I walked after him inside the house, he dragged my suitcase upstairs, I followed behind him until he opened a door and get in.
-This is going to be your room tonight, the bathroom is here, " he indicate it with his hand " and my room is in the opposite , don't come near it only if you must.
I nodded with my head then he left me alone without adding one single word, well at least I know he doesn't mean to harm me or anything, he just helped me.
I dragged my suitcase in the corner, then went to lay on the bed that is in the middle of the room. The room is not that big, but well designed, it was themed black and white, everything here is even black or white, it seems like my boss doesn't like the shades of gray, that made me smile.
Grrrr
My stomach is making some noises, and my head is still hurting, in fact, it became worse, I need some medicines and I need to eat something, what should I do ? Ya Allah ! I don't want to bother him and ask him for food too yet at the same time I'm feeling really in need and hungry.
A knock on the door waked me up from my thoughts and made me jump in the bed literally, I put my head scarf quickly and covered my hair.
-You can come in.
He opened the door and get in
-I assume you still haven't took dinner.
-ahumm
-Okay, then follow me downstairs, I still haven't eaten too.
I left the bed and went after him to the stairs then quickly we found ourselves in the living room which is connected to the dining room and have an open kitchen . I went to sit on the bar chair while he was inside standing in front of me.
-I will prepare for you a sandwich, is it okay with you?
-Yep, sure thing.
He opened the fridge and grabbed from it cheese, eggs, meat , tuna , I looked at him while he was preparing the sandwiches, my head felt so heavy. When he took the oil, I felt like someone just hit me on my head and made me remember so I asked him immediately
-Is it vegetable Oil ? And I don't eat meat, oh and please show me the cheese.
-Uhun, he turned to me, he rolled his eyes not believing what he just heard then said:
-Any other command my lady ?
I blushed and hide my face with my hands, I spoke so fast and gave him a million of orders at once, it certainly not polite , I haven't even explained to him why, ? What happened to me , surely I can't eat everything but I shouldn't have spoken that way .
He cut the silence and asked again :
-What do you drink ? Beer? Champagne, Vodka or you want something more special, a particular bottle your highness ?
-Uh, No, I don't drink anything alcoholic, the water is fine.
-I have juices : Cocktail, orange, Banana , peach, there is soda too.
-Amm, I'm still fine with water.
Unlike the usual, He didn't argue or said a thing, he just handed me the cheese, I didn't need to read anything, I know this one, it's a halal one so I can eat it.
-This one is fine .
I stopped for a while as if I'm trying to get ready for what I will say next, my explanation, he is standing in front of me, giving me his back and preparing , cooking for me, I never imagined that in any world I will be sitting in his kitchen and he will prepare me dinner, I couldn't help but to smile.
-What's funny Miss.Brini Hun ?
What ? My eyes widened of surprise, how did he see me smiling, he must be a wizard or something.
-Nothing .
-Yeah , well If You tell anyone that you were here and I prepared you dinner, I will cut your head, is that clear ?
I cleared my throat and nodded quickly. What a threat !! he doesn't need it, I mean , who will I tell anyway . After a few minutes of silence, I finally said :
-It's for religious reasons, I can't eat anything, some foods are forbidden.
-Oh, and You won't take a break even today?
-No, I can't eat something I know it's wrong.
-Doesn't that bother you ? That you can't eat what you want?
-No, Not at all, I do eat what I want and like, I don't like to eat forbidden food cause I know it's forbidden for a very good reason .
-Hmmm .
He handed me my sandwich, put an orange juice bottle on the bar, glasses, grabbed his sandwich and come to sit near me, I frowned when he did, he was too close to me, I could hardly breath, his smell was inside of me, it's like it's stuck in my nose, I stared at him or a while , he has already begun eating and obviously notice that I haven't begin yet .
-Something's wrong ?
