ANU
Groaning, I roll over in bed covering my face with a pillow. The pounding in my skull causes the muscles in the back of my neck to painfully tighten. Retching, I slap my hands over my mouth as tumble from underneath the cover vomiting over the side of the bed. Clinging to the mattress, I heave on my own breath, gagging from the stench of vomit on the floor.
Laying on my back, I sink into the pile of pillows dazedly staring out the window to the view of Central Park. Slowly looking around the room at the dark-blue cotton-silk sheets wrinkled from sleep over the spacious California king mattress, the dark gray walls, raw sapphire molded in platinum forming the fireplace, the black leather sofas sitting by a corner of the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows surrounding the marble coffee table on a plush Persian rug.
This isn't my bedroom.
"Rise and shine, princess!" Sidharth bounds into his bedroom in a black t-shirt and loose shorts, holding a breakfast tray.
"How? When...Why? Am I here?"
"You called me last night from outside Tweys Lounge completely drunk. You ended up blacking out in my car, and my place was closer,"
"Well uh-thank you...and I just threw up on your floor, sorry,"
"I heard, and I can smell it," he chuckles sliding into bed next to me, placing the tray between us. The scent of the fragrant coffee billowing from the white mugs is a beacon of hope for my turbulent stomach.
"Did you change my clothes?" I ask finally registering wearing one of his t-shirts and just my panties.
"Yeah, you puked on yourself...and in my car...and on me,"
Groaning, I whimper into my hands "I'm so sorry. We spent the week on Laucala island in Fiji for Shreya's bachelorette party and every day was drinking and last night she had us meet a few people who couldn't make the trip and well you know how that ended,"
"Hey," curving his thumb under my chin he cups the side of my face with his warm palm "You can call me anytime it doesn't matter what. I'm glad I was the one there to pick you up,"
"Thank you," wrinkling my nose against his, I pinch his cheeks in my hands.
"Nik's bachelor party was fucking fantastic. We called in some strippers, did a few lines of coke, got magnificently shitfaced and woke up with a new girl in our beds the next morning," smirking behind his coffee mug, I can see his eyes playfully lighting up with the sharp sun striking through the windows.
"You wouldn't dare! First, my brother is not the type for a weekend spent like that, Aryan for sure but not Nikhil, and second, you know I would kill you if you did any such things,"
"We did get shitfaced though and Aryan brought some edibles that had us all fucked up for a couple hours,"
"I swear, he's the youngest one but he influences all of you to do the worst shit,"
"You're just jealous that he's more fun,"
"Am not! I just don't like doing illegal things,"
"Oh please, babe alcohol should be illegal not marijuana,"
"Touché,"
"Anyways pardon me while I hurl my guts out into your toilet," I lurch out of bed dashing to the bathroom.
"Great, get that out of the way," his voice echoes behind me as I kneel by the toilet emptying my stomach. The taste of bitter bile and stale alcohol burning my throat and mouth as I throw up in violent streams. I can feel Sid's large hand rubbing my back while the other holds up my hair.
I lean back against Sid's hard chest, sitting on his muscular thigh. Soothingly his fingers part through my hair as I catch my breath. "I hate to rush you like this, but we really should be getting ready for the puja,"
"Oh my God what time is it?!" scattering to my feet, I rush into the bedroom to the nightstand checking my phone and panic blazes through me in a hot sweat. I have tons of missed calls and text messages from everyone. "Fuck me!"
"I can be of assistance," he laughs opening the walk-in-closet and shuffling through the garment bags hanging in the front.
"Not funny! It starts in an hour and I look like road kill right now,"
"Would I ever let you down?" Slanting my head, I narrow my eyes at him, pursing my lips. "Don't answer that," grinning guiltily he lays a white silk garment bag on the bed and unzips it.
