wake me. OF how I sat around all day doing nothing.
I appreciated her concern, but most days, I wanted to be on my own and sort through my thoughts.
There was only one person I could think of who's company I'd actually enjoy, despite the animosity, there had been between us. He would have understood. I craved his presence with a passion. But, like so many of the others, he had been killed in the war. I watched him die in Harry's arms.
I remember crawling over to his lifeless form after Harry had left the Shrieking Shack. I can recall seeing his dark obsidian eyes and the last of the light fading from them. Puncture marks in his neck were still heavily bleeding and that was when I realised I could still do something in an attempt to save him.
I had cast a few spells I'd learnt from Madam Pomfrey and cleaned the wound with some Dittany. I had an anti-poison in my bag that I'd completely forgotten about until that point.
Hurriedly, I uncorked the phial and poured some between his pale lips, knowing that I was probably too late and my effort was for naught.
I don't remember much after that.
Someone had come to get me. Wrapped their arms around me and carried me away as I cried. Everything is blurry after that. The only thing I remember is being held as I cried for my teacher's death.
I had hated him, there was no doubt. However, there was a part of me who believed that the damaged, dark and cruel man had some good in him. He had watched over the three of us for years. Always helping Harry, even though he had always been hateful towards him.
Harry told us everything he saw in the Pensieve a few days after.
I couldn't believe it.
I was thinking about it as I made my way down the aisle in the backyard of the Burrow.
More specifically, I was thinking about him the sullen and snarky Potions' Master we'd known as children and the man we discovered him to be years later.
I tried to change my thoughts and focus on what was happening in front of me.
For the love of sugar spun quills, I was getting married!
Weddings.
They reminded me of Bill and Fleur's wedding.
Seeing everyone so happy.
I didn't know back then that it would have been the last time I saw any of them that way.
But it was, and that was then. This was now.
And I was walking down the aisle towards the boy I'd loved for many years.
I saw his eager face and my eyes made contact with his blue ones. The classic Weasley eyes.
That's when I stopped walking.
I suddenly felt like my ears had popped after being on an aeroplane.
I heard everyone around me.
"Why isn't she smiling? It's her big day?"
"What is she doing, why did she stop walking?"
"About time that they get married, the boy's been chasing after her for years."
"I always thought she had her eyes on the Potter boy."
"Isn't she the one who attempted to save Snape?"
"Is that the Muggleborn girl who was smartest in her grade?"
"I heard she used Polyjuice to become Bellatrix Lestrange on their quest to destroy You-Know-Who."
Molly and Arthur stood and Ron leaned in my direction. Harry made his way through the chairs toward me and Ginny followed closely behind him.
I turned and made my way back towards the Burrow, dropping my bouquet. I felt hot tears on my face and furiously wiped them away as I started running back to the house.
My shoes fell off and I welcomed the soft, dewy grass beneath my aching feet.
I couldn't marry Ron.
If I did, my life would be over.
I wasn't ready to be a housewife.
I never would be.
When I entered the large, old house, I immediately ripped the veil from off my head, which slightly mussed my neatly pinned up hair that Molly had worked so hard on and wiped my hand across my eyes, drying them.
Though, I'm nearly certain that I made more of a mess than anything else.
I fell into the couch in the living room and closed my eyes. It wasn't long before I felt a cool hand on my own.
"Hermione," I heard Ginny's familiar voice. "What's going on? Everyone is worried sick."
Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and saw her sitting next to me, rubbing soothing circles into my hands.
I shrugged, refusing to make eye contact. "Not sure. I guess I just got cold feet."
She nodded slowly. "Is there anything you want to tell me? Harry's outside trying to calm Ron, so we've got time to discuss it."
The youngest Weasley smiled softly, trying to get a similar reaction from me.
When I didn't respond, she sighed, concern clouding her eyes.
"What's going on, 'Mione?" She asked again.
I shrugged a second time. "I'm not ready for that life. Staying home and taking care of his children while he gets to go out into the world. That's not what I want. I want adventure. I want Hogwarts."
It seemed she was struggling with something internally and decided to tell me because her next words were completely unexpected.
"There's an opening for an apprenticeship at Hogwarts. Harry didn't want me to tell you, but I couldn't help but notice it in the newspaper the other day." Ginny said.
My eyebrows creased. "Wait, Gin, slow down. What are you talking about?"