He turned to me, our eyes met for a minute before I look away trying to escape. I brought together my strength, my courage, the version of me who is ready always to face anything and survive, the one who, no matter how much she's afraid and scared will still go for it and do it and said :
-Can You sit in the other chair please ? I turned my gaze to the empty one.
He nodded without saying a word, didn't complain or teased me or anything, he just went and changed of seat, now he's far from me, there is a chair between us, yet I can still smell him.
I took my sandwich and start eating, we both ate quietly, but that didn't last.
-Because today is a special day then you are allowed to ask me one question but that will mean that I will ask you too , is it okay with you ?
Ammm , I thought a bit, I had so many questions for him, so many things I wished to know their answers, to understand, I only have the chance now to ask one , of course he will ask too, which is worrying me, what if his question is hard, a one that I can't answer , what should I do ? Take the risk or not?
-Okay, I agree . I replayed
-Good, You can begin.
-Why did you choose me for the job ? And why for the scholarship? Why did you help me and...
-OO I said one question not a million, he cuts me, so I will answer your first question.
I nodded sadly, disappointed.
-There are things that are not written in a portfolio, things you can only find out from the person's behavior, those things matter .
-What things ? I interrogated surprised, I sounded like a dumb.
That made him laugh at me, a long laughter that didn't make feel any better.
-You can stop at any moment, you know . I said annoyed after what felt like an eternity
-Alright, he hardly managed to stop his laughter, What I found out that day is that you're brave, strong , daring and honest.
-Hmmm
-What ? He questioned with widened eyes.
-It makes some sense .
-But You are not convinced, are not you ?
I shrugged, he just gave me a perfect answer, yet I know well that there is something, something else he's not telling me, I'm not stupid.
-This is the answer , now it's my turn.
-I'm not an idiot, there is something else, there is one answer to all my questions, stop trying to hide it behind your so perfect answer cause I'm not buying it .
His expression has changed, he raised an eyebrow at me.
-AND WHAT'S THAT ANSWER , WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING FOR ME TO SAY, THAT I LIKE YOU FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY, THAT I HAVE SOME SECRET CRUSH ON YOU , UHUN
He shouted loud. Oh My God! This is the second time I made him lose his cool, lose control, what's wrong with me? Do I want to spend the night outside in the street or what? Why am I making him angry? Looking for trouble Rahaf Hun? I cursed myself for pushing too much, while I was trying to hide my face in my plate.
I can't deny the fact that his words hurt me, caused an ache in my heart, I felt heavier, of course I didn't expect him in any world to actually like me, in any way, yet saying it that way, in that tone made me feel bad, as if I'm no one , nothing, unworthy, someone who doesn't deserve a single look from him, he's somehow the popular guy in high school, the one all the girls dream off and I'm just a nerd girl, nobody, a ghost .
An awkward silence had installed in the kitchen, I continue eating my sandwich not able to even look up. He finished first, left his seat , took the plate and the cup and entered the kitchen again, begin with cleaning, I sit there in front of him, not able to look at him, nor to say a word, I was sad, afraid, broke, don't know what brought me here, what am I doing Ya Allah ? What happened to me?
-You're very smart Miss Brini. He decided to cut the silence again, stood in front of me and looked at my eyes deeply, like he's reading them or trying to understand what's going inside .
-There is a reason why I helped you, why I decided not to ignore your call tonight, a reason why you're here, this reason has nothing to do with work yet it has everything to do with everything else.
Then he stopped, no longer fixing me , looking away, he took a very deep breath, trying to be ready for what he's going to say, I can see very clearly that it's not an easy thing for him to say, I could see now why he ignores my questions, why he didn't want to tell me, I could see how troubled he looked and I understand, I somehow felt guilty at this moment for pushing him this much to tell me, for making him go through this battle.
-The reason is , he paused again, this time he turned to me, his eyes were fixed on mine, I tried to escape them, to slow my heart beat to normal, but I couldn't, maybe I didn't want to. Our eyes contact last for what felt like an eternity, it was so soft, deep, the way he looked at me, somehow I think this will gave him the strength to finally admit and tell me what I want to know.
