"Honey... come out. Please." My mother pleaded
It's been 2 days since I found out that Cam got into an accident. And I honestly couldn't find it in myself to do anything.
*The day of the Accident*
I was home studying for my mid term final... when Noel came banging on the door. It scared me, of how hard and fast he was banging, so I jumped and swung it open.
"Get dressed! Now. Cameron's going to the hospital." He panted out of breath
My heart literally stopped and dropped. This can't be happening. He is everything. No please don't take him from me. I just couldn't help but stand there for a little bit before Noel turned me around and walked me to the room. I threw on Cam's sweatshirt, and my ugg boots. I turned everything off, grabbed my keys, and phone. Literally slamming the door and leaving.
"What happened?" I asked
"Accident. It wasn't his fault." He said softly
I put my head down and my heart just couldn't stop beating. All these horrible scenarios going off in my head. I started to fidget and bounce my leg. Noel noticed and grabbed my hand. I smiled as much as I could but it wasn't even a smile..
Finally after what felt like years, we got to the hospital. I threw the door open and ran inside. Not caring about the door, or other cars. I even left Noel behind. I just ran, almost dying in the process but I don't care.
"Where is he? Cameron Monaghan! Where's my baby?" I said frantically at the receptionist
"Are you family?"
"Just fucking tell me where he is! I swear if I don't get to see him, I'm gonna loose my shit." I shouted beginning to hyperventilate and panic. My eyes began to water and I couldn't breathe.
"Where the fuck is he?!" I shouted
"Hey, hey... it's okay. I got her. I know where he is." Noel said soothingly to me and the lady
I nodded and he held me while we went to his room. We got in the elevator and he clicked 8. 8th floor... that's intensive care. Oh God please no. I began to panic again. But finally the doors opened and we got out. We walked fast towards his room when I saw everyone. His mom, Emmy, Jeremy, everyone. They all looked up at us and Emmy moved her head to the side and began to walk over to me as she saw me crying. I ran and hugged her and just cried.
"How is he?" I asked between sobs
She didn't say anything. Just held me tighter.
"Mrs. Monaghan?" A male doctor spoke
Everyone got up and walked over to him. Waiting, listening to anything about him.
"How's my boy? How is he?" His mother asked
"Uh. I'm really sorry to say this but... Cameron isn't responding to us. His heart is still beating but he isn't gonna last very long." He said and put his head down
His mother began to cry and that's when I broke. I dropped and Emmy caught me and held me as I cried.
"I'm really sorry, we are trying everything." He apologized
"Can we see him?" Jeremy asked
"Uh, since there are so many of you... only 3 at a time. I'm sorry."
"Go ahead mom, he needs you." Emmy said
"Millie? Come with me?" Diane asked
I looked up at her and ran to her. She hugged me and smiled. Emmy came too. We followed the doctor to his room and I hesitated before going in. As soon as I looked inside, there he was. All bruised up, with scratches everywhere, and unconscious. I began to cry again. Diane walked over to him and held his hand. I noticed her tears rolling down her cheeks. I just stood by the door crying.
"Hi sweetie... it's mommy. I know you don't feel to good but I need you to come back to me baby. Mommy needs you. And I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you honey. I love you so much." She sobbed. She put her hand to her face and walked out of the room. I watched as she couldn't keep herself together anymore. Emmy walked over to him, and just kissed his forehead before walking out.
"I'm gonna go look for Diane. Do you want me to wait for you?" She asked sadly
"Can you get Noel for me? Please." I whispered
She nodded and gave me a hug, then left. I looked up at Cameron and sat down on the side of the bed. Being careful not to touch him. I couldn't keep my tears in, and I just sat there for a while.
"Cam... baby. It's Millie. Please don't leave me here all alone. I need you here with me, I have no one else. I have no family... you're my family. Just please come back to me. Don't leave me here.... please. Cameron baby I love you. Please don't make me say goodbye to you... You lied to me. you told me that you would be here with me forever. You die, I die. Remember? Please don't leave me, Cameron. I... can't be anyone without you... I'm no one... You made me feel good about myself. You made me better. That was all you... Cam please wake up. I love you." I sobbed
I couldn't keep it together, I lost it. I just sobbed and I couldn't do anything but cry. My heart was literally shattering as I looked at him. Why did it have to be him?
"Baby please! Don't do this to me..." I cried
I put my head down and Noel walked into the room. I looked up at him and just cried harder. I can't loose him. Not him. Noel just held e as I cried. Pretty soon Cam's heart monitors started to go crazy. I looked up at him and noticed that his heart was starting to stop.
"No! Please baby no! Don't leave me here!! Cameron please! Baby I love you so much!" I cried
I began to shake and I grabbed his face. I kissed him and his heart stopped. I moved back and just stood there looking at him as his heart flat lined. My heart literally shattered. I crumpled onto him and began to cry. I was shouting and crying.
"No no no no no no! Please! PLEASE! Why! Why did this happen?" I shouted as I cried
Noel was sitting in the chair crying. The doctors came rushing in and moved me off of him.
Noel held me as I tried to fight to hold him. They did that shock thing when they say "Clear!" but nothing... He was gone. And so was my world.
*Back to the beginning*
I just laid on our bed, crying. In his sweatshirt, and holding his pillow. It still smells like him. I couldn't let it go. I couldn't move, I couldn't eat. Nothing. He was gone...
"Honey... please let me in." My mother sighed
I hated doing this to her, but I didn't want anyone but him. He was all I ever wanted.
'Hey Mil... it's me, Noel. Can I come in?"
I didn't say anything but cried harder.
"I got fries..." He tried
But not even french fries can make me happy.
"Well I'm coming in anyway.. I hope you have clothes on."