Inside the bag is my bright pink Banarasi sari printed in gold brocade. The traditional silk shimmers, reflecting the gold patterns lighting the pink to a blushing red. "You always did think of everything," whispering, I trace over the rose-pink colored strap blouse and dazzling gold trimmed pallu, smiling.
"Everything you need is right here," I twist my mouth at the double meaning of his words, sighing. "I'll leave you to get ready," with that he walks out of the room.
Running behind Sid, I tuck the waist of the sari adjusting the pallu, tossing the rest of the length over my shoulder. Scanning his thumb and cornea he unlocks the steel blockade bars into his personal floor of the parking garage. Slipping his hands into a sensor, he says a voice command and a vault of keys opens up where he pulls out a single key and two helmets slide into a deposit box.
"I'm not getting on a motorcycle, Sidharth"
"Do you want to get there on time or not?" Defeated, I slip the helmet over my head, lifting up the tinted visor. Biting on his lips, I see the smirk tingling his mouth as he takes in my appearance of full-fledged Indian clothes and jewelry with this helmet over my head.
Revving the engine, he drives the bike into the street waiting for traffic to clear. Scared out of my mind yet excited, I wrap my arms around his stomach peeking over his broad shoulder as he speeds into the congested street. Horns blare and people shout as Sid cuts through traffic, dodging stoplights and police officers.
The fierce pink color of my sari dazzling in the bright morning sun along with the booming roar of the engine makes head turns as we speed down the busy streets of Manhattan into Scarsdale to my parents' home. A sudden rush of adrenaline buzzes in my stomach, tossing apprehension and fear aside, I lift my arms up in the air, feeling the warm breeze gusting against my skin.
Coming around a turn, he dips the bike sideways smoothly making the curve and accelerating down the road to the house. A few stragglers just arriving stop in their tracks gawking as Sid zooms down the long driveway up to the front of the house. I secretly revel knowing how many aunties will gossip about this later, lately finding it enjoyable to hear how scandalous I've become.
My ears still buzz even after the bike is turned off and parked on its kickstand. Sliding off the seat I pull off the helmet, squealing girlishly. "That was fucking amazing! Why haven't you taken me on a ride before?" jumping, I throw my arms around Sid's neck, letting the helmet fall to the marble stone ground.
"I knew you would enjoy it, I can take you anytime you want or even teach you to ride it," perching my hands on his shoulders, I lean back looking up into his glimmering eyes, finding it hard to catch my breath. Grating my teeth against my bottom lip, I have to remind myself that it's just the exhilaration of the bike ride getting to my head. Slowly backing away, I clutch the end of my pallu pulling it across my stomach.
All eyes are on Sid and me as we enter the grand hall filled with an intimate group of family and close friends. Smiling tightlipped I walk up to the front meeting the disapproving stare of my mother from her sitting place by the altar beside Nikhil and Shreya. "Today is not the day, Anuksha," she mutters, through her tightened jaw.
"You're right, so don't start with me," I snap, draping my pallu over my hair. Jolting her head, she glares at me, biting on the inside of her mouth. "After all Nik is still the perfect son," I whisper to her, smiling.
I watch my brother and best friend offer flowers, incenses, turmeric, vermillion, and various items to the delicately carved marble murtis placed on the elevated altar. For me, it means so much more for two people to pray together for blessings of a prosperous marriage but to every aunty here it's because Shreya's parents have disowned her, and they have no choice but to perform joint wedding rituals.
Many older people find it insulting to see them sitting up here performing this beautiful ceremony to God because they have been together before marriage. They look down upon a disgraced daughter but wouldn't dare blame the prodigal son. After all, Shreya should have kept her legs closed, right. Just as I should have.
According to family tradition three days before the wedding, puja is performed to Ganesh, Shiv and Gauri. On this day the traditional green chooda bangles are gifted to the bride by her mother-in-law along with a pair of anklets and bajuband. The three pieces of jewelry are meant to signify femininity, longevity, and strength. Sweets and other delicacies are exchanged between the bride's and groom's families as well as gifts of clothing and jewelry.