-You remind me of someone.............. Someone very dear to me. He mumbled
To say that I was surprise is the least thing, my eyes widened, I didn't expect to hear this, suddenly I had more of questions in my head, like who is it, what happened to her, this kind of questions I'm not allowed to ask, so instead I sit quietly, not knowing what to say, I couldn't think of a proper answer, I couldn't make one good sentence, I could barely contain my surprise, he didn't add a word neither and just cleaned my plate giving me his back now.
-Do You have a painkiller, I have a terrible headache . Finally, I managed to talk
He only nodded without turning to me then gave me a cup of water , some pain killer. I took it in silence , after that I get up , it's time to go to bed.
-Thank you Mr. Watson, I will go back to my room now.
-You don't have to call me Mr. Watson here, we're not at the office.
-Okay, I will remember that, Good Night Mr. I mean, then I smiled before I said : Allan.
-Sleep well Rahaf. He said softly , still haven't get over what happened.
I left to my room upstairs, changed into pajama, prepared the bed, I found a pillow and a warm cover on the bed, don't know if they were here before, didn't notice or remember.
I lay on the bed, read a bit of the Quran and thanked Allah so much , without his help I don't know what would have happened, I thanked Allah because I'm inside a house, I have a roof, a room even if it's not my home, it's still better than staying outside under the dark sky alone. I thanked him for letting this night pass well , I know it's huge wrong for me to stay alone with a strange man and spend the night in his place, but I didn't have plenty of choices and things went well, he didn't say anything bad or wrong, he treated me as he would in any different place and circumstances, didn't take any advantage specially that he knows I'm weak now and fragile and for that I can't help but to respect him.
When I finished, I turned off the light, closed my eyes to sleep, I was feeling tired, my head still hurt and in need to sleep, to rest and go away, yet I couldn't, so many things were in my head, thoughts, questions, that decided all to come now, they refuse to let me rest, all they want is to hunt me.
You remind of someone very dear to me, this sentence were repeated in my head, I kept hearing him saying it over and over, which made me realize that it does, somehow it does make sense, the way he treated me, look at me for long time as if I'm someone he knows or try to find, how he get angry when my husband beat me, the fact that he helped me last night and still did today without even taking time to think as if it's the most normal thing for him to do, every single thing he has done, it all makes a sense now.
I can't help myself from wondering who is this person, a girlfriend maybe ? Who knows, but whoever she is, he must loves her so much, it's very clear to me. Just to admit it was hard for him, it was obvious that he was paining so much, that he still suffer from losing her, I wonder why , what happened to her ? Why did he lose her ? Why did she leave ?
Urrr, ugly, why am I even wondering and asking about things that are none of my business, when I should be sleeping by now, I tried to stop my head from thinking for a while, there is just a dark blanket, nothing. I turned to the other side, perhaps I can sleep in this position.
The party , everything in my life begin falling that day, what seemed like a celebration, a good thing, a happy event have turned my life upside down, it was that day that I reached the edge, I lost the tiny hope that I was holding so dear, in that day I understood, It can never work, that this marriage is a mistake, maybe my biggest mistake, never have I ever felt so bad as I did that night, every piece of me, of my heart were broke, never have I ever imagined that something like that will happen to me, never have I been as alone as I was that day, it was then I realized, I did have no home, nowhere to go and it's only now that I'm living it.
The memories have put me in a storm of tears, it seems like lately, the only thing I am doing is to cry and cry , so I did cried until I had no tears , no power or strength, the party were playing on my head, while it was replayed, I remember the cab, I though back then that my husband is the one who called it for me, but now I remember, I remember very well, the driver called me Miss.Brini, if it was my husband he would call me Mrs, and the only one I know who call me Miss is the one person who is helping me now, as he did that night, making sure I go home safe. How haven't I noticed before ? Maybe cause I was paining and didn't pay much attention, but now I see, I remember, I remember that I haven't seen him in the party yet he did and saw me leaving , and know that no one would take me home or call a cab for me so he did, always trying to protect me like a guardian angel.