And true to his word, he came in. I didn't look up at him, nothing. Just stared at the picture of Cameron on our first date, smiling like a goofball. Letting the tears roll down my cheeks.
"Hey kiddo. How you holdin' up?" He asked as he sat down next to me. I just pulled Cam's pillow even closer to me than it already was.
"You know you're gonna have to get up at some point right? He wouldn't want this."
"Millie, I know it hurts.. I'm hurting too." He sighed
I looked over at him and his eyes were red and puffy. He looked over at me and began to cry. I opened my arms to him and he laid down into my arms.
"It smells just like him." He cried
I nodded and began to cry again.
"Why did it have to be him? Why did he take him from me?" I sobbed
I don't know." He cried
So that's what we did... laid down holding Cameron's pillow as we cried. I fell asleep and when I woke up Noel was gone. But I didn't mind. I just unlocked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from everyone. Also that there was 5 new voice mails. I listened to them and the very last one was Cam.
"Hey baby. I know you're studying for your midterm but I just finished and I'm on my way home. Do you want me to pick up anything for you? I know how much you love fries *chuckle* maybe I'll get you some. Who are we kidding, I will get you some. *laughs* I love you Millie. I'll see you at home. Bye." It ended. I laughed at his message and began to cry again.
"Why did you do this to me? Was it because I loved him too much? Because I thought that, that was what you were supposed to do! Love someone unconditionally until you die together! But no!! You fucking took him from me and now my whole world is gone! What am I supposed to do?! Where do I go? Cameron was my life. Literally. Please bring him back to me! Please... Please don't let me die.... Because this is what I feel like! I feel like I'm dying. I can't breathe, I can't think! I can't do anything! I'm so lost... and I need my Cammie.... I need him to sing "Somewhere Only We Know" in the shower. I need him to scare me when I'm making pancakes!I need him here! With me... I need him here to tell me that he loves me...." I cry out.
"Millie?" Diane says from my door
I look up at her and just cry.
" I know how much it hurts... but you need to let go." She says
"No. He is the only one for me. He was the one I was gonna marry... He's gonna be the father to my children. But now I don't even wanna live without him." I sob
"You're having babies?? How? When? Now?!"
I nod. "I never got to tell him about the Twins." I cry
Diane sighs and hugs me. She digs in her bag and hands me Cam's phone. I looked up at her through tearful eyes.
"How'd you- where'd you get it?"
"The police gave it to me last night. They caught the driver that hit him."
"Who?"
"Someone named Jimmie Angelo. He was drunk and high. Said that he fell asleep a couple of times, and then when he really did pass out, slammed his foot on the accelerator and hit Cameron."
I closed my eyes and just sat there.
"Thank you, Millie."
"For what?" I ask looking at her
"For loving Cameron as much as you do. You don't know it, but no one has ever been as good to him as you have been. I knew from the minute he told me about your first date, that he loved you. He had that look in his eye. He couldn't stop smiling when he told me. He would dance around the house, and would just randomly say 'Wow! Me...' and smile. He wanted to marry you, and spend the rest of his life with you. I'm really sorry that it didn't get to happen... but at least you know how much he loved you." She smiled reassuringly.
I smiled at her, for the first time in 2 days. But of course i was crying.
That night after Diane left, I unlocked Cam's phone and looked through his photos. They were beautiful. He even had pictures of me while I was sleeping! That jerk! There were so many pictures of us together, and of the things he did. Some videos of us being weird, and singing in the car. When I came across a video...
"Okay, so I'm on set of Gotham right now and I met this girl. She wanted me to make a video of me telling Millie hi for her. Ha! She's the cutest thing. But anyway! Hi Millie! This is from.... what's your name again? I'm really sorry. You said Millie and I can't help but think about her. *Smiling* Lilly? Oh that's a pretty name. But anyway... Millie, Lilly says hi! Hey wait! That rhymes! Oh man, wait till Millie sees this, Lilly. Ha there it is again! That's a really nice name. Maybe we should name our daughter that if we have one." He smiles and ends the video
You couldn't help but laugh and smile at him.
"I love you baby. Lilly shall be her name. And Ian Jerome for her twin brother." I smile rubbing my belly.
*9 months later*
"Push! Come on! One more!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" I scream
"Come on Millie, you got this!" Emmy, Jeremy, Diane, and Noel shout
"What the fuck is this!? Shameless?! Arghhh!"
"Oh look! It's a baby boy!" The nurse smiles as she carries it away.
"Arghh!!!" I shout
"And here we go! Come on Millie! Push!"
I push with everything in me and scream.
"IT's a healthy baby girl!"
"Yaaay!" Everyone cheers as I sink back and breathe
I look up and see Ian and Lilly being placed in my arms. Ian has my hair and Cam's eyes, but with Cam's freckles. While Lilly has Cam's hair, my eyes, and my dimples. They are absolutely beautiful.
"I love you baby. They are beautiful." I hear in my head.
"Cam?"
"Take care of them."
I begin to cry and smile as I hear him in my head.
"What are their names?" Emmy asks smiling
"Lilly, and Ian Jerome." I smile
"Oh I remember Lilly! Ha! Cam couldn't stop talking about how this little girl named Lilly wanted to say hi to Millie and how it rhymed." Jeremy laughed
I laughed and couldn't be happier. I miss Cameron like crazy, more everyday than the last... but I have these 2 beautiful babies with me, and all these amazing people with me.
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Jeeeeeez... I was fucking SOBBING!!! as I was writing this. I don't know what made me think of writing this... but I did. I can't tell you how much of this would literally be me if he died. God bless him, and let him live for a long ass life! He deserves it I love Cam soooo much! He is my baby... But I hope you guys enjoyed. Bye!!!