Seated on a vintage dark blue velvet sofa in the downstairs sitting room, Shreya smiles somewhat uncomfortably as a group of women surround her. Each one performs a simple aarti blessing the bride-to-be and gifting her clothes, jewelry or a simple token of marital bliss. Mom and dadi place a large green velvet box on the center table, lifting the lid to reveal one our most precious family heirlooms.
The three-piece necklace set contains a traditional aadh choker embellished by round-cut rubies embedded into the blossoming gold design and accentuated by rare sea-green pearls in a waterfall pattern. The Kolhapuri saaz necklace done in the traditional twenty-one gold leaf-shaped pendants is enriched with uncut emeralds between each delicate leaf ending in a round ornament dazzling with a trillion-cut ruby in the center surrounded by uncut dark green emeralds. Last is the jondhaali haar with its multilayered chains of gold, within each notch is a stud of sea-green pearl or dark-red ruby.
Silent, every woman gapes at the set in complete awe. These necklaces have passed through generations of the Arora family. My dad is the elder son of the family, so it was passed down from dadi to maa, and now from maa to Shreya since Nikhil is the oldest grandson of our family. This tradition is probably one of the most sacred for the family. There is acceptance and welcoming of a daughter into our family as well a bonding her and her new family members together.
I'm the last go up with my gift, shocking everyone since the small ritual is only for married women to take part in. She smiles shaking her head as she lifts out the kaleera made of white-stone gold embellished umbrellas with dangling chains of gold-pearl beads each tinkling with a small ghungroo bell and lotus flower charms. Hugging me around the neck she kisses my cheek squeezing my face against hers.
Kalire symbolizes the bride's childhood in a sense. They're tied around her wedding bangles as a form of protection and a reminder that those who've been there before her marriage will remain. The dangling pieces of jewelry represent fruitful youth and blossoming, the relationships and memories she made to become the woman she is today.
Our eyes meet, and I see my best friend, my sister, the person I will always trust with everything. I remember us as children beating up boys and spending hours in the treehouse in my backyard during summer making up games to entertain ourselves. She has been by my side through every stage of my life, enduring it all with me.
Biting my trembling lips, I look away into my lap, but I can't contain the emotions in my chest. Grinding my teeth together, I try and blink the tears away but before I know it, they're rolling down my cheeks. Throwing my arms around Shreya, we weep into each other's shoulder, life finally hitting both of us, especially me.
I part through the small crowd gathered in the backyard smiling politely at each judgmental stare scanning over my body. Aarushi wraps her hand around my elbow as we walk down the middle of the yard avoiding any and all conversation with any aunty. Aashi is more inclined to handle their snobby banter, hitting back at them sarcastic remarks but Aarushi and I get easily shamed and angered to the point where we forget our voices.
That is precisely why I rarely speak to any of them except Rukmini chachie, Aashi and Aarushi's mom, Krishna chacha's wife. I try and remain cordial with the rest but bua Lavanya and Kalpana armed with chachie Meenakshi and Sharda are total nightmares. They will tear to shreds anyone like bitchy schoolgirls with nothing better to do with their lives than gossip. Thank God we only see them once every couple of years.
"Beautiful sari, Anuksha beta," bua Kalpana chastely kisses me on the cheek, eyeing me from head to toe with raised eyebrows. Twisting her head, she smiles tightlipped scoffing under her breath, "how...traditional,"
"Thank you, bua, glad you could make it for the wedding, it's been a while," I can't remember the last time I saw bua and I'm thankful for it. She spends her winters traveling the tropical regions of the Earth and the summer months hovelled up at her Surrey estate in England with her husband, God be with the poor man. It was in our good fortune that she was in Bali nine months ago when the family got together for Navratri.