I left the room to wash my face then come back to bed trying desperately now to sleep, I turned from a side to another, recited verses of Quran yet still no sleep, there were so many things, so many emotions inside of me, they were all mixed up and they need to be realized, it seems like my tears were not enough, don't know what to do, I am feeling tired, tired of everything, yet I know I can't sleep like this, eventually I left the bed, wore my headscarf, and made sure I'm well covered to leave the room.
I went downstairs, the light is on in the living room yet it empty, he is not there, I walked not knowing where to go, I walked slowly cause it's dark and my abaya is very long , I don't want to fall. I'm not sure if it's such a good idea to walk in someone's house like that and just look around but I don't know what to do. My march end on the door of what seems like his office, the side lamp is on, he's sitting inside giving me a side, yet his eyes are focused on the paper he has on his desk, his mechanical pencil in his hand, and sketching, he's still working, it's one clock and he's still working, I took my eyes from him to admire the rest of the room, painted with a light green, a peaceful colors that help to develop imagination, it had modern furniture, everything in it had a special form, like I never saw before, as if it is designed only for this office.
-You can come in at any moment you want .
I frowned in my place, not waiting for this, I haven't seen him turned his face, when and how did he see me? Maybe he has some sort of super power. I did as he said and walked in, I stood near him quietly for a while until I said :
-Still working ?
He nodded, then said: there is still a couple of things that need to be done. He turned the paper on his sketchbook and start drawing again.
-Don't just stand like that, have a seat.
I went to sit near him, he handed me a sketchbook from the desk and just stared at me for a few, it made my heart beat get faster, will I ever get used to this?, he just stopped in nowhere to just look at me, maybe he's looking for her.
I opened the sketchbook, it was full of different sketches, most of them were humans, portrait , building, some were pretty creative, moving and very emotional, so many things I could read and see in his drawings .
-Wow !! These are just perfect! Amazing!! I exclaimed, then I remembered Clara first advice never complement his work, oh No, I made another mistake.
-Hmm, thanks, I suppose.
-No sleep ? He added
-Nope, I just couldn't .
Then we didn't say a word, we were both silent, each in his own world, he was thinking, designing, which amaze me, I mean he had all this employers under his hand, who could design everything and he only decide, but for some particular project and work, he choose to make them on his own, another thing that amazed me was his drawings, I mean they are really good, I can tell he is very talented, he's also a successful architect and he teaches at the college, what else he can do , I wonder what's next .
-Take the sketchbook that is on your left, you will find on the shelf all what you need to draw. He stopped for a few minutes before he added: draw how you feel.
I turned to him unable to contain my frustration: What? So you think I'm child that you can occupy by giving him some paper and pencils in order to leave you alone.
-Hmm. Kind of, I need silence and calamity to finish my work and you're disturbing.
-But I didn't say much. I objected
-Oh , Please! You didn't stop talking since you stood by the door, I could hear your brain talking so loud.
My eyes widened in surprise, what did he just say!! I turned and took the sketchbook, I should draw or leave, I don't want to bother him, and I must behave, I'm still his guest.
-I don't know how am I feeling so how can I draw it !!
-Well, it's time to figure it out, C'mon, give it a try. He looked at me, and I could see sympathy, kindness and gentleness in his eyes, things I never witnessed before, it's like I'm getting to know him all over again or maybe he doesn't feel like he should keep his cold façade in front of me, that maybe he can take off that mask and show his true colors.
I went to the shelf, I found on it all kinds of pencils you can possibly think of as if you're in an art shop and not a house shelf, he had graphite pencils, colored pencils, pastel, charcoal and many others.......
-Can I use what I want ? I asked with an excited voice
-Yep, sure thing. He answered without turning to me, but I could hear a hidden lough and know he thinks it's somehow funny, I ignored that and took as much I could of pencils to the opposite desk so I can have my own space away from him.