She stood and walked to the kitchen, returning moments later with a copy of the Daily Prophet from two days prior.
"Look here, there's an opening under the supervision and mentoring of one of the older professors."
I took the paper from her and re-read the article. It only said to contact the Headmistress if anyone was interested.
"It doesn't say what field it's in." I said, clearly stating the obvious.
My redheaded friend bit her lip nervously, before speaking again. "I sent an owl to McGonagall asking what the details were and I just got her answer this morning."
She merely handed me the letter and I began to read.
Miss Weasley,
I have received your letter concerning the apprenticeship now available at Hogwarts. Due to current circumstance, we are requesting an apprentice to study as a Potions professor. They would be trained by one of the few Potions' Masters left in our world. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.
With all due respect,
Minerva McGonagall
Headmistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
My mind was buzzing.
One of the few Potions' Masters left in our world? There were only four, to begin with, and three had died in the Second war, unless...
No, it was impossible.
"Gin, you'd let me run off to Hogwarts even if it would make your brother upset?"
In response, she nodded and took the parchment from my hands.
"You're miserable here, Hermione. Everyone can see it. If Ron really does love you as much as he claims, he'll see reason. We simply cannot bear to see you like this anymore. I know Potions isn't really your thing and it would be hard considering... considering..." I could see she was trying to spare my feelings and not bring up the event.
I stood and hugged her tightly. "Thank you."
I felt her slender arms wrap around me and hold me to her. "Anything for you, 'Mione."
And so, I went upstairs to my room where I changed into more comfortable clothing and to pack a bag.
I hung my wedding dress up in the closet and without looking back, I closed the door and made my way back to the living room.
Before I could descend the stairs, I heard angry voices yelling back and forth.
"You told her!?! Even after I warned you not to, you told her anyway?" That was Ron.
A sniffle. "Ron, listen, she's upset and discouraged. Who knows how long she'll last before we lose the real Hermione. She'll be replaced by that zombie version we see every day. She needs this. She needs Hogwarts."
It took a moment before Harry intervened. "She's right, mate. Hermione needs to be alone for a bit. She needs to distract herself, study."
"No way! If we let her go back, she'll barricade herself in those dungeons. She'll become the dungeon bat! I can't let that happen." Ron cried, trying desperately to get them to side with him.
I stayed hidden, waiting for the argument to die down.
"Ron, listen." Harry sighed. "Snape was only that way because the person he loved died. He blamed himself for it. That won't happen to her."
A humourless laugh from my fiance attracted my attention. "Exactly, mate." He said. "You don't hear her talking in her sleep. You don't know her like I do."
"What do you mean?" Said Ginny, voicing my own inquiry.
He sighed and looked away. "She has the same nightmare over and over. She blames herself for not being able to save Snape. Don't you see? I'd rather her be miserable here, where she is surrounded by people who love and support her than have her in the dungeons where she'll constantly be reminded of how he died, even after all she tried to do. You didn't see her cry after that, Harry. When you went to look at his memories, I had to drag Hermione away from his body. I had to carry her back to the castle while she sobbed and struggled against me. It hurt to see her so distraught over him."
Harry's voice was sad when he spoke again. "I had no idea."
"I know. That's because we don't talk about it. She isn't ready for this yet. She doesn't know it, but going back to the castle will ruin her. I can't let that happen to my 'Mione." The tone of his voice struck a chord in my heart. I had no idea he felt that way.
I made my way down the stairs and stood before the three of them.
"Ron, I appreciate your concern, but this isn't a decision you can make for me." I heard my voice waver and mentally cursed myself. Now was not a time to be emotional. I had to prove to him that I was making the right choice.
He took my hand in both of his and looked deep into my eyes. I saw fear in his. He wasn't afraid for himself. He was afraid for me. Afraid of what would become of me if I really did go to Hogwarts.
"I need this. Maybe some time apart will both do us some good. We've been together since you came back with Dumbledore's diluminator. I need to be alone and sort things out. I need Hogwarts."
I could see he wasn't going to let me go easily, but I wouldn't let him keep me cooped up in this house, or in another. I needed a good distraction and this could be it.
"But, Hermio-"
I cut him off. "It isn't up for discussion. I'm going to Hogwarts."
"Don't forget to say hi to McGonagall for me." He pressed a kiss to my cheek and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. "Write to me, my love."
With that, I set off for Hogwarts.