"Oh, don't I know it dear. We have some catching up to do...I've been hearing things about you and Sidharth Rai and frankly I'm surprised,"
"What's to be surprised about? We dated, and things didn't work out,"
"No, I mean six months away with him, alone. Secluding yourself from the entire family. Dear girl, you're an Arora woman have some dignity. I hear you're still enthralling in his antics as well,"
"With all due respect, I can do whatever I please your judgement and astonishment at my actions be damned," gasping, her eyes squint and she clutches her chest. I don't know where it came from, but I'm so glad I finally opened up my fucking mouth when she belittles me. Smirking I saunter into the crowd, head held high, chuckling at the undercurrent gossiping whispers.
Can you believe Kavita gave that girl the tridevi-shakti necklaces, I thought they would surely go to Anuksha.
Parvati didn't even give her own daughters the necklaces, they always go to the oldest daughter-in-law.
Anuksha has nothing to worry about, I heard when Shobhana died she left the entire vault of Rai family jewelry to only Sidharth.
Parvati has hers under tight lock and key as well. Apparently, Lavanya borrowed a rare nath with the matching jhumka earrings and maang-tika and never returned it.
Insulting that she wears a sari like some godsent and is on her back every night with that sinful Rai boy. Tsk, tsk what a shame she was such a good match too.
I hear Sidharth and Anuksha are still seeing each other unbeknownst to Kavita and Rahul. Someone said they eloped months ago and are keeping it a secret.
She sure made her parents lose face, going off with him like that and coming back so boldfaced as if nothing happened. She's a scorned ruined woman, no man will want her now.
You see he got his use of her and now she's left high and dry and unmarriageable.
The choker and earrings she's wearing were Parvati's, meant for a girl of a high standard.
No, I didn't know that she broke off the relationship with him. Its good anyways he's such a bad influence on her, she needs a traditional, simple boy to settle down and be happy with. Sidharth is far too detached and modern.
They're totally sleeping together, why else would they arrive together?
Such a pity wasted so much time on a man who didn't end up marrying her. She should've been smarter and locked it down when she had the chance...after all she's a girl they don't inherit anything.
I bolt into the house, rushing up the stairs toward my old bedroom, refusing to hear any more of this bullshit. They're just gossips, but fuck, they can be so nasty. All these people want to do it dissect your life, chew it up and spit it back out as nauseating and hateful rumors. Shutting the door behind me, I sit on the edge of my bed looking over the room, realizing this is the first time I've come up here since I went to India last year.
There was always something innocent and protective to my bedroom. Sea-green walls, oak wood floors, the cozy window nook looking through the tall window to the backyard, it was my own little world. Bumping my fingers along the bindings of my books stacked in the tall shelf, I can see myself transition through phases of my life; from quirky childish stories to the intellectually challenging novels these bounded pages represent who I am.
Plucking a Polaroid taped to my dress mirror, I smile at the vintage photo of me and my siblings gathered around a cake for my eighth birthday. Aryan caught swiping his finger through the icing, Nima puckering her lips to blow out the candles, and Nik smiling as I make my wish. We're a messy bunch, us children of Rahul and Kavita but I couldn't ask for anything better. There was always love and care, a warm hand to hold and a shoulder to cry when the rest of the world seemed to ice you out. If only the photo was complete with all of us.
"No, Rahul it went too far this time! Those sisters of yours! Ugh! They had no right, none whatsoever!" outside in the hall I hear maa ranting to dad, but her fury seeps through the walls. It's very unlike her to leave a gathering and drag my dad along with her, something must have really pissed her off.
"I know, Kavi, I'll talk to them, but you know how they are, you know not to let what they say bother you. Its Nikhil and Shreya's wedding don't let this upset you and ruin your mood,"
"Lavanya kept prying Shreya as to why she lost the baby and how things work out in the end that how she doesn't have to bear the shame of having her child out of wedlock. Who says that?! Rahul if you don't tell her something right now! Right now, Rahul! I will absolutely lose my shit and claw her eyeballs out,"
Leaning against the wall, I fold my arms across my chest smirking at maa. It appears I get my reputable rage from her after all. It takes long for us to get angry but when we do it's like Kali Devi tandav, we trample everything in our way all else damned to hell. "Don't look at me like that, you know I'm right!" she shouts over dad's shoulder.
