July 24th 2012
"So, you have school during the summer?" I asked Amanda who briefly nodded as she read.
"Do you like it?" I asked perplexed.
She sighed closing her book. "I suppose. It's just extremely boring at times, I mean look at this book, it's bigger than my head, and I have to be finished with it by the end of this week!" She spoke animated, really peeved about the subject.
"Then don't finish it." I suggested shrugging.
"But I have to write an essay." She groaned.
"Don't write it."
She eyed me for awhile before sighing. "I could never. It would make my teacher upset." She looked towards her book and I laughed.
"Have you ever been to public school?" I asked amused and she shook her head. "Well, basically there's only a handful of students who actually please the teacher, the rest of us just piss em off." I chucked.
"Bad word." She said scrunching her nose.
"Oh hush, I've read books in your level, and they say worse words-"
"But they say it in a poetic sense." She argued.
"And who says the way I speak isn't poetic?" I challenged and she looked at me for a second before giggling.
"Make a poem with bad words." She laughed harder.
I raised my brow at her before shaking my head. "Putting me on the spot? Okay let's see."
I closed my eyes and breathed in.
"You eyes lure me in, with shitty promises of forever.
Your heart drew me in, with a hellish beat.
And lastly you spoke like a fucking sailor."
"Hmm, not worthy of a Nobel prize, but worthy of a poetry slam." Amanda shrugged and opened her book again.
"Oh my, your mom has the best soap in the bathroom!" Piper came out into the living room and sat beside me, and I could practically smell her lemony hands from here.
"Oh, and Ross texted me saying that he tried to call you."
I frowned pulling my phone out from the back of my pocket seeing my missed calls. "Oops, had it on silent."
"Who's Ross?" Amanda asked nosily.
"My boyfriend." I responded.
"Ooh, the guy who talks like a sailor?" She questioned making me laugh as I brought the phone to my ear.
"No, that poem wasn't about him." I snorted.
"Poem?" Piper looked at us confused.
"She said she could make her profanity poetic, and she did, in a sense." Amanda teased making me stick my tongue out at her as I went into the kitchen to speak in private.
Surprisingly this kid isn't a pain in the ass.
"Hmm, it went to voice mail." I frowned looking at my phone.
Ross has been too sweet to me these past two weeks ever since what went down from the note from my mother.
He still doesn't have a clue of what I said to her before she died, but I think he's read the letter. At first I was mad because I thought he was taking pity on me.
But I now know that he actually does care about me. So I let him have his way, and let him get away with being smotheringly cute and comforting.
But sometimes it just wasn't enough.
Don't get me wrong, I love that boy with all my heart, but the fact that I feel like I can't tell him something speaks volumes.
But why am I putting off telling him? Before my excuse was because he has to deal with my problems all the time, but now... I think I'm ashamed.
In my mothers last days, I was stone cold, because she made me feel that way, so surely Ross would understand... right?
"Okay, I finished this chapter, I'm ready for bed now." I overheard in the living room. I looked down at my phone and saw it was only 8:30 making me roll my eyes.
I walked back into the living room to see that Piper and her have disappeared making me sigh.
I jumped at the feeling of my phone vibrating and I looked to see a message from Ross.
*I'm bored.*
I laughed and began to text back.
*is that why you called me earlier?*
*uh... No, I'd rather talk about that when you get home.*
I raised my brow in question but just shook my head.
*i'll get there as soon as I can then...*
I hesitated sending the next message but I did so anyways.
*theres something I've been needing to tell you as well, NOTHING TO HEAVY... But just be prepared, okay?*
*okay, I love you 😘*
"Ugh emojis Ross?" I shook my head as I typed back.
*love you too 🌚*
*wtf?*
•••
"Finally she's asleep." Piper came into the living room from the hallway and plopped down on the couch beside me. "She requested me to read a scene from hamlet for her bed time story."
I crinkled my nose. "I hated reading over that in seventh grade."
"Seventh? We aren't going to start it until next year?" She looked towards me confused and I laughed nervously.
"Yeah, um I was in an advanced reading group in middle school."
Piper nodded her head and closed her eye a bit. "What did Ross want?"
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. "He said he wanted to talk to me about it when I get home, so I'm not really sure, but what I'm sure of is that I'm going to tell him why I've been so off lately."
Piper patted my knee and smiled. "I hope it goes well then."
I smiled back. "Thanks."
"You can leave now if you want, there's a bus that drives down there around 10:00, and her parents are getting here at like 9:30."
"You sure?" I looked at her unsure.
"Yeah, just don't go crashing my car." She joked.
•••
Driving on country roads at night is a headache.
But as I saw the porch light coming up in the distance I relaxed.
I parked Pipers car to the side of Mama Vi's truck and walked quietly toward the front door, just observing the area and how much it has changed.
How much I have changed.
The grass is green and flourishing, cicadas are chirping and the stars are so bright out here.
I looked over to my right to see the platform of where the shed used to stand and I shook my head.
Reed is just one of the many people to haunt my mind, but I can't help but be thankful. It's because of him that me and Ross are so close.
But other times, I just feel the need for closure. My last sighting of him was his tear streaked face in the court room as he received his sentencing, I need more than just seeing he's sorry for his actions. I needed to hear it, I needed to feel how sorry he was.
I needed to move on.
And most of all I need Ross there when it happens.
I once spoke about a black and white scale, and how Ross was my shade of grey.
Ross isn't grey.
He's the whole damn rainbow.
I'm the one who's grey...
•••••••
Hi
I need to explain some things to you guys really quick.
So I obviously had surgery last month, so don't worry because I'm kinda all healed (I got the stitches out this week) And then my sister was pregnant and went into labor this week so Ive been helping her with the baby and everything
(IT'S A BOY, THE FIRST IN OUR FAMILY AND HE BROKE THE RECORD IN OUR HOSPITAL FOR THE LONGEST BABY)
, and also it's finals week, so obviously I've been fairly busy.
So thanks for your patience, it's very much appreciated, and thanks for all of those get well messages.
;
Aliah