I sit and stared at the paper , trying to figure out what to draw , nothings comes to my mind, so I took a pencil and draw, then changed of colors and draw and so on, I didn't know exactly what I am drawing or how it will look at the end, as I didn't know how I am feeling exactly, it's so hard to define it, many things are mixed inside my heart, I let my heart guided me, I let it decide, take the leadership and let it all out. At the end, the drawing looked full of many curved lines that are crossed in many colors.
-I have finished.
He left his place and come near me
-Let's see.
He took the paper in his hand and looked at it for a while, he looked very deeply, trying to understand and figure out what's on it.
-Wow ! That's impressive , very good.
-Is it ? I asked, surprised not expecting from him to like my drawing as I know he can draw way better and his taste is very high, he's not easily pleased.
-Yes, I can see in your drawing anger, lot of anger, you see all those red and orange lines and how they're crossed, draw, these lines hold a lot of anger, no wonder why you couldn't sleep.
-Oh
-That's not all, there is a calamity, sadness and sorrow, weakness too, look here at these lines.
I looked and nodded, he's definitely right
-But that's not what surprised me, look at your drawing , observe it , you can't see it yet ?
I observed the drawing for a few minutes until I finally understood what he's talking about.
-There is a hope in your drawing, beyond the sadness, there is a flower that's born from your curved lines, you saw it too, I knew that from your smile, this flower contains many colors as a rainbow, it's rainy and sunny at the same time, is not that beautiful ?
-Yep, it's . I answered with wide smile in my eyes
I can't say I'm surprise as he's to see the flower, because even though everything that happened in my life lately, through all the damage, they were always something positive, a hope, and I have not lost my faith, at the opposite, it became stronger, I know all the time that Allah won't abandon me, that my life will eventually get better, tomorrow will be a better day, my smile right now is the proof, in this moment , after realizing that I haven't given up, that I didn't lose hope, that I'm not alone and Allah send me someone who help me as the biggest proof that tomorrow will be better, that no matter how dark it gets, the sun must rise in the morning.
-We should both go to sleep , it is very late now.
I looked at the clock on the wall, it's 3:00 am, it's indeed late, it's time to rest, this time I feel like I'm ready to close my eyes and sleep in peace, I let out all the anger that was tormenting me, hunting and taking my sleep , now I feel soft and light, calm.
-Yes, I should go to sleep
I turned and picked up the drawing from the desk in order to take it with me then headed toward the door, after taking one step he stopped me saying :
-Where are you taking it ?
-Uh, to my room.
-Leave where it's .
Oh Ya Allah ! He's back to his old self, ordering again, rude, can't he ask to have it nicely ? oh no, he can't be that nice for a day or he will die or something.
-But it's mine. I tried to object because I didn't want to give it to him like this, perhaps if he asked gently I would.
-Not anymore. He said in a sharp voice so I just gave up and gave it to him, he has done so much for me, even if he's rude, a beast, but he deserves something, a thanks from me and if this is what he wants then I guess he should have it.
-Good Night Mr, I mean Allan .
-Good night to you too. He said while he was watching me leaving, I turned after a few steps, the light is still on, maybe he will stay a little bit more, maybe he just wants now to stay alone so he sends me to my room, who knows ? this kind of thoughts made me feel sad, he the beast siting alone, at night, in darkness preferring loneliness.
Salam everyone,
This Chapt is one of my Fav so far, it's full of emotions, I had it inside my head a while ago, and was so excited to write it, hope you like it too as much i do.
As you had noticed, or may noticed :D this one is bit longer than the others so it took longer to write it and make it as best as i could, my other excuse for delaying is the fact that i get sick when i was supposed to write and upload so i had to wait more. Ehamdulillah I'm all better now.
Thank youu for being patients, for reading, for the favs, I do appreciate it.
Ps: The Chapter has been corrected and the drawing is added
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