"Never said you were wrong, but this is an age-old argument," I shrug patting my dad on the back. "Daddy is too soft, and sweet," I pinch his cheek, scrunching my mouth at him. Dad was always a happy-go-lucky guy, take things easy and as they come. He couldn't give a rat's ass about what anyone, especially his sisters, have to say.
"I will talk to them and end this once and for all, but this is not the time, we're here to celebrate not confront people,"
"Let them say anything about me like they have since we got married, I don't care, but the time it comes to our children, Rahul, they will see a side of me they've never seen before," pushing past me and dad she stomps down the stairs, muttering and rambling to herself.
Sighing, he wipes his hands down his face smiling lightly. "I told Nikhil to elope like your mom and I did, he didn't listen," wrapping his arms around my shoulders, we walk down the stairs together.
"You and mom eloped?" stopping, I remain on the step gawking at my father.
"Hell yeah, we did! Don't you see the type of family I have?"
"But why? Dadi and dadu love mom...and I saw the pictures from your wedding,"
"It's a lot to explain but I highly suggest that when you and Sidharth decide to tie the knot that to spare your poor father this agony once again and keep it small," chuckling he trots down the stairs most likely headed to find mom.
"What makes you think I'll marry Sid, we aren't together anymore,"
"Keep telling yourself that," he shouts from the foyer, grinning up at me still standing, sort of stunned, in the middle of the stairs.
Finding my mom on the terrace overlooking the backyard, I sit beside her on the swing, resting my head on her shoulder. Cupping my cheek, she presses her lips to the top of my head.
"Tired?" she asks with a soft, weary voice.
"I should be asking you that,"
"Sorry, about earlier...both times," she leans forward, patting my knee. "They just frustrate me so much,"
"Is that why you and dad eloped?"
"How do you know that?" pursing my lips, I bite on my smile, slanting my head to the side "Rahul," she growls, shaking her head.
"Why have you never told us before?"
Sighing, she closes her eyes, rubbing the center of her forehead "To protect you kids, I guess. I didn't want you thinking you came from lesser circumstances. I hoped that with time your buas and chachies would look passed how your father and I started out but they're projecting it onto you kids now and...I-I feel like it could've all been avoided had your dad and I just waited. That's why I'm so harsh with you, sweetheart. Our own family will throw you to the wolves if you fall from grace,"
"I don't know about you, but I sure am happy with the way things turned out. You and dad have been my aspiration since I was a little girl, maa. The love you too share, the beautiful marriage you built and our perfect family, whatever you did all those years ago was worth it,"
"When I met your dad, he was just finishing up graduate school at Oxford with Sidharth's biological dad, Raj. I was this eighteen-year-old girl who had no clue how to survive on my own after hightailing it from Calcutta to Mumbai. Your great-grandmother did not approve of me at all. From the very start her exact words were 'have your fun but when it's time to get serious, the girl goes'. Boy was Rahul pissed, I don't think I've ever seen your father so angry. He was groomed from a young age to take over the reins of the family at the appropriate time, but your dad was, still is, an ambitious man, always wanted to go on his own and build something that was truly his. So, we got married in the Maldives with some close friends and family and we moved here together, and the rest is history,"
"If only it were that easy, right?"
"We had our shares of trouble but Anuksha, no one and I mean no one in this world comes close to half the man your father is," staring off into the distance, she wipes underneath her eyes. "I love him so much that it scares me to think of having to live without him," clutching my hand between her warm palms, she kisses it. "I see so much of that abundant love in you and Sidharth. What you two share is unlike anything else in this world. Sometimes we do things because we can't bear the thought of the one we love getting hurt and that is the most powerful act of love